Cara raises her finger to the frosted window and prints his name onto the window…then, quickly smudges it with the side of her hand. She feels excitement and fear at the same moment. What if he has moved on? Does he still love me? What happens if he has found someone else? She closes her eyes tightly and clasps her hands together. "No, everything will be just as I left it a year ago. It just has to be!" she hopes.
The train whistle blows a shrill cry. It is her station. Time to find answers to all of the questions she has been asking herself on the long journey home. She gathers her handbag and carry-on luggage and follows the other passengers to the main luggage area. Her mind is in a fog, all she can think about is him. She knows there won't be anyone here to greet her because her homecoming is unexpected. She isn't due home for another six months. She hopes that everyone will be happily surprised.
Fortunately, she does not have to battle large crowds for a taxi. A cabbie answers her call within five minutes. "Where to, Miss?" the cabdriver asks her. A slow grin appears on her lips as she murmurs, "Home…" Yes, indeed, she is going home.
It is winter, a bitter cold January night. Living in Canada has its advantages but it is never pleasant on a night like this. And, since she has been in Southern France for a year, she almost forgets weather like this! It is dinner time and that means it is already dark. The cab slowly makes its way to the last house in the cul-de-sac. The house is well-lit. Everyone must be home. The excitement builds inside her and she has trouble even opening the car door! The cabbie notices this, smiles and helps her with all of her bags.
She decides to ring the bell instead of using her key because she feels the element of surprise is going to be memorable this day. Rrrrring. She hears footsteps as she shoves her bare hands into her deep pockets for some warmth. She thinks she smells a pot roast cooking and then hears those familiar footsteps. The door opens.
"CARA!!!!!" Mom, Dad, Joel, Lydia…its Cara!!!!! The next half hour is filled with tears and hugs and plenty of questions and some half-hearted answers. Everyone is just so happy to see Cara at home, and in return, Cara feels safer than she has ever felt before.
The family sits down for a wonderfully prepared home cooked meal of pot roast, mashed potatoes, baby carrots & green beans, salad with Mom's famous poppyseed dressing and those famous pumpkin squares they love to devour. Cara is smiling and is the center of attention for they have all missed her immensely. The banter goes back and forth and everyone is in awe of Cara's stories of South France. All is going well until Cara asks about "him".
Everyone's eyes divert and Mom changes the subject. Cara notices this right away. "Just a minute, Mom, I asked about Jason. Have you seen him or heard from him?" Cara's mother looks at her daughter with a heavy heart, but hopes Cara doesn't notice too much. "Sure, dear. We see Jason all the time. He still works at the shop with your father and he comes over every Sunday for dinner like always." Cara senses the family's sudden discomfort. Just then, the phone rings. Cara's mom feels "saved by the bell".
The subject is easily changed with mother away at the phone. Cara's father asks her about that Anderson boy and his sister. Cara tells him how they are still in France and how they intend to stay out the entire term. She has already told them that she was homesick, didn't find the adventure in France was worth six more months of struggle and financial hardship. She is hoping to start back at her old job immediately.
It has been a long and exciting day, Cara muses. There are so many questions she still has yet to answer and have answered. Tomorrow is another day and she will wait until then. For now, she needs to sleep, or at least, try to sleep. She will have a difficult time knowing she is back in the same town as Jason and she intends to come face to face with him as soon as possible. She misses him terribly and needs contact.
The sun has risen and the aroma of bacon and toast wafts up to her room. There is no place like home, she thinks as she stretches under both quilts on her "old" bed. Just as she left it, she thinks. Some things are not meant to change. She hopes that is the case for she and Jason and the way they used to feel for each other. There is a soft knock at her door and Lydia asks if she is awake. Cara says, "Come in Lydia, I am awake!"
Lydia is Cara's cousin. She lives with the family because she had a wonderful career opportunity and originally was only to stay until she rented her own apartment. When Cara announced her plans to travel to Europe, that meant there was an extra room for Lydia until Cara returned. Lydia thought it would be nice for Cara to sleep in her old bed on her first night home. Cara and Lydia are extremely close, more like sisters than cousins.
"Cara, I need to talk to you, but I have to go to work. There is something you should know, and I think you should hear it as soon as possible. Will you meet me downtown for lunch?" Lydia sounded serious. "Of course, Lydia. I will meet you and we can discuss whatever you want to! I missed you!!" With that, the two girls hug and promise to meet at noon.
Cara showered and got ready for her day. She had breakfast with her parents and laughed when she heard more of the family stories from the past year. Joel, her younger brother has a girlfriend?? She giggled and teased him, as big sisters do. And Penny, her baby sister is now a figure skater!! Wow! The difference a year makes. She missed her family so much. E-mail, letters and phone calls only go so far when you are an ocean away.
It was time to make the rounds. She would have to stop in at the office and talk to her former boss about resuming her post. She didn't see a problem, she was promised her job back upon her return. And, of course, she was meeting Lydia for lunch. But, first, there was a very important stop she had to make. Jason.
She stopped at the bakery first and picked up his favourite. A caramel-coated croissant and a hot chocolate. She was so nervous entering the shop which her father owned and operated since she was a little girl. They offered high quality musical instruments and lessons and were the only game in town. Jason was a talented musician and could play anything and was a valuable resource to her father's business. As she walked into the shop, her father winked and waved and silently went into his office, leaving Jason alone with Cara.
Jason's back was turned to Cara, he was on the phone with a supplier. She placed the baked treat and hot chocolate beside the phone and stepped back. Her insides felt like they would spill outside. She had to bite her lip. He looked at the offering she had left and quickly spun around. His mouth fell open and the phone cord knocked over the hot chocolate. He expressed himself clearly and she ran to his aid. She was sopping up the spilled drink with her scarf and gloves, what a mess! He was tangled in the phone cord and slightly grinning. "I think you better hang up and call them back, Jay," she giggled. He smiled and hung up the receiver after he unraveled himself. "I think you're right," he smiled and looked down. Jason helped her clean up the rest of the hot chocolate and offered to wash her scarf and gloves. She told him it wasn't necessary and that she would do that later.
"What are you doing here, why are you back in Canada early? What do…" he began asking her all the questions that she had answered the night before with her family until she put her hand up to his mouth to stop him. "Come with me for a walk, we can catch up a little," she asked. He nodded and let Cara's father know where he would be for the next while. Cara's father was only too happy to cover until he returned. Dad grinned at Cara.
They made their way across the street to the indoor shopping plaza. It was a short walk and they didn't want to brave the cold. It was a good place to sit and talk and watch the snow fall from the large glass panes that adorned the mall. They found a secluded bench and their time began. Cara told him of her decision to come back early, some of her adventures in France and how much she missed everyone and everything. His eyes were full of wonder and she felt as if the love hadn't suffered one iota. He laughed and appeared spellbound, and he even brushed a strand of hair from her eyes when she had turned her head quickly to look at something amusing he had pointed out. It was like there had been no time lost at all. It was as if he had forgiven everything. It was as if they were still the same two people who were made for each other and who were madly in love.
Then he asked the question she had dreaded. The question that was to decide how the rest of this conversation was to flow. Good or bad? Time would tell. And then, as if on cue, he asked it. "Why didn't Rick come back to Canada with you?" Uneasiness filled her body as she had to address the question. "It didn't work out. I don't love him, I never did." She looked deeply at him. His eyes filled up suddenly, "How long did it take for you to figure that out Cara?" He appeared bitter, now. "Not long, Jay. You know why I couldn't love him, don't you? You know why I am back so soon?" Cara was very intense as she placed her hand on his arm. Jason looked into her eyes and whispered, "Tell me." She swallowed hard and took a breath, "Because I still…"
Just then, and before she could finish her sentence, Jason's name was being called. It was a female voice, not one she recognized either. A woman, pretty and small, approached. She spoke softly and with a slight accent. She was bundled up warmly and latched onto Jason's arm. "Here you are, Jason. I went to the shop to bring you some lunch and I happened to see you from the road." With that she kissed him on the mouth. It was a quick kiss, a hello kiss, but all the same, it was a kiss. Jason stood up, as did Cara. Jason spoke first. "Marta, this is Mr. Conley's daughter, Cara." Marta's eyes grew large but she graciously extended her hand to be friendly. Cara shook Marta's hand as she felt her world fall apart. They are more than friends, she thought suddenly. Jason continued, "Cara, this is Marta. She is my fiancée. We will be married next month. Valentine's Day Weekend."
Jason's eyes were flooded with tears as he had to tell of his plans. Cara could see the pain in his eyes. She wondered if he could see hers. She congratulated them, as Marta beamed. She then excused herself and walked as fast as she could from the mall. She waited until she reached the small bridge down the street which led to a very snowy, cold section of the city park. Nobody was around, it was that cold. And, there in the subzero temperatures, she bawled like a baby. Covering her face with her hot chocolate soaked mittens, she felt completely void of love. Never in her life had she felt such pain. And, she knew she deserved it all. She had received her just reward.
Somehow, she made her way back to reality. She walked through the bitter cold to the building where she was to meet Lydia for lunch. She cleaned herself up in the office tower washroom and felt presentable again. She needed to see Lydia in the worst way.
They met on the terrace in the food court. A table in the atrium sufficed perfectly. Lydia greeted Cara with a gentle sisterly hug but noticed her condition within seconds. "Oh no, you have seen Jason haven't you?" Lydia was so perceptive to Cara's feelings. Cara didn't want to start crying again, so she fought the urge to do so. "Lydia, what have I done? If I never left, it would be me Jason would be marrying next month!" Lydia moved her chair next to Cara's. "I know Cara, honey, I know. But there is more to it than what you have probably been told. Can I tell you their story?" Cara wasn't sure she could bear hearing "their" story, but finally agreed with a simple nod.
Lydia took a deep breath and told her how devastated Jason had been when Cara had decided to postpone the wedding to travel and work in France. He took it badly when Cara's letters told him that they should see other people since she had started having feelings for Rick Anderson, one of the two people she had toured to France with. Rick and his sister were Cara's travelling companions and Jason was okay until Cara and Rick began something more than friendship. Lydia told Cara how Jason had met Marta through a program that offered university-exchange students music lessons. He was sponsored to teach Marta the guitar and they soon became friends.
Cara felt sick. She didn't want to hear of their romantic history. Jason was her man. Well, at least, he was. What ever possessed her to leave Jason behind and expect him to wait for her? Had she lost her mind? Was she just a fool? She felt like shrinking into a small ball onto the floor and crying for days. She warmed her hands on her teacup and tried to sip the hot liquid.
Lydia continued. "I wanted to meet you for lunch and fill you in on all of this before you found out yourself. I had no idea you would go to see Jason so soon…I am sorry you had to find out like this, Cara." Cara was so thankful for Lydia. She was wonderfully thoughtful and that was a comfort. "I had to see him, Lydia," whispered Cara.
Lydia told Cara more. She told her how Marta had to find a job in order to stay in Canada. She had dropped out of school when she found herself with child from her German boyfriend who skipped out on Marta once he found out. This gets worse and worse!!! Cara couldn't believe it. Jason was marrying a girl who was carrying another man's child??? He was always so gallant and kind, but did he love her or was he simply helping an unfortunate girl out in a bad situation? Lydia didn't know the answer to that but knew Jason was fond of Marta. She helped him to get past the hurt of Cara leaving him behind uncertain of their future. And, to her knowledge, Jason had only been a friend to Marta until recently. The marriage announcement was sudden and a shock to everyone.
Cara started to cry softly. "But why would he choose "our" wedding date to marry this girl? Why?" Lydia held Cara and stroked her hair over and over again whispering "shhh" to her friend in distress.
Cara sadly made her way through the next couple of days. February 12th was the scheduled wedding day, since the 14th fell on a Monday. Cara knew the entire family would be attending the ceremony because they were so close to Jason. She received three telephone calls and a visit to the house from Jason. She refused to speak to him or see him. It was too painful for both of them, she decided. She would let him get on with his life, as he had obviously planned to. She never felt angry with him, not even once. She just wished she had made different decisions to begin with. The past would haunt her forever now. How would she ever get over losing the love of her life? Jason was perfect for her and always had been. What was so attractive about Europe to make her decide it over Jason? And, why had she ever let herself been tempted by Rick, that womanizer!
Her family and friends were a wonderful comfort and support for Cara over the next few weeks. She found herself finally getting out of the house and getting back into the swing of things again. She was scheduled to start the old job in few days. Her boss was pleased she was back and had her position waiting for her, as promised. That was a positive thing! She asked her dad not to talk about Jason at all. Since they worked together, it was natural for Dad to want to talk about his day when he got home but respected Cara's wishes and didn't mention Jason.
Then, the day before the wedding, Cara had to go into town to buy a new outfit for her first day back to work. She decided to go to a less-popular shopping area, so as not to run into Jason, Marta or any potential wedding guests. She found an amazing outfit and was thrilled with her find. She did some window shopping and was glad to have the fresh crisp winter air filling her lungs. It had warmed up considerably, but it was still cold! She stopped at a pretty shop displaying Valentine chocolates and hearts and white lace. It had always been her dream to marry Jason on Valentine's Day. (Or as close to it as possible.) Now, someone else would be marrying him. And, that day would be tomorrow. Her heart felt heavy again but she knew it was something she had to accept. Her hand pressed against the window pane as she fondly remembered all of their past Valentine Day celebrations of love together.
Just then, she felt a familiar presence behind her. A hand on her shoulder, even. Her stomach felt as if it would drop to her knees. She knew that touch, that presence. Jason! She closed her eyes as he leaned against her a little. He whispered, "Cara, don't run. Hear me out." She could see his breath in the air and she could see his wonderful reflection in the frosted panel in front of her. She didn't move. She didn't dare. This might be her final moment alone with him. He continued to speak softly, in her ear. What he said was profound and tore at her every heartstring.
He began, "I know what you were going to say to me that first day you were back. I know you were about to tell me you loved me and only me. I wanted to hear you say it so badly too. Marta interrupted a very special moment. But, don't you see? That was for the best, right? If you would have finished your sentence, I would have swept you up into my arms and kissed you forever, forgiving you everything. I still want you more than anyone, Cara. I always have and always will. I am helping Marta because she has nobody else. Her boyfriend left when he heard she was going to have his baby. He ran scared. Left her with nothing and nobody. We are really only friends, but she helped me when you left and now I must repay her the favour. I am fond of her, but I don't love her. My heart belongs to you." Cara felt the tears almost freeze upon her cheeks. Her heart ached and she began to whimper a little. He held her from behind and let her release her full weight upon his chest. He too, was crying. They remained in that position for what seemed like forever and a day.
Time to come back to reality. He spun her around to face him. "I love you Cara, but its too late. When you left me to discover yourself in France, I didn't know how to go on. Marta helped me realize I had my whole life in front of me. She is a good person. Please be happy for me. Please don't cry. Oh, my love, your tears are hard to watch." His heart was breaking on the day before he was to be married. Cara could barely speak but she had to ask him, "Jay, why did you choose our date for your wedding to Marta? That is all I need to know. I don't blame you for moving on, I really don't. I had hoped you would have waited and forgiven me, but I wasn't totally surprised when you hadn't. But, our wedding date? That hurt most, Jay. Tell me why." Her eyes searched his through her tears. "I don't really know, Cara. I guess some small part of me wanted to pretend I was still going to marry you. It was easy to keep that date. It fits well with Marta's pregnancy and some of the details had already been dealt with for our wedding. I never cancelled them when you left, I just took them for this wedding instead," he explained. Cara looked away and fought back sobs. "I wish you well, Jason. I want you to be happy. I mean that." With that, she kissed him gently on the cheek and released herself from his embrace. She suddenly felt an Arctic chill run through her soul. She knew her place was in his arms, but fate was being cruel. She squeezed his hands and walked away at first, then brought it up to a slow jog. Away from her love, away from him.
Everyone tried to spare Cara's feelings the next day as they prepared for the wedding. It was an hour before the wedding, the family had left for the ceremony. She was surprisingly calm. She planned to take a small overnight trip to a secluded winterized cottage the family owned about an hour's drive away. There she could be away from all news of Jason and Marta's nuptials and she could focus on lost sleep and relaxation. If she could manage to think about anything else!
She looked at the clock and knew the wedding was to take place in fifteen minutes. She had taken her time to fix her hair and makeup and had a beautiful winter white heavy knit sweater and white leggings on. She looked extremely classy, pretty and soft. Her hair was up and tendrils cascaded down her shoulders. She paused as she looked in the mirror and laughed at herself knowing this is how she had always imagined her hair and makeup would have looked on her wedding day.
She locked up the house and made her way to the family's second car which she was borrowing for her overnight trip. Just then, she heard a car barreling down the street, honking its horn loudly, insistently. She looked up immediately to see who it was! She gasped as she saw him screech on the brakes to slide a little on the snow-covered road. The door opened and the tuxedo-clad Jason was coming toward her! He looked so breathtakingly handsome. He was in a gorgeous black tuxedo with a white cummerbund and bowtie. He was holding one single red long stemmed rose in his hand and he had such a look of panic on his face.
Cara figured he was upset beyond normalcy when he realized she was not in attendance at the wedding and that he was coming to make her attend!!!?? He stood in front of her, breathing so hard, his chest heaving. "I am so glad you are still here, I have something to tell you, Cara-Mia." Cara gasped. That was the name he affectionately called her when they were a couple. Why was he using it now? "Jason?" she asked, completely confused. "Why are you not at the church right now? You are supposed to saying "I do" right now!" Jason flashed his brightest smile. Oh, how handsome he was. Her heart fluttered. "I can't do that without my bride," he said quite frankly. "Where is Marta?" asked Cara suspiciously.
Jason reached for Cara's right hand. Right there and then, he knelt down in the snow and said, "Cara, my only love, I want you as my bride. Will you marry me today, right now? Everybody at the church is waiting." Cara dropped down into the snow with him, her knees had given way. "What do you mean, Jason? Is this a cruel joke? Where is Marta and what is going on?" She wanted answers.
Jason continued to tell her how Marta's boyfriend showed up at the church and literally swept Marta off her feet. She couldn't resist her love for him and forgave him everything right there on the spot. This left Jason standing at the altar and free to be with the woman he truly loved. Free to make Cara his bride, if she would have him. Marta talked to Jason and told him she knew he really loved Cara and that she really wanted to make a go of it with the father of her baby. Jason tenderly wished her happiness and made her swear that she was in love with the baby's father before releasing her to him. She assured him she was.
Cara managed to rise back to her feet, tears filling her eyes. "Of course I will marry you, Jason. I love you. Take me to the church and we can sort everything else out once we are man and wife! But, I am not letting you get away again, so take me there now!" She laughed for the first time in weeks, in months! He loved when she laughed. He stopped her before she got into the car and held her tightly. He presented her with the single red rose and said, "You know, it is like this is the way it was always meant…all of our family and friends are waiting, it’s the church and the date we originally chose and the love is stronger than ever. Someone is looking down on us, Cara-Mia. This is such a gift. Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day my sweet girl." With that, Jason looked into Cara's violet eyes and kissed her like there was no other moment in time.
