>> fiction >> nsync >> the dance >>
It wasn’t like she had been there long. Still, sitting in a chair and waiting wasn’t her idea of fun, especially at a party. Hopefully, it wasn’t going to last much longer. Of course, she wasn’t acting as smart as everyone told her she was, since she had taken the seat next to the stereo speakers. The music pounded near her, before it began to shift into a slow ballad.
And that’s when it happened. That’s when her eyes lifted to look towards the doorway, a beautiful shade of dark brown. They sparkled as she looked over the frame of a young man, one that she couldn’t help but stare at. One that she knew. The woman admired how his shirt clung just slightly to his toned body, how it rested against the light blue denim that covered his legs. Her eyes went down to the heavy black shoes that he was wearing, smiling when she saw the numerous scuff marks on the toes. One of his nervous habits had always been to press his toes against the ground, or, even worse, scrap them on the concrete of where he was standing. She had lived with that nervous habit almost all of her life.
She loved how he was beginning to grow out his hair, how the true brown color of it was showing through the bright blonde that he used to have. She loved how his light green eyes shined as he scanned the room for her small frame. Looking at him wasn’t going to last for long, she knew, since he was beginning to look in the direction of where she was sitting. Suddenly, she stood up and smiled hesitantly, raising her hand a little.
He caught the movement and moved towards her, a soft smile playing on his lips. How she wouldn’t give to look at that smile for the rest of her life. How she wouldn’t love to see that smile every time she woke up in the morning.
Instead, he just walked closer, until he was standing in front of her. “Hey,” she said, her soft voice just barely heard over the music. He had to almost lean in to hear it, almost bring his ear towards her lips.
“Hi, Shorty,” he said happily, reaching out to put his arms around her waist. She stopped herself from sighing longingly, and leaned into the embrace, letting all of her unspoken dreams and wishes wash over her. This was supposed to be the night that she told him. This was going to be the night that she told him. Nothing could stop her now. The words had been wanting to be spoken for the longest time, and now, now she chose her moment. Half of her wished that he wouldn’t be able to hear her over the music when she decided to open her mouth and let all the things she wanted to say but was to afraid to speak being drowned by the melodies. The other half wished that they were in a quiet place, where they wouldn’t be interrupted.
Like that was ever going to happen now.
“Who’s calling who short here? You’re just as short as I am,” she rebutted finally, pulling away. That didn’t stop him from taking his hands away from her hips, where he still held her so that he could look at her face.
A smirk appeared on his face as his eyes scoured her eyes, her smile, her face. Everything about her, even the simple way her hair was pulled into a ponytail. Always that ponytail. “I AM three inches taller than you, sweetie. I think that would classify you as short. If you want to be taller than me, buy some four inch shoes or something, okay?”
“Bite me, Lance.”
Finally his hands moved. It was almost pure torture, albeit sweet, to have them there. He moved back far enough so that he could fully look at her. “There’s something different about you. I can’t tell what it is.”
She smiled again, nervously this time. Her hands played with the hem of her shirt. “I...I don’t think that something’s different about me. I’ve had these shoes for about two years,” his eyes immediately went down to her feet and he nodded quickly, “you gave me this sweater for Christmas,” he nodded again, “and...well, the jeans are new, but that’s nothing. Uh, I didn’t think you were actually going to make it tonight. I was a little worried.”
“You shouldn’t have been. You know me enough to know that I would never break my word to you. You DO, don’t you?” Her head bobbed up and down. “There you go. I just had to pick something up from town before I came. I have something to tell you. Actually, ask you, but you get it, I’m sure.”
“I’m sure,” she responded dryly. “I have something to tell you, too. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for the longest time but...uh...yeah. That’s about it.” She rocked nervously on her heels for a moment.
Both of pairs of eyes looked around the room, not wanting to look at each other. Nervousness was rolling out in waves from both of them. It was almost acting like the opposite of a magnet, repelling each other. Finally, he sighed and turned his head to look at her. He was surprised to see that her eyes were meeting his dead on. “Why don’t we go outside and talk. It’s a little loud in here.”
Her brow furrowed. “And break tradition? We always have the first dance together.”
“We’ll just have it outside. Besides, I don’t want anyone to hear what I’m going to say. It’s a surprise, I guess you could say. Come on.” He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers before starting to pull her through the room. He smiled a few times to people that he knew, and she managed to put a smile on her face as well. They stopped once so that Lance could have a conversation with an old friend, while she turned around and looked around.
Finally, once it was over, he brought her towards the sliding glass doors, which were open. A few people were lounging on the back porch, smoking since it wasn’t allowed in the house. They passed by those people without a passing word, their feet hitting the slightly dewy grass. Without a word, he spun her towards him and placed his hand on her hip, instantly finding the rhythm of the song. “So, what did you want to tell me?” he asked her, looking down at her face with a smile.
She grinned back up. “Nah, I can wait. Go ahead.”
“Ladies first.”
“I’m your best friend. Don’t pull that gentleman stuff with me.”
He nodded, his lips pursed as he thought. She took the moment to look up at the sky and see that all the clouds that had covered the sky that afternoon had moved, disappeared. Now the stars were shining brightly down on them. It was beautiful out there. It was perfect out there, because she was with her best friend. “I can do that,” Lance said quietly. “I suppose I should tell you what I had to pick up in town before. I guess that’s as good as any place to start.”
Her vision moved so that she was looking back at him. Not that it was much of a chore. “So start there. Lancelot, you know you can tell me anything.”
He groaned when she used his nickname. She was the only one allowed to call him that, and for good reason. He thought it was embarrassing, but she had always thought of him as her knight in shining armor. There was no better nickname for him. “I know, Shorty. Just...it’s weird, talking about it. I’m so nervous. My hands would be shaking if I wasn’t holding onto you.” What was she supposed to say to that? ‘Hold me tighter and never let me go’? “Well, I had to stop down at the jewelry store for something. This is...this just sounds weird, you know? I never thought that I would be saying this, but there’s a first time for everything, right?”
“I prefer the phrase that you learn something new every day.” And he was going to learn something new that day, if she had her way.
“You would, wouldn’t you?” Again, he smiled. She wanted nothing more than to raise her hand and rest her fingers against his lips to feel his smile, but she wouldn’t dare. Especially not, considering that her hand was still clasped in his, and she wouldn’t have moved it for the world. “I’m just going to come right out and say it, all right?” She nodded her head quickly, wishing that he would just get it over with. If he took any longer, she was going to be far too nervous to say what she wanted. “Well...I’m going to ask Bri to marry me. I know, it seems a little soon. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few months, but you’ve seen us together. I just...I love her so much.”
Her whole world seemed to fall apart at that moment. He was going to propose to his girlfriend. Her Lance, her best friend was going to ask Brianne to marry him. She couldn’t help pulling away from him, looking at him with an astounded look. This wasn’t what she was expecting when he told her that he had something to tell her. This was the last thing that she expected. Hell, it never even entered her mind that he could say that.
Those words alone changed everything that she had wanted to say to him. She wouldn’t dare say what she wanted to before. How was she supposed to tell him, after that little announcement, that she was in love with him. She had been in love with him for years, even before Brianne came into the picture. Sometimes...sometimes she had wished that she could have said the words, those all important three words that seemed to change and shape lives forever, earlier. Maybe then she wouldn’t have any competition. It was too late for that, wasn’t it?
For the longest time, she had been in love with his smile. The way that his eyes crinkled slightly whenever he directed his famous grin towards her. For the longest time, she had been in love with his eyes. The way that they seemed to change color so effortlessly and how they sparkled with life and laughter. For the longest time, she had been in love with his laugh. The way that it started low, almost like a rumble, before he really let it drift into the air and hang there, overpowering any other laugh near him. For the longest time, she had been in love with his hands. The way that they were soft and loving, ready to wipe away her tears or ruffle her hair or take her hand as they walked down the street together.
In short, for the longest time, she had been in love with him. All the things that she loved about him, all of the things that she had taken for granted....his smile, his eyes, his laugh, his hands...just made him seem more complete, more rounded. And now, that love that had been burning at her, making her lay awake during the nights, was going to remain as silent as it had always been.
She had never been a person of words. The only person that she could ever talk to was Lance and this was one thing that she had never ventured into before. She had thought that it might change their relationship, since she was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to say that he returned those feelings. They had been best friends since they ran around their front yards in diapers, and to say that her feelings for him had changed...deepened in a way...that could ruin everything that they had together.
But she had been willing to take that chance. Damn it, she had been ready to throw caution to the wind and just blurt it out. She had been ready to take that first step, to let him know what she felt for him. She had been with him every single step of the way, since the beginning of his career, since before that. How he could have been so blind to her feelings, she didn’t know, but she had been ready to tell him.
“I...I...I don’t know...what to...say,” she whispered, her eyes beginning to brighten with tears.
He laughed joyfully. “That wasn’t the reaction that I was hoping for, but I suppose it’ll do. It’s a pretty big bombshell to drop on you, I know. It probably seems like World War Three to you, Shorty, but I had to tell you. I...I wanted to ask you something. There’s something that’s been bouncing around in my mind for the past few days, and I knew that you were the one that I was supposed to go to. The one that I had to go to.”
The smile on his face was unnerving. How was she supposed to just stand there and act happy for him. She knew that it was a big deal, but this was something that she just couldn’t deal with. “How...I mean...God, Lance. What are you trying to do to me?” she asked suddenly, bursting out the words in anger.
“You’re making people stare, Shorty. Come here.” He reached for her and pulled her back to him, holding her close. She buried her head against his chest and forced herself to take deep breaths, to ignore the smell of his cologne piercing through her muddled senses and thoughts. They started to dance again, and she clung onto him, like he was her lifeline at the moment. “I’m sorry that I shocked you. I really wanted to go about it in a delicate way, but...I’m just so excited and nervous and-”
“And you’re blabbing. Lance, what do you have to ask me?”
He nodded, breathing softly. “Okay. Shorty, you and I have been friends...sorry, best friends, for how long now? Since we were one, I think.” She nodded against him, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes. “Your opinion and your thoughts mean everything to me, you know that. They always have. There’s no one that I value or treasure or love more in the world. No one could ever take the place that I have for you in my heart. I wanted to know if...this is something that I should be asking Bri’s parents, really, but...you’re the one that I have to ask. Shorty, I want to know if I have your...your blessings to propose to her.”
She didn’t dare move. Instead, she continued to dance with him, not wanting to look up. “Why mine? You’re right. You should have asked her parents, not me. I’m...I’m not a factor in this, Lance, and you know it.”
“But you are. Don’t you see? Shorty, no matter what, you and I will always be best friends. We’ve drifted apart before, but no matter what, we’ll always be best friends. I want to make sure...in a way, I’m asking if this is all right with you, because if it isn’t, you know that I wouldn’t do this. It would practically kill me, but I won’t. Besides, you’re the one that always tells me that whatever doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger.”
No words would come to her. Her eyes flooded with tears again, and two slipped down, on opposite cheeks. They soaked into his shirt and vanished, but her feelings didn’t. She couldn’t believe that he would just drop everything if she said the word. He had told her that many times before. When he started his music career, he said the same words to her. When he started to go out with Brianne, he said the same words to her. And now he was saying them again, but her answer, her words, would have a much deeper impact than she wished they would.
“Lance...now I really don’t know what to say.” She laughed softly and turned her face to the side, sighing. “I...you’ve put so much on my shoulders right now. I just...you know that I like Brianne, right? I mean, I’ve never gotten into a cat fight with her yet.”
He laughed when she said that. It was a reference to an old girlfriend of his, one that just had not gotten along with her at all. She had taken it upon herself to teach the girl a lesson, and she had. “I know and I’m sorry. They’re small little shoulders at that, Shorty. I just...your blessings are the only ones that I need. They’re the only ones that I want.”
The song that was playing ended. Another fast song started, and they pulled away, not sure what to do now. She looked around the yard, seeing no one else but the two of them. Turning back to him, she opened her mouth and tried to speak, but no words would come. Her mouth shut again, and her brow furrowed as she tried to find the words to say what she wanted. “Shorty?” he goaded.
Her chest rose and fell with the deep breath that she took before she turned towards him. “Promise me that nothing will change between the two of us.”
“I promise,” he said solemnly.
“Promise me that we’ll be best friends, even if you get married.”
“I promise.”
“Promise me that, no matter what, we’ll still have our Tuesday pizza nights when you’re in town.”
“I promise.”
“Promise me that...that you’ll still be there for me.” A sob interrupted her words.
“I promise.” He reached down and wiped away the tears that were trailing down her slightly reddened cheeks.
“Promise me that you’ll stop calling me ‘Shorty’.”
“I don’t promise.”
That caused a smile to appear on his face, but she couldn’t smile back. “Then you have my blessing. As long as I know that nothing will change between us, that we’ll be the same, you have my blessing.”
Lance reached for her and pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her. She sobbed softly. “Nothing will ever change between us. We’ll always be together. You’ll always be my little Shorty.” That only made her cry harder. “I love you, so much, Shorty,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head tenderly. How she ached for that kiss to be on her lips, but she couldn’t find the words to say it anymore. “Wait, what did you want to tell me?”
She pulled away and shook her head, wiping the tears off of her face before he could. “No, it’s okay. It can wait. I’ll tell you in a few years, I guess,” she whispered, looking down at her feet. “Lancelot, there’s someone waiting for you right now.”
“I know,” he said, grinning again. His hand went down to his pants pocket, no doubt where the ring was waiting. “I...I’m sorry. I have to go and do this right now. I can’t wait. I don’t want to leave you here, but...I’m sorry, Shorty.”
“It’s okay,” she replied. She could barely find her voice. “Go to her. Just...call me tomorrow or something, okay?”
He laughed and picked her up suddenly, spinning her around. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you.” He kissed her again, this time on her cheek. “I’ll...thank you. I’ll call you tomorrow with all the details, all right?”
As soon as she was back on the ground, he seemed to disappear. She waited until he was gone before she sunk down to the grass, ignoring the dew, and pulled her knees up to her chest, letting herself cry out all the words she didn’t dare speak now. Wasn’t it enough for her to be his best friend, she wondered.
Her arms wrapped around her knees before she rested her chin on them. A new song floated out to her, and she listened carefully to the words, not wanting to move. She knew the words, the melody...all of it by heart. She had heard it so many times, but this one the first time that it applied to her.
“Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance”
It was true enough. She would always remember the dance, but the pain that she felt, the pain that was deep in her heart, wouldn’t be gone for a long time. She was just happy that she could do something for her best friend, even if it did hurt her.
And with that, she stood up and wiped every trace of the cry away from her face before she forced a smile on her face. It was time for her to go on with her life. She would never lose the love she felt for her best friend, that much was obvious, but she would have to learn how to watch Lance and Brianne together, and be happy for them. Nothing would be faked, because as long as he was happy, she was happy.
It took a lot, but she took that first step towards her own life, unsure of what it would bring her.
Even if that step was only the step into the house, but it mattered. Lord, did it matter.
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