"What Slayer? Not even a thank you" Spike asked with a tone of pain and irritation in his voice.
Buffy stopped, turned back, walked up to him and stood in front of him, close. He was leaning against the concrete vault because he was to weary to stand without aid. Buffy stepped forward and placed her hands on each side of his face and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, not a kiss of passion. She looked him in the eyes and said "Thank you Spike." She turned around and walked out of the crypt and back to her car. She drove home and parked the car, got out and went into the house. She could hear Willow and Tara, they were still in the bathroom. Buffy walked through the house and out the backdoor. She sat down on the steps, bent over with her face buried in her arms resting on her knees and started crying quietly. Long sobs of quiet pain and loneliness racked her body as the tears ran down her face.
Buffy was still sitting on the porch when Willow found her. The tracks of her tears had washed trails through the dirt and soot on her face. Buffy tried to wipe the tears away but only succeeded in smearing them across her face. Willow seeing the state she was in sat next to her and put her arms around her.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Willow asked with deep concern in her voice. Buffy just shook her head and tried to turn away from her. "No Buffy, tell me, please!" Willow said as she pulled Buffy back into her arms.
"It's nothing, honest" Buffy said in a voice still choked with tears.
"Please Buffy, let me help you" Willow said with emotion choking her voice.
"It's nothing Wil" Buffy said as she tried to force herself back under control. "It's just that these pants are ruined, and the shoes. I think the jacket can be saved, I don't know. I really liked these pants. Mom bought them for me, I really like them."
As Buffy was rattling on, Willow had pulled her around so that they were face to face. Buffy tried to turn her head away but Willow wouldn't let her. Suddenly Buffy burst into tears, threw her arms around Willow and buried her face into her shoulder. Sobs racked her body as she cried. Buffy cried so hard that she was having difficulty breathing, but she couldn't stop. Willow held her and tried to soothe her. Willow heard a sound and looked up. Tara was at the door watching them. Willow looked at Tara with a plea for help in her eyes. Tara stepped out of the door and sat on the other side of Buffy and wrapped her arms around her also. Buffy was held between both women as she continued to cry, unable to stop the tears once they had started.
Buffy cried for a long time with both women holding her, whispering words of love and support, trying to sooth her. Neither one knew what to say to ease her pain. Finally the crying ended with hiccups, the tears were still there but the deep racking sobs had stopped.
"I'm sorry guys" Buffy choked out. "I didn't mean for this to happen. Please, I'm sorry!"
"Sorry for what Buffy?" Willow asked with deep concern. Willow hadn't seen Buffy cry like this since Angel broke up with her and she thought she was going to die of a broken heart. "Tell us Buffy, what are you sorry about? Please tell us, we love you."
Buffy sat with her head hanging, as if in shame, and silent tears dripped from her eyes. "I almost got all you guys killed tonight. I shouldn't have let you go with me. I didn't have a plan, I just went in there, acting stupid. You could all have been killed or hurt and it would have been my fault. I'm the Slayer, I'm suppose to fight evil. But you guys.... I'm sorry!"
"Buffy!" Willow said. "Buffy you might be the Slayer, but were the Scoobies, remember? We go with the Slayer, we fight the evil too. We always fight the evil together, we always have. You didn't make us go with you. You didn't let us go. We made our own decisions. When you weren't here we went without you, remember? Were in this just like you, we fight the evil too!"
Buffy raised her head to look at Willow to see if she meant what she was saying. She could see that she did mean it. She turned her head to look at Tara and saw the same truth in her eyes. They went with her tonight because they loved her and because they were just as much a part of the fight against evil as Buffy. If she hadn't come back from the dead they would have gone into those sewers without her. They would have fought and they might have died, but they would have gone, with or without her. Buffy took a deep breath and got herself back under control as she smiled a weak and pathetic smile at two of the people she loved most in the world.
Willow and Tara helped Buffy to stand up and walked her into the house and up the stairs. They took her to the bathroom and undressed her and helped her into the tub. They ran the water and between them they bathed her and washed her hair. They helped her out of the tub and dried her. Tara went to Buffys room and brought back a nightgown and helped her into it. They didn't take Buffy to her own room, they took her to theirs and put her to bed between them. Buffy laid there drained of all energy with the arms of both women wrapped around her and fell into a deep sleep.
When Dawn got home at fifteen minute past noon she expected to hear from Buffy immediately about being late, but the house was silent. She walked to the kitchen, it was empty. She looked out the window to the backyard and no one was there either. 'I don't like this' Dawn thought to herself. She went up the stairs to Buffys room, the door was open, Buffy wasn't there and the bed was made. 'I don't like this' Dawn thought again, 'where is everybody?' She went to Willows door and opened it, the room was dark with the drapes closed, but she could see that someone was in bed. 'I really don't like this' she thought as she walked closer to the bed. When she got close enough she could see that Willow, Buffy and Tara were all in bed and that Willow and Tara had their arms around Buffy who was between them. Dawns eyes widen, not at Buffy being in bed with them, but at the quiet way they were all laying there in bed. Dawn took in a quick breath as near panic and fear raced through her thoughts. She started to reach out to touch them to see if they were alive when Tara opened her eyes. Tara lifted her hand to her mouth and held one finger in front of her lips to signal to be quiet. Dawn noticed that Willow had her eyes open too and was looking at her. Buffy laid between them not moving, but breathing deeply as she slept. Dawn didn't know what was going on and she was very concerned but she backed out of the room and closed the door behind her. She started for her room but felt the need to pee and went to the bathroom. When she opened the door she saw Buffys clothes on the floor where they had been dropped, damp towels were on the floor and the tub hadn't been cleaned. Cleaning up after yourself in the bathroom was a house rule that everyone obeyed. Seeing the mess on the floor Dawn knew that something had happened last night that was serious. She didn't know what, but whatever it was it scared her.
Dawn left the bathroom and went quietly down the stairs to the living room. She picked up the phone but didn't know who to call. Should she call Giles? What would she say, she didn't know anything. As she sat there trying to make up her mind what to do, Tara came quietly down the stairs. Dawn started to speak but Tara signaled her to keep quiet. She motioned to Dawn and they left the living room and went to the kitchen. Dawn was in a near panic not knowing what was going on and why were they being so quiet. Was Buffy hurt? Was she sick? What was going on?
Tara wrapped her arms around Dawn and kissed her on the cheek to reassure her. She made Dawn sit down and started fixing her something to eat and made coffee. She told Dawn that Buffy was alright but was sleeping and they didn't want to wake her. She explained about going into the sewers to fight the demons and vampires and how Buffy had sort of come apart after she got home. Dawn wanted to know why? Tara explained that apparently Buffy had felt guilty for letting them all go into danger with her where they could have been hurt or killed. Dawn didn't understand, didn't Buffy realize that they were all apart of the fight as much as her. Tara just smiled at her sadly. "It's not that simple Dawnie. Buffy thinks she has to protect us all from harm and last night she almost couldn't do it. She thinks she failed us somehow."
The smell of coffee worked it's way up through the house and the aroma made Buffys nose twitch. She opened her eyes to find herself in Willows bed with Willows arms holding her. She turned her head and Willow was right there looking into her eyes. "Good morning sleepy head" Willow said to her in a quiet but loving tone of voice. "Thought you were going to sleep all day" she said smiling.
"I'm sorry Willow" Buffy said in a whisper.
"I'm not" Willow said as she place a light kiss on Buffys nose, "I'm not sorry at all."
"You know what I mean, last night, falling apart, crying jag. I'm sorry" Buffy said in a hesitant tone of voice.
"I'm not. I'm not sorry at all" Willow said again as she kissed Buffy lightly on the lips. Willow laid there looking into Buffys eyes trying to reassure her that she meant what she had just said. "Are you hungry? Tara just went downstairs to fix Dawn something to eat. If we go down she will fix us something too."
"Dawns home? What time is it?" Buffy asked as she tried to sit up.
"Don't worry about Dawn, she's fine" Willow said to her as she held her from sitting up. "How are you?"
Buffy looked into Willows eyes and said "I'm fine, now, thanks to you and Tara."
"Good, then get your lazy bones out of bed and will get something to eat" Willow said as she released her hold on Buffy and sat up herself.
When Willow and Buffy came downstairs and entered the kitchen Tara was just putting some pancakes on a plate for Dawn. She looked at Buffy and smiled at her with that sad but beautiful smile of hers. Buffy took Tara into her arms and hugged her. Dawn had sat there quietly, but when Buffy looked her way she just smiled at her. Tara was asking Buffy if she was hungry when there was a knock on the front door. Willow went to the door to see who was there. It was Giles, Xander and Anya, bearing gifts, or at least paper bags. When she let them in they all went into the kitchen. Xander had picked up two dozen donuts and a gallon of milk. Giles had brought two dozen eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns, a pound of gourmet coffee, and a gallon of orange juice. He immediately joined Tara at the stove and helped to fix a very late and very large breakfast for all of them. For the rest of the day it was almost like a party. Everyone was talking and laughing about something with someone. They all ate more than was good for them but enjoyed it immensely. Buffy was the center of their attention and they all told and showed her in every way possible that they loved her with all their hearts. When the evening progressed Giles got on the phone and ordered three pizzas. He went out to the car and brought in two bottles of wine, a six pack of beer and a large bottle of root beer for Dawn. No one wanted to leave, they wanted to be with each other and with Buffy. Music was turned on and Xander danced with all the ladies when they weren't dancing with each other.
Buffy was enjoying herself and the company of her friends. She sat on the couch watching Xander slow dance with Dawn while Giles danced with Anya and Willow danced with Tara. They were all having fun and Buffy watched them, feeling love for them all and knowing they were feeling the same way for her and each other. They were all together, the Scoobies. Together in love and together in their fight against evil, but always together.
As this thought passed through her mind she thought about who was missing, Spike wasn't here. Spike who had been with them last night and had fought as hard as anyone. Spike who had warned them of the danger and helped them find it and fight it. Spike who had been the only one of them who had been seriously hurt. Spike who was alone somewhere, maybe in pain as he healed. Spike who said he loved her. Spike who didn't have a soul and was evil. A tear ran from Buffys eye and she hurriedly wiped it away. She wasn't going to start crying again and spoil things for everyone.
When Giles came over and offered to dance she got up and danced with him, then Xander, then Willow. It was eleven o'clock when the party broke up and Xander, Anya and Giles left for their homes. Willow and Tara cleaned up and Dawn carried the trash out without a fuss. They locked up the house and everyone went to bed, Buffy had to go to work in the morning at 8AM and work till 6PM.
At three in the morning Buffy woke up and went downstairs. She opened the backdoor and stood on the porch thinking about Spike. Wondering if he was alright, if he were in pain. A tear ran from her eye down her cheek. She took a deep breath, wiped the tear away, went back into the house and back to bed.
When Buffy got off work at six o'clock she walked from the Double Meat Palace to Spikes crypt. She didn't like to drive her car after working, the smell of the grease got in the car and made it smell too. As she neared the cemetery she kept her eye out for vampires. She had cleaned the vampires out of this cemetery, it was the closest one to her home, but you never knew when they would try to come back. Spike was the only one left, but even he took precautions. He was pretty much on the shit list of all the vampires in town for helping her and killing his own kind. When she got to the crypt she opened the door and heard it squeal. There was still enough light to see that the upper level was empty. She walked to the back of the vault and moved a stone slab to one side revealing an opening with a ladder leading down. She climbed down the ladder and turned on the little pocket flashlight she had brought with her. She used the light to find her way back to the vault where Spike slept. As she neared the doorway to the vault she could see that a light was burning. She stopped at the doorway and saw several candles burning, Spike was laying on his bed. When she walked into the room he sat up and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked him over and could see immediately that his hand, where he had been scratched by the demon, was swollen to twice it's normal size and his fingers looked like sausages. He had several bruises on his face and one ear looked purple. He was sitting up, but seemed to be leaning to one side as if her were favoring the ribs on that side.
"How are you doing?" Buffy asked with concern in her voice.
"I've done better" Spike said as he cocked his head to one side. "I'm doing a hell of a lot better than the other bloke anyway."
"Why did you do it Spike?" Buffy asked. "Why did you get involved with the whole demon thing? You didn't have to, you could have ignored the whole thing, not told me about the demon."
"You would have found out eventually" he said, not looking at her directly.
"Yes, eventually, but you didn't have to get involved. You could have stayed out of it" she said to him with a tone of puzzlement in her voice.
"Yeah, sure" Spike said with irritation in his voice. "And you would have gone charging in there without me to back you up as soon as you heard."
Buffy stood there looking at him, trying to understand him, "Why Spike?" she asked again.
"Look Slayer, there are some things you just can't go kicking down doors to fight alone. You may be the Slayer, but that isn't always enough" he responded, the irritation was growing.
"Why Spike? Tell me why! Why did you tell me? Why did you take me to that little demon for information? Why did you go with me? Why did you almost get yourself killed?" she said to him.
"I told you because I knew that if you found out on your own you would have gone looking for the demon alone. I took you to Scratch because I knew that if I told you about him you would have gone after him for information on your own and wound up in a hospital with tubes sticking out of you" he held up his swollen hand to indicate what could have happened to her. "I went with you to back you up because I knew it would be dangerous."
"But why Spike?" Buffy asked him again. "You didn't have to go, I had backup."
"God Blondie, sometimes your so fucking stupid you make my arse bleed" he yelled at her. "Just who the fuck do you think called Giles and told him you were going to walk into trouble to begin with? Do you think that Giles and Construction Boy just showed up by accident? I didn't know you were going to bring the Witches with you, but I damned well knew you couldn't go into those sewers alone."
Buffy stood there digesting what Spike had just said. "But why did you go, it wasn't your fight, you didn't have to be there" she said to him with a tone of exacerbation.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." he yelled as he got off the bed and stormed away from her. He picked up a small table and smashed it against a wall. "Fucking stupid bitch" he said as he kicked over a chair. "Why the fuck do you think Slayer? Do you think I went along so I could be there when you got killed? You think I wanted to be there while you got chopped into fucking dog food? Fucking stupid cunt" he yelled at her. "Why don't you figure it out for yourself" he said in a quiet voice as he sat down on a stool and stared down at the floor.
"Tell me Spike, I have to know" Buffy said in a quiet voice.
"You don't get it Slayer, I would go into hell with you. I would fucking die for you. You just don't fucking get it" he said as he looked at the floor.
"Tell me Spike. Tell me!" Buffy said with a tone of dread in her voice.
"Because I love you. I fucking love you!" he said in an intense voice as he looked up at her.
Buffy stood there turning pale as the blood left her face. She felt light headed, almost faint. How could he love her? He didn't have a soul. He was evil. How could he love her? The thoughts raced through her mind. How could something evil love her? She fought evil. She destroyed it. It was her destiny. It was her whole purpose in life, to fight evil. She had come back from the dead to continue the fight. How could he love her? Tears started running from her eyes as she stood there looking at him.
Seeing the tears, Spike stood up and took a step toward Buffy, raising one hand as if to reach out and touch her. Buffy seeing him approach her took a step backward. Spike stopped, looked at her and let his hand drop to his side. "I'm sorry Spike. I'm so sorry" Buffy cried as she backed out of the room. Buffy ran to the ladder to escape from Spikes presence. As she climbed the ladder she could hear Spike smashing more furniture and cussing at God for his sense of humor.
When Buffy got home she had stopped crying but her eyes were red and puffy. As soon as Willow saw her she knew that something was wrong and that Buffy had been crying again. Willow wanted to hold and kiss Buffy and make the hurt go away but with Dawn in the house she knew that the most she could do is hold her. She wished she knew why Buffy was on such an emotional roller coaster. Last weekend she was having sex with all of them and seemed as happy as she had ever been in her life. This weekend she was crying all the time and seemed as if her heart was broken. Sure, part of it could have been because they had all been in danger of death or injury. But not all of it. All of them had faced death and injury dozens and dozens of times. How many End Of The World Apocalypse had they faced over the past five or six years? What five, six, seven, maybe more? How many hundreds of vampires, demons and other assorted monsters? It couldn't be just the danger they were all in, they were in danger all the time. They lived in Sunnydale, the Hellmouth, the most dangerous place in the country, maybe the whole world.
She tried to get Buffy to talk to her, but Buffy avoided her and went up to her room. Fifteen minutes later she came down the stairs and said she was going to patrol and went out the door without another word. Willow was worried, with Buffys emotions in such a turmoil who knew what could happen to her out there on patrol. Willow sat for ten minutes fussing and worrying before she picked up the phone and called Giles. When she explained her worries to Giles he agreed that Buffys behavior was unusual and could be dangerous to her. The Slayer had to be on her toes all the time. If she wasn't paying attention she could get into trouble she couldn't get out of all alone. Giles said he would call Xander and they would go out and look for Buffy. Willow asked if she should go out and look for Buffy? Giles said it was to dangerous to go out looking for Buffy alone.
Giles called Xander and they agreed to meet at Giles apartment. Xander was there in ten minutes. Giles was waiting and they went looking for Buffy immediately. They patrolled through two cemeteries and couldn't find her. They were half way through a third cemetery when they heard the sounds of fighting. They followed the sound and found Buffy fighting with three vampires. She was holding them off but they were close to overpowering her. She didn't even have a stake in her hand to fight them with. Giles and Xander charged in with crosses and stakes in their hands. One of the vampires turned from Buffy and intercepted Xander, throwing him over a tombstone. Giles was there to hold a cross to it's face to make it back off. Xander laying on the ground threw a wooden stake to Buffy who caught it and killed one of the vampires immediately. The stake turned to dust with the vampire, she hadn't pulled it out fast enough, and was unarmed again. Buffy side kicked a vampire stopping him in his tracks then jumped into the air and kicked him under the chin stunning him. Giles tossed Buffy a stake and she killed the vampire. The last vampire tried to run away past Xander who was still on the ground. Xander tripped him and as he hit the ground Giles staked him from behind and turned him to dust.
As Xander was getting up off the ground Buffy stormed up and yelled at them "What the hell are you guys doing out here?"
Giles looked at her and became very blanked faced and said "Saving your ass from the looks of it. Since when do you go on patrol without weapons?"
"I had a weapon. There were five of them at the start, I lost it when I killed the second one" she said defensively.
"You didn't have a backup? What kind of stupid behavior is that" Giles said to her sharply.
Buffy was shocked by the way Giles had spoken to her, he had never talked to her that way before. She took a step back and didn't know what to say to him.
"Are you trying to get yourself killed" Giles asked brutally? "Do you want to die? Because if that's what your trying to do I don't want to be any part of it. I watched you die once and I don't ever want to witness that again."
'Yeah" Xander added, "I've seen it twice and that's twice to many."
Buffy looked at both of them and her face seemed to crumble. Tears started pouring from her eyes and she bent over as sobs ripped through her taking her breath away. Giles walked up to her and took her into his arms, holding her and letting her cry. Xander came up and put his hand on her shoulder. He could feel the sobs as they tore through her. They each took one side of her and walked her out of the cemetery to Xanders car. He drove them straight to Buffys house. When they pulled into the driveway Willow, Tara, Dawn and Anya came out on the front porch. Anya had called a cab as soon as Xander left to look for Buffy.
Xander helped Buffy out of the car, she was still crying uncontrollably. He walked her into the house and helped her sit on the couch. Willow and Tara sat on each side of her and wrapped their arms around her. Anya had gone to Xander and had her arms around him, she could tell he was very upset. Dawn was almost dancing on her toes she was so nervous. She didn't understand what was happening. Giles put his arm around her and walked her over to Tara. Tara understood and pulled Dawn down on the couch next to her and tried to calm her down.
Giles knelt down on one knee in front of Buffy and spoke to her in a calm soothing voice "Do you want to tell us what you were trying to do out there in the cemetery? Taking on five vampires by yourself without backup isn't the smartest thing you've ever done."
Buffy just cried harder. She couldn't speak, she could barely get enough breath between sobs to breathe. Giles continued to watch her for several minutes until he made a decision. He got up and went to the phone. Buffy had the Double Meat Palace managers phone number on a pad next to the phone. Giles called the manager and told her that he was a friend of the family and was calling for Buffy. He told her Buffy was sick and would not be able to work for at least three days. He was sorry for the inconvenience that would cause her but Buffys health was more important than a job. He told her that he would let her know if Buffy would be able to return to work after three days or not. When he hung up the phone Xander picked it up and called his boss. He told him that there was a family emergency and he wouldn't be in for three days, maybe the whole week. He told his boss that the family member was sick and he was going to be taking care of her.
Giles spoke to the group gathered in the living room around Buffy. "I don't know what the problem is, but Buffy nearly got herself killed tonight and didn't seem to care. Her emotions are on the very edge and she seems to have very little control over them. For at least the next three days someone is going to be with her constantly. There's enough of us that it shouldn't be a burden. Until we find out what is bothering her she doesn't go out on patrol. Will do it in groups like we did before. I'll contact Spike tomorrow to see if he is in any shape to help us."
Everyone else stood around not knowing what to say. Dawn was the most upset of all of them and Tara was trying to sooth her. Giles took a small packet out of his pocket and handed it to Willow. "There's a sedative in there, we need to give it to her and get her to bed."
"She'll sleep with us, like she did the other night" Willow said to him.
Willow got Buffy to her feet and with the help of Xander and Anya walked Buffy to the stairs and helped her up them. Buffy was still crying and couldn't seem to stop. Xander came down in a few minutes and told Giles that they were undressing Buffy and putting her to bed. Anya came down after about ten minutes and told them that Willow had got Buffy to swallow the sedative and she was in bed. Xander went over to Dawn and knelt down to hug her. He told her everything was going to be alright. He got up and told Giles that he and Anya would leave now but he would be back in the morning. Giles went to Dawn and gave her a hug and told her Buffy would be fine and that he would be back tomorrow. He asked Tara to take care of Dawn. Tara said that she would. Giles, Xander and Anya left, Tara locked up the house and took Dawn upstairs.
Tara and Dawn went to Willows room and saw that Buffy was sleeping, but was very restless in bed. Tara told Willow that she was going to see Dawn to bed and would be back. Tara helped Dawn undress and watched her get into bed. Dawn was very upset over everything that had happened tonight and didn't understand what was happening with Buffy. Buffy had always been the strong one and seeing her crying uncontrollably was something Dawn was having trouble dealing with. Tara went back to her room and Willow came to her and Tara wrapped her arms around her to sooth her.
"Tara, I've never seen her like this before" Willow said into Taras shoulder "even when Angel left it wasn't this bad. I don't understand what's happening to her. She's in so much pain and I don't know what to do to help her."
"You'll do what you always do Willow" Tara said into her ear. "You'll hold her and love her and be there for her when she needs you."
Willow held onto Tara tighter and kiss the side of her face. Tara kissed her back. "Willow" Tara said to her "Buffys not the only one who needs someone tonight. Dawn is really upset and I don't think she should be alone. If it's alright with you I'm going to sleep with her tonight."
"Tara your such a good person, what did I ever do to deserve you" Willow said to Tara as she hugged and kissed her again.
Tara got undressed and put on her nightgown, kissed Willow good night and went to Dawns room. When she entered the room Dawn was still awake and asked what was wrong. Tara told her everything was fine, she just thought Dawn might want some company. Dawn made room in the bed and Tara got in with her. She took Dawn in her arms and they snuggled in together. Dawn calmed down and went to sleep. Tara laid there in the dark for a long time worrying about Buffy before she fell to sleep.
Willow undressed when Tara left, put on a nightgown and got into bed with Buffy. She pulled Buffy to her and wrapped her arms around her. Buffy was sleeping but still seemed agitated in her sleep. Willow brushed her fingers across Buffys face and hair and spoke soft words of love and reassurance to her for half the night before Buffy finally slipped into a deep sleep and stopped tossing. Willow laid awake another hour worrying about Buffy and wondering what was the cause of her emotional turmoil.
The next morning Xander arrived a 7:30AM to take Dawn to school but she refused to go. Neither he or Tara had the heart to try to force her so Tara called the school and told them Dawn wouldn't be in today, she was sick. They all sat in the kitchen talking quietly, trying to reassure each other that everything was going to be alright. Willow came down around nine o'clock but looked like she hadn't slept all night. She told them that Buffy had slept all night but had been very restless and had tossed most of the night.
Xander volunteered and went upstairs to be with Buffy. When he entered the room he could see her in bed sleeping. He sat down in a chair but as he watched he saw that Buffy was starting to toss around so he laid down on the bed next to her and pulled her into his arms to hold her. Xander held her and hummed deep in his throat and chest like a cat purring. Buffy quieted down and returned to a deep sleep. Tears ran quietly from Xanders eyes as he tried to understand what could be causing Buffy so much pain.
Giles arrived at the house at noon, he had gone to the Magic Shop early and had worked with Anya all morning. He told them that he had called a doctor friend of his for more sedatives, if they were needed. He went upstairs to look in on Buffy and saw that Xander was holding her and that she seemed to be calm. He also saw the tears on Xanders face and knew exactly how he felt. Tara came into the room, went to the bed and motioned Xander to get up so she could take his place. When Xander released his hold on Buffy she started tossing in her sleep. Tara laid down on the bed and wrapped her arms around Buffy, she quieted almost immediately. Giles saw this turn of events and became even more worried.
As much as the events were effecting everyone else they were effecting Dawn even more. She'd had bad dreams all night about Buffy dying. She was so nervous she couldn't eat. She was to jumpy to sit down and had gone upstairs to look in on Buffy at least a dozen times. Tara had tried to calm her all night and Willow had helped when Xander took over sitting with Buffy. When Giles and Xander came downstairs they all gathered in the kitchen. Giles told them what he had observed about Buffy needing to be physically touched by one of them to continue to sleep calmly. He told them that this worried him greatly because it indicated to him that she was in some kind of emotional torment and that only their physical touch seemed to reassure her and allow her to sleep. He reemphasized that someone needed to be with her constantly. Dawn wanted to go up and be with Buffy herself but the rest of them realized that she was to upset for her to be alone with Buffy. Giles suggested that Xander, Willow and Tara take shorter shifts sitting with Buffy. He told them that it would be less emotionally draining on them. He was going to go see Spike to see if he could help out with patrolling tonight and find out if he had any idea what was upsetting Buffy so much. He suggested that Dawn come with him to give her a break away from the house. Dawn didn't want to go but Giles convinced her that she could help him talk to Spike.
Giles drove to the cemetery and parked outside the gate, he got a big flashlight and a paper bag out of the trunk. Giles had never actually been to Spikes crypt before so Dawn led the way. He heard the door of the crypt squeal as they entered. Dawn led the way to the slab that covered the hole leading down to the vaults. The slab was already moved to one side and he could see a ladder leading down. Dawn led the way down and by the time he climbed down she had already found and lit a candle. She led him down a dank hall and through a vault door. There was only one candle burning but Giles could see Spike laying on a bed. As they approached him Spike stirred on the bed. Giles could see immediately that Spike wasn't in good shape. One of his hands and arm was swollen to at least twice it's normal size and looked purple-black. His face didn't look a lot better, it looked as if he had been beaten badly and there was blood in his hair. Giles felt a stab of guilt and shame as he looked at Spike. He had know that Spike was hurt in the fight the other night but hadn't realized how badly the injuries must have been. He had assumed that with his normal recuperative powers he would have been better by now.
Spike opened his blood shot eyes and looked at them for several long seconds before he said "I don't think I'm up for any suck and fuck today kiddies. You'll have to come back some other day if you don't mind." He closed his eyes and turned his head away from them.
"I'm sorry Spike" Giles said with sincerity in his voice "but that's not the reason we came by. I had no idea you were hurt so badly. If I had known I would have come sooner to see if I could be of help. I did bring you something though that might help you." Giles held the paper bag out to him. "It's fresh blood from the market."
Spike opened his eyes again and reached for the bag. When he opened it he saw three one pint bags of blood. He pulled one of the bags out and started to bite into it but stopped. He looked over at Dawn and said "Turn around Niblet, you don't need to see this." When Dawn was turned around Spikes face turned into a vampire face and he bit into the bag puncturing a hole. He let the blood run from the bag into his mouth and swallowed it greedily. When the bag was empty he sighed and let his face return to normal. He tossed the bag away and wiped some blood from his mouth. "If you didn't come for a poke and choke, why are you here" he asked wearily?
"We need your help" Dawn said in a rush as she turned back around. "somethings wrong with Buffy and she almost got herself killed. She keeps crying and she won't tell us why."
Giles tried to calm Dawn down. "Spikes in no shape to help us Dawn" Giles said to her soothingly "I don't think he can even stand up right now."
Spike opened his eyes again and sat up slowly. Giles could see that he was in pain. "When did this happen?" Spike asked as he looked from Dawn to Giles.
"Last night" Dawn blurted out.
"It actually started Friday night after she got home" Giles told him. "She started crying and seemed to fall apart. She said it was because she put us all in danger by taking us into the sewers with her to fight that demon. But I don't think that's the real reason. We thought she was better, but when she came home from work last night she had been crying again. She went out on patrol by herself and Xander and I went looking for her. When we found her she was fighting with a bunch of vampires. She went after five of them all by herself without a weapon."
Spike looked at Giles and swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat on the edge of it. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He lit a cigarette and sat there staring off into space.
"I wanted to ask you if you knew of anything that might be the cause of her behavior?" Giles asked him. "Is there any kind of infection or something she might have gotten from fighting those demons that could have done something to her emotions?"
"Not that I know of" Spike said gloomily. He sat there not saying anything else as he stared down at the floor.
"Thank you Spike" Giles said "will be going now."
"What about the patrol, don't we need his help?" Dawn asked.
"Spikes not in any shape to help patrol Dawn, he can't even stand up" Giles said to Dawn quietly.
"I'll do it" Spike said in a weary voice.
"Spike, you can't even get out of bed" Giles said to him with concern in his voice. "Xander and I will go out for the patrol."
Spike grabbed the paper bag and pulled another plastic bag of blood out of it. "I said I'll do it" he growled out at them. "Turn around Squirt" he said to Dawn. When she had her back to him he drained the bag, pulled the third bag out and drained it too. "You stay with Buffy, I'll take care of the patrolling" he said to Giles. "Now get out of here so I can rest."
Giles looked at him but didn't say anything. There were times when it didn't do any good to argue with Spike and this was one of them. Giles took Dawns arm and started to lead her out of the room. "Giles" Spike said "don't tell Buffy I'm patrolling for her." When Giles looked at him questioningly, Spike said "It won't make her feel any better knowing I'm helping so don't tell her." Giles nodded his head but wondered what Spike meant by that.
When Giles got back to the house with Dawn, Xander told him that Buffy had woke up a little while earlier and Willow and Tara were trying to get her to eat something. Giles and Dawn went upstairs to see how she was doing. When they walked through the door and Buffy saw Giles, tears started running down her face. Giles went over to the bed and knelt down to take Buffys hand, as he held her hand she continued to cry. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" was all she said as she closed her eyes and laid her head down on the pillow.
For the rest of the afternoon and all evening they all took turns lying on the bed holding Buffy. Giles had given her another sedative, it was the only way to stop her crying. When Anya closed the Magic Shop Xander picked her up and brought her back to the house. Anya took a turn holding Buffy but was very upset by the whole situation. For over a thousand years Anya had been a Vengeance Demon who punished men for causing pain to women. Seeing Buffy in so much pain made her want to do something, but she didn't have her powers anymore and didn't know what to do.
It was late when there was a knock on the backdoor. Giles and Willow went to answer it, they were fairly certain it would be Spike. When they opened the door Spike wouldn't come inside, he stepped back off the porch and into the shadows. Giles and Willow followed him outside to talk to him. The light was poor but Giles could see that Spike wasn't in good shape, how he had gone on patrol was a minor miracle in itself. When Spike lit a cigarette Willow saw his face for the first time and gasped at how battered he looked. He was also leaning to one side favoring the ribs on that side.
"Are you alright?" Giles asked with real concern in his voice.
"Doesn't matter" Spike replied. "How is Buffy doing?"
"She won't stop crying" Willow told him, the pain in her voice was plain to hear. "We had to give her another sedative to make her sleep."
"Will she get better? Spike asked in a low far away tone of voice.
"I don't know" Giles said. "If she isn't better by tomorrow I'm taking her to the hospital. Whatever is bothering her is beyond my understanding."
"She'll be alright, she's stronger than you think" Spike said in that far away voice. He then turned around and walked off into the dark.
"What was that all about?" Willow asked Giles. The way Spike behaved had confused her.
"I don't really know" Giles responded feeling as confused as Willow.
When they went back inside the house Xander and Anya joined them in the kitchen. Tara and Dawn were upstairs with Buffy. Willow told them what Spike had said and how badly he looked. Giles told her that as bad as he looked now he actually did look better than he had that afternoon, at least he was up on his feet and able to walk. Anya, who had heard what Spike had said and how he had behaved asked out loud if Buffy's behavior could have anything to do with Spike? When Giles asked her what she meant, she asked if Buffy might have known how badly Spike had been hurt in the fight against the demons the other night and was blaming herself. Giles, Willow and Xander stood there not knowing what to think, Buffy did keep saying she was sorry.
Willow slept with Buffy again and Tara slept with Dawn. Xander was back again early the next morning, Giles arrived a short time later. Anya had opened the Magic Shop, she had told Xander that seeing Buffy like she was upset her to much and she would be better off working. Dawn refused to go to school again and Tara called her in sick again. They all sat around drinking coffee, not wanting to wake Buffy up by relieving Willow of caring for her. It was past nine o'clock when Willow came down the stairs. She looked very tired but she was smiling. She told them that Buffy had woken up a half hour earlier and seemed calm and wasn't crying anymore. She told them Buffy was in the bathroom now and wanted to come down for something to eat, she was very hungry. Giles was very pleased to hear that she was hungry. Xander went upstairs and waited outside the bathroom for Buffy to come out. When she came out of the bathroom he took her into his arms and hugged her and kissed her on the forehead.
"You've had us worried Buff" he said quietly. "My sex drive has fallen off to nothing and Anya is really pissed about it."
Buffy looked up at him with a worried look on her face. Xander regretted what he had said immediately. "I'm just teasing Buff" he said with a lopsided grin on his face. "I've actually been poking you in your sleep for two days and that's why Anyas pissed. She says you get all the fun even when your sleeping."
Buffy looked at Xanders face and knew he was teasing this time. She smiled at him. It was a sad little smile, but it was a smile. He walked with her down the stairs, ready to help her if she needed him. When she got downstairs and saw everyone waiting for her she gave them all a little smile and tried to say something. Giles took her into his arms and hugged her, he said "Never mind. Not now. It's okay. Never mind."
The rest of the gang each gave her a hug. Dawn was the last and had a worried look on her face that she was trying unsuccessfully to hide. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"I'm find now" Buffy said to Dawn as she hugged her in return. "I was just a little over stressed and not getting enough sleep, that's all, I'm fine now."
Dawn wasn't sure if she should believe Buffy or not, but she didn't want to say anything to upset her again so she just smiled at Buffy and hugged her again. They all ate a light breakfast together and sat around quietly for the rest of the morning. At noon Giles went back to the Magic Shop to relieve Anya. Xander followed him and brought Anya back to the house. Anya was very happy to see Buffy was feeling better and gave her a big hug.
Willow and Tara took Buffys car to go to school. They had skipped classes for two days, but needed to attend a class that they both took that afternoon and pick up any assignments they might have missed while they were off. Dawn stayed close to Buffy but didn't really talk very much, she just wanted to be close. Anya and Xander sat on the floor of the living room playing a game of cards. Buffy actually dozed off a couple of times during the afternoon. Willow and Tara got back home around five o'clock and they were all discussing what they would have for dinner when Giles arrived with a big cardboard box full of food. He had ordered ahead and picked up Chinese and Mexican food on his way. Xander ran out to Giles car and brought in a bag of cold soda, beer and a fruit punch drink. They all had some of everything for dinner in a relaxed atmosphere. When it started to get dark, Buffy who had been in her night gown all day, said she needed to get dressed so she could patrol. Giles told her that as her Watcher he forebade her to go out on patrol. He told her that everything had been very quiet since their successful raid on the demon snake and his minions and that one more night of her not patrolling wasn't going to do any harm. Buffy started to protest but could see that Giles meant what he had said and she didn't really feel up to arguing with him about it.
Giles didn't say anything to Buffy but he knew that Spike would do the patrolling tonight and keep an eye on things. It amazed him that Spike could patrol at all but he knew that he would be out there so that Buffy wouldn't have to be out there herself. Giles didn't understand why Spike didn't want him to tell Buffy that he was patrolling for her, but he decided that in this case maybe Spike knew best.
That night Buffy went to bed in her own room, Willow and Tara slept together and Dawn went to her room. Buffy had been in bed about a half hour and wasn't fully asleep when she heard a tap on her door and it opened. Dawn came into the room. She didn't say anything, she just climbed into bed with Buffy, made herself comfortable and told Buffy not to hog the covers. Buffy smiled at Dawn and promised she wouldn't, she fell asleep and had a very peaceful night.
When the alarm went off in the morning Buffy woke up with Dawn snuggled up close with one arm thrown across her. Buffy laid there for a few minutes smiling at Dawn as she continued to sleep. When she got up she put on a robe over her nightgown then shook Dawn until she was awake. She told Dawn she had to get ready for school and she would have breakfast ready when she came downstairs. Dawn complained but got out of bed and went to her room to pick out the cloths she would wear. Buffy went downstairs and started getting things ready for breakfast. She could hear the shower running and knew that Dawn would be down in ten of fifteen minutes. The coffee had just finished when Willow and Tara came into the kitchen, still in their nightgowns. She poured them some coffee and sat down with them. She asked them if they had any classes today? They both told her that they were taking the day off. Buffy felt concern that they were taking the day off to stay with her and told them they didn't need to. Tara told her that both she and Willow had so many extra credits in their classes that they could take the rest of the semester off and still get a 5.0 point average. Buffy laughed and didn't argue further. When Dawn came downstairs she offered a choice of pancakes or french toast for breakfast. She took orders from Tara and Willow also and fixed breakfast for all of them. Xander showed up with donuts and had coffee before he took Dawn to school.
When Xander came back to the house the breakfast dishes had been washed and put away. He commented to Buffy that after two days in bed she needed a bath. Buffy looked up at him in embarrassment, thinking he was saying she smelled. Xander had a big smile on his face as he picked her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs to the bathroom where he undressed her then undressed himself. He ran the tub full of hot water and got into the tub with her between his legs. She laid back in his arms and let him wash her whole body then sat up so he could wash her hair. When the bath was finished and he had dried her off Xander picked her up and carried her to her bedroom and got into bed with her. For the next hour they made slow intimate love to each other. Oral sex was the biggest part of their sex with Xander eating Buffys pussy until she had two orgasms and she had sucked his cock until he had cum in her mouth. He then fucked her slowly until she had another orgasm. He was still fucking her when the door opened and Willow and Tara came into the room and joined them in bed. Four people in a regular queen sized bed was kind of crowded but none of them minded. In the rotation of partners Buffy made love to both Willow and Tara as they made love to her. Xander made love to all of them, both eating them to orgasm and fucking them, but not cumming himself. He admitted to them that Anya had fucked him twice last night before she would let him go to sleep and had fuck him twice this morning before she went to work. He was smiling at them as he told them he was Anyas sex toy and she couldn't stop playing with it. They all laughed with him and all three of the young women started kissing and licking his cock and balls until they made him cum in Willows mouth. Willow quickly kissed both Buffy and Tara, then Xander. Buffy then kissed him followed by Tara kissing him. The four of them laid together in bed naked for another hour resting and regaining their energy. When they all got up Xander went back to the bathroom for his cloths and to dress. Willow and Tara went to their room to dress and Buffy got dressed for the first time in two days.
When she was getting dressed she noticed that her red leather pants and black leather jacket were both hanging in her closet. She took them out and looked at them and they were in perfect shape, they hadn't been ruined in the sewers after all. But she remembered what her pants had looked like and she knew they had been ruined by the sewer water and sludge. She heard a sound and looked at the open doorway, Willow and Tara were standing there smiling. Willow explained that Tara had used a restoration spell on her pants and jacket and had fixed them like new. Tara told her she couldn't save the shoes because they weren't natural like the leather. The nylon lining and stitches couldn't be repaired and whatever the shoe was made of wasn't leather and wouldn't work with the spell she used.
Xander had come to the door as they were talking and suggested they all go shopping and buy Buffy a new pair to replace the old ones. They all thought that would be fun to do and it would get them out of the house for awhile. Xander called Giles to let him know what they were going to do in case he called the house and no one was there they didn't want him to worry. Giles said he thought it was an excellent idea and told them to come by and pick Anya up and take her with them, she had earned an afternoon off after covering the store almost all by herself for the past couple of days. They all drove to the Magic Shop in Xanders car and picked Anya up. They spent the rest of the day at the Mall shopping and having a good time just being in each others company. When it was time to pick Dawn up they drove to the school, loaded her into the backseat and went shopping for dinner then back home. When Giles closed the Magic Shop he came to the house and joined them all for dinner.
After dinner, when the dishes were washed and put away, Giles asked to speak with Buffy alone for a little bit. He took her out onto the back porch and they sat on the steps. Giles sat looking at Buffy for several minutes before he spoke. "Buffy I don't know what happened to you but I know it frightened all of us. I've been your Watcher for over five years and I've never seen you get this way before. Can you tell me what happened?"
"Honestly, I don't know." Buffy said as she looked Giles in the eyes. "I've been very tired lately and with the fighting in the sewers and the fear I felt that one of you would get hurt I guess it was just to much. I forgot that all of you are as much a part of fighting against the evil here in Sunnydale as I am. Instead of asking for help I was trying to protect all of you from danger. I was feeling guilty that I couldn't do everything myself and keep the rest of you safe."
Giles looked at Buffy and studied her face closely. "I'll except that, for now. But I want you to understand something very important. Being the Slayer is probably the most important duty anyone in the world has ever had to face. The Slayer has to fight against the evil in the world, but she doesn't have to do it alone. You more than anyone have taught me that this is true. There are things that only you can do, but the rest of us are here to help you. Just as you said, we are all a part of the fight and we have our place in the battle. You are our leader and we will follow you, but we have our place too."
Buffy looked at him and nodded her head in acceptance.
"Is there anything else that I should know about that might have been affecting you" he asked.
"No, nothing else" Buffy said as she stared out into the dark "nothing at all."
Giles wasn't sure that was true but didn't know how to make Buffy tell him more. "Alright, now for the next thing. "You have got to find a different job. I know that working at that place is not a good job for you. I know it has been helping you to pay your bills and to support Dawn, but I also know that it is having an affect on you. I think it is numbing your mind and depressing you. I want you to start working at the Magic Shop. You can work as many hours as you need to and will be able to address your duties as the Slayer at the same time."
"Giles I can't do that, that's Anyas job, there isn't enough work for the two of us." Buffy said to him. "I appreciate what you are trying to do but it won't work."
"It will if I say so" he told her with a grin. "I have to go to England in two weeks to see the Counsel. While I'm there I'm going to try to get you a stipend to help support you. For five years you have been fighting evil without any compensation. It's about time they do more than watch you do all the work."
"Do you think they will go along with your idea?" she asked him.
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out." he said to her with a determined look on his face.
"Giles, you know I won't take orders from them again, not ever." she said to him. "Not after all the things they have done to me and threatened to do in the past."
"I know and I'm not asking you to" he said. "But it is like you told them when you were fighting Glory. They can either help you and be 'in' on what's happening or not help you and be 'out' all the way."
As the two of them sat there talking neither one of them saw a dark shape standing far back in the bushes watching them.
Spike stood hidden in the bushes until Buffy and Giles went back into the house. When they were gone he lit a cigarette and walked off into the darkness. He had drunk over two gallons of pigs blood in the past two days and was almost back to normal. In a couple of days he would be fully recovered. The thought passed through his mind that if he could have drunk the blood of just one human he would have recovered in just one day. If it wasn't for that damned chip he wouldn't have to drink pigs blood at all. The thought also passed that if it wasn't for the chip Buffy would have killed him a long time ago. The chip kept him from killing people but kept Buffy from killing him too. It was also responsible for her allowing him to be anywhere near her and her friends. "What a pathetic life I lead" he thought to himself. "I terrorized half the world for over a hundred years, killing for the pleasure of it, and look at me now." Spike kicked over a trash can as he walked past it. "Fuck!" he said to himself, "That's the best I can do now, I'm a fucking vandal tearing up trash cans. Fuck!" As he walked past a car he pulled a rusty piece of steel out of his pocket and scratched it down the side of the car. He started laughing out loud. "Well if I'm going to be a vandal I might as well be a good one" he thought as he scratched the next ten cars parked on the street.
Spike patrolled the cemeteries again that night and was able to take his frustration out on a fellow vampire by beating him to a pulp before killing him. It helped assuage his anger, a little, but not enough to make him feel better. Why did he have to love the Slayer? His life was so much simpler when he hated her with all the passion of his soulless heart. When he hated her he could actually thrive on the burning desire to see her dead. At first, even with the chip, he had found ways to do things to her and her friends. He remembered all the times he had fucked with their heads and manipulated them. Spike had been a vampire long before psychology existed, but over a hundred years had taught him how to mess with peoples minds. Angelus had been a master at torturing peoples minds before killing them. Look what he did to Dru before he sired her. He had driven her fucking insane by killing her whole family and fucking their dead bodies in front of her. When she tried to escape him by going to a convent he had killed the nuns and fucked their dead bodies in front of her too. When she was totally crazy he had brought her over and made her a vampire like himself. Dru had been Spikes sire and he had been with her for over a hundred years before coming to Sunnydale and meeting up with the Slayer. He had loved Dru as only an immortal vampire could love someone, with a burning passion that spanned time. If either he or Dru had a soul they would have been soulmates in the very classical sense of the word. But the Slayer had changed that, even before the chip. She had done something to him that had changed him in a way he couldn't fully comprehend. She had made him less than what he was, and more than he had ever been. Tears ran from his eyes as he stalked through the cemeteries looking for another vampire to kill.
The next morning Buffy got Dawn off to school, Xander went to work, Willow and Tara went to classes, Anya opened the Magic Shop and Giles worked on his reports to the Counsel. Everything was back to normal, more or less. Buffy spent the morning doing laundry, she didn't really need to, but it made her feel useful. At noon she walked to the Double Meat Palace and talked to the manager and told her she was sorry but she was quitting. The manager told her she was sorry to hear that and that if Buffy ever changed her mind she could have her old job back because she was a good worker.
On the way back home she took the long way past the cemetery. She stood outside the gate for ten minutes before she entered and walked to Spikes crypt. When she opened the door it seemed to squeal even louder than usual. The slab that covered the hole was already moved to one side, Buffy climbed down the ladder and used her small pocket flashlight to find her way back to the vault Spike used. When she stepped into the doorway she found that at least a dozen candles were burning and the place had been swept out and there were no signs of broken furniture anywhere. In fact there was quite a bit of fairly new furniture in its place, several chairs, a TV set and what looked like an over stuffed loveseat. She wondered how he had ever got it down here.
Spike looked up from a comic book he was reading and frowned at her. "What are you doing here?" he asked in an irritated tone of voice.
"I came by to see how you were doing" Buffy said in a hesitant voice. She felt very uncomfortable being here and Spikes attitude wasn't helping.
"What the fuck do you care" he said to her gruffly.
Buffy started feeling anger building inside of her. She had only come by to see if he was alright and he was acting like an ass. "Look, the last time I saw you, you were pretty beat up, I just wanted to know if you were okay now" she said with a bite in her tone of voice.
"What? That little fight we had in the sewers the other night? Damned Slayer I thought you knew better, I was over that the next day. Getting the chance to kill something always makes me feel like I'm on top of the world." Spike said to her with that lopsided smirky grin on his face. "You know killing those demons gave me a real charge, it was almost as much fun as fucking with your head was later" he said as his grin widened into an evil smile. "Watching you go all white in panic when I said I loved you made me feel all warm inside."
"You were just messing with my head, that's all?" Buffy asked, feeling all hollow inside.
"What else did you think it was? You didn't really think I meant it did you? I mean, me vampire, you Slayer, not exactly a match made in heaven, don'tcha know." Spike said with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly the puzzled look was replaced by a big grin. "My God Slayer, your fucking dumber than I thought you were" he said as he started laughing at her.
Buffys face got all red and her anger mounted. "Look Spike, I don't care about any of that shit, I just stopped by to see if you were alright. I should have known better and not wasted my time" she said with her anger showing in her voice.
"Well don't go away mad Slayer, just go away" Spike said as he started laughing at her again.
Buffy spun on her heel and left the room heading for the ladder. She got halfway there when a parting comment came to her that she couldn't resist. She turned around and walked back to the doorway but before she could say anything she saw that Spike was laying down on the his bed. She froze as she saw him drawn up in a fetal position, his whole body convulsing as he cried into his pillow to smother any sound. Spike didn't see the look on Buffys face or see her turn around and leave his crypt.