A CHANGE OF HEART
By Sarah Wartman
PART TWENTY-ONE
“Oh, Sarah, come on. You just have to!”
"Nicki, my mom would know I was lying,” I told her. I was laying in bed later that night, listening to the radio.
“My mom would cover for you if she called. It’s simple, just tell your mom you’re staying the night over at my house, that’s what Carrie is doing. Girl, all ten of us over at Josh’s? Watching scary movies til the break of dawn? You can’t tell me that doesn’t sound like fun.”
“I didn’t say it didn’t, Nickers.”
“Come on, please? It won’t be as much as fun if you aren’t there.”
I sighed loudly. “Okay.”
“Great!” she shrieked. “I gotta go call Josh and tell him you’re gonna stay! Bye!”
~*~*~*~
I heard the doorbell ring and I darted down the stairs, carrying my backpack on my back. Right as I reached the doorknob, my mother yelled for me.
“What?” I yelled back. “Joey’s here.”
“Even though you’re staying at Nicki’s tonight, be sure you’re home before midnight,” my mother warned.
“Okay,” I mumbled and quickly walked out the door.
“Hi,” Joey said, standing in front of me with a huge grin. He was wearing a white polo shirt with a navy stripe on the collar and jeans. “You look nice.”
“Thanks,” I said, looking down at my green khaki shorts and white shirt.
“Ready?”
“Yeah,” I said as we walked down the walk. We got to his sparkling clean car and he opened the door. And there, sitting on my seat, was a single red rose.
“Oh, Joey,” I whispered, leaning down to pick it up. “It’s beautiful.”
“Well, a beautiful flower for a beautiful lady,” he told me, smiling. I leaned over and kissed him quickly and got in. He shut my door and quickly ran over to his side.
“So, where are we going?” I asked him as he sped away from my house.
“You’ll see,” was all he said.
I laughed loudly as he pulled into the Chuckie Cheese’s parking lot.
“What, you don’t like this place?” he asked me.
“Yeah, when I was five.”
Joey threw me a disapproving look. He found a parking place and quickly turned off the car and looked at me.
“You’re serious?”
“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun,” he told me as he got out.
“Oh, okay,” I said, slowly getting out. But on the inside, I was giddy like a little girl. I had a feeling tonight was going to be the best night of my life.
~*~*~*~
“So, what do you want?” Joey asked me as he counted the tickets we had accumulated.
“How many tickets do we have?” I asked excitedly.
“Umm,” Joey said as he finished counting. “86. What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” I said, looking at all the toys we could choose from. “Oh, wait, let’s get those,” I said, pointing at some bright colored pinwheels. The lady behind the counter got us two. “You still have 66 tickets,” she told us.
“Oh,” I said, turning to Joey.
“How about those,” he said, pointing towards two, small, matching bears. One had a pink dress on with a matching ribbon and the other had a sailor’s outfit on. Joey handed me the one wearing the sailor’s outfit and I laughed.
“What?” he asked.
“You really want the one wearing pink?”
“Of course, it’ll remind me of you,” he said, kissing me on a cheek.
“But I don’t wear pink.”
“Okay, smart ass,” he said as we were leaving.
“We’re going to have so much fun tonight,” Joey told me as he opened the door.
“I know,” I said, my eyes lighting up.
Joey closed my door and walked over to his. But as we were leaving the parking lot, rain started pouring down and I couldn’t shake the feeling that crept into my stomach. The feeling that something terrible was about to happen. If only I had known then what was in store….
PART TWENTY-TWO
“Where is everyone?” I asked as Joey gave me a piggy-back ride into Josh’s living room. Marianne and Lance were sitting in a recliner together and Beth and Chris were lounging in on the couch.
“Nicki, Carrie, Justin and JC are upstairs,” Marianne said, pulling away from Lance long enough to answer my question.
“What for?” I asked as Joey put me down.
Beth shrugged. “Nicki said ‘Children of the Corn’ was too scary for her and those four went upstairs to watch something else.”
‘That’s weird,’ I thought to myself. ‘Nicki and I had seen Children of the Corn hundreds of times.’
“I’m gonna go say hi to Nicki and the rest of them,” I told Joey as he sat down on the floor.
“Okay,” he said. He reached for my hand and tugged me down in front of him. “Don’t be gone for long.”
“I won’t,” I whispered back.
~*~*~*~
“No, see, I think Britney Spears DID get breast implants,” I heard Nicki say and I rolled my eyes and walked into Josh’s bedroom.
“Well, that would explain a lot,” Josh said.
I cleared my throat loudly to make my presence known. All four looked up from a magazine and smiled.
“Hey SJ, how was the date?” Nicki asked.
“It was fine,” I said, walking up to them and looking over their shoulders to see what they were reading.
“It’s the new US magazine,” Carrie explained. “We’re just discussing it,” she told me, a huge grin spread on her face.
“I see. Nicki, can I talk to you for a sec?”
Nicki looked over at the others and smiled. “Yeah,” she said and walked out into the hall with me.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me.
“Nothing, how come you aren’t downstairs watching the movie. I know ‘Children of the Corn’ isn’t too scary. What’s up?”
“Nothing, we just didn’t want to watch those four make-out all night. And now with you and Joey down there, it’ll get even worse,” she explained, giving me a huge smile.
“I doubt that,” I mumbled. Nicki gave me a weird look, but decided not to say anything after seeing the expression on my face.
“Okay, well, I’m gonna go back down stairs. Come down sometime,” I told her and she nodded.
~*~*~*~
Towards the middle of the movie I pretty much had my head buried in Joey’s chest the entire time. Nicki was right about Marianne, Beth, Lance and Chris. They sure didn’t worry about public display of affection. I guess they kind of forgot we were there.
I curled my feet up underneath me and placed my head back on Joey’s chest and covered my eyes.
“Are you cold?” Joey asked.
“I’m okay,” I mumbled, not wanting to make him get up.
“I’ll just go get a blanket. I’ll be right back,” he told me and stood up.
~*~*~*~
“Do you think Sarah will be okay?” Justin asked.
Nicki shrugged. “Yeah. If she’s gone through this much and made it this far, I think she can get through anything.”
Carrie and Josh nodded and looked down.
“But, I mean, I just don’t think it’s healthy to keep everything bottled up like she does. Has she gone to any counselors or anything?”
Nicki and Carrie nodded simultaneously. “Yeah, I think she’d be pretty psycho if she hadn’t.”
“Oh,” Justin muttered. “Well, I’m glad she has some good friends like you two. I just hope she’s told Joey like she said she would.”
“Told Joey what?”
The four looked up to see a shocked Joey standing in Josh’s doorway. Nicki, Carrie, Justin and Josh exchanged glances, not really sure what to say.
PART TWENTY-THREE
Everyone looked around frantically and Joey crossed his hands over his chest. “I’m waiting.”
JC cleared his throat loudly. “Nothing, it’s nothing.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
Justin stood up and walked over to him. “It’s not our place to say anything, Joe.”
“Fine then,” Joey muttered and headed back downstairs.
~*~*~*~
I looked up to see Joey storm into the room and I instantly knew something was wrong. I noticed Carrie, Nicki, Justin and JC slowly following behind him.
“Is there something you need to tell me?” Joey asked me, putting his hands on his waist.
“Huh?” I asked. I looked behind him to see Nicki’s face and I felt the hair on my neck stand up.
“You heard me.”
I stood up quickly. Joey’s outburst had caused Marianne, Beth, Chris and Lance to look up and watch. “What are you talking about?”
“You tell me.”
I walked up next to Joey. “This is not the time,” I muttered just loud enough for him to hear.
“Oh really,” he said, strutting around the room. “Obviously everyone else here knows your secret anyway. Am I right?”
I turned to see Lance and Chris look away, since Mare and Beth had told them all about my past. But that didn’t bother me one bit. This little outburst was what was bothering me. I looked over to see Justin mouth, ‘I’m sorry’ and I smiled reassuringly at him.
“Joey, stop this. You’re just embarrassing both of us.”
“Embarrassing? I’ll tell you what’s embarrassing. All your friends knowing everything about you. And then there’s me, the guy that’s fun to toy around with. Is that it Sarah?”
“Joey, there’s no need to do this,” I told him.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Tough, I want to know. Tell me,” he said.
I looked around to see all the others staring at me. I turned to see Joey’s eyes piercing through me and I freaked. I ran past him and outside. It was still pouring but I didn’t care. I ran out to the driveway, but realized I hadn’t driven.
“Shit,” I yelled.
I felt someone grab my arm and spin me around. “What is this?” Joey demanded.
“Good question,” I told him as I looked around, considering what I should do.
“What’s the big deal? What’s going on?”
I turned to him, the rain was so thick I could barely see him and he was standing right in front of me. I was almost thankful for the heavy downpour; it made it less obvious I was crying.
“Believe me, you don’t want to know.”
“But I do!”
“No you don’t,” I yelled. “Trust me, it’s too gruesome.”
“Sarah!” he yelled and wiped his soaked hair from his face. “Please!”
“Don’t do this,” I begged him. “You don’t want to know, trust me, it’s so embarrassing.”
I saw him wipe the rain off of his face. “It couldn’t be that bad.”
I swallowed the lump that had made its way up my throat. “It is though.”
Joey shook his head. “I don’t care.”
I turned back to Joey. I watched the rain run down his face and I saw a deep sincerity in his eyes and realized he deserved to know. I looked away and pushed back my hair from my face and stared off into the distance.
“Fine, you want to know everything, then I’ll tell you,” I said, turning back to face him.
PART TWENTY-FOUR
I cleared my throat loudly and looked down. I suddenly realized wearing a white shirt was a big mistake and I quickly crossed my arms over my drenched shirt.
“This is so hard,” I whispered, looking back up at him.
“Just say it!” Joey demanded.
I sighed loudly. “You want to know why I’ve been so….I don’t know, overly cautious? It’s because I’ve been hurt so many times.”
Joey looked at me quizzically. “We’ve all been hurt at some point in our lives.”
I chuckled at his statement. “Well, not like me.”
“What could be this bad? Bad enough to cause a scene like this?”
“Cause a scene?” I asked, astounded. “You’re the one who caused a scene in there!” I screamed, pointing towards the house.
“Cause I deserve to know what’s going on SJ! Everyone else does!” Joey yelled.
“I know,” I said. “Fine, I’ll give you the shortened version. I was really close to my father, that is, until he ran off about three years ago and I don’t hardly ever hear from him anymore. And my mother blames me for some reason. I think its cause she was jealous of how close we were. And my brother takes my mom’s side. I swear, if you have any idea how hard it is living with my mother….just ask Nicki, she knows all about it. I don’t want to talk about it, it just upsets me.”
“Is that it?” Joey asked.
I shook my head. “No. And two years a guy named Ryan broke my heart. I mean, into a million pieces. And since then, I haven’t been able to trust anyone. I probably never will.”
“But you can trust me,” Joey said, coming closer to me.
I stepped back quickly. “How do I know that? Ryan told me the same thing and look what happen. How do I know you won’t do the exact same thing he did?”
“Because I won’t!”
“But I don’t know that!” I yelled at him.
Joey looked around, unable to say anything. He wiped his face as the rain poured down. “You seem to trust Nicki and Carrie.”
“Because I’ve known them since I was little and they’ve never betrayed me,” I told him.
“And you trust Justin,” he fired.
“Not fully. I don’t know him well enough.”
“But Sarah, we all fight with our parents. You sure you’re not just exaggerating this?”
“No, I’m not exaggerating!” I screamed.
“Okay, calm down. Let’s go inside and discuss this,” he said, grabbing my hand.
“No I won’t calm down,” I yelled, pulling my hand free. “Has your mother ever called you a mistake? Ever wish, to your face, that you weren’t born? Constantly telling you you’re never good enough and that you never do anything right?”
Joey stood there, shocked. “Does she really say that to you?” he whispered.
I nodded slowly and watched the rain drops bounce off the driveway.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pulling me into a hug.
I quickly pulled free and wiped my hair out of my eyes. “Well, don’t be. I don’t want your pity.”
“So, you think putting up this protective shield is going to work? Not letting anyone get close to you? That’s not the way to live life, Sarah!”
“Well, it’s what works for me. You go through what I’ve been through, then you can judge.”
He just stood there, not knowing what to say. I stared at him for a long time, waiting for him to try to stop me from leaving. To hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. But instead, he stood there and watched the rain drip down my face. I shook my head and went over to Nicki’s car. I knew she wouldn’t mind if I took it and was thankful she left the keys in it.
I opened the door and started to get in when I heard Joey yell. “What are you so afraid of?”
I stood up and walked over slowly to him. “Isn’t it obvious?” I asked him.
Joey stood there and finally said, “you’re afraid I’m going to leave you too.”
“Well, you’re going to, aren’t you? Every other guy has.”
“No!” he screamed. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone! And I know you feel the same way, how can you just walk away from this?!”
I shook my head. “You will leave though.”
He shook his head in defiance. “No, I won’t!”
I shrugged slightly and turned towards Nicki’s car.
“Who’s leaving now?” Joey yelled at me. I just acted like I didn’t hear him and backed out of the driveway.
PART TWENTY-FIVE
One would think after my incident that night, I’d go home and drown my sorrows in cookie dough ice cream and sappy romance movies like ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. But, to everyone’s surprise, I did the exact opposite.
That night, as I watched my phone ring non-stop, I had, I don’t know, a break-through. I decided to quit feeling sorry for myself and start having some fun. Even though I hardly returned Justin’s phone calls, I did talk to Nicki and Carrie almost daily. But the conversations never lasted long, due to their excessive lectures. ‘I was changing’ and ‘making the wrong decisions’. The last thing I needed was another mother.
And what they meant by wrong decisions was my new fascination with alcohol. I had never been a big drinker. Every once in a while I’d have a beer in high school, but now, I found large amounts would magically make my problems and my pain disappear for a couple hours. Which, in my opinion, was the best thing for me, for the time being.
Along with my new lifestyle came new friends. Carrie and Nicki were too busy with Justin and JC, and I always felt like a third wheel when I was around them. Plus, trying to go over there and avoid Joey at the same time was just too straining. So I avoided it at all costs.
It was two weeks since my fight with Joey and I hadn’t talk to him since. I was busy putting my hair up when Ginger burst into my room.
“So, where are we going tonight?” she asked me as she plopped down on my bed.
“I don’t care,” I said, turning to face her. “We could go to Spinners or Adolpho’s. Or where ever.”
“We’ll just see where the guys are,” Ginger told me.
“And the best drink prices,” I added.
~*~*~*~
We wound up at a bar called The Dutch Goose. One hour and five beers later, Ginger and I were getting pretty close to two guys on the dance floor, two guys we had never seen before. But knowing nothing about them made them even more alluring.
After the dance ended, Jeremy handed me his phone number. I think his name was Jeremy anyway. I absent-mindedly shoved it into my pocket and followed Ginger off the dance floor and over to the bar.
“Coors Light,” I told the bartender and turned to face Ginger. “I got his phone number.”
“Me too,” she squealed.
I only wished I could be as enthusiastic about it as she was. Only, I wasn’t. It wasn’t that Jeremy wasn’t nice or cute, because he was. But oddly enough, he reminded me of Joey. Everything seemed to remind me of Joey.
Ginger and I stumbled over to a table and sat down. As I was drinking my beer, I realized it was hitting me faster than usual and mentioned it to Ginger.
“Did you eat anything?” she asked me.
Shit. That’s what it was. “No, not since lunch.”
“You dumb ass,” she said. “You’re drinking on an empty stomach. Of course it’s gonna hit you faster.”
I put my head in my hands and sighed. My hangovers usually weren’t too severe, but I could just picture just how horrible this one was gonna be. But my thoughts were interrupted.
“Oh my gosh,” I heard Ginger mumble and my head shot up.
“What?” I asked but the second I turned and looked at the front door, I knew what she was gapping at.
“My God,” I mumbled to myself. “This is a small fucking world after all.”
TO BE CONTINUED