Si Plays Dead
Setting: The alleyway. Matty is standing against an alleyway wall, just listening to her portable CD player (No Doubt to be exact). She’s just about zoned out completely. Jonathan isn’t too far off, talking to some other cats on the sidewalk.
Matty: +singing along to “Simple Kind of Life”+ “And all I wanted was a simple kind of life…
+it is otherwise pretty quiet for a few minutes+
+Jonathan glances over from time to time, catching her glance+
+James suddenly comes rampaging down the street, grabs Matty briskly by the neck and pin her up against the alleyway. Matty looks shocked and surprised, she is so longer on her feet, just dangling from where James is holder her by her throat+
James: Where’s Electra?
Matty: +breathlessly+ Ya know… that’s a good… question. But… it’d be easier to answer… if I could breath.
James: +letting her down+ You shoulda seen the look in your face…
Matty: I could feel the look on my face…
James: So where’s Electra?
Matty: +shrugs+ Haven’t seen her.
James: You’re kidding.
Matty: I’m not. +goes on listening to her CD+
James: That’s funny, everyone else I’ve talked to said the same thing.
Matty: You don’t say.
James: I do.
Matty: Well then.
Jonathan: +walks over to the two+ James, stop hitting on Matty.
James: +laughs+ I was not!
Jonathan: Yes you were… don’t lie…
James: +to no one in particular+ Yeah, what d’you know.
Jonathan & Matty: Everything. +they look at each other.
Jonathan: I know everything.
Matty: Ah, but I know everything.
Jonathan: I know more than any cat on this planet, this universe.
Matty: You did.
+James watches them bicker back and forth about who knows more, amusing himself+
Jonathan: +eventually just stops, and the three walk down the street, surveying the cats around them+
+little Jester (Si), Macavity’s son, suddenly comes tearing down the street and runs right into Matty+
Matty: Dude, slow down Si. Where are you goin’ so fast?
Si: Jerwie’s chasin’ me again.
Matty: Oh man… +looks at Jonathan and James+ Mungo’s chasin’ him across London again.
James: Yeah?
Jonathan: You know what this means don’t you?
Matty: Can I go get something to eat?
Jonathan: +punches Matty in the shoulder+ War.
Si: +cocks his head+
Matty: You’re confusing the kid. Let me handle this. +leans down to Si+ Don’t worry, we’ll get silly Jerrie back. Come on. +takes Si’s paw and leads him into basement, which just happens to be Pouncival’s Basement+
+Pouncival is lying on the beat up couch in the basement+
Matty: First, we gotta wake up Sleeping Beauty. +runs up from behind the coush with Si under arm, leaps over the back using one arm and lets bother her and Si drop onto Pouncival+
Pouncival: OWWWWWW!
Si: We woke you up Uncie Pounce.
Pouncival: +scowls at Matt and rubs his tail end, but when he hears Si he smiles+ Aw, he called me Uncie Pounce…
Matty: Yeah, well, just know that he calls Cassandra Uncie too…
Pouncival: What are you here for anyway?
Matty: Mungo’s been chasin’ Si again, and we wanna get back at him.
Pouncival: Wouldn’t showing off his kitten pictures suffice? I’m trying to sleep.
Si: P-p-pwease Uncie Pounce? +big kitten eyes+
Pouncival: Oh… okay. What d’you have in mind?
Matty: +grins+ Playing dead.
Pouncival: +quirks a brow at Matt and frowns+ Isn’t that a little kittenish?
Matty: Yes! But I mean, one of plays dead… I mean like we make Si up like he’s all dead and stuff, and then Mungo feels all bad for chasin’ him….
Pouncival: D’you think he’d fall for that?
Matty: +looks at Si then Pounce and grins, nods+
Pouncival: +grins+ Then let’s do it!
+Hour later, Si lying in the basement in a puddle of watery ketchup (fake blood) pertending to be dead Matty is hiding under the sofa with a camera and Pouncival waiting outside the window to the basement+
Matty: +hisses from her hiding+ Si! Stop eating the blood!
Si: Sowwy Maty…
Matty: Just wait til Mungo sees you and starts bawlin’ like a baby, I’ll snap a picture and you can jump up and eat all the ketchup that floats your boat.
Si: Tay Maty. But I want yu to know that I’m vewy hungry.
+Jonathan unexpectedly walks on the scene with James not too far behind, and quirks a brow at the sight of the not-really-dead Si+
Jonathan: Dude, check out Si…
+no reply+
Jonathan: James!
+no reply+
Jonathan: Jameson Ellington!
James: Huh? What?
Jonathan: Wake up dumbass, there’s a bloody kitten in front of ya.
James: Dude! Mac’s gonna be ticked…
Jonathan: Doy, you’re not paying attention! This is his SON we’re talking about here.
James: Did you kill him?
Jonathan: +eyebrows furrow then he quirks one, giving him a strange look+ No, you moron, I didn’t kill him.
+Matty’s motioning furiously for them to leave the basement; James doesn’t see her and Jonathan caught a glance of her but is ignoring her+
+Mungojerrie comes through the basement window and then drops down to them, unable to see Si+
Mungojerrie: Any o’ ya guys seen Si?
James: Ye—
Jonathan: +kicks James in the stomach+ Nope…
+neither move; Mungo begins to walk toward them and they slowly move away+
+Mungo sees Si just lying there, and he just stands, not saying anything dumbfounded, when suddenly…+
Si: Maty, I got a itchy…
Mungo: +eyes widen and he SCREAMS, then keels over senseless+
+Matty immediately jumps from her hiding+
Matty: WE GOT ‘IM GOOD!!!!
+Mungo suddenly grabs out and snatches Matty’s ankle, she jumps ten feet in the air, yelling loudly, fur on end+
Si: ‘E got yu tu, Maty!
Matty: +comes down deep breathing, grinning and trying to glare at a sly Jerrie+ Yes he did Si. Yes he did.
Note: in this skit, Jester, better known as Si is copyright of my good friend Plat at the Jellicle Manor. Thanks Plat!!!
