Chapter Thirty-One
Brooklyn rolled her eyes when she heard the phone ring for what seemed like the millionth time that day. If it wasn't Justin calling every half hour to try and talk to her, it was a reporter that heard some rumor that her and JC had broken up and wanted the scoop. For the moment, her answering machine was fielding all the calls. There were a good twenty messages waiting on it from when she went in for a shower, and there were probably more.
Her arms crossed and she looked at the small white answering machine accusingly, waiting for the message to go by, before whoever was calling started to talk. Her annoyed expression was immediately changed, and a smile slid onto her face as she heard who it was. "Hey, Brooke. Just thought that I should check in and-"
Lifting the phone off of the cradle, she turned off the answering machine and laughed. "Austin, you're not supposed to check in with your little sister when you're on your honeymoon. Get it straight here. Besides, this call is going to cost you big."
There was a slight pause. "Actually, no, it's going to cost you a lot. I used the calling card and charged it to your number. Consider it an early birthday present. And what's wrong with making sure that you're still alive, and you haven't gotten pregnant yet. The last thing I need to hear is that there's going to be a mini Brooklyn or JC running around the house."
She made a face and leaned against the wall. "Cute, but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. Keep wishing, but it's going to be a long while until you're an uncle. I don't plan on even marrying anyone for the rest of my life."
"You don't have to be married to have a kid," he said slyly. "Anyway, you're doing all right, aren't you? I mean, the house hasn't burned down, the restaurant is still open, you're still under contract, right? Mia wanted me to ask the last one."
For a moment, she stuck out her tongue. It wasn't like he could tell, anyway, but it felt better. "Yes, the house is still standing, not that it matters, because you're moving out. The restaurant is still open, and business is just as good as it normally is. I'm still under contract for a few years with Curb. And you can tell Mia that there haven't been any controversies lately." Well, it was a lie, but it was a small one. There were only rumors at the moment, no actual reports, and they did this for almost everyone that has said that they were dating. How many times had she heard about bad fights between Faith Hill and Tim McGraw only to find out that nothing at all had happened? It was just happening to her now. The only problem was that the press was right; she just wasn't admitting it at the moment.
There was another pause, and this one was longer. Since Austin was using the calling card, he obviously didn't care how long he was on for. That only slightly added to her bad mood, even though she knew that she could more than afford the call. "There's something that you're not telling me, Brooke. I can hear it in your voice, and you KNOW that I'm to going to find out what it is. All I have to do is get you to give JC the phone and I'll know instantly."
Brooklyn bit her lip and let out a patient sigh. This wasn't turning out the way that she wanted it to. "I can't. He's not here right now. When he left, he said that he was going up to California, and then he had to go back to Orlando for a meeting about their tour or something." She wasn't lying about that. He HAD said that he was going up to California, just not to her. She knew that he had a meeting in Orlando about their tour, but he obviously wasn't going to make it, unless he had already left. "I was going to call him later tonight, though." Okay, that was a lie. She was definitely NOT going to call him, but she could keep that her secret until Austin and Mia came home...in a month.
"All right...but there's still something wrong. What is it?"
Her eyes rolled and she sighed deeply into the phone. "Austin, nothing is wrong. How can I reassure you? Oh, I forgot to tell you. I've had a few phone calls come in about the grand re-opening of the restaurant. Basically, the interior decorators, but Carlos, the guy that you left in charge, said that business has really been good lately, and all that. Apparently, everyone had just been raving about the new dishes." It was a weak attempt at changing the subject, but she knew that it would work. All she had to do was bring up something that was important and then compliment it.
And her luck was still holding out, if just barely. Austin went along with the subject easily. "That's great. It'll probably be a little while to get everything together when we get back. Do you see any problem with closing the place for two weeks to get everything ready?"
She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. "Not really. I mean, it would be a loss of quite a bit of money, but nothing that you can't make up. It'll really hurt to be closed for the first Saturday. You turn over the place about three times, so that's three different crowds that you're losing money from. Of course, with the amount that you and I put into the place, it shouldn't be that bad. I take it that you're keeping all the same staff. I'll go in there and talk to them about it, but do you think that it would be okay if I offered them time and a half for coming in when we close the place? They won't be in every day, so it won't really hurt. I'll pay for the extra half time myself. I just want to make sure that everything's right for you."
He laughed. "Stop over working yourself, Brooke. You've got your own tour to worry about right now. But yes, that's all right, and I'LL by paying for the extra half time. Are you SURE that you're okay?"
Obviously, he wasn't going to let it go. She loved his persistence, but sometimes it got annoying. Especially since she was more than old enough to take care of herself and make her own decisions. He was still stuck in older brother mode, and sometimes, even though she loved him, she couldn't stand it. "I'm perfectly fine, Austin. Do you want me to spell it out for you? The only thing that's getting to me is the fact that you're calling me, on your honeymoon no less, and you keep pressing the point when there's nothing wrong. Don't worry about me. You have someone else to worry about now. I'm perfectly fine on my own, and you know it. I've lived like that for years."
"I know, but remember, Mia doesn't need anyone to worry about her. YOU on the other hand, are not married. You're not engaged, and while JC does worry about you sometimes, it's my job as an older brother to worry. That's the main reason that I was placed on the Earth. To worry and look after you." There was a sound in the background. "I better go. I promised Mia that I would take her to this little cafe that I found last time I was here. Take care of yourself, all right, and say hello to Jace for me."
The smile that had been on her face now dropped and she looked down at the base of the phone, struggling not to let her emotions into her voice. "All right, I will. Say hi to Mia for me, and don't bother calling until the day before you leave so that I can pick you up at the airport. OH, and I'm going to start moving all your stuff into Mia's place while you're gone, so that it'll all be there for you when you get back. Have fun...and make me a little niece or nephew. A little one that has plenty of rhythm and can sing like an angel."
"Bite me, Brooke. Bye. Love you."
"I love you, too. Bye." She hung up and sighed, leaning against the wall. Even from across the world, Austin could tell that something was wrong. Was she that transparent? Did it show that much? She tried to hide it as best she could, but maybe she wasn't as good at hiding her thoughts and feelings as she thought she was.
Her eyes went down to her watch, and she mentally counted in her head, wondering if she had enough time to get down to the restaurant before it closed. Nodding to herself, she walked into the foyer and put on her sneakers, reaching for the rain coat hanging on the small hook. She slipped it over her blouse before taking her keys and purse. She needed something to take her mind off of everything...off of him, and throwing herself into the restaurant's business deals was good enough for the moment, until she had a chance to go on tour.
Was he going to leave, or was he going to stay, he wondered as he played with a pen, tapping it against his thigh. He could stay and try to talk to her again, or he could leave and try to forget about her, just like she was trying to forget him. Oh, he knew that was what she was doing, and it hurt to think that she would even try that, but he had no control over anything, and especially not her. He didn't want control over her. He just wanted her back in his life.
That, obviously, was too much to ask. From what he could tell, it would be like asking for a miracle. He was about to give up on that miracle. There was no such things, anyway, he told himself, but he didn't believe it. They had to be real. Or he was just holding onto a childhood fantasy to make him feel better. He wasn't even sure if it WAS making him feel better. It was impossible to tell which was true, and he thought that maybe he didn't want to know.
And there was so much that he did want to know. "Damn it. Even my thoughts are going in circles," he complained to himself, hitting the pen hard against his thigh and letting go in pain, watching as it flew across the room. What was he supposed to consider that to be, self-mutilation? This couldn't be good. No, not at all. That was a bad sign, and it showed how beat up emotionally he was over this. Physically, too, if he considered the slap that he had gotten from Brooklyn that night.
There was so much to consider, so much to think about. He couldn't get help from any of his friends, because this had to be done alone. Not that they would help him at this point. He was lucky if he could get a decent sentence out of them...or maybe that was just his imagination. It was true that Chris wasn't talking to him, but it could have been that he was imaging everything, and making himself think that there was something that wasn't even there. If he did do something, he would have to do it now. He couldn't let it sit, because it could only get worse. And he didn't want it to get worse. For him or Brooklyn.
So that was it. He had to do something, he just didn't know what yet. He wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk. He was going to have to make her talk, make her stay wherever he was, and let him explain. That was easier said than done, but he couldn't just sit there and leave it alone.
Shaking his head, he reached for the phone and dialed down to the front desk. "I was wondering if you had the number for a limo company, and if you could call that for me. I have to go somewhere out of town," he said, as he started to pull on his sneakers and reach for his jacket.
With a smile, she turned back to look at the man in front of her. "Thank you, Carlos. You're an absolute sweetheart," she said with a chuckle before leaning forward to place a friendly kiss on his cheek. "So, if you could just tell everyone that, I would be more than happy. And thank you, for giving me something to do. I feel restless without Austin here to make fun of me."
Carlos grinned. "So, let me get this straight. You're paying everyone their usual salary when the restaurant is closed." Brooklyn nodded. "And when you do bring in a skeleton crew to work for the opening, you're paying them time and a half." She nodded again. "Honey, you're going to have more than a skeleton crew coming in. Everyone AND their brother is going to be coming in here to work. You pay us enough as it is."
"Only because you guys deserve it. I'll get back to you with the rest of the details, but if anymore calls come in from the decorators or whatever, give them my home number and I'll deal with them. They can be a total pain." Her eyes rolled. "See you tomorrow," she called, waving as she walked out of the small office and headed towards the entrance, dreading the fact that she had to go back into the rain.
She stopped for a moment to pick up her coat and slipped it on, sending a smile towards the hostess, who had just been hired, and stepped outside, shivering when a blast of cold air hit her. "You'd think that Tennessee would be warm right now. Of COURSE not. What I wouldn't give for a heat wave right now. I feel like I'm living in Antarctica or something."
The keys to her jeep dangled from her hand as she neared it, unlocking the door so that she could slip in. The folders that she had been handed went onto the backseat, and she shrugged off the rain coat to leave it on the passenger side, turning the key in the ignition so that the heat came on, and started to blast her. Her hands raised to the vent, and she rubbed them a few times, trying to warm them before she took the jeep out of park and headed back to Belleview.
The best way to put something out of your mind was to drive in bad weather, she discovered. Her mind was focused on the road all the way home, and she couldn't think of anything else except the feel of the tires as the water on the road splashed up almost overtop of the jeep. Her lip had found a permanent place between her teeth as she kept her speed down and turned the corners slowly. Even the radio was blocked out of her mind as she struggled to see through the mess on the windshield. The windshield wiper blades were trying their best, but even they couldn't get rid of the water for long on their highest speed.
A sigh of relief sounded from her as she pulled into her driveway. That was the last time that she went out in weather like that. She had lived in Tennessee all of her life, and she was more used to the hot, dry weather than the small spurts of rain that they usually got. This definitely wasn't a little amount of rain. It was supposed to go on for a few more days. It was almost like Mother Nature was feeling Brooklyn's pain and making her little world match her attitude.
The engine was turned off and she reached for her jacket, planning on coming out to get the folders when she went inside to get an umbrella. The last thing she needed was for all of that to get wet so that she couldn't read it, and they were the only copies that the restaurant had. She sighed in frustration as she fought with the sleeves of the coat. For some reason, they didn't want to come out of the lining from when she had taken it off, and she hit the steering wheel with a closed fist. NOTHING wanted to agree with her.
Giving up on that idea, she lifted the coat above her head to use as a shield until she got onto the porch and pushed open her door, leaving her keys in the ignition for the time being until she could get the umbrella inside the foyer's closet. Taking a deep breath, she started to run towards the porch, her sneakers splashing in the puddles in the driveway and wetting her feet through the rubber and canvas. Groaning with frustration, she put her foot on the bottom step when her eyes flicked towards one of the chairs outside. There was someone there, sitting there, waiting there. Waiting...for her.
"I'm sorry, can I help you?" she asked politely, not knowing who it was. As the person stood up, she groaned. "Oh, this is the LAST thing that I need today. I thought that you understood what I said. Leave me alone, JC, and get the hell off of my property, before I call the cops and have them remove you."
He stepped forward so that the light from the street lamp landed on his features. She recognized the look of determination and defiance in his eyes. "You can call the cops if you want, but Austin has said many times that I'm a guest of his, too."
Her teeth chattered as the wind picked up, and her eyes flashed brightly at him. "Number one, Austin is in France, not here. Number two, Austin doesn't live here anymore, he lives at Mia's apartment. Number three, and the most important, I'd like to remind you that my brother owns no part of this house. It is in MY name, therefore MY property, and MY decision. Would you like to know what my decision is, or can you guess?" she asked, her tone as icy as the wind.
All of those were valid points to him, but it didn't matter. He was going to do this before he could chicken out, and then he was going to go back to Orlando and try to forget about her. It would be hard to make her listen, but it would be next to impossible to get her to admit that she was wrong. The least he could do was explain his side AGAIN, apologize and then leave her alone. "Just what is your decision, Brooklyn, because I'm just filled with anticipation."
"My decision is very plainly this. You happen to be trespassing on my property. So, in other words, take your pop singing ass OFF of my porch, and don't bother coming back. In fact, don't bother calling me, or thinking of me, or doing anything that even involves me in the slightest bit. You could make this so much easier and just leave, but you're not going to, are you? WHY do I have this strange feeling that you're never going to leave this alone, when that's all that I want, damn it!"
The outburst was nice. It at least showed him that she had some sort of emotion left in her, some sort of reaction, but it wasn't the reaction that he wanted. "Of course I'm not going to leave this alone. Why won't you just LISTEN to me. Give me a chance, Brooklyn. You've given me a chance before when I didn't need one. Now that I need that chance, why can't you give it to me?" He forced himself to keep his voice calm and neutral. The last thing he wanted to do was start a fight with her and make it worse than it really was.
Her head cocked to the side, and she shivered when the wind lifted the back of the jacket up and her back was hit by numerous rain drops before it settled down again. Her hands shifted slightly, and lowered the jacket a little to cover her more. "Why? I already told you that I don't give second chances anymore. I won't let that happen, JC. Before this...before this happened, you made me feel like I was in Heaven. There was no way that my feet were ever going to touch the ground." The remembrance in her eyes dulled and it turned into a fiery anger as she looked at him again. "Thank God I had a rude awakening when I was dropped back down to Earth. I may have fallen for your cute little lines, your flowery speeches, the look in your eyes whenever you looked at me, the smile on your face...but I'm never going to let that happen again. You had your chance, and you tossed it away. Just like you tossed ME to the side. So, forget it. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of listening to your voice, or your explanation, or anything, because I don't want to, I don't need to, and..." She trailed off, trying to think of another insult that would work so that he would move and let her go into her own house.
"Why? Are you afraid that all of that would make you see the truth of all of this. That maybe...you would fall again, this time for good? I can't help what happened, Brooklyn, but damn it, I'm only asking for an hour. Just give me enough time to describe every thing that happened, to tell you everything. THEN come to a decision, but don't do it without all the facts. Come on. After all we've been through, can't you just let this happen?"
Her eyes widened. "You...you think that I could...oh, aren't we the pompous asshole tonight?" she asked incredulously. She wanted more than anything to put her hands on her hips as a show of defiance, but the jacket was still fighting with her, and she wasn't going to let one word pass her by. No, she was going to respond to everything and as snidely as possible. "I KNOW all of the facts, JC. You went behind my back to Tim, you made some sort of deal with him, and then you hurt me. HURT me. Do you know what that means? No, of course not. You weren't there to see what happened. You were too wrapped up in your little scheme to even get the satisfaction of seeing me cry over what you did. I've been hurt too many times in the past, and I'M NOT GOING TO LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!" she shouted, the words being carried by the wind. There was a shrillness to her voice, a desperation. She wanted him to leave.
But he wasn't going down without a fight.
"Pompous asshole? While we're throwing around insults, why don't I get into this, and give you a reality check. You're acting like an uncooperative bitch. Chris may have called you an ungrateful bitch, but I think I learned the truth now, haven't I?"
She was shocked for a moment. Did he really just call her that? "You...you..." Now, words weren't coming as quickly as she had hoped they would.
"Asshole? Oh, but sweetheart, you already called me that. Don't tell me that you're already forgetting your insults. Come on, Brooklyn. Throw it all at me. I don't care. If it gets it all out of your system, and it'll calm you down so that you'll actually let me talk to you, like the two reasonable adults that we are, go for it. Just don't be surprised if I throw it right back at you, because there's a lot that I have to get out of my system, too."
Brooklyn was still replaying the words over and over in her mind, before a short growl ripped from her throat. "How dare you call me that. How DARE you. And don't you mention that name around me!" As if seeing him wasn't bad enough, he had brought up Chris. She had worked so hard on trying to forget him, and it has been coming easier than it was when she tried to forget JC. Now, it all came rushing back to her. "Get the HELL out of here."
His arms crossed and he leisurely leaned against the post beside him, sighing lightly. "Brooklyn, Brooklyn," he murmured, watching for a reaction from her. "If you're going to call someone names, you have to expect to be called something, too. People do have reactions, you know. This isn't going to go your way, and it isn't going to go my way, but obviously, we're going to have to fight it out until you can see that."
A smirk landed on her face once the shock died off of her face. "You want to talk about reactions?" she said as sweetly as possible. "I'm about to have a reaction, but the after effects aren't going to be so pretty for you if you don't leave. You might want to call your mom and apologize because it looks like she's never going to have a grandchild. It's all about the knee-jerk reaction, right?" She gestured with her head. "There's my knee, and I see the jerk right in front of me. Surprise, surprise. Now all I have to do is make one connect with the other."
He coughed lightly. "You don't have the guts to do it, Brooklyn. I can see you hesitating already. It's not as easy as you thought it would be, is it? Why ARE you hesitating. Is there a reason? You had no problem beating up on Tim. You didn't hesitate when it came to him."
"Oh, you want to get into the differences between you and Tim? There aren't as many as I first thought, apparently, because you're acting just like him. You cannot control me, and you cannot dominate me. Now, move so that I can get in the house. And no, before you ask, you're not following."
JC raised his eyes and looked her over quickly. "Brooklyn, did you ever think of this? How are you going to call the cops. Obviously, I'm blocking your way into the house. You don't have a cell phone...and you're definitely not getting ahold of mine. Any ideas, or was it just an idle threat?"
Her mind raced as she thought of something to say. What COULD she say? How was she supposed to explain that. She hadn't thought about it, had she? "I'm not afraid to go the neighbor's house and say that I need to use their phone to call the police because there's an idiot on my property that won't leave. I'm also not afraid to scream. Don't think that I would just scream, though. No, I have no problem yelling that you're hurting me, or threatening me. Don't tempt me, JC. I always give into temptation, you know that."
"Did I tempt you enough before? Was that why you were with me?" he asked softly, watching her reaction. If there was going to be one.
Her mouth opened, but no words came out. She couldn't think of anything to say. He hadn't tempted her. He had made her fall HARD, but how was she supposed to explain that? There were no words to describe it. She had always thought that, and now he was demanding an answer. "No, you didn't tempt me," she said quietly, her eyes going down to her soaked sneakers. "You did something even worse. You made me believe that you were the man that I had always wanted. The one that I dreamed about when I was younger. You were the perfect..." Her head shook a few times. "No, you WERE perfect."
With that quiet tone, and the way that she looked down, he knew that he was breaking down that wall she put up little by little. Just like a year ago, when he broke down the first wall, it was happening again. "I'm not perfect. You can obviously see that now. I made my mistakes. But I didn't make you believe anything. You saw me as I really am. You saw the real me, and now you're fighting me because of it. Why? I just...I did what I thought was best. I'll admit that it might have been a mistake, but you have to understand something. If I had to do it all over again...if I had a chance to go back and I was given a choice...I would still do it. I know that you can't understand why, but that's why I want to talk to you. To give you the chance to understand everything that happened. Please." He stepped forward, coming down to the third step, and stared at her. Her one foot was still resting on the bottom step, and her head slowly raised from looking down at it to looking at him.
"I wasn't going to come here tonight. I was going to book a flight and leave for Orlando as soon as possible. I was getting sick of what was happening between us, and I figured that if you wanted to be left alone, it would probably be best. But I couldn't leave without trying to make you understand. I couldn't leave everything the way that it is. I know that it sounds stupid, but I...I wanted to give it one more try. If you still think that I was wrong, that's fine. I'll leave you alone. If I see you at an awards show, or at a charity function, I won't even say hello to you. But you have to give me one last chance, New York. Just one chance." His throat seemed to close after his last whisper floated through the air towards her. She didn't even realize what name he had called her, or if he did, she wasn't going to comment on it.
For a moment, it looked like she was going to give in. It looked like she wanted to give in, but she couldn't. Instead, she started to back away. "No, I told you. No more second chances." Quickly, she dropped the jacket and turned around, heading back towards the jeep.
He saw where she was going and jumped down the rest of the steps, landing in a somewhat deep puddle before taking off after her. Her hands slipped as she tried to grab ahold of the wet door handle and he took the only chance that he would have. His arms wrapped around her from behind, and he lifted her away from the jeep. Brooklyn started to squirm in his hold. "NO!" she shouted, hitting at the hands that held her above the ground. "Just...put me down. Don't touch me!" Her voice was becoming more and more desperate. "I can't. I just can't!"
He sighed and held her even tighter. "You can't what? Tell me. I'm not letting you go until you tell me. Scream as loud as you want, but I'm not letting you go."
"NO!" She started to thrash even more, and JC held her even tighter to make sure that she didn't fall out of his hold and hit the ground. He started to back away from the jeep more, and her hand reached out, trying to grab any part of it. "I can't. I'm not going to let you hurt me again. Let me go!"
She tried to bend her head down and bite one of his hands, but she couldn't reach. That was the only chance that she had. It didn't seem to bother him when her heels hit against his legs, or when she beat on his arms. She had no way of getting away from him. No defensive tactic was working. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you. Why can't you get that? Why won't that go past your ego and your stubbornness."
When she found that it wouldn't help if she fought against him, she calmed down and stayed still. Her body was still tight, but she didn't move. "You already hurt me once. How do you I know that you're not going to do it again?" she whispered, looking straight ahead.
Very cautiously, he let his arms relax and finally put her back onto the ground. She turned around to face him, and was surprised at the hurt that shined brightly in his eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you, Brooklyn," he repeated. "I...I don't know what you want me to say. Would you like me to promise that I won't? Swear? What."
Her arms crossed and she looked down. "You promised me once before that you were going to hurt me. That nothing would hurt me." Her head raised and she chuckled lowly. "Guess that didn't turn out as well as you thought it would, considering that YOU were the one that broke that promise by hurting me. Your promises mean nothing to me now. You can swear on anything you want, but I'm not going to believe it. Your words mean nothing to me, because that's all that they are. They're words. Not actions. Not beliefs. Nothing but damned words that mean dick shit. There's nothing that you could say or do to make this better."
"Just let me TRY. Both of us are getting soaked out here. Why don't we go inside, warm up, and then we can talk about this, like we used to talk about everything else. Please, I can't...I can't let this go on. It hurts me just as much as it hurts you. I just...we can't leave everything like this."
Inside seemed like such a good idea. She could light a fire, make some tea, and relax. But inside wasn't right. That would mean that he was getting his way. Outside was much safer. She could call for help if she needed to. She felt better outside. Even though she was completely wet and cold and shivering, she would rather stay outside than take him inside. Inside would mean that she was becoming weaker, and that definitely was not happening. "No, I'm not letting us go inside. If you want to talk, you'll have to do it out here." Her arms crossed defiantly and she stared at him. "But who said that we're going to talk? That's what I want to know."
"Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg? If that's what it takes, I'll do it." His voice broke and he looked away for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Brooklyn, my life...hasn't been the same ever since that night. You don't know how much it hurt me to run into a group of reporters one day, and all of them were asking me about you and about our relationship. The only thing I could do was smile and walk through them. Do you know how much it hurt just to smile, when I know the truth? You don't want me around, I understand that, but I'll leave as soon as you let me explain everything to you. As soon as that happens, I'll walk away and leave you alone if you want. But if we don't talk, I'm going to keep bothering you until you give me that cha...opportunity." He couldn't use the word chance. That would be too dangerous, and she didn't seem to catch his little slip.
"I...I don't know," she said quietly, looking past him at the house. God, it looked so inviting, but she wasn't going to give in. "If I am going to do this, I'm going to lay down some ground rules."
He hid his smile. If he let her believe that she was in control of this, she would agree to it more easily. All he had to do was let her believe or even give her a little control. "Of course. ANYTHING."
Brooklyn faltered for a moment, thinking, before she started to talk again. "If I want, I can walk away from you anytime that I want, and you can't stop me from going in the house. ALONE." He nodded, making himself pause for a moment as if he was considering the suggestion. But he was going to agree to everything. He knew that much. "And if there's something that I don't want to hear, then I don't have to listen, right?" He nodded again. "And if I say that I want you to leave me alone for good?"
"It's your call," he said quietly. "I'm hoping...never mind. Could we go someplace warmer? Or at least on the porch, where there's no rain hitting us. You look like you're freezing, and the last thing that you need is to catch a cold." Make it seem like you don't care if you catch a cold, his mind told him. Just focus on her. It might help, he reasoned, but then again, it could backfire on him.
Her arms crossed and she looked at him square in the eye. "I'm not worried about that. Don't concern yourself about my well being. If you want to talk, talk. Don't keep putting this off. I'm not going to wait forever." He didn't say anything for a moment, and her eyes rolled. "I'm surprised that you didn't run back to Orlando when you had the chance. If I were you, I would have."
His head shook. "I can't leave things so unsettled between us. I just...something tells me that I shouldn't. I don't know why, but there's just...oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse. All I know is that I have to do something about it. This is the only thing that can be done. You know that as well as I do."
In frustration, she brought her hands down to her hips, like she had wanted to before. Now, her wet hair was plastered to the side of her face and against her head, losing some of the radiance that JC loved so much. Her eyes were still as bright as ever, as if two candles burned behind them. "It's...it's almost like you're talking in riddles. Can't you just come out and say it? That's all I want to know. Can't you for say it already? I don't need these plays on words. I don't need any of this."
For a moment, his eyes closed, before he opened them again and looked back at her. "I'm not trying to make this confusing. You just have a...natural way of seeing things in a confusing light, I think. Sometimes, it's as plain as day, and you still complain that it's confusing. Or maybe you're just looking for something to complain about."
"Could be. You never know, now do you? Well, at least, you obviously don't know ME very well." Now, it was her head that shook. "How could that happen? I thought that...I mean...I told you everything about me. You should have known me. Didn't you even get the smallest inkling from that? I thought I knew YOU, but I was wrong. As usual, I was wrong, and let me guess, I'm the one to blame."
It seemed like he was reaching for her, but she pulled away before he had a chance to touch her. "I did know you, Brooklyn," he began softly. "I really did, but now...well, I still know you to an extent, but you've changed. I've changed. The whole God damned world has changed. Neither one of us are to blame in this."
The words were meant as some sort of soothing to her, but it didn't work. If anything, they only fired her up more. "So, what, you're saying that you didn't think that I would react the way that I would? Come on, JC. Think about it. I'm pissed off, yes, and why do you think I'm that mad? So I've changed." Pausing for a moment, she shook her head at her feet before her head snapped back up and she stared at him, never moving her eyes for a moment. He didn't move his, either, and it looked as if they didn't want to blink, either. It was like the old child's game. "How can you say that I've changed? I'm the same person that I was before all of this happened. No, I take that back," she added, lifting a hand to stop him from saying anything. "I became smarter. I now see the world for what it's worth, and it's all because of you. I guess I owe you some thanks for that. I mean, if you hadn't dropped me so quickly, if you hadn't come up with some stupid excuse as to why the two of us could be no more...well, then thanks. YOU opened my eyes."
He sighed, and leaned back against the jeep, not caring that the wet vehicle was making his shirt even colder. "Am I supposed to say that I'm sorry, or am I supposed to say that you're welcome. This doesn't make any sense, Brooklyn. I AM sorry for what happened. I didn't mean for it to, but I had no choice. I've been trying to tell you this for the longest time. Why don't you hear that. I...had...no...choice."
"You're a free person, and you can't be forced to do anything. You ALWAYS have a choice."
"There was no other choice. If you could have heard...understood..." His eyes moved up and he looked at the dark cloud that seemed to cover all of Tennessee. "I was given no choice, not when it came to you. I didn't want to do it, please understand that. I never wanted to hurt you, but if I didn't...he was going to hurt you."
The corner of her mouth pushed up into her cheek. "I like that. I really do," she said, a tone of awe in her voice. JC looked back at her with surprise. "I like how you're pinning it all on someone that can't defend himself, because he's in jail. Bravo. You really know how to move the blame around, don't you?"
His hands slammed down on the jeep, and water droplets jumped before falling to the already wet ground. "Brooklyn, damn it! You're taking his side in all of this? You know what Tim can do. You know what he's capable of...and you still think that it's all my fault. I'm beginning to wonder if this is worth my time at all. You're going to believe what you want, aren't you?"
"Until I see or learn otherwise," she said, in such a calm voice it scared him. "Look, I have no doubt that Tim is involved in this somehow, but as to what extent...I can't even begin to answer that. I don't have anyone else's story to go with yours, so what am I supposed to believe?"
His voice lowered, and he looked back down with a heavy sigh. "Chris knows. He knows it all."
Her eyes rolled quickly. "And if you remember, the two of us aren't talking at the moment, and I don't believe that we ever will again. Besides, he heard the end of the story, he wasn't there for the beginning. Only two people were there for that. You and Tim. If you're going to ask me which one I believe, I won't be able to answer you. Both of you deceived me. I have no love left at all for him, and you're dangerously close to that, as well."
As easily as the words were said, he ignored them. That was something that he didn't want to hear, and if he didn't want to hear it, he wouldn't. Selective hearing was a wonderful thing, and he was glad that he could do something like that. "I can't believe...do you know how much that hurts, Brooklyn? To hear you say that..."
"If you came here to make things all better between us, don't expect it happening anytime soon. You hurt me, JC, and as my brother has told me many times before, I'm just like an elephant. I never forget. And if I do, it takes a hell of a lot of kissing ass for it to dissipate in the slightest. Are we clear on that?"
"Crystal." Why couldn't things just go his way for once. Nothing worked out for him. Everything seemed to be going Brooklyn's way, and he didn't like that. Sure, he knew that the world didn't revolve around him, but it would be nice if just once, it could do a little turn around his life and help him out a little. Everything was against him for this. All he had to do was come out on top...and that was going to be harder than it seemed at first. "I didn't...all right, I admit that I DID come here to see if I could help it out a little, but I don't expect to make everything better with one conversation." Okay, he did, but she didn't need to know that.
But he could see the look of disapproval and disbelief on her face, as bright as the midday sun. "Brooklyn, why did you cry that night, then?" It was time to try a different tactic.
A look of confusion came onto her face. "You mean the night of the wedding? I wonder why," she said sarcastically.
"Not that night. Yesterday. Last night." Oh, this was a gamble, all right. This could make her close off and walk away if he wasn't careful.
"What...what do you...you were HERE? You were WATCHING me? Are you crazy?" she asked, her eyes brightening with anger again. "How DARE you come onto MY property and look in MY windows. My God, we've got your basic peeping tom right here. So, you looked in on me during that one recording session, and then you did it again last night. Are there any times in between that I have to worry about? What are you, some kind of nut?" she asked, beginning to back away slightly.
But he just followed her. He wasn't letting her get away this easy. "No...would you just LISTEN to me for once, instead of blocking out whatever I say and twisting it around so that it suits your fancy. I'm trying to tell you that I came over here last night to talk, just like I came here tonight, and I could...I could hear you. I thought that maybe you had hurt yourself or something, so I looked in the window. When I saw that you were fine, I left." Yeah, but I sat on the street corner for two hours, he thought to himself, but didn't dare say. "I was worried about you, Brooklyn. Never before had I heard that kind of sound coming from you. Not even after what happened with Tim. You never cried like that."
Her chin was pushed out, and she looked at him with contempt. "Tim wasn't worth any one of my tears, and neither are you. Forgive me for breaking down once in awhile, but with all the shit surrounding my life, sometimes I have to, all right? It's not like you were ever there when I did break down to comfort me. You could have cared less."
"That's not true, and you know it." His voice took on that soft, pleading tone that it had before, and she seemed to listen more when he talked like that. She listened more closely. She paid more attention to every word that he said, and that was what he wanted. It was a cheap, probably mean tactic, but he was willing to try anything at this point. "I cared for you more than I cared for anything else in this world, besides my family. You know that much. My life revolved around you, and you say that I didn't care? I think I cared too much, and Tim knew that. He played on that, because he knew that I would do anything for you. It's been like that ever since I met you."
"Is this supposed to make me feel better? I'm guessing that you forgot what it was like to care for someone towards the end, when you dumped me at my brother's wedding, for Christ's sake. Couldn't you have waited until later that night? The next morning?"
How was he supposed to try and explain this one? Then the answer came to him. It was about time that the truth came out. About everything. She deserved that much, and it was the only thing that COULD get him out of hot water. "No, I couldn't have. Tim gave me a time limit to do it. If I wasn't out there within something like fifteen minutes, then he was going to...we're getting ahead of ourselves here, Brooklyn. If you want to know it all, I have to start from the beginning. I can't just go from here, because it's not fair to you and it's not fair to me." With a hopeful smile, he held out her hand towards her. "Will you let me start from the beginning, and then we can work our way from there?" he asked softly, his eyes filled with pleading.
God, why did she feel so sorry for him? She shouldn't. She shouldn't have felt so sorry for him, but she did. There was obviously something still there between the two of them. Brooklyn could feel it, and he could, too. And now he wanted her to take his hand. Why? Some sort of peace offering? An invitation? Her head shook. Why wasn't anything making sense anymore.
Taking a deep breath, she looked back down at his hand. How many times had she felt an indescribable feeling whenever they held hands, or if he even rested a finger against hers. How many times did that bring a smile to her face. How many times did she think that the one touch was like Heaven, and there could be nothing better than it. And how many times had she thought that, and was wrong, because there was always something that he did that was better than that.
Her own hand trembled at her side, and she stared down at it, wondering why it was doing that. Her eyes went back to his when she heard his soft whisper. "Please, New York." Swallowing thickly, she blinked away the tears that were gathering in her eyes before her hand lifted very slowly.
It faltered in the air for a moment, shaking even harder as she continued to look at his open palm, the fingers that were slightly curled. Nervously, her lip was caught between her teeth, and she looked back up at him. For some reason, she just couldn't make that one move. That one move that would put her palm against his. Because she knew...Lord did she know, that they would feel that connection again, just from a simple touch. And she didn't want that connection. She wanted to be rid of everything that reminded her of that conversation, and he was making everything come back again.
"Please," he said again, his eyes lowering to look at her hand now. He watched as it shook slightly, and how she curled her fingers in and out, as if they were reaching out for him and she was making them stop every time. Her hand came closer before she pulled it away, making herself turn to face the street.
"I can't do this," she muttered, shaking her head. A few pieces of hair separated from the rest and moved with her head, slapping against her. "I just...I can't. There's too many memories, and too many feelings, and...I don't want them back. I'm trying to get rid of them, and you keep bringing them back. Why do you have to bring them back? Why can't you just leave me alone?"
JC walked closed to her, and stood beside her, not in front of her this time. His hand had dropped and now rested at his side as he looked out at the street with a dull expression. He was so sure that she was going to take his hand, and let him lead her over to the stairs so that they could sit down and talk without getting more wet than they already were, but she had turned away. She had been trying to turn away for the longest time already. "That's not the way that it goes. You know that already, don't you, and you're trying to prevent it. There's nothing that you can do to prevent it. No matter what, I'm going to be here, Brooklyn."
She fought to stop it, but one traitorous tear slipped down her cheek, mixing with the rain drops. He hadn't seen it. "Why do you have to be here, though? What if I don't want you here. You don't know every single little thing about me. You don't know what I think, so don't even TRY to tell me that you do."
He took a deep breath. This was definitely harder than it should be. "I don't know what you're thinking, no. I'll never say that I do, either, because that's something that I'll never be able to do. I may get lucky a few times, but I can't read minds." His foot shuffled and turned a small puddle into a small wave, watching as it hit the driveway again. "But what I do know is that you're lying when you say that you don't want me around. At first, you may have meant it, but Brooklyn, the truth is always in your eyes, and they let me know. They showed me that you didn't believe a word of what you were saying. And just a moment ago, they were telling me that you wanted to take my hand, but you keep blocking that voice out. Why?"
"Because it's the only thing I can do. God, now you're not understanding me. I don't want to give into that voice, because I know what's going to happen. You're going to hurt me again, or disappoint me, and I can't take it anymore. Once was enough for me, JC. I can't bare to have it done again. You were right when you said that before. I can't take one more disappointment or hurt like that again. I barely survived the first one, the second one is hurting even more, and the third time...I just don't know what it'll do to me."
"I'm not going to hurt you tonight. I can guarantee you that much. All I want to do is talk, and all you have to do is listen. That's all. All right? Can we at least try it and see if this can be salvaged just a little? I don't want to give up on you, Brooklyn...New York. You mean far too much to me to just give up on this easy."
She swallowed the lump in her throat and closed her burning eyes. She couldn't allow herself to cry in front of him. When he left, maybe. But not now. Her head moved in a nod. "Just listen to you talk? That's it?"
"That's it," he said so quiet it was almost silent. She could hear him, though.
Her eyes, when they opened, looked back at the street and didn't move. Tears shone in them, but didn't fall. No, she could stop them from falling if she tried hard enough, and she was trying with everything in her. "Promise me. I need to know that you promise that all I have to do is listen. I can't do much more than that."
Slowly, his eyes moved over until he could see her, but he never actually moved. They went back to the street immediately. There was that look in her eyes again...the one that meant that he had a chance. He had an opening, and he was going to make it was wide as possible. "I promise, Brooklyn. That's all. I'm not going to ask for anything else from you."
Along with the deep breath that she took, she moved her hand until it touched his. He turned to look at her in surprise, and was even more shocked to see her looking back at him shyly. "If that's it, then I'll give it a shot, but that's it." That look in her eyes intensified, and he knew that before the evening was over, he wanted to make that look overtake every other emotion in her body. This had to work. It just had to.
Acting on impulse, he lifted her hand and pressed his lips against her knuckles in a kiss. "That's all."
Chapter Thirty-Two
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