Free JavaScripts provided by The JavaScript Source For The Dog Lovers Don't take this the wrong way, but for the longest time now, I have been trying to imitate my dog. Not his look, which is furry and chestnut brown. Not his walk, which, as with most dogs, can be more of a waddle. And not his tail. I don't need a tail. I have enough trouble buckling my pants as it is. Also, I can live without his bathroom habits, which can be summed up this way: "Tree or bush? Tree or bush? Aw, how about right here on the grass..." No, what I admire about my dog is his fascination with the simple routine of life. Every day for him is like boarding the space shuttle. For example: In the morning, I tumble out of bed, grumble, yawn, open the door, and ta-da! There he is, the canine answer to Richard Simmons. He is so worked up, he doesn't know which way to go, toward me or away from me. So, he does both. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" he seems to pant. "It's morning and I'm gonna eat!" Never mind that he has eaten every morning since he was born. Or that he's had the same food every morning since he was born -- and that was 11 years ago. Never mind. He pulls me downstairs and waits breathlessly as I scoop yet another helping of boring brown nuggets into his bowl. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Food, food, food!" I yawn. Three minutes later, he is off the food thing and into a new obsession: going out. Again, he runs forward and backward. "I'm going out! I'm going out! Is this great or what?" Never mind that going out has not changed one bit since we've lived here. He is so thrilled by then option of "exit" that he almost bites the doorknob off. He bolts into the backyard as if heading for Tomorrow-land with a sack full of "E" tickets. I slouch and yawn again. The great indoors. Then comes the "bathroom" routine, which I already have described. Humans deal with these functions begrudgingly. Not my dog. It's a real thrill for him. He scouts for the perfect spot as if looking for beachfront real estate. "Tree or bush? Tree or bush?" And I don't have that many trees. Then, once his business is taken care of -- and I make a mental note where we're going to have to shovel come summer -- he is off the going out obsession and onto anew one: going back in. It doesn't matter than he was in just two minutes ago. "Things have changed! Things have changed!" he seems to pant. "I gotta get in there! I gotta check it out! Hurry up, hurry up!" When I open the door, he bolts in, races back and forth -- looking for space aliens, I suppose - and when he doesn't find any, he isn't disappointed. Instead, he snarls at some ratty toy he's played with for months, throws it into the air with his teeth, and watches it land. "Look at that!" he seems to say. "It goes up, it comes down!" As I make a cup of coffee, he jumps up to watch. "Whatcha doin? Whatcha doin? Coffee, huh? That's amazing!" He then clamps onto my leg and does a dance that, were it the early '50s, I might call the "Hootchie Coo." I am not sure what he gets out of this -- "Oh boy, a leg! Oh boy, a leg!" -- but he seems to be having a better time than many of the dates I've had. When I disengage and disappear behind a door, he lies down outside and waits for me to come out again. If it is only 30 seconds later, he will still react as if I were a released hostage. The sunny side. Now, my dog does not work. He does not pay taxes. He does not create anything new (unless you consider the bushes outside). But he also doesn't need clothes, doesn't covet cars or jewelry, and doesn't care about houses, as long as he can find a sunny spot on the floor and lie there for a few hours. Meanwhile, I am bored with my same routine. Getting up is a drag. I can't get excited about breakfast. And going out then coming back only makes me wonder how many flies I've let in. So I'm trying to imitate my dog. I'm trying to find wonder in the everyday. After all, when you think about it, it is pretty remarkable that you open your eyes each morning. And since every few hours you get to quench your hunger, well, that's a thrill, when you consider the alternative. So while I can't match my dog's drool, I am trying to match his zeal. Don't worry. If you come to visit, I will not clamp on your leg and do the Hootchie Coo. On the other hand, that sunny spot on the floor looks pretty tempting... The End... Author Unknown It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was going on down there. "It's slow here, too", said Satan "Well," God said, "I think a dog show might be fun." "Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You've got all the dogs up there." "I know," answered God, "But you've got all the judges." How To Photograph A New Puppy: 1. Remove film from box and load camera 2. Remove film box from puppy's month and throw in trash 3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle 4. Choose a suitable background for photo 5. Mount camera on tripod and focus 6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth 7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera 8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees 9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand 10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens 11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash 12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose 13. Put magazines back on coffee table 14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head 15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage 16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say- "No, outside! No, outside!!" 17. Call spouse to clean up mess 18. Fix a drink 19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and stay" the first thing in the morning Who's The Boss? By Rob Price (but change to fit my yorkies instead of Spaniels!) I don't know when it was first decided That in my own bed I should be so slighted. But since these yorkies have moved in you see There's no more room in my bed left for me. He looks at me scournfully as if to say, "I could move out of your way, but not today. If you don't like it, sleep on the floor. It won't hurt you, I know, I've done it before." "I'll give you that corner the rest is my nest. Now go to sleep. I need my rest. Oh yea, and one thing more, I don't like to sleep with people that snore." "Now be a good boy and sleep like a statue, Don't move or I'll have to bark and growl at you." "It's been a long day and I'm really beat, So go to sleep, I'll wake you when I'm ready to eat." It used to be that I took comfort in bed for granted, But that was before these dogs became firmly planted. There was room for my legs, my feet, right and left arm But now I can't move for fear of severe bodily harm. They have moved right in and taken over. Now I have to fight for a bit of the cover. A pillow is out of the question you see, They are meant for them and not for me. THINGS WE NEVER THOUGHT WE'D SAY TILL WE HAD A YORKIE I never thought I'd share my bed with my husband and sometimes 4 others. Get off my lap, I need to wipe. Come back here with my socks/underwear/bra! Not now honey, the dog is sleeping on the bed! Whizz quickly, I need to go to bed! The dog was in the chair first. You can sit on the floor. Will you get me a coke....I have the dog on my lap. We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls? If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them. DOG DAY This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head. I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed. "The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great." Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not late." Mom took me outside, we walked for a while. This never fails to make Mama smile. I sniffed of everything, that we did pass, I ate something weird - it gave me gas. I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true. He gave me so many great things to chew. Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care. What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear. That obedience book, was sort of yummy. Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy. I threw up a bit, but that was all right, When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight. I made streamers of T.P., while running at full speed. Mom is pretty quick--but I was still in the lead. I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past, She stopped-shook her head, and breathed, "You're too fast." Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!" That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lighting. She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord, She thought I was mad, but I was just bored. When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore, That's when my tushy got shoved out the door. I love it inside, but outside is best. Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest. That didn't last long, there was too much to do-- Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe. I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea, I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree. I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus. I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss. I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind. I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN." The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come! I sure love my daddy: we always have fun. I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms, I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms. Sitting under the table - it's sooo hard to wait. Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate. I raced through the house, and scattered my toys, Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise. Mom found her purse - the one I abused. Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??" I cowered down low, I must be in trouble. Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!" Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed." Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head. I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad, I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had. Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below, Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low. She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight, And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'. Printed from the RescueContacts@egroups.com list. No author was credited. TeddiE-Greetings | Fun Links to Send  | DoggiE-Quotes | Yappin' Page Teddie's Family/Petshop | Powerful Poems | Super Stories New Puppy Care  |   Medical Notes | Yorkie Supplies |  Awards Won - Apply for Teddie's Award  |   Photos of Yorkie Friends   K-9 Links - Add Yours | Guestbook | Tanna's Page/Larger Pet!! Contributors to this page |   Photo Shop  |   Grooming |   Teddie's Funnies | Memorial Page