Title: Change of Attitude (3/?)
Author:anon462
Prompt # 10: Voyeurism
Warnings: NC-17, m/f
Summary: Set in S6, after Doublemeat Palace, then goes AR.
When the full impact of what she was doing and thinking sank in, Buffys mouth dropped open in shock. The soggy panties she had been sucking on fell from her mouth to land with a plop on the island top in front of her. For a full minute or more she stared at the wet panties in front of her before full panic set her in motion.
Her first reaction was to jerk her head around in all directions as if looking for someone else in the room. Someone who might have seen what she’d done, who would think that she was crazy, or weird, or … or deviant, or … disgusting? Jumping up from the stool she grabbed the panties up and rushing over to the trash can she threw them into it. But then the thought that Dawn or Willow might notice them in the trash and figure out what she had been doing made her panic flair and she reached back into the trash can and pull them out again. Holding the soggy panties in her hand clutched up tight against her breasts she froze for a few moments not knowing what to do with them. ‘Could she take them outside, and maybe bury them? But what if someone saw her doing that, and mentioned it to Dawn or Willow, or even worse, Xander.’ The humiliation that flooded through her at the thought of Xander asking her why she was burying her panties in the backyard had Buffys face turning a dark shade of red. Buffy grabbed up the bra that was still laying on the island top and ran from the kitchen to the upstairs bathroom. Closing and locking the door behind her she sank down on the floor with her back against the door.
For long agonizing minutes Buffy sat on the floor with her legs drawn up, resting her forehead on her knees, her breathing irregular, clutching the bra and panties in her fists to her chest. Her mind was spinning, she couldn’t think clearly, panic and denial had her in overload. Unconsciously she started tightening her fist around the soggy panties in her right fist. Again and again and again, her fist tightened, then relaxed, then tightened again, squeezing the moisture out until a small amount seeped out between her fingers. As the moisture appeared, a faint, barely detectable scent rose up the few inches between her hand and her bent head. As she breathed the scent in over the next few minutes, her body started to relax and relieve the tension she was feeling. Mental images of her dreams slowly worked their way back into her thoughts, pushing the panic to the side as her body relaxed. Without thought behind the action her fist rose the few inches necessary to bring her knuckles to her lips. When she opened her lips the tip of her tongue peeked out and touched a tiny drop of the moisture that had seeped out. Before she knew she was doing it she started licking her fingers searching for more, more of the taste of Spike.
‘Spike!’ Buffys head snapped up and back so quickly that she slammed it against the door behind her, making her actually see stars for a few moments. Scrambling to her feet Buffy looked down at her hand and the soggy panties she was still holding in her fist. Inside her head she started screaming ‘What the bloody hell is going on?’ Then her thoughts froze.
‘Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What did I say? When did I start doing Spike-speak? What the hell is going on here? Why am I talking to myself and … and sounding like Spike? Why am I even thinking about Spike?’
Buffys thoughts were racing, but at least this time she wasn’t in a total panic and some of her thoughts were making sense to her. ‘It’s a spell! It has to be a spell.’ flashed to the front of Buffys thoughts. ‘Spike has done some kind of spell on me. He’s making me do this, it’s all his fault.’ Finding a reason for blaming Spike actually calmed her down a little. Buffy had dropped the bra on the bathroom floor without thought, but she still had her soggy panties gripped tightly in her right fist. Opening her hand just a bit, exposing her panties to view, she almost immediately felt a slight scent of Spike touch and enter her nose. Like in a dream, Buffy raised her hand to her nose and inhaled deeply, the scent of Spike, even though it was very faint, filled her head and the dreams of the night seemed to fill her mind, with pleasure, and a happiness that she’d thought she would never feel again outside of heaven.
Buffy had no idea how long she stood there, a minute, five, ten? But it was the mini-orgasm that brought her back into focus. Back to find her left hand down inside her pants rubbing her clit, while her right hand held her panties to her nose and mouth where she had taken them back into her mouth, rolling them with her tongue, saliva soaking them, sucking the moisture down her throat hungrily.
The shock of finding herself sucking on her panties, again, combined with the ‘ew’ factor, made Buffy blush a bright red as she quickly pulled them from her mouth. Her feelings quickly turned to anger as she yelled inside her head, ‘God damn you, Spike! I’m going to kill you for this!’. Rushing over to the sink Buffy threw the panties into the sink as she turned on the hot water. Opening the cabinet under the sink she pulled out the bottle of special soap that she used to wash her underwear. Adding some to the hot water she started scrubbing them vigorously, then rinsed them and scrubbed them again.
After washing the panties out twice, Buffy hesitantly lifted them up to her nose. A bit of fear gripped her throat as she drew in a breath, not knowing what her reaction would be. But as she drew in the air through her nose the only noticeable scent was of the soap she had used. Not knowing why, and refusing to look for answers, a sense of sadness seemed to fill Buffys heart.
Refusing to deal with how she was feeling, Buffy pushed her anger to the front of her mind and stoked it to a blaze. ‘You’re going to pay for this Spike’ Buffy yelled to herself. Leaving the panties on the vanity top she hurried from the bathroom to her bedroom and grabbed the first stake she could find and stuck it down the back of her pants. Rushing from her room and down the stairs she was out the front door in just seconds.
Walking at a fast walk, because the high heeled shoes she was wearing made running impossible, Buffy fumed over what she was certain had to be Spikes fault. Somehow he had used magic on her, someway, to make her act all crazy, and sniffy smelly of things. The way she’d been sniffing, and … and tasting her panties, tasting Spikes cum on her panties was just gross. She was almost acting like a vampire with the whole sniffy thing.
That thought brought Buffy to a screeching halt. ‘What? Like a vampire? No, no, it couldn’t be?’ It was only the fact that she was standing in full sunlight at that moment that stopped Buffy from going into another panic. ‘No! Not like a vampire.’ Buffy determinedly told herself. ‘It’s a spell! Somehow Spike did a spell on me to make me behave this way and when I get my hands on him I’m going to kick his ass from one end of his crypt to the other, before I stake him.’ It was only at this point that Buffy realized that she had been heading for Spikes crypt. When she’d rushed out of the house her head had been filled with anger and a need to make Spike pay for what he had done, she hadn’t even thought about where she was going.
As she neared the gates of Restfield cemetery Buffy again came to a halt. ‘Okay, I’m going to go in there and kick his ass, then stake him.’ Buffy told herself. ‘But … the whole crypt is going to smell like Spike. What if I walk in there and go all wonky again?’ This thought brought fear to the front of Buffys thoughts, but in the back of her mind there was also a feeling of anticipation that she refused to acknowledge. ‘Alright, this time of day Spike should be sleeping. If I sneak in there I can get the drop on him before he has a chance to do anything. If I keep punching him and kicking him I’ll have a confession out of him before he can deny doing anything. Then I’ll make him break the spell. And then I’ll stake him. For good this time! Stupid vampire!’
By the time Buffy had worked out her plan she was at the door of Spikes crypt. Using caution and more stealth than normal, Buffy inched the door open quietly. Breathing in tentative sniffs of air, Buffy could smell the earthy aroma that permeated the crypt. She could also pick up on the odors of whiskey, cigarettes, and … tea? ‘Spike drinks tea? Who’d of thunk? Maybe, cause he’s British?’ Shaking her head to clear her thoughts Buffy moved forward through the crypt, sniffing the air as she went. When she reached the opening leading down to the vault that Spike used as a bedroom Buffy halted again. Reaching behind her she pulled out the stake that was tucked into the back of her pants. Cautiously and quietly she eased first one foot and then another down onto the ladder. Taking each rung down with great care not to make any noise she worked her way halfway down the ladder before looking over toward Spikes bed.
It was seeing Spike in his bed that froze Buffy in place. Spike had left a candle burning, like he almost always seemed to do. In the soft golden light of the candle his pale white skin seemed to almost glow. The sheet that was covering him was pushed down low on his waist, leaving his chest and arms uncovered. Maybe because of the golden glow of the light, or maybe because she was actually looking at Spike without turning away, Buffy noticed that there were discolored marks on both of Spikes upper arms. Staring in confusion for a moment, it then came to her that what she was seeing was bruises on Spikes arms. Bruises that she had put there, last night, when Spike was fucking her against the tree, while she held on to him as if her life had depended on it.
Looking at Spike, Buffy was transfixed by the beauty of him. Why had she never noticed how beautiful he was before now? Why was looking at him, with his face relaxed, without pain or anger or his usual defensive sneer to spoil it, having such an effect on her? Why was it that looking at him was making her heart beat faster, when even in the heat of having sex with him she would turn her eyes away?
As she watched Spike started to squirm in his bed, kicking out one of his legs, which pulled the sheet covering him down, exposing his fully aroused cock. Buffys breath caught in her throat. One hand came up to her mouth to cover it, so that she wouldn’t make any noise.
She’d seen his cock before. She’d held it in her hand a number of times as she guided it to the opening of her vagina. But, she’d never really looked at it. All the many times that she’d had sex with Spike over the past weeks she’d never allowed herself to really look at him, to think of him as something more than an object that she could use to take her back to heaven for a few moments of time. But this time they weren’t having sex, and Buffy let herself look at Spike and fill herself with his beauty.
When Spike moved in his sleep, one hand coming up to wrap around his cock, Buffy clamped her hand tighter over her mouth, breathing through her nose. At first Buffy thought that Spike had woken up, but after a few moments she realized that his eyes were still closed. It was then that she realized that Spike was dreaming. She’d never known that vampires could dream. The thought of wondering if Giles knew that vampires could dream intruded briefly.
While Spike continued to dream his left hand continued to stroke his cock. Watching him, looking at the size of his cock, the thought entered Buffys mind that Spike was even bigger than her dreams of him had shown her. Subconsciously Buffy knew that Spike wasn’t circumcised, but seeing his foreskin slip back as he stroked himself, bringing the head of his cock into view made her mouth water. Even from twenty feet away she could see a pearl of pre-cum forming at the tip, making her mouth water even more. When his fingers moved up his cock, his thumb smearing the pre-cum over the head of his cock, lubricating it so that it slipped more smoothly between his fingers, Buffy swallowed so loudly that for a second she was certain that Spike must have heard her.
As Spikes dream continued he started to mumble in his sleep. Buffy couldn’t hear or understand all that he was saying, but she was able to make out some of it. “… mumble … God Buffy … mumble … mumble … Dru … mumble … means nothing … mumble … mumble … dust … just dust … love you … love you … more than life … more than life … mumble … make me feel … never felt …mumble … before … so alive … love you … so much … so much …”
Hearing Spikes words had a stunning effect on Buffy. Spike had tried to tell Buffy that he loved her many times, until she’d hit him often enough to make him stop saying the words out loud. She’d seen the look in his eyes though, when they had sex, the unvoiced declarations of love, that‘s why she wouldn‘t look at him. But she’d never believed him. Both Giles and Angel had told her that a soulless demon couldn’t feel real love. At the very best it was only obsession. But Buffy knew, in her heart, in her mind, down to the last bit of her soul, that you didn’t lie in your dreams. Sure, you might say things that didn’t make sense, depending on what you were dreaming about. Sometimes they were even crazy things, like in slayer dreams that didn‘t make sense at the time and needed to be worked out to understand them. But you didn’t lie, not to yourself, not when you were dreaming.
Hearing Spike grunt drew Buffys thoughts and her eyes back to him. His other hand had come up to his cock to join the first one. The left hand, fingers and thumb were messaging the head and first few inch’s of his cock. His right hand was wrapped around his cock further down, pumping up and down. As Buffy watched, both hands were busy on his cock, making it seem to swell and harden even more than previously. Words had stopped spilling from his mouth, there were only low rumbling grunts now. Suddenly Spikes legs tensed up and his head tilted back pressing it into his pillow. With a final grunt a thick stream of cum spurted out and splashed across his chest and one shoulder. A second spurt followed striking him under his chin and ran down both sides of his throat.
Buffy continued to stand on the ladder, transfixed by what she had just witnessed. Her mouth was filled with saliva that she had to keep swallowing or it would have spilled from her lips. A burning heat was spreading out from her womb making her entire body tingle and a wetness flooded from her pussy soaking her panties. When Spike rolled onto his side, pulling his pillow down to wrap his arms around it, he buried his face into it and mumbled out “Buffy” with such heart breaking sorrow that even Buffy, the Queen of Denial, could no longer hide from the truth. Spike loved her. He truly loved her.
The clarity of that thought was so stunning that Buffy nearly lost her balance on the ladder and did in fact drop the stake she had been holding since stepping down onto the ladder. As it fell, in what seemed slow motion, it first hit one of the lower rungs of the ladder, then clattered to the dirt and stone floor below. The noise the stake made seemed so loud in Buffys ears she was certain that it had to wake Spike up and in a near panic she was up the ladder and racing toward the still opened crypt door.
Buffy ran as hard as she could across the cemetery lawn, tripping twice and nearly twisting her ankle. Taking her shoes off she regained her feet then ran all the way home, ignoring any twigs or pebbles she might have stepped on. Getting to her house she discovered that she had left the house without her keys and scrambled up the tree next to the house and entered through her bedroom window. Collapsing on the floor Buffy gasped air into her lungs. With her breathing returning to normal the panic that had driven her to run abated. But on it’s heels was a truth that Buffy didn’t know how to comprehend. ‘A soulless vampires could love! Spike could love! Spike loved her!’
tbc
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