Do you remember that mock test in one of my previous entries, entitled "The Cactus"? Well I've got another incantation of it, but this time in the form of one of those surveys that asks you tons of quick little questions, including "What Lord of the Rings character would you want to meet in real life?", "What's your favorite colored pencil?", "How many stuffed animals do you have?", etc. Those questions are bland and boring. So I made my own for you to think about and answer, even though some of them are just plain nonsensical. There's no multiple choices and there's no scoring. Keep in mind that I never would have tried to do this had I not started seeing floods of them in most every blog I looked at. It's all your fault.

1. If you could have your room expanded and transformed in shape so that it looks like a letter of the alphabet from an overhead view, what letter would that be?

2. Would you give your favorite pet the ability to talk and understand humans if it had to cost one of their eyeballs?

3. If you were to draw on a wall with your foot using a crayon blindfolded, what shape would it most closely resemble?

4. If you were a carton of milk, who would the missing picture on your side be?

5. What was the second thing you stepped on after getting out of bed today?

6. Turn directly to your left and focus at the first object you see there. Have you really given it the attention it deserves?

7. What number most commonly comes up when you roll a thirteen sided dice, or what number do you think would come up most often?

8. Have you ever tried to do multiple strange things in order to open, get past, or get through a locked door for long periods of time without realizing that it was actually never locked?

9. What textbook would you most likely become when you grow up?

10. If you could fire a missle with a blast radius of exactly 50 yards onto any spot in the US, but it had a possible error rate of 500 yards in all directions, where would you fire it?

11. What American coin do you think you're most like?

12. Can you spell Mr. Mzuplytknizeral's name if somebody only pronounced it and you didn't just read it now in this question?

13. If you had to choose between living the life of Spongebob Squarepants or working as a cashier for 7-11 for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

14. Approximately how many minutes of Dora The Explorer would you be able to watch in a row before you absolutely had to smack your head on something?

15. What part of your own self have you stared at the longest amount of time in your life?

16. What part of your own self have you stared at the longest amount of time in the last four days?

17. What is your favorite favorite, and then what is that favorite?

18. When you hear the word "crayon", what does it mean to you personally?

19. Heart attack or skin cancer?

20. If there was a button in front of you labeled "arrog", would you push it?

21. You are sitting on the corner while waiting for your parent to pick you up from tennis practice when a guy in a limo comes up and offers you candy. Do you take it?

22. Cactus?

23. Will you advertise this survey, keeping in mind that this is made by a non-profit organization?

24. Is the glass half empty, half full, or really not there at all because it's just a figment of your demented imagination?

25. If your favorite liquid is not water, would you like to take a 30-minute bath in it?

26. Does the idea of running down cherry avenue naked, with a potted daffodill in your arms, ketchup rolling down your face, and onions falling out of your backpack sound appealing to you?

27. If you had the choice between being locked in a closet with Michael Jackson, Oprah Winrey, or George W. Bush for 72 hours who would it be?

28. Has your appearance ever distracted somebody so much that they ever walked into something, and did that something ever have sharp edges?

29. If you were a racecar, would the prettiest part of you be your windshield, your tires, your dashboard, or your mirror?

30. Would the hour, minute, or second hand on a clock best describe your personality?

31. If you were forced to become a bottle of Pepsi, a bag of Doritos, or a package of ramen noodles, which would you pick? What flavor would you pick?

32. Would you rather be down here wishing you were up there, or up there wishing you were down here?

33. You finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. You give it a few seconds of thought. Is it really the light at the end of the tunnel, or a train speeding towards you?

34. Did you ever try to feed something that did not actually have a working mouth?

35. Is your dog eating the CD for your favorite computer game, your bedroom rug somehow shrinking, your brother getting a 4.0 on his report card, the remote control incinerating, a screwdriver becoming lodged between your front teeth, and a sludge hammer somehow connecting with the back of your head grounds for calling it a bad day?

36. Have you ever thought of somebody as the best person that could possibly exist in the world, and then at another time think of them as the person you'd most want to cut off their left arm with a sword in their sleep?

37. Were you focused so much that you didn't realize "error" was misspelled on question 10?

38. Did you actually go back to question 10 to look at the word "error", even though it wasn't actually misspelled?

39. A person with the screenname "I laugh at Munchkins" IMs you. Do you accept, or do you take it as a personal challenge to your honor, being a six foot munchkin yourself?

40. Have you taken at least four actual surveys like this before? If so, why?

41. Have you ever left a really crucial decision (such as if you should have a relationship with somebody or if you should choose a certain college) up to a magic 8-ball?

42. When in the shower, do you ever cup your hands to collect the water and then just let it all sorta drop?

43. Was there ever a conversation you had on the phone with somebody where the other person would always talk about just one thing or person, and no matter how hard you attempted to change the topic, it didn't work?

44. Have you ever started or been in one of those chains at school where somebody stands outside the classroom door when it was not locked, causing all the students to also stand outside the door thinking it is, and watching the teacher's reaction when they come out 5 minutes later and wonder what everybody is doing?

45. Hockey injury or roadkill?

46. About how many times a day do you re-adjust your pants?

47. Split or stay with two 9s against a dealer 7?

48. When listening to a song, do you ever switch your concentration to actually count each drum beat? If you have, what was the highest number you reached?

49. What is your guess on exactly how many circuits your current computer has?

50. How many people do you know that have the letter "q" in their name?

51. Does Hawaii really control the free world?

52. How many things have you typed up and printed out on bright colored paper in hopes of blinding the teacher enough so that they can't read your paper without putting it under red light so they will be forced to give you an A?

53. ggnt or nrkr?

54. Have you actually gone into deep thought for at least 7 of these questions, forgetting that this is a mock survey?

55. Did you ever stare up at the sky to see if it was raining and have a raindrop crash directly into your eye?

56. What's your eighth favorite food?

57. Is anything more frustrating than whittling your options down to just one or two mines remaining in Minesweeper, but it's impossible to determine which of the last few squares they're on, so you take a guess and lose?

58. If I didn't with the other one, have I driven the point across here that surveys like this are pointless and don't really do much besides eat time?

59. Did you ever have a dream where you realized you were in a dream, but still didn't wake up, so you were able to freely control every single part of that dream like some kind of supreme being?

60. You just hit Pick A Corner. $1750, $1000 and a spin, or a trip to Rome?

61. Have you ever been hit on by somebody in special ed?

62. If you could make the word "fish" stand for something else, what would it be?

63. When was the last time you used a mirror to check if something was between your teeth?

64. Have you ever, even for just 5 seconds in your life, even in a dream, thought that you would eventually want to become a farmer?

65. If you had a nearly endless supply of silly putty, what would you first try to constuct with it?

66. When you were younger, in any kind of game or competition, did you ever chastise somebody relentlessly when you realized they were either not trying or letting you win?

67. Favorite video game, book or movie that featured a hot dog being eaten?

68. Does the idea of going into the room of another family member while they're asleep, removing just one object from their room, and replacing it with an object from your own room once every night, sound entertaining?

69. If you woke up one day with a bump on your head, who would you think attacked you?

70. Have you ever spent so long thinking about what you should do for the next hour that by the time you made up your mind, the hour was over?

Credit for a lot of these goes to two others that decided to oh so generously sacrifice some of their time to create unusual questions in order to make this faster for me. You know who you are.

Edit: Okay fine, Liz Wimmer, you shall officially be credited for some of the questions in this giant thing. Which questions they are exactly, I don't really remember.