(Sunday, 1:30AM)
The memory and sensations of what had just happened whirled through her mind. Kissing him, wanting him, feeling him pressed against her body. Feeling his hand on her breast, feeling the hardness of his erection, wanting him inside of her, wanting to feel alive again. Feeling his lips against hers, feeling his lips against her throat and how it made her pulse pound. Seeing his full vampire face and knowing he was evil. The revulsion she felt, the panic that made her run, and the desire to kiss him again.
When she got home she went to the back porch and sat down on the steps. She buried her face in her arms and cried. She cried for her thoughts and her feelings, she cried for her wants and her needs. She cried for her revulsion and self loathing. And she cried for the pain in her heart that she felt whenever she was near him.
*********
(9:16AM)
Tara woke up late, she'd had a bad night sleeping, dreams of Buffy surrounded by fire had haunted her all night. Willow had already gotten up and left the room, leaving Tara to sleep as long as she wanted. When Tara stepped out of her bedroom to go to the bathroom to bathe she felt a queasiness in her stomach. As she walked down the hall the sensation increased as she neared the door to Buffy's room. When she entered the bathroom the sensation lessened a little. This disturbed Tara but she didn't know why. When she finished her shower and left the bathroom the queasiness increased again as she passed Buffy's door. She knew then that Buffy was still in her room and she was the cause of what Tara was feeling. Tara quietly opened Buffy's door and a wave of nausea past over her, she almost vomited as she stood there looking at Buffy still in her bed. She closed the door and went to her room where she dressed quickly and went downstairs.
When she entered the kitchen she noticed immediately that something wasn't right. Willows eyes were puffy from lack of sleep and she had dark circles under them. Dawn was sitting at the table with her breakfast in front of her, but wasn't eating. She had a frown on her face as if she were very angry about something. Even when they both looked up at Tara, neither one of them smiled at her. Tara was certain that the energies that Buffy was sending off were the cause of their mood.
Tara made a decision and picked up the phone and called Giles. When he answered the phone she told him it was important that he come over to Buffy's as soon as possible. She then called Xander and told him the same thing. She didn't explain why to either of them. When she hung up the phone she told both Willow and Dawn to come outside with her. Both of them were frowning at her as they got up from the table and Dawn even made a comment under her breath about 'stupid people making her do stupid things'.
As soon as she walked out of the house Tara could feel a difference. By the time she had walked the twenty or so feet to the picnic table she no longer felt queasy. When she turned around and looked at both Willow and Dawn she could see it in their faces that their dark mood was passing. Both of them, who just moments before had been frowning, were now smiling at her. Willow understood almost immediately that something very wrong was happening. Dawn wasn't sure what was happening, but she knew she was feeling much better once she was outside and had a puzzled look on her face. Tara didn't explain why, but insisted that they both sit down and meditate on their inner peace.
Giles was the first to arrive at the house and Tara went to the side of the house and motioned him to come to the backyard. She didn't explain why to him but asked him to go into the kitchen and stand there for a minute, then come back outside. Giles was puzzled but did as he was asked. When he came out of the house he was frowning and had an irritated look on his face. Tara was on the porch waiting for him. "Damn it Tara" he snapped out, "what is all this nonsense about?" Tara took his hand and led him out to the picnic table. As he walked away from the house the look of irritation left his face to be replaced by a look of shock. "Oh my lord" he whispered quietly. Tara asked him to please sit down and that she would explain everything soon.
Xander and Anya arrived a few minutes later, Tara called them into the backyard. She didn't explain why, but asked them to go into the kitchen. Anya wasn't in the house more than fifteen or twenty seconds before she came running outside looking sick. Xander followed her out with a frown on his face. Xander was the least sensitive of all of them to psychic emanations but even he was affected.
When she had them all sitting around the picnic table Tara started to explain. "What you all felt was Buffy, her psychic emanations to be exact. Buffy's aura is so dark right now that it is affecting anyone who is in the house. Being outside and a small distance from the house has lessened the effect on us, but it is still very strong. I believe that the reason it is so strong at this time is because Buffy is sleeping and isn't consciously trying to control her emotions. Whatever it is that is causing Buffy's dark aura has increased in power and is now affecting the rest of us. It is at a point now that it is actually a danger to us. I don't know how much harm it would actually do to us, but I don't think it's safe for any of us to go back into the house."
"What about Buffy" both Willow and Dawn asked at the same time?
"What can we do" Giles asked at the same time?
"It makes me sick" Anya said.
Xander didn't say anything for several moments while the others talked over each other with their questions. Instead he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Buffy's phone number. They all looked at him not understanding who he was calling until they heard the phone ringing inside the house. The phone rang and rang, at least twenty times before a sleep drugged voice answered the phone. "Buffy" Xander yelled into the phone "the house is under attack, were all outside, we need you fast."
As they all watched, Buffy's bedroom window flew up and she jumped out of it onto the roof, did a roll to gain her feet, ran to the edge and jumped to the ground. When she hit the ground she spun around looking in all directions looking for the attackers. When she saw all of them at the picnic table she started running toward them. The only clothing she had on was her panties. As she neared the picnic table Anya ran to the side of the yard and threw up on the grass. Tara grabbed Dawns arm and pushed her in Anyas direction. When Buffy saw them running away from her she stopped with a puzzled look on her face.
When Buffy stopped and tried to understand what was going on she took control of her conscious thoughts again. As she took control they could all feel the effect of her dark aura lessening. It was still there but not nearly as strong now. She started walking toward Xander slowly and asked him angrily "What's going on? Why did you tell me you were being attacked?"
"We are," he responded quietly "by you!"
Buffy stopped in her tracks and asked angrily "What are you talking about?"
Giles stepped forward and told her quietly "Buffy, while you were sleeping your aura was so dark that it was affecting all of us and made us leave the house. Your unconscious mind was sending out waves of dark energy that was making us all sick. Xander did the only thing he could do to wake you up and regain control of your thoughts." As he was talking to her he took off his tweed jacket and slipped over her shoulders to cover her nakedness.
"What are you talking about" Buffy asked again, this time with confusion showing in her voice.
Tara stepped in front of Buffy and opened her hand, she had a snow white crystal in her palm, and spoke three words of magic. The crystal turned black almost immediately. As they both looked at the crystal they could see that there were faint red streaks running through the black. "Buffy" Tara said to her in a soothing tone of voice "this is your aura, the life energy that you are emanating. It has been effecting all of us while you slept making us feel angry or sick. We had to leave the house to escape from your emanations."
As Buffy stood there looking at the crystal her anger faded and the red streaks faded too, but the crystal remained black. Buffy looked up from the crystal with confusion written all over her face. "I don't understand" she said slowly in a shaky voice.
"Buffy" Tara continued in a soothing tone "I have been monitoring your aura for several weeks. Ever since the Wicca Fair when the Crystal Readers crystal turned dark gray. I could feel your inner pain but I didn't know what was causing it, I still don't. But Buffy, it's been getting worse. We all thought whatever it is was getting better, your aura was starting to get lighter when we were all under the stress of hiding and then rebuilding your house. But as soon as the house was fixed your aura went black. We don't understand what's bothering you and you won't talk to any of us. We've tried to get you to open up to us and you keep closing us out. Please Buffy, we want to help you, but you have to let us in."
"I can't. You don't understand" Buffy choked out as tears started running down her cheeks.
"But we want to" Willow cried out as she came up to Buffy and tried to wrap her arms around her. "Buffy we love you, don't you know that? Please let us help."
Buffy backed away from Willow and wouldn't let her wrap her arms around her. "You don't understand" she cried.
"Fuck you" Dawn screamed as she ran up and slapped Buffy's face. "You don't care about anyone but yourself. We've all been sick worrying about you" Dawn continued to scream as tears ran down her face, "but do you care? No, you don't care about anyone but yourself!" Dawn turned away from Buffy and ran to Tara who took her in her arms to try to calm and soothe her.
"She didn't mean that Buffy" Willow said as tears ran from her own eyes down her face. She tried to move close to Buffy again but Buffy backed away. "Please Buffy, talk to us. Please let us help."
"You can't help me" Buffy screamed at all of them "no one can help me. You don't understand!" Buffy turned from all of them and ran into the house.
They all stood there for several minutes in shock. Dawn was crying uncontrollably and Tara was holding her tightly as she rocked her back and forth. Giles looked sick with worry and the stress of what had just happened. Xander started to go into the house to follow Buffy, but Anya wouldn't go, being near Buffy and the pain she was radiating made her sick. Xander hesitated, not wanting to leave Anya behind.
Willow started for the house and Giles followed behind her. They didn't know what they were going to do or what they were going to say to Buffy, but they had to try again to get through to her and get her to talk to them. As they entered the back door Buffy was running down the stairs and went out the front door. Giles rushed to the front door and could see Buffy running down the sidewalk. He was going to follow her but Willow grabbed his arm and stopped him. He understood immediately that Willow was correct, he would never be able to catch up to Buffy and even if he did how was he going to make her talk to him.
********
Buffy ran and ran, before she stopped she was on the other side of town. She was gasping for breath and holding her sides as she tried to draw air into her lungs. Tears started running down her face again, she couldn't stop herself. She had tried so hard to control herself in front of the others. She had thought that she could hide her inner turmoil from them and they would think that everything was alright with her.
She should have know better she told herself. How do you hide from the people, who know you better than anyone else, that things are not right with you. How do you hide your pain from a White Witch that can read your aura and capture it in a crystal. How do you hide from and exdemon that is so sensitive to your pain that it makes her sick and throw up.
The tears continued to flow as Buffy thought about her friends and about Dawn. The thought that Dawn didn't think she cared about her, that she didn't care about any of them, was a stab in her heart. The pain that Dawn must be feeling, that all of the others must be feeling because she wouldn't tell them what was wrong with her.
But how could she tell them? If she did it would only hurt them more. How could she tell them that when they brought her back to life they had ripped her out of heaven. How could she tell them that every moment of every day was a living hell for her. How could she tell them that the only thing that made her feel even a little bit alive was being with Spike. How could she tell them that all their love and concern for her was a burden that was grinding her down into the dirt. How could she tell them that the touch of an evil soulless monster was the only thing that made her feel alive.
********
(Monday, 1:47AM)
Spike was cutting through an alley as he headed for his crypt. He had been out since first dark in the hope that he would find Buffy. He had been checking her normal patrolling area all evening but hadn't found her. He wasn't certain what he would do or say if he did find her, but he felt he had to look. He hadn't realized at first what had made her run away the night before until she was gone for several minutes. It was his demon face that had shocked her and made her run. Seeing him in full vampire mode had been to much of a shock for her. She had pulled his face up from her neck to kiss him and saw him with his face on and she couldn't deal with it.
Suddenly Spike stopped and sniffed the air. It was Buffy's scent, she was near. He turned at the next alley and followed the scent. Looking up ahead of him, about a block away he could see her walking slowly. He also noticed immediately that she wasn't paying any attention to where she was going or what was happening around her. Spike knew that there was a vampire living in the basement of an old building just up ahead and Buffy was heading straight for it. He started running to catch up to her.
Spike was about a hundred feet away when a large vampire charged out from between two buildings and physically picked Buffy up and slammed her into a brick wall. He heard her head hit the wall like a watermelon hitting the ground and splitting open. He let out a roar that distracted the vampire just long enough for Spike to reach him. The other vampire was bigger than Spike but it didn't help him. Spike was in full vampire rage and he ripped the throat out of the other vampire in seconds. This did not kill the vampire immediately, it lived just long enough to feel Spike twist it's head around until he ripped it from the vampires neck and it turned to dust.
Spike rushed to Buffy's side. At first he thought she was dead, but after a few moments he could detect that she was breathing in ragged shallow breaths. He could also see that she had blood seeping from one of her ears and that the whole side of her head was swelling up. He wasn't sure what to do at first, he couldn't leave her where she was and go for help, another vampire could show up at any moment. He thought about where he was and realized that the hospital was about a mile away. He gently picked Buffy up in his arms and started walking as fast as he could toward the hospital, trying not to bounce her around to much.
As strong as he was and as fast as he could walk carrying Buffy, it still took Spike twenty minutes to reach the hospital. When he reached the Emergency Room doors he could barely stay on his feet. The night nurse on duty saw him come through the door and saw the blood dripping from Buffy's head. She let out a yell for help and started rushing toward them. She suddenly stopped and screamed again, she had just gotten close enough to Spike to see his vampire face. Spike lowered Buffy onto a couch in the ER lobby and on wobbly legs left the ER as fast as he could, he was in no shape to fight anyone and he knew that if he tried to stay he would have too. He also knew that no one would come near Buffy if he was still with her.
He was a block away from the hospital before he found a phone booth. He smashed the coin box open and used some of the scattered coins to call Buffy's home. The phone rang five or six times, it seemed like an hour, before it was answered by Willow. "Red" he croaked into the phone, "Buffy's been hurt, she's at the hospital. Get here as fast as you can, it's real bad." He hung up the phone and called Giles number. When Giles answered the phone he gave him the same message and hung up. He hadn't given either of them time to ask questions.
Spike went back to the hospital and hid in the shadows where he could keep an eye on the driveway and the door to the Emergency Room. He saw Giles car pull into the drive and stop directly in front of the ER doors. He jumped out of the car and ran into the hospital. About two or three minutes later Willow came down the drive and stopped her car directly behind Giles car. Willow jumped out of the drivers seat, Tara and Dawn jumped out of the passenger seat, they all ran inside the hospital. Spike knew there wasn't anything else he could do, but he couldn't leave. He continued to hide in the shadows watching the doors.
About thirty minutes went by before he saw Xanders car pull into the drive. He hadn't called Xander, that meant that Willow or someone else had called him. Xander drove into the parking lot to park. Before he and Anya could get out of the car Spike was next to it. Xander jumped at Spikes sudden appearance. Spike told him to tell Giles that he was outside and to come out and talk to him as soon as possible. It was about ten minutes later that both Giles and Xander came outside. They got into Giles and Willows cars and drove them from in front of the ER doors into the parking lot.
Spike was next to Giles car before it stopped. When Giles got out of his car Spike immediately asked how Buffy was doing, was she okay. Giles told him that Buffy was very badly hurt and was unconscious and appeared to be in a coma. He also mentioned that the people inside the hospital had been going on about how some kind of monster had brought her into the hospital.
Spike explained about what had happened to Buffy, how she hadn't been paying attention and how she got hurt. Xander had joined them and was listening to his account of what had happened. Spike explained that he couldn't leave Buffy where she had been hurt, it was to dangerous, and had carried her into the ER still in vampire mode. He was very concerned that he may have hurt her even more by carrying her to the hospital but he hadn't had any choice. Giles told him that one of the doctors had said that if she had gotten to the hospital any later than she had she probably would have died from loss of blood and shock. The doctor had also told him that he didn't know how long it would be before she woke up, if she ever did. Her injuries were very serious and no one could tell anything for sure until the swelling went down.
Giles gave Spike the keys to his car and to his apartment. He told Spike to go there and wait, he would call him and let him know if there was any changes. Spike didn't want to leave but knew he had to go back to his crypt or somewhere else before the sun came up. At least going to Giles place put him somewhere that had a phone. Giles and Xander left him and went back into the hospital.
*********
(9:30AM)
Spike had been at Giles place since before sun-up waiting for a call. He had been pacing the floor most of the time and had drank half a bottle of Giles brandy. When the phone rang he was picking it up before the second ring. Giles told him that Buffy was a little more stable at this time, but was still unconscious. Her head was still badly swollen and there was concerns of blood clots forming because of all the internal bleeding that had taken place. He told Spike to get some sleep and that he would call again if there was any change in her condition. Spike downed the rest of the bottle of brandy and fell asleep on the couch with the phone next to him.
When Giles got back from calling Spike the rest of the group were sitting in the chairs outside if the Intensive Care Unit where they had moved Buffy to from the ER. Xander was sitting hunched over with his elbows on his knees staring down at the floor. Anya was next to him brushing her hand gently across his shoulders trying to soothe him.
Dawn was lying across two armless chairs with her head resting in Taras lap. She was sleeping for the first time all night. Dawn had been almost hysterical when they first got the call that Buffy had been hurt. She was blaming herself for Buffy running away from the house the previous morning and for her being injured. She had been up till after 2:00AM waiting for Buffy to come home and had barely gone to bed when the call came she was in the hospital. It had taken all of Taras efforts to calm her down and to get her to lay down with her head in Taras lap.
Willow was pacing the floor and couldn't sit still. She had tried a dozen times to sit down but each time after a few minutes she was back up on her feet. Willow had dark circles under her eyes and they were red from crying. Willow was blaming herself too. She felt that somehow she had failed Buffy by not being able to help her. Willow couldn't stop the thoughts that Buffy might die and was forced to admit to herself that if Buffy died she didn't want to live without her. Willow loved Tara, but finally admitted to herself that she loved Buffy even more.
Giles was on the ragged edge himself. He wasn't blaming himself exactly for Buffy's injuries, but he was blaming himself for failing her in some way. He had been Buffy's Watcher for six years and he had seen her face things that no person should ever have to face. He had seen her save the world time after time. Deal with the heartbreak of broken relationships and the death of her mother. Fight against overwhelming odds and triumph. He had always been there for her and thought that she could, and would, always come to him when she needed help. But for whatever reason she hadn't come to him this time and he felt he had failed her. Ever since her death and being brought back to life things had been different between them.
At noon a doctor came out and told them that there hadn't been any changes. The swelling was still extensive, there was still a danger of blood clots, she was still unconscious and no one knew when she might wake up. He suggested that they all leave and get some rest and come back in the evening. No one wanted to leave in case there was a sudden change or Buffy woke up and no one was there for her. But at the same time they knew they needed some rest. Xander told them all that he was staying, period. The rest of them should get some rest and come back in the evening. He asked Willow to take Anya home and bring her back when she came back. Willow was also going to have to take Giles home because Spike had taken his car. It was decided that they would all come back a 6:00PM that evening.
*******
When Giles got back that evening Xander was sitting in the same chair he had been sitting in all day. There were half a dozen empty paper coffee cups stacked up and at least a dozen candy bar wrappers in a small trash can. Xander told him that there hadn't been any word of any changes. Ten minutes after Giles had arrived the rest of them showed up. Anya quietly handed Xander a bag with four cheeseburgers, two orders of fries and a milk shake in it. She gave him a hug and a kiss then sat down next to him while he ate. Willow didn't look like she had slept at all, the dark circles under her eyes were even darker now. Tara was tired also but had gotten a few hours sleep with Dawn. She had held Dawn in her arms until she fell asleep then fell asleep herself. Giles had to explain Buffys condition to Spike before he could lay down to rest himself and had only gotten a couple of hours sleep. Spike had paced the floor and drank most of an other bottle of brandy. Spike showed up at the hospital a half hour after full dark and stood off to one side by himself.
It was almost 10:00PM when the night ICU doctor came out and told them that the swelling had gone down a lot and with the anti-clotting medication they were giving Buffy the concern about blood clots was greatly reduced. He did tell them she was still unconscious and in a coma and that there was no way of telling when she would wake up. Everyone was reminded of all the months that Faith had been in a coma before she woke up.
*******
(Tuesday)
Xander had to go to work and Anya went to the Magic Shop. Dawn protested but went to school herself, but only with the promise that they would call her if anything changed in Buffys condition. Willow and Tara went to the hospital for the morning, they had afternoon classes they needed to attend. Giles rested in the morning and went to the hospital for the afternoon. In the evening they were all back again. There hadn't been any significant changes in Buffys condition.
*******
(*Dream*)
As she walked through the cemetery on patrol she noticed that everything seemed to be tinted red and yellow in color, as if the world was on fire. She looked around herself and the world seemed distorted with heavy black shadows obscuring her vision. She knew she was looking for something, but she couldn't remember what it was, or maybe who? When she stopped she found herself standing in front of a tombstone. The shadows were so dark that she had to kneel down to read what was on the tombstone [Buffy Anne Summers, 1981-2001, Beloved Sister, Devoted Friend, She Saved The World, A Lot]. As she knelt on the ground reading the tombstone she wondered who this was and why she had stopped.
"It's you Buffy" a voice said behind her.
When she turned around there was a man standing with his back against a mausoleum. He was dark and handsome and looked familiar to her. "Angel" she asked tentatively?
"It's me Buffy, I've been waiting for you" Angel said with a sad smile on his face. "I wanted to tell you that 'I love you'."
"But you left me" she said to him with a catch of pain in her voice. "You left me and went away."
"I know that I left" Angel said, as he spoke a tear of blood ran from one eye down the side of his face. "But I left you because I loved you. I wanted you to be happy."
"Happy" she said as the pain inside of her increased. "You ripped my heart out when you left. Was that suppose to make me happy?"
"No" Angel said as more tears of blood ran down his face "but I wanted to give you a chance to be happy. If I had stayed we could never have had 'true love', we did that once and I almost killed you."
"But I would have died for you" she choked out.
"I know" he replied softly "but I wanted you to live".
She doubled over with pain and tears ran from her eyes. When she looked back up he was gone.
*******
(Wednesday)
Willow had spent the whole day at the hospital, hoping that there would be an improvement. They had let her sit next to Buffy's bed for awhile in the afternoon and she had talked quietly to her, telling her that she was there and that she loved her. Giles had been there for a few hours in the morning but had left at noon. He came back in the evening. Tara brought Dawn to the hospital after school, but Dawn had cried so much that they had to leave the room. Xander came to the hospital after work with Anya, but Anya couldn't even go into the room to see Buffy, just getting near her made her feel sick. Tara had brought her crystals and had checked Buffy's aura, it was still black.
Spike came after dark and stood in the doorway looking at Buffy with the IV tubes sticking out of her and her head wrapped in a large bandage. She had a tube down her throat to keep her airway open and they were giving her oxygen to enrichen her blood. The only things the doctors were able to tell them was that she was stabilized for now and that under her eyelids her eyes were moving. They called it 'Rapid Eye Movement' and said that indicated that she was dreaming. They all had to leave the hospital a 10PM when visiting hours for the ICU were over.
*******
(*Dream*)
When Buffy opened her eyes the first thing she saw was Willows face smiling down at her. "Hey there sleepy head" Willow said softly, "I've been waiting for you."
"Hi Wil, what're you doing here" Buffy asked quietly?
Willow bent her head down and kissed Buffy on the lips. "Loving you" she whispered back.
"I love you too Wil" Buffy responded "but I meant 'Why are you here in my dreams'?"
"Cause you won't talk to me when your awake" Willow said sadly. "I love you so much and I want to help you so much, and it hurts me that you won't tell me what's hurting you."
"I can't tell you Wil" Buffy whispered, "if I did, it would just hurt you more."
"More than seeing you suffer everyday?" Willow asked as she bent her head and kissed Buffy again. "More than seeing your aura turn black and feeling your pain?"
"Yes" Buffy said quietly as tears started running from her eyes. "More than any of that, it would hurt you. I can't tell you Willow, I can't!" Buffy reached up to wipe the tears away, when she brought her hands down Willow was gone.
(*Dream*)
"Come on Buff, your going to be late" Xander cried out with a tone of laughter in his voice.
"Late for what" she asked grumpily as she crawled out of the open grave?
"To save the world" he laughed.
"What! Again?" she said as she started brushing the dirt off of her hands. As she did this she noticed that there was blood on her hands. She walked back to the grave and looked inside, she saw herself laying there with her eyes open and a smile on her lips.
(*Dream*)
"I'm glad your in pain you little bitch" Darla said as a smile spread across her vampire face. "You shouldn't have ever come back. Your fucking dead, don't you know that?"
"I didn't mean to come back" Buffy cried. "It wasn't my fault. I didn't do it."
"What difference does that make" Darla asked? "Your back aren't you? Your not suppose to be here, your suppose to be rotting in the ground. Your fucking friends broke the rules. Your only suppose to come back if your evil."
"Only if your evil" Buffy whispered with a note of puzzlement in her voice.
"That's it! That's it!" Darla screamed out as she danced around in circles. "That's why your back, your evil. Your evil!" Darla continued to dance around screaming "Your evil! Your evil!" and laughing at Buffy as she cried.
(Thursday)
When Giles walked into the ICU that morning he could sense that something was wrong. The normally pleasant nursing staff were all sitting around behind the nurses counter and none of them were attending to the patients. When he asked one of them how Buffy was doing, she turned her back on him and ignored his question. As he walked into Buffy's room to check on her he started feeling nauseous. He could also smell that she had peed in the bed and no one had cleaned her up or changed the sheets.
He went out to the nursing desk and started yelling at the nurses and told them that he would have their nursing licenses and sue the hospital if they didn't get in there and take care of Buffy immediately. Two of the nurses got up and reluctantly went in and cleaned Buffy and changed the sheets. As he watched them he could tell that they weren't being gentle about it. Just as they finished a third nurse came in and pulled the sheet down covering Buffy and pulled up her hospital gown. She spread Buffy's legs and roughly inserted a catheter up her urethra. When she finished she walked out of the room without pulling Buffy's gown down or the sheet up, Buffy laid there fully exposed. Giles had to go over and cover Buffy himself. As he stood next to her bed pulling down her gown and pulling up the sheet he thought that he was going to vomit.
He left the room as soon as he was done and hurried down the hall to a pay phone. He called Willows cell phone number and when she answered, he said "Willow, find Tara and bring her to the hospital immediately. Tell her to bring her crystals." Willow tried to find out what was wrong, but Giles just told her to hurry. Giles hurried back to Buffy's room and stood watch over her at the doorway, entering the room made him feel to sick.
Willow and Tara came rushing into the ICU ward about thirty minutes later. Willow looked almost hysterical, expecting the very worse. Giles stopped them and told Tara to go into the room first and check Buffy's aura immediately. Tara went into the room and withdrew a snow white crystal from her pocket and holding it over Buffy she quietly spoke three words of magic. The crystal almost immediately turned black with thin streaks of red running through it. When Tara came out of the room she showed the crystal to Giles and Willow. Giles led them out of the ICU and down the hall to the waiting area.
"Both of you, listen to me carefully, this is very serious" Giles said in a tone of voice that couldn't be ignored. He stared at both of them until he was certain that he had their full and undivided attention. "Buffy's emanations are affecting all of the staff and probably the patients on the ICU ward. The nurses are ignoring the patients and their duties. They wouldn't even go into her room until I threatened them. If we don't find a way to get control over Buffy's unconscious mind someone is going to die in there very soon. I'm also afraid that the affects of her emanations may spread through the rest of the hospital. Do either one of you have any ideas of what to do? Some kind of spell or shield that we can put around her?"
Willow was at a loss on what to do. She knew how to cast a shield to prevent someone from getting near Buffy, but she had no idea how to stop the emanations from getting out of Buffy. Tara told Giles that she had been searching for a spell for weeks to protect everyone at home from Buffy's aura, but the best she had been able to do was lessen the effects, not block them. She also told him that since Buffy's aura had turned black, especially when it had the red streaks in it, the spell barely worked at all.
Giles told Willow that he wanted her to stay with Buffy to make sure she didn't come to any harm. He was going to take Tara back to the Magic Shop to see if they could find a stronger spell and whatever ingredients she might need to make it work. He warned her not to go into the room with Buffy, her aura could be dangerous to Willow if she stayed to close to it. Giles and Tara hurried out of the hospital and Willow went back to the doorway of Buffys room.
When Giles and Tara got back to the hospital two hours later they didn't see Willow outside of Buffy's doorway. When they approached the door they saw Willow sitting in a chair near Buffy. Willow heard them and jumped out of her chair and ran up to them.
"Where the fuck have you been you stupid bitch" she screamed at Tara as she slapped her hard across the face. "How long does it take to read a fucking book? Have you two been out fucking somewhere together? You fucking whore! You fucking slut!"
Giles could see the red print of Willows hand on Tara's face, and the shock of what had just happened had stunned her. Giles grabbed Willows arm roughly as she tried to slap Tara again and started pulling her down the hall away from Buffy's room. Willow started yelling at him and calling him obscene names. Giles ignored her and kept pulling on her until he had her outside of the hospital. Almost as soon as they were out the door Willow stopped cussing and resisting him. By the time he got her to her car in the parking lot she was back to normal. It was then that she realized what she had just said and done to Tara and to Giles. She started crying and tried to apologize to Giles. She wanted to go back inside and tell Tara how sorry she was but Giles wouldn't let her. He told her to shut up and stay outside. The effects of Buffy's emanations had overwhelmed her and if she went back inside they would do it again. He told her he had to get back inside to Tara and help her.
When Giles got back to Buffy's room Tara had two white candles lit and a small clay smudge pot of herbs were burning. She was sprinkling some powdery substance onto the herbs and the color of the smoke coming off of them changes colors each time she added a new substance. She was chanting the whole time she was doing this and when the last powder turned the smoke white she spoke a magic word that made the smoke spread all around the room with a scent of new mown grass. Giles was standing at the doorway and could feel the healing effect of the spell.
After Tara blew out the candles and covered the smudge pot to make it stop burning she turned away from Buffy and looked toward him. He could still see the red mark on her face and was quite certain that it would be black and blue by tomorrow. He could also see that she was looking a little gray from being so close to Buffy, even for a short period of time. Giles realized then that the more sensitive a person was to another's emanations the harder the effect would be on them. This made it doubly dangerous for both Tara and Willow to be anywhere near Buffy for more that a short period of time. He was also fairly certain that it wouldn't be very safe for him either.
Giles led Tara out of the room and into the hallway outside of Buffy's room. He noticed right away that the nurses were more busy and attending to other patients. They were all running around almost in a panic trying to catch up on work and patient care they hadn't done all morning. Tara was standing there crying softly with her head hanging down. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder. When she stopped crying he walked her out of the ICU ward and out of the hospital. They were almost to Willows car when Willow ran up to them. Willow was crying, her nose was running and she had the hiccups. She threw her arms around Tara and begged her for her forgiveness and told her how sorry she was repeatedly. With her crying and the hiccups breaking up what she was trying to say it was almost funny. Or at least Tara must have thought so, because she was smiling at Willow and had pulled a tissue out of her pocket and was holding it to Willows nose while Willow blew her nose into it. Giles left them to make up in their own way and went back into the hospital.
For the rest of the afternoon Giles sat outside of Buffy's room. He kept his eye on her, but he also kept an eye on the nursing staff. He believed that if they started neglecting their duties again he would have to call Tara and have her do the spell again. Because Buffy was unconscious she couldn't eat food so they had her on IV's to give her the nutrients she needed. When he noticed that the bag to her IV was empty he had to go get a nurse to hook up a new one. The nurse seemed to be very reluctant to go into the room and only did it because Giles was right there watching her the whole time. As soon as the bag was hooked up the nurse rushed out of the room. Giles stood in the room for several minutes watching Buffy and could feel the nausea building up inside of him. He left the room and felt better immediately.
At 6PM Xander showed up, Anya was in the waiting room, that was as far as she could come before she started feeling sick. Giles went with Xander back to the waiting room. At 6:30PM Willow, Tara and Dawn showed up. Willow seemed very nervous and admitted that she was feeling a little sick to her stomach. Tara seemed under control but her face was starting to bruise where Willow had slapped her. Dawn wasn't complaining of any nausea, but she was as nervous as a cat. Giles would only let her go to the doorway of Buffy's room and look in on her for a few minutes before he made her return to the waiting room.
They were all out in the waiting room talking when Spike showed up after dark. Giles explained to him what had happened and how it was affecting everyone, including himself. Giles also explained that he was very concerned about the effect Buffy might have on the rest of the hospital. Spike listened but didn't say anything. He walked past Giles and the rest of them and went through the doors into the ICU ward. He had only gone to the door of Buffy's room before. This time he went into the room and pulled up a chair and sat next to her bed. Giles tried to tell him it wasn't safe to stay in the room, but Spike just smiled at him and let his face go all vampire, then changed it back.
Giles went out to the waiting room and told everyone that apparently Buffy's dark emanations didn't have any effect on Spike because he was a vampire. Tara told them it was more than just that. Because of the chip in his head Spike couldn't act out on his own evil desires, but the demon inside of him was already as dark as any emanations that Buffy was giving off. That's why they didn't seem to have any effect on Spike. The idea that only a soulless vampire could be near Buffy without it affecting him sent a chill through Giles entire body.
Giles told Xander to take Anya home, there was no point in them staying and it was only making Anya feel sick. Xander agreed reluctantly but did it anyway. Giles then asked Willow to take Dawn home. Tara needed to stay and Giles promised to bring her home later, but he thought it was best if they got Dawn away from Buffy just in case Buffy's emanations might affect her again. Willow didn't want to go, she wanted to stay with Tara. Giles reminded her that she had already been strongly affected earlier in the day and needed to stay away from Buffy. Tara agreed with him and with her urging Willow finally agreed and took Dawn home.
Around 9PM they started to notice that the nursing staff had started to act strangely again and were ignoring their patients. Tara went back into Buffy's room and performed her spell again. Spike had stepped out into the hall while she did the spell. When the scent of new mown grass reached him in the hallway he doubled over in pain and rushed out of the ICU into the waiting room. Apparently the cleansing spell had an effect on him that no one had expected.
Giles made sure that the nurses hooked up a new IV bag before he would leave the ICU. Out in the waiting area he offered Spike a ride back to his crypt. Spike refused and told Giles that with Buffy in the hospital he had been walking her patrol for the past couple of nights. Giles was dumbfounded, he hadn't even thought about patrolling since Buffy came into the hospital, his thoughts had been only for her. On the ride home Giles and Tara agreed that he would pick her up at the house at 6AM and take her back to the hospital so that she could perform the cleansing spell again.
********
(*Dream*)
"Your such a fucking cry baby" Faith said to Buffy as they walked patrol together. "Your always doing it, whining about how bad things are for you. You don't even give a thought to how hard it is for others."
"That's not true" Buffy said in a hurt tone of voice.
"Yes it is" Faith responded, "your doing it right now. Every time something happens all you can think of is 'Poor Me'. Don't you ever get tired of it?"
"I don't know what your talking about" Buffy replied, sounding even more hurt than before.
"Sure you do! What about Angel? When he left it almost killed him. He had to fight against himself everyday not to come back to you" Faith said "and all you could think about was yourself."
"You don't understand" Buffy whined "I loved him so much I thought I was going to die."
"What? You think he didn't feel the same way" Faith snapped back at Buffy? "Why the hell do you think he left? He loved you so much that he left you so you could find someone else that could make you happy. How do you think that made him feel? He knew that if he didn't leave, sooner or later the two of you would end up in bed again and he would become Angelus and try to kill you. Damn, your a selfish bitch."
"That's not true" Buffy said as tears ran from her eyes.
"Hey, don't pull that bullshit with me" Faith responded scornfully. "I know better. Look what you did to that poor schmuck Riley! He gave you everything he had; his love, his life, fuck he would have given you his soul. And what did you do? All he ever wanted from you was your love. Try to remember B, did you ever tell him you loved him?"
"Of course I did" Buffy responded angrily.
"No you didn't!" Faith said sadly. "In the whole time he was with you, you didn't tell him even once that you loved him. Sure you fucked his brains out, but you never told him that you loved him or that you needed him. You broke his fucking heart, and you were so wrapped up in yourself you didn't even notice."
"But there were things happening then" Buffy sobbed out, "Glory, Dawn, Mom, the 'End of the World', lot's of things that he didn't understand and I couldn't explain to him."
"Why not? Would it have killed you to tell him your problems and let him see how scared you were or let him see you cry?"
"I couldn't" Buffy cried "I had to be strong. Not just for me, but for everyone."
"Bullshit!" Faith snapped back at Buffy. "Do you have any idea how much pain you have caused to everyone that loves you by that 'I have to be strong' shit? Willow loves you more than life itself. My God, she risked her life and her soul to bring you back to life, and did you even thank her? Fuck no! Not little 'I got to be strong, got to suffer in silence, got to fucking hurt everyone that loves you'."
"But I do have to be strong. I have to protect them. They don't understand what they did. If I tell them it would crush them" Buffy said.
"How the fuck do you know what it would do? Sure it might hurt them and make them a little sad, but do you really think they wouldn't have done it anyway? My God B, the pain that they felt with you gone was crushing all of them. Willow crossed over to the dark side to bring you back. Do you think she would regret it or something? And Xander, what about him? You know he's been in love with you from the moment her first saw you, don't you? You have to know that he would die for you! Hell, he's almost got himself killed a hundred times for you. He brought you back to life by himself when the Master killed you, and if it hadn't been for his love for you Willows spell would never have worked. Remember when you fought Adam, Xander was the heart, his love made it happen. Do you think he would regret bringing you back to life? And the rest of them, all your friend, all the people that love you so much. Do you really think any of them wouldn't want you back no matter what? Do you really think that any of them would take it all back if they could?"
"I don't know" Buffy said sadly, "I just know I can't tell them."
"Like I said B, you really are a selfish bitch" Faith replied as she shook her head.
When Buffy turned to speak to her, Faith was gone.
(*Dream*)
As Buffy stood there looking down at her hands she could see that they were covered with blood. She could see that it wasn't her own and wondered where it had come from. She looked around and saw Spike lying on the ground. His face was battered and blood was running from his nose and mouth and from abrasions all over his face. She realized that the blood on her hands was his.
"It's okay Pet" Spike croaked out between his battered lip, "I still love you, no matter what."
"You don't love me Spike" Buffy screamed at him. "You can't love anyone, you don't have a soul, your evil!"
"What's that got to do with love" Spike asked as a spasm of pain wracked his body.
"It has everything to do with love" she screamed. "You can't love anyone if you don't have a soul, you can't feel love if your evil."
"I can love you, Buffy" Spike said as he coughed and more blood ran from his mouth "until the end of time."
Buffy screamed with rage and jumped on top of Spike, straddling him, and started beating his face with her fists again. "You can't love me! You don't love me!" she screamed as she hit him again and again.
"Until the end of time" Spike whispered as he faded away.
*********
(Friday)
When Giles pulled into the driveway Tara stepped out of the door and walked to the car. Willow was at the door and waved at him. He waved back and once Tara was in the car backed out of the driveway and drove to the hospital. Taras face had a large bruise from where Willow had slapped her yesterday and it must have hurt quite a bit, but she smiled at Giles anyway.
When they walked through the hospital doors Tara stumbled and almost fell. She looked over at Giles and could tell that he was feeling it too. The spell hadn't lasted the night and it's influence had spread through the whole hospital. As they hurried down the halls they could see staff sitting around doing nothing and ignoring their patients. They came around a corner and almost walked into the middle of a fist fight in the hall between two men dressed in hospital blues. They eased past the men and hurried on to the ICU. When they walked through the doors they could hear that someone behind the nursing station had turned on a radio very loudly. They looked over the counter and saw a nurse lying on the floor sleeping, she had an empty wine bottle lying on the floor next to her. They didn't see any other staff and lights from several patients call buttons were lit up on the board.
They hurried to Buffy's room, Tara went first with Giles right behind her. He had barely entered the room when he was hit by a wave of nausea that doubled him over. He backed out of the room and threw up on the floor. Tara lit the candles and started the smudge pot burning. She started chanting and sprinkling ground up powders onto the burning herbs. She continued chanting and adding powders to the coals for over fifteen minutes before the smoke finally turned white and she spoke three magic words. The smoke spread around the room and out into the hall, the scent of new mown grass was very strong. Tara covered the clay pot and blew out the white candles before she ran from the room and vomited on the floor.
It took ten minutes before Giles and Tara were feeling back to normal. It was another ten minutes before a nurse came out of a room down the hall yawning as if she had just woke up. Giles looked around and found a mop and cleaned up his and Taras vomit from the floor. At 7AM the day shift people came straggling through the door and woke up the nurse sleeping on the floor and turned off the radio. They started going around to the different ICU rooms checking on the patients, but none of them went in to check on Buffy. Tara found a bag of fluids for Buffy's IV and went back into the room and changed it herself. The one that was hooked up to the IV was empty and looked like it had been empty for hours. When Tara came out of Buffy's room she looked gray.
Giles took her arm and led her out to the waiting area, even standing outside of Buffy's room was to close to her emanations for both of them. Tara told Giles that the spell had failed some time during the night and it had taken all of the spell ingredients she had to make it work this time. She had used three times the amount that she had used yesterday and it was barely enough. She told him that Buffy's emanations were getting stronger and stronger and showed him the crystal, it was jet black and had large red streaks running through it. She would have to go back to the Magic Shop for more ingredients before she could cast the spell again and each time she cast the spell it seemed to last a shorter time and be less effective than the time before.
As they were standing outside the ICU, two orderlies wheeled an emergency cart out of the door with a dead body on it. Someone in the ICU had died last night, either from the effects of the emanations or from lack of care by the nurses due to the effects of the emanations. They both watched the cart go by, the orderlies hadn't even covered the face of the man who had died. The spell was working, but not the way it had worked the day before.
Giles knew that they had to get Buffy out of the hospital as soon as possible, but where could they take her? They couldn't take her to a different hospital, the same thing would happen again. They couldn't take her home, her emanations would overwhelm everyone there in no time at all. What were they going to do? He was sitting with his head bent in despair when the idea of taking her to Spikes crypt came to him. At first it seemed like a ridiculous idea, but as he thought about it some more it seemed more and more like the only choice. Spike seemed to be the only one of them that could get anywhere near Buffy without being affected by her dark aura. He didn't like the idea, but he couldn't see any other option available. He told Tara what he had been thinking and reluctantly she agreed with him, they had to get Buffy out of the hospital before the emanations got any stronger and more people died or got hurt.
Giles went looking for a doctor, it took over fifteen minutes to find one. When he told the doctor that he wanted to take Buffy home and care for her himself, the doctor was indifferent and said he could care less. He told Giles that he could take all of the patients with him if he wanted, they were all just parasites anyway. Giles made the doctor find and sign the discharge papers for Buffy. He then went through the halls until he found a cart to put her on. With the help of Tara he got Buffy onto the cart and wheeled her out of the ICU and down the halls to the Emergency Room. An ambulance was parked outside with the keys in it and no one watching it. They loaded Buffy into the ambulance, Giles gave Tara his keys and told her to follow him. He drove away from the hospital as fast as he could safely drive. Twice on the way to Spikes crypt the idea passed through his mind that he should just crash the ambulance into a tree. He was only able to overcome the compulsion with difficulty.
When they got to the cemetery Giles drove the ambulance across the grass and stopped in front of the door to the mausoleum. He got out of the ambulance and had to walk fifty feet away and catch his breath and clear his mind for ten minutes before he could force himself to approach the ambulance again. They couldn't use the cart to wheel her inside the mausoleum, the broken door wouldn't open enough for that to work. Tara gathered up the dozen nutrient bags for the IV and lead the way. Giles picked up Buffy in his arms and carried her inside. He had to fight against the compulsion to drop her at every step of the way. He laid her down on top of one of the sarcophagus inside and ran back outside to vomit.
Tara yelled down the hole to the underground crypt for Spike to hurry to the upper level. Spike poked his head through the opening a minute later. He immediately saw Tara standing over by the open door and Giles outside. He then noticed Buffy lying on top of the sarcophagus, wrapped in a blanket with an IV tube still in her arm and the bag lying on her chest. He came the rest of the way up and walked over to Buffy, she was still unconscious and unaware of anything around her. Tara waved him over to the door. He stayed away from any direct sunlight and approached the door from the shadowed side.
Giles talked to him from outside and explained what had happened at the hospital and why he had brought Buffy to Spikes crypt. He was her only chance of recovery, no one else could get near her for long enough to care for her. Giles told him about the IV and the bags of nutrient fluids she had to have since she couldn't eat in her condition. Tara offered to come back inside and show him how to hook a bag up. Spike told her he already knew how to do it. Giles told him they would get more bags later today and would bring him some blood so he wouldn't have to leave the crypt.
Before they left, Spike suggested that Tara cast her cleansing spell in the upper level of the crypt before she left, but after he got Buffy below ground. He told them both that with Buffy sending off as much dark energy as she was, it would draw every vampire and demon in the area to his crypt. Tara told him that she was all out of the ingredients, she had used it all at the hospital. Giles told Spike they would go get some more and come back later. He handed his cell phone in through the door to Spike for emergency use, if needed.
As soon as they were gone Spike pushed the mausoleum door shut and wedged it closed. It wouldn't keep anyone out who was determined to get inside, but it would warn him if they tried. He gently picked Buffy up in his arms and carried her slowly and carefully down the ladder to the crypt below and down the hall to his vault and placed her gently into his bed. He hurried back upstairs and got the box of IV bags, pulled the slab closed over the hole, and carried the box to his vault.
He found a piece of wire and made a hook to hang the IV bag from one of the beds posts. He checked the needle to make sure it hadn't pulled loose and that the fluid was running properly. He moved Buffy around in the bed gently to position her in a better position, pulled up her gown to check the catheter and hung urine bag off the side of the bed, then pulled the covers up around her. He then sat down on the bed next to her and gently brushed a strand of hair off of her face to one side. He looked down at her and made a promise he would take good care of her.
********
Giles drove the ambulance back to the hospital and parked it near the Emergency Room door, got out of it quickly, got into the car with Tara and drove away. They didn't see anyone when they dropped off the ambulance and hoped that everything was okay and back to normal in the hospital by now. Tara told him that things should have started getting back to normal shortly after they took Buffy away. He prayed that she was correct.
He drove straight to the Magic Shop and Tara started mixing the ingredients for the cleansing spell. She made a triple batch and hoped it would be enough, she had just used up the last of one of the ingredients that Giles had in the shop, more would have to be ordered. When she told Giles this he had Anya place a large order for all of the ingredients, with a rush on delivery.
Giles called Willow who was still at home waiting for him to bring Tara back from the hospital. He explained what had happened and where they took Buffy. Willow wanted to go to the cemetery and help Spike care for Buffy. He told her absolutely not to do it, being near Buffy was dangerous for all of them, except for Spike. He told her to come to the Magic Shop and help him look for some way to shield all of them from Buffy's dark aura so that they could go near her. They also needed to find a way to keep her emanations from spreading out and having an affect on other people.
Willow was at the shop in fifteen minutes and worked with Giles for over an hour trying to find a spell or shield that would protect them when they went to see Buffy. Tara finished mixing the ingredients for the cleansing spell and got new white candles from storage. When she had everything ready Giles drove her back to Spikes crypt, Willow came along too. Giles had just entered the gates of the cemetery and could already feel the effects of Buffy's dark emanations. As he got nearer to the crypt the affect on him became stronger. Willow and Tara were even more sensitive to the emanations and were both feeling sick.
They had to force the door open, which alerted Spike. Giles shouted at the slab covering the hole and Spike moved it aside from below. They asked how Buffy was doing and Spike told them that she seemed okay. Willow wanted to go below to see Buffy but when she approached the hole leading down below she started feeling even more nauseated than before and dizzy. Spike went back down the ladder and closed the slab behind him. Giles and Willow went outside and Tara spent the next fifteen minutes cleansing the upper area and hopefully the area surrounding the crypt. When she came out of the crypt Tara was very pale from the strain Buffy's aura had put on her natural defenses. They got into the car and drove back to Buffy's house to rest.
********
(*Dream*)
"Come on Buffy, you have to wake up now" Giles whispered as he gave her a gentle shake as he sat on the edge of the bed. "There's a monster under the bed and you have to kill it."
"I don't want to Daddy" she said as she tried to pull the covers up over her head. "The monsters scare me!"
"But you have to Buffy" Giles said more sternly as he pulled the covers back down. "It's your destiny. You have to kill the monsters to make the world safe."
"But they hurt me Daddy" she said as tears formed in her eyes.
"I know they do Sweetheart" Giles said as he brushed the tears from her eyes. "But you have to do it, your the Hero in the story, without you they will kill us all."
"But they will kill me if I do" she cried.
"But Willow will bring you back Buffy" Giles said as he smiled at her. "Willow will always bring you back, because we need you."
"I don't want to come back Daddy" she sobbed, "I want to be happy."
"Your not suppose to be happy Buffy" Giles said as he held out a big wooden stake to her. "Your the Slayer. Slayers never get to be happy, they just kill the monsters so the rest of us can be happy."
"That's not fair Daddy" she said as she took the big stake into her little hand.
"I never told you it would be fair" Giles said as he picked her up and set her down on the floor. "Now crawl under there and kill the monsters."
As she crawled under the bed she could see the glowing eyes and the big fangs on the monsters face. She started crying again but she kept crawling nearer and nearer to the monster because Daddy said she was the Slayer and she had to do it to save the world. When the monster jumped forward and bit her she screamed and screamed as she stabbed it again and again with the big wooden stake.
*********