A CHANGE OF HEART
By Sarah Wartman
PART ELEVEN
A couple days passed and I didn’t talk to any of the guys. Nicki had heard about my outburst from Josh, but she knew how I was and what was going on with me. I was on the phone with her one afternoon after coming home from working.
“Oh Sarah, you wouldn’t believe what Josh said to me this morning,” Nicki told me.
“Probably not,” I muttered as I flipped through the channels on the TV.
I heard Nicki sigh loudly. I felt bad that I wasn’t more interested in what was happening with her, but I couldn’t help it. “I’m talking about him too much, aren’t I?”
“No, it’s okay, Nicki,” I said and was interrupted by beeps, letting me know I had another call. ”Hey, Nicki, I got another call, hold on, k?”
“K,” she said.
“Hello?” I asked after clicking over.
“Is this Sarah?” an unfamiliar voice asked.
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“Oh, this is Beth. You remember, Chris’s girlfriend?”
“Oh, yeah, hi! What’s up?”
“Not much, how about you?” she asked me.
“Nothing. How did you get my number?”
“Justin,” she told me.
“I figured.”
“Well, Marianne and I are going to this new club tomorrow, The Granada. Lance and Chris are doing some guy thing, so it would be just the two of us. And we were wondering if you and Nicki and Carrie would like to come along. The more, the merrier, we figure.”
“Um, yeah, sure. I got Nicki on the other line and I’m sure she’d like to come.”
“Great, you want to meet us there, then?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, see you later!”
“Bye,” I said and clicked back over to Nicki. “Sorry, that was Beth, you remember her, don’t you?”
“Yeah, sure, what did she want?”
“She invited us and Carrie to go clubbing with them tomorrow.”
“Oh, that sounds like fun,” Nicki said. “Yeah, sure, I think Josh is doing stuff with the other guys tomorrow.”
“Well, you call Carrie and ask her if that’s okay.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later!”
“Bye,” I said and hung up the phone. I put my phone down and wondered what I’d do the rest of the day. I didn’t have any other houses to clean and Nicki was busy doing something with Josh later on. And thankfully mom was off visiting some friends and wouldn’t be home until late.
I picked up my phone and dialed Justin’s cell phone. I let it ring several times but there was no number. Frustrated, I hung up and dialed his pager number.
“What up, Sarah?” Justin asked when he answered his page.
“Hey, Justin, where are you?”
“Over at JC’s.”
“How come you don’t have your cell phone with you?” I asked him.
“Oh, the battery died. How are you doing?”
“I’m better. Sorry for going psycho on you like that the other day.”
“Don’t worry about it. You were just scarring me.”
“Well, it’s over and I don’t want to talk about it,” I told him.
“That’s koo. What are you doing?”
“I’m just bored out of my mind.”
“Why don’t you come over here then?”
“I don’t know,” I hesitated.
“Joey’s not here if that makes you feel better,” Justin told me.
“Who is there?”
“Everyone except Joey. But JC is leaving later on.”
“I know. Are Beth and Marianne there?” I asked.
“Yep, sure are. They’re watching a movie and JC and I are playing PlayStation. Come on over, if you’d like.”
“Well, okay, just for a bit I guess,” I told him and hung up the phone.
PART TWELVE
“Oh, hey Sarah, come on in,” Beth told me.
I stepped into JC’s house and looked around. “Where’s Justin and Josh?” I asked her.
“They’re upstairs in JC’s room. You can go up there, if you want. Chris, Mare, Lance and I are in the living room watching Scream 2 and you’re welcome to join us.”
I peeked my head into the living room and saw Lance and Marianne in a hot and heavy make-out session. Chris saw me and waved.
“I think I’ll go check on Justin,” I told her as I waved back.
“Okay!”
I climbed the stairs and followed the yelling until I found Justin and JC sprawled out on the floor of his room in the middle of a game. They were yelling at the top of their lungs and hitting each other. I cleared my throat, but neither seemed to notice. I sighed and plopped down in the middle of them.
“Oh, hey Sar,” Justin yelled.
“Um, Justin, I’m right here. No need to yell.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Ha, I beat your skinny punk ass again!” JC yelled.
“Oh, darn, is the game over?” I asked them, faking my disappointment.
“Yeah, but let’s start another one,” Justin told JC.
“Let’s not,” I told them and turned off the power on the PlayStation.
“Hey! Sarah!” Justin said, turning to me.
“Oh, chill ghetto boy. It’s just a game,” I told him.
“I gotta get ready anyway,” JC told us, standing up.
“So, you probably want us to leave then,” Justin stated.
“He’s a quick one, isn’t he?” I asked JC as I pulled Justin out of the room.
“So, you gonna help me with the stuff we talked about?” Justin asked me out in the hall.
“If you’d like me too.”
I spent the rest of the afternoon talking to Justin about his language, so that he could impress Carrie. After a couple of hours, he kind of had it down and was speaking less and less ghetto talk and more and more like a normal human being. I also helped him with a couple other things he asked about, and by early evening, he seemed like a brand new man.
“You sure this is gonna work?” he asked me.
“I guess we’ll see,” I told him as I picked up my keys.
“Hey, Sarah, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, sure, what?”
“Um, I know it’s probably none of my business, but what’s going on with you and Joey?” he asked me.
“Nothing, why?”
“Well, see, that’s why I don’t get girls. I saw at the mall how you were all flirting with him and I know you think he’s cute and stuff. You’ve told me so. But when he tried to kiss you, you turned your head! That’s a major foul!”
“Justin, it’s a long story. It’s not that I don’t like Joey, because I do, but I have reasons for keeping my distance.”
“Well, someday, I hope you’ll tell me about it,” he told me.
“Yeah, maybe someday. I’ll see you later,” I told him as I left.
~*~*~*~
“You ready?” JC asked Nicki at the door.
“Yep, sure am,” she told him.
They walked out to JC’s Jeep and he opened the door for her. “You really are a gentleman, aren’t you?”
“I try to be,” he answered.
On the way to the restaurant, Nicki was looking through JC’s cd’s, and stumbled across his ‘NSYNC cd. She looked at it in astonishment and flipped it over a few times.
“Josh, you never told me,” Nicki stated.
JC looked over at what Nicki was looking at. “Oh, you mean-“
“You never told me you were a famous singer person!” Nicki said frantically.
“Sorry, does it make a difference?” he asked.
“Well, I guess not. I just….wow….”
JC laughed at the look on Nicki’s face. They happened to be at a red light and he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
“Do Sarah and Carrie know?” she asked after a long pause.
“I think Sarah does,” JC said as he turned into the restaurant.
“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me!” Nicki exclaimed.
“Guess it slipped her mind.”
“Josh, something like that doesn’t just slip your mind.”
“Well, from what you’ve told me, she’s had a lot to deal with lately. Obviously she had other things on her mind.”
“That’s probably it,” Nicki said.
“I’m sure it is,” JC said, taking her hand and leading her into the restaurant.
PART THIRTEEN
“Damn, Carrie, hurry up!” Nicki yelled up the stairs.
“Fine, fine, I’m coming!”
She quickly raced down the stairs and met up with Nicki and I. Carrie was dressed in a short black skirt and Nicki was decked out in tight black pants with a white shirt. I, on the other hand, was wearing a red and white plaid, short, strappy dress. Even though it took Carrie forever, I had to admit her hair put up with little clips was cute, as was Nicki’s. Mine, on the other hand, was just straight and down. I didn’t have the energy to put it up.
When we got to the club we were surprised there weren’t more people there than there was. The club wasn’t crowded at all and we didn’t have any trouble spotting Marianne and Beth in a table in the corner. They waved us over and we got to discussing lots of different things and we got to know each other a lot better. They got to talking about Lance, Chris and JC and I decided now was a perfect time to go get a drink.
“Hey, I’m gonna go to the bar. Anyone want to come with me?” I asked, standing up.
“I will!” Carrie said, standing up quickly. I think she was just as eager to get away from that conversation as I was.
“Nicki, can I ask you something?” Marianne asked the second Carrie and I were out of earshot.
“Um, yeah,” Nicki answered.
“What’s up with Sarah?” Marianne blurted out.
“Mare!” Beth exclaimed, elbowing her in the side.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but really. The whole Joey situation and all, he’s so smitten with her and all she does is blow him off,” Marianne explained. “I mean, he is our friend and we were wondering what was going on.”
“Smitten? He hardly knows her.”
“Well, Justin knows her pretty well and tells Joey everything. Please tell us.”
“Well, it’s really complicated,” Nicki explained.
“So, you can’t talk about it?” Beth asked.
“No, that’s not it. It’s really hard to explain. All the men in her life have left her or disappointed her in some way, shape or form, that’s all.”
“Really?” Marianne and Beth asked at the same time.
Nicki looked over at the bar to see Carrie and I talking, our heads slightly nodding to the beat of the music.
“Well,” Nicki started, turning back around. “I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you. I’m sure she won’t care that I told you two, I just don’t think she’d want it broadcasted to everyone on the planet, know what I mean?”
“Yeah,” Marianne said, anxious to hear what Nicki was gonna say.
“Well, I’ll start with her so-called father. He split about three years ago when Sarah and I were still in high school. They were like best friends until one day he just packed up and left. She hasn’t seen him since, he just writes every once in a while. She was and still is an emotional wreck, as you can imagine. And the worst part is that her mother blames her and takes it out on her every chance she gets. I’ve witnessed some of the things she says to Sarah and it’s just horrible, I don’t know how she takes it. One time she came over to my house bawling hysterically and my mom and I couldn’t calm her down, it was really scary.”
“Oh, that’s awful,” Beth whispered.
“And her older brother takes her mother’s side. He and their father never got along. Her mom pays his rent, so of course he’s gonna go along with her. Sometimes some of the stuff he says to her is worse than what her mom says.
“Well, a little after her dad split, she started dating a guy named Ryan. I think it was just because she needed a man in her life and he just happened to come around at the perfect time. And he knew it. She fell in love with him quickly and thought he walked on water. Love blinded her so that she couldn’t see how he really was. He cheated on her every chance he had and it got so bad as to where he’d bring his flings around to parties and stuff and she’d be standing in the same room.”
“Well, at one of these parties, she was so plastered, she just walked right over and started yelling at him. I think she had all this built up anger inside, and just seeing him walk in with another girl just pushed her over the edge. I was trying to hold her back and hush her up, but nothing worked. Words started flying and all of a sudden he slapped her across the face. I don’t think he would have done it had he been sober, but still, it happened. I got her away from there fast and that was the end of that. Ever since, she’s been very careful, and for good reason, I think. I mean, he’ll always have a place in heart and I do understand that. But, every time a new guy comes around, she’s overly cautious. She’s just afraid to get burned again. I’ll be surprised if she ever lets a guy in again, to tell you the truth,” Nicki finished and took a sip of her drink.
Marianne and Beth sat back, totally stunned. “Wow, we had no idea,” Beth whispered.
“Yeah, well,” Nicki said and looked over at me at the bar. Nicki saw where my gaze had fallen and she looked over at the front door.
“Oh, shit,” Nicki yelled before getting up and running over to me.
PART FOURTEEN
My eyes were glued to the front door. I tried so hard not too stare, but it’s kind of like driving by a car accident. You don’t want to watch, but you sort of can’t help but look.
“Nicki!” I screamed. I looked over to see her running towards me. “Nicki!” I yelled again as she reached the bar.
“Okay, Sarah, calm down,” she whispered.
“Calm down?” I asked desperately, my hands shaking. “How do you suggest I do that, look what just walked in!”
Just then Marianne and Beth walked over to us. “You okay?” they asked me.
I was unable to answer them; I just watched the door.
"Talk about one fucked up coincidence,” Nicki muttered.
“So, who is that?” Marianne asked Nicki, pointing towards the guy who was starring at us from across the room.
“Ryan.”
Just then, I watched Ryan walk across the club. He stopped right in front of me and smiled the smile he knew I never could resist.
“Hey, Sarah, how have you been?” he asked me.
Unable to say anything, I looked over at Nicki to come to my aide. She stepped up to him and said, “just leave her alone.”
“What? Can’t I ask a friend for a dance?”
“No,” Nicki answered.
“No, it’s okay,” I whispered, pushing Nicki back from Ryan.
“Sarah!”
“It’s just a dance, Nicki,” I told her.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
"I’m sorry,” I muttered and let Ryan lead me out to the dance floor. I knew Nicki only had the best intentions, but she just didn’t understand the connection Ryan and I had. Yes, we went through a lot of bad times. But there were so many good times too, some Nicki didn’t even know about. And for some reason, whenever I think of him, it’s the good things I remember, not the bad.
“I don’t believe this,” Nicki said, turning back around to face the others. “This is so not a good thing.”
“Yeah, the guy does look like a slime ball,” Marianne told them.
“He is such a manipulator. Did you see the way he just threw her a sexy smile and acted all suave? I swear, if I was a guy, I’d deck his ass.”
“Well, maybe they’ll just dance and that’ll be it,” Beth suggested.
“Not likely,” Carrie mumbled and Nicki nodded in agreement.
“Let’s just hope this song ends soon,” Nicki told them.
~*~*~*~
“You know, it feels so good holding you in my arms again.”
“Ryan, don’t, please,” I begged him.
“What? I can’t help the way I feel,” he told me.
I pulled back and looked at him. “Do you honestly expect me to believe anything you say?”
“Oh, come on Sarah, baby. I’m so sorry I did what I did, but it was two years ago. I’ve matured.”
“What, getting no play in college?” I asked him.
He chuckled loudly and I instantly knew he was trashed. Who was I kidding, of course he wouldn’t talk to me like that sober. I pulled away from his embrace quickly and he stumbled.
“Baby! Where are you going?”
"Anywhere you aren’t,” I told him.
“What’s the problem?”
I walked back over to him. “You’re the problem. You’ve been my problem for the past three years. I swear, everywhere I go, whatever I do, I see you. I feel you. And I hate myself for that! Don’t you understand?”
I saw him shake his head in confusion and I sighed. It was pointless. I turned to walk away and I felt him grab my arm. He spinned me around and kissed me, taking me by total surprise. He held on to me tightly and jammed his tongue down my throat. I coughed and gagged and finally pushed him off. I rose my hand to slap him, but in mid-air I stopped. I was numb, all I could feel were a few tears roll down my cheek.
“You know, it’s not even worth it,” I told him and walked away, leaving him totally stunned. With my head bowed, I headed back to the bar. But only after a few steps, I accidentally bumped into someone on the dance floor.
“Oh, sorry,” I muttered, almost falling over.
“Hey, easy there,” the voice said as he caught me. I looked up and into the kindest looking eyes I’d ever seen and suddenly felt very safe.
PART FIFTEEN
“I’m sorry,” I said, regaining my composure. I looked down and rearranged my dress.
“You okay, Sarah?”
I looked up quickly and studied his face. It was really dark, but those eyes couldn’t be mistaken anywhere.
“Joey?”
“Yeah. What’s going on?” he asked me, nodding towards the direction where Ryan still stood.
“Nothing. Sorry I didn’t recognize you, I’ve never seen you without a hat down in your face.”
“No, I apologize. I should have watched where I was going,” he said. He brought his hand to my face and wiped away the few tears that had escaped.
“I must look just awful,” I said, looking down on the floor.
“On the contrary, I’ve never seen you look more beautiful.”
My heart started beating fast. I saw him inch closer to me and I panicked. “Excuse me,” I muttered and fled. I heard Nicki yell for me, but I ran right past the bar and into the ladies’ room. I leaned up against the counter top and took a couple deep breaths. I heard the door open and I saw Nicki standing there. I quickly fixed my make-up while she just stood there, studying me.
“What happened out there?” she asked me.
“What do you think happened?”
“What happened with Ryan?”
I sighed loudly and turned towards her. “I just….God everything just happened so quickly and….” I stuttered out. She walked up to me and hugged me.
“I thought the guys were doing a guy thing tonight,” I said as I pulled away.
“They are. They just happened to do the guy thing where we were doing the girl thing.”
“Oh.”
“Come on. Let’s go back out there,” she said and pulled me out of the restroom and back over to the bar. Lance and Chris had found Marianne and Beth. And JC, Joey and Justin were standing around near Carrie. Justin saw me and quickly walked over to us.
“You okay?”
“I really wish everyone would stop asking me that. You look good,” I said, noticing Justin had taken some care to picking out his outfit.
“You like?” he asked, smoothing out his plaid shirt.
“Yes, looks very nice.”
“Nice? Stuffed animals are nice.”
I sighed. “Fine. How about sexy?”
“That’s much better,” he replied, grinning with satisfaction.
We made our way back over to the bar. All ten of us stood around, just talking. I noticed Ryan was no where in site, for which I was thankful. I noticed Carrie checking out Justin every once in a while and I pulled her aside.
“Carrie, I think you should ask Justin to dance,” I told her.
She laughed. “And why should I do that?”
“Because I said you should,” I told her.
“And that’s a good reason?”
I smiled. “I’m not blind, Care. I’ve been watching you check him out all night,” I told her.
“Oh, fine,” she said and walked over to him. I saw his face light up and he threw me a grin.
With a satisfied smile, I walked back over to the others. Eventually, they all got up as couples and went to the dance floor, leaving Joey and myself alone. I looked over at him and smiled.
“Well, this is awkward,” I told him.
“Yeah, well, I guess maybe I should ask you to dance,” he said slyly.
“Maybe you should.”
He got up and led me to the dance floor. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I thought I heard Joey say something and I looked up at him. But instead of saying anything, he leaned down and kissed me. And this time, I didn’t turn my head.
“That was nice,” he said as he pulled away, his face just inches from mine.
“Yeah it was,” I whispered.
“That was much better than your cheek.”
I laughed. “Was my cheek so bad?”
“Under the circumstances, yeah.”
I smiled at him, not knowing what to say.
“Well, maybe I should do that again,” he stated.
“Maybe you should,” I told him as he brought his lips to mine again.
TO BE CONTINUED