This is the opening sentence of this essay, which needs to have an extremely good hook or interesting statement in order to appeal to the reader, which is, in most cases, a teacher. This is the sentence that conveys what the main topic of the essay is, which in this case is to mock an actual essay, in a thesis statement, and then list the reason that support the main topic of the essay.

A new paragraph symbolizes the first "body" paragraph, which talks about the first reason listed in the thesis; however, since the first reason (as well as all of them) is absent, a random topic has to be inserted in for the sake of this mockery of an essay, such as "Percy the Perky Purple Penguin". This sentence would normally give a concrete detail on the topic of this paragraph, but since the topic in this case is so pathetic and loose, all this sentence does at this point is confuse you. This sentence realizes that this essay will get five points taken away because the previous sentence used "you", a formal word in what should be an informal essay, while still trying to stay on topic. A reinstatement of the first sentence of this paragraph is inserted here in order to give it proper closure and begin the next one.

The second paragraph obviously begins here, due to the facts that the beginning of the sentence broke from the previous paragraph and that the essay just completely switched topics, but still pertains to the thesis. This sentence suddenly notices that the same word has been used to start too many sentences, so some variation needs to be used in order to spice up the quality of this essay, even though it has most likely lost all credibility by now; in order to stay on topic, a detail is inserted here that directly relates to the thesis, and in a surpirse twist, a unique interpretation of the fact mentioned earlier in this increasingly long sentence (if there even was a fact in the first place) is put here, which is sometimes a wise option to use to express your own opinion, and this sentence is now being penalized for being a run-on sentence. This sentence does not belong in the paragraph, but is often written by students anyways to make their essay seem longer. Now the second paragraph is summarized to remind the reader that the thesis is still there, and should not be forgotten.

The third body paragraph goes here, with another thesis-holder, which will be "cactus", even if there's not many ways a cactus is part of an essay. Evidence towards "cactus" is put here in order to make it more relevant, but in the case of this essay, all relevant hope is lost. This sentence doesn't really say anything new, but is included in order to meet the minimum sentence requirement. This sentence punishes the last one for using the apostrophe, which will not (instead of "won't") be permitted in college. Just like the others, the paragraph is wrapped up right here.

This sentence jumps right back to the thesis, connecting all of the information together and summarizing it all up in a sentence that might make someone annoyed why they had to read all the little details within the body unless they were actually interested in it. This sentence takes one last breath in order to close the essay properly with something the reader may have to think about, making it a quality mock essay. This sentence finalizes the concluding paragraph, and the paper as well.