BROTHERLY LOVE
By Sarah Wartman
PART THIRTY-ONE
In one quick motion, JC grabbed my arm and pulled me into the dressing room with him. I was scared we’d get caught and there was a lot of fear in JC’s eyes as we stood together in the tiny dressing room.
JC looked down at me and tried to smile at me so I would calm down a bit. He leaned over and kissed me and I closed my eyes, savoring this kiss. Because, for some reason, I had a bad feeling it would be the last for a long time.
We stayed in the dressing room for a while, and when we thought the coast was clear, we both walked out, only to be greeted with an unhappy Chris.
JC gasped and my eyes grew wide. I couldn’t figure out what the big deal was. So Chris and Justin knew, it couldn’t be that bad.
“I should have known,” Chris muttered, more at JC than me. “And as for you,” he said, grabbing my arm. “We’re going home right now.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, pulling my arm free from his grip. “I’m not going anywhere, what is wrong with you?”
“Isabelle,” Chris yelled and I grew red in the face. Why was he doing this? Why must he embarrass me? “We are going home right now.”
“Why?” I asked him.
“Why?” Chris looked over at JC and said, “want me to tell her or do you want to?”
JC looked away from me quickly and I felt tears rise into my eyes. “Would someone please tell me what’s going on?” I cried. Justin tried to put his arm around me to comfort me but I shrugged him off. “Well?”
JC cleared his throat. “Well, I’m sort of not supposed to see you.”
I turned to Chris, furious. “What? Who the hell do you think you are?”
“You lower your voice young lady,” Chris demanded. “I don’t want you causing a scene.”
“Oh, fuck off Chris. I can’t believe you….”
“Let’s go Isabelle,” Chris demanded.
“No!” I screamed and wrapped my arms around JC. “I’m not going anywhere.”
JC turned to me and grabbed my hands. “Maybe you should just go,” he whispered.
I didn’t try to control the tears that fell down my face. “But JC”
“Shhh…” JC said, putting his fingertip on my lips. “It’ll be alright.”
I shook my head as the tears flowed down my cheeks. Chris grabbed me by the arm and started pulling me away from him. JC looked so sad, as if he might break into tears also. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t fighting for me, why he didn’t stand up to Chris. I quickly brushed Chris off of me and walked next to him, my head bowed down in defeat. My happiness, once again, had been snatched away from me.
I turned around one last time before leaving the store, to see JC and Justin both watching us leave. I felt like a five year old being dragged out of the store by my dad, angry I had gotten out of control and played underneath the sale rounders like I did when I was little.
But I wasn’t little anymore. I was twenty-one years old, perfectly able to make decisions for myself. If only Chris would let me.
PART THIRTY-TWO
Chris grabbed me by the arm and pushed me towards his car out in the parking lot. “What about my car?” I asked him.
“Where did you park?” he asked me.
I pointed in the general direction and Chris drove there slowly. He parked directly behind my car and looked at me.
“You are to go straight home. I’ll be following you, so don’t try any tricks, Isabelle.”
Defeated, I slammed the door to his car and got into mine. What a dick. I climbed into the driver’s seat and we were soon on our way back home.
I couldn’t see what the big deal was. So JC and I had feelings for each other. By the way Chris was acting, you’d think we had committed a serious crime or something. But figuring out Chris was like trying to figure out why the sky was blue. You just don’t even bother.
We got home and I raced inside. “Go to your room,” Chris told me and I spun around quickly.
“Excuse me?”
“Go to your room I said.”
I laughed loudly. “Oh, get off your high horse Christopher. You have no authority to tell me what to do. I’m twenty-one years old!”
Chris ascended the stairs and got right in my face. “Would you like me to tell mother about your little escapade this morning? And, if you think about it, I have every right to tell you what to do. Who do you think is paying for your college education?”
I couldn’t help the tears that flowed freely from my eyes. I felt like a four year old. Defeated, I walked into my room and slammed the door. I’d much rather be alone up here instead of being downstairs around him anyway.
I threw myself on my bed and cried like a toddler. Why was happiness such a hard thing for me to hold on to? Why did Chris feel the need to ruin my life 24/7?
After a good cry, I sat up and looked around my room, looked at all my pictures of JC. They only made the hurt worse.
I picked my purse off the floor and searched for a kleenex when my hand ran across the c.d. JC had given me. I slowly pulled it out of my purse and turned it over in my hands. Walking over to my stereo, I pulled out the c.d. and placed it in the player and pushed play. I looked at the inside cover to see JC had written on it.
‘Dearest Isabelle – I had been working on this for a while. I finally completed it a couple days ago. Listen to the words closely and think of me. I love you.’
I sat down on my bed and listened to the words, just as JC wanted. It was the most beautiful song I had ever heard. It was JC singing and playing the piano at the same time. I could only imagine how much work this was, writing a song just for me. I layed back and closed my eyes, putting the song on repeat….
(Note: okay, so this isn’t written by JC. It’s actually a song by Michael W. Smith. Just thought it fit well here.)
I am amazed when I look at you.
I see you smiling back at me,
It’s like all my dreams come true.
I am afraid if I lost you girl,
I’d fall from through cracks and lose my track
In this crazy, lonely world.
Sometimes it’s so hard to believe,
When the nights can be so long.
And faith gave me the strength,
And kept me on and on.
You are the love of my life,
And I’m so glad you found me.
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me.
I guess this is how it feels
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night
You are my love, the love of my life.
Now here you are,
With midnight closing in.
You take my hand as our shadows dance
With moonlight on your skin
I look in your eyes,
I’m lost inside your kiss.
I think if I’d never met you,
About all the things I’d miss.
Sometimes it’s so hard to believe,
When a love can be so strong.
And faith gave me the strength
That kept me on and on.
You are the love of my life,
And I’m so glad you found me.
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me.
I guess this how it feels
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night,
You are my love, the love of my life.
You are the love of my life,
And I’m so glad you found me.
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me.
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night,
You are my love
My angel in the night,
You are my love
The love of my life.
After listening to it a couple dozen times, I grabbed my purse and quickly ran towards the window, my one escape from this torture.
PART THIRTY-THREE
I hoped in my car quietly and quickly backed out of the driveway. I flipped through radio stations, trying to find something to listen to. It felt as if my life was spinning out of control. I knew Chris and my mom would be furious I left, but at this point, I didn’t care. Who made them God, anyway? Hell, I was old enough to move out and make it on my own. Not like I could, but it’s a nice thought. Just think of the tabloid headings, ‘Chris Kirkpatrick’s kid sister runs away after scuffle with big brother over hot, sordid affair with fellow band member.’
I drove into Justin’s driveway and ran up to his house. I knew Chris would think I’d run off to JC’s, so I tried to fool him by going to Justin’s. But at this point, I could have cared less what Chris had to think of me.
I ran into the house without even knocking. Lynn was on the sofa, watching TV and turned around quickly.
“Isabelle!” she exclaimed, standing up quickly. “What’s wrong?”
I muffled back my tears and asked, “is Justin here?”
“Yeah, he’s upstairs. Anything I can do, dear?” she asked me, worried.
“No, thanks Lynn,” I answered and run upstairs.
I stormed into Justin’s room. He looked up from the TV at me. Shocked, he stood up quickly and turned the TV off.
“Isabelle, what are you doing here? Does Chris know where you are?”
“Who the fuck cares, Justin? He’s not my father!” I screamed at him.
“Shhh,” he said and wrapped me in a hug. But I pushed him away.
“Why did you take him to the mall, Justin? Why did you tell him? I thought you were my friend!” I yelled at him, balling like a baby.
“Hey, wait a second Belle. He just dropped by and asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I didn’t even know you two were back together, I didn’t know what Chris was up to.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and slowly shrunk into the carpet, still crying. Neither of us said anything for a moment and I finally looked up at him. I had been crying for so long, my eyes burnt and my head throbbed. Justin smiled weakly at me.
“JC wrote me a song,” I muttered softly.
Justin sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. “I know Belle. I helped him record it.”
“You did?” I whispered.
He nodded. “He worked so hard to make that song perfect for you.”
I sighed. The tears came to a halt and I just felt like sleeping for an eternity. “How am I going to live without him?”
Justin didn’t say anything. He just pulled me into his arms. I closed my eyes and welcomed sleep. I had never felt so tired or defeated in my entire life.
~*~*~*~
I awoke and found myself on Justin’s bed. I looked at the clock to see I had been sleeping for about an hour. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes. Turning around, I found JC sitting in the corner and I gasped. Hearing me, he looked up and tried to smile at me. He watched me walk over to him and sit in front of him. He brought his hands to my face and rubbed my cheeks.
“You’ve been crying,” he said softly.
I nodded.
He sighed and smiled at me. “I love you Belle. I wish it didn’t have to end like this.”
“I know,” I told him, sitting on his lap and leaning back onto his chest. “Thank you for the song.”
“You liked it?”
I turned around to face him. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard.”
He kissed me lightly on the cheek. “You better get going. I’m sure Chris is wondering where you are.”
I looked away and nodded. “I know.”
“It’ll be okay Isabelle. I promise.”
I nodded and stood up. I didn’t know how he could be so confident. I didn’t think anything could ever be okay again. I’d lost JC, for good this time, and I knew nothing I said or did would change that.
PART THIRTY-FOUR
“Are you ready Isabelle?” I heard Justin yell at me.
“Yeah,” I yelled back, adjusting my dress one last time. It was two months since that horrible day at the mall. It was the night of the Billboard Awards, and I couldn’t have cared less. I knew there were thousands of girls who would have killed to be in my shoes. After all, I was going to an awards show with the most handsome bachelor in America. Yet, I never wanted to stay at home more in my life.
I smoothed my dark gray dress over my body and tried to smile. ‘The color matches your mood,’ I told myself. Over these past few months I had lost a lot of weight. Probably due to depression, it kind of takes away your appetite. Everyone was worried about me. But I kept insisting I was okay. I figured if I said it enough, I’d actually start to believe it.
I descended the stairs and Justin greeted me by kissing my hand. “You look gorgeous Belle.”
“Thanks Justin.”
“Chris and Dani already went to the limo.”
“Oh, okay,” I muttered and let Justin lead me out to the limo that was awaiting us. I knew everyone was watching me walk out to the car, especially JC. It was so hard seeing him all the time, but I had no choice but to bite my tongue and go along with the show. After all, this was about pleasing Chris, as it always had been.
I slid into the limo next to Dani and she smiled at me. “You look great Isabelle.”
“Thanks,” I told her. I looked over at everyone. The guys were dressed in their best, as were their dates. I looked over at JC and smiled. His date was absolutely gorgeous. She was tall and skinny with long blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes. It almost made me wonder if her name was Bambi.
“You doing okay?” Justin whispered in my ear.
“I will be once it’s over,” I whispered back.
I avoided JC’s stares the whole way there. I just couldn’t wait until May. I planned on moving as far away from Florida as possible after graduation. Hopefully I’d fall mad in love and be able to change my name, therefore breaking any tie to Chris I could. I could be a totally new person, not having to deal with any of the ‘N SYNC bullshit.
We got to the awards ceremony and were quickly escorted to our seats. Chris made sure JC and I sat as far away from each other as possible. And for some reason, I didn’t mind. Justin kept smiling, squeezing my hand to reassure me, but nothing helped. I felt numb. It didn’t even feel like this was happening to me. It almost felt like a bad dream.
The guys were up for ‘Best New Album’ award. Not to be cruel, but I didn’t think they stood a chance against the Goo Goo Dolls and Run DMC. But when I heard their name announced, I could help the smile that formed around my mouth. After all, they did deserve it, they had worked really hard on their new album. The guys all stood up and started hugging one another. Dani and I stood up and briefly hugged each other. Justin kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tightly.
“Congratulations,” I whispered in his ear.
“Thanks Bella.”
I took turns hugging the rest of the guys. After hugging Chris and Joey and Lance, I stood back to see JC staring at me. I forced a weak smile and hugged him quickly. I could tell he was disappointed, but I couldn’t help it. Being near him was hard enough, but this was pure torture.
Dani and I sat down and watched as the five made their way to the stage. They all stood around the microphone, all smiling and saying their thank-you’s. Chris was the last to speak. And the amazing words he had to say left me drowning in my tears.
PART THIRTY-FIVE
I practically had to pinch myself. Chris’s words shocked me and surprised me to my very core.
“First I’d like to thank God and my family,” Chris said into the microphone. “Because without them, I wouldn’t be here tonight. I know I have a time limit, but I have to get this out. I’d like to dedicate this award to my wonderful sister, who is my living inspiration and reminder as to how wonderful my life really is. Isabelle, I know you think I’m too controlling, but I am that way in fear of losing you. But I’ve realized I’ve been to over bearing and for that I am truly sorry. Recently I’ve made choices for you out of pure selfishness, trying to keep you a little girl and my baby sister forever, and I’ve come to realize I can’t do that anymore. Now, I’m telling you I’m not going to interfere in anything anymore, especially your love life, unless you need me to. It breaks my heart to see you hurting,” he said and chuckled. “I bet you cut that out, huh?” he asked the cameraman and the audience laughed.
As the guys were escorted off the stage, JC turned to find me. Tears of happiness were steadily flowing down my face. It seemed as if this night was a dream. Dani saw me crying and leaned over and hugged me.
“Why did he decide to do this?” I asked her.
“He’d have to be an idiot to think he could keep you two apart forever,” she told me. “Plus, look at you! You’re deathly depressed and you’re too damn skinny. He just decided to do this, and thought this was the best way to apologize.”
I sat back, still in shock. Chris had truly changed. He decided to let JC and I be together. Suddenly, butterflies started fluttering in my stomach as I thought about holding and being with JC. Just the thought sent my head spinning.
During a commercial break, the guys were escorted back to their seats. I jumped up and hugged Chris tightly the second he was in my reach.
“Thank you so much,” I whispered in his ear. “You have no idea what this means to me.”
“Yeah I do,” he said and pulled away. He cupped my face in his hands. “But, you do realize, he hurts you, I kill him. Got it?”
“He won’t Chris,” I told him.
Chris nodded. “I know. Just be careful.”
I nodded as he pushed past me and sat down next to Dani. I looked up to see JC standing before me. He never looked more handsome and I could honestly say I never wanted him more than I did at that moment.
“Bella,” he whispered and smiled at me.
“Joshua,” I whispered.
And with one quick motion, he scooped me up into his arms and hugged me tightly. The tears started flowing down my cheeks again. We pulled apart from our embrace and I quickly wiped my tears and sat down in my chair.
JC took the seat next to me and laughed softly. I looked over at him and threw him a nasty look. “Are you laughing at me?”
“Leave it to you to be crying at a moment like this.”
I hit him lightly on his arm. “Shut up, I’m just happy, that’s all.”
JC grabbed my hands and kissed them. “You couldn’t be any more happier than I am.”
“That’s doubtful,” I said and leaned into him and placed my forehead on his. “Can you believe this?”
JC smiled at me. “I know.”
“You have a big nose,” I told him, recalling saying that to him at my birthday party. “Do you remember me telling you that?”
“Yeah. Even then, I knew I loved you.” he said and smiled.
I leaned back. “You did?”
JC nodded. “I’ve always known Isabelle.”
And in that moment, I also knew. And I knew this night would change everything. I contemplating kissing him. But there were so many high league, important people all around us.
I looked at JC to see him smiling at me with so much sincerity and love in his eyes. I threw my guard to the wind and placed my hand behind his neck and pressed his lips to mine. And I knew after this night, I knew nothing would be the same. And I couldn’t wait.
THE END!