A CHANGE OF HEART
By Sarah Wartman
PART THRITY-ONE
“Excuse me, miss?”
I looked up at the cab driver and frantically wiped my eyes. I sniffed back my tears and whispered, “yes?”
“You okay?” the kind man asked.
“No,” I mumbled and looked out the window. All the familiar buildings that were going by so fast became blurry, due to my tears. I had to keep telling myself ‘what does not break us, makes us stronger’. I repeated it over and over in my head, as I had many times before. But for some reason it wasn’t registering tonight. Probably because I thought this had broke me.
Suddenly my cell phone rang, causing me to jump. I was afraid it was my mom, and whispered, “hello?”
“Sarah!”
“Oh, Nicki, it’s just you.”
“Oh, thanks. What in the hell is with you?”
“Please, Nicki, not now.”
“No, Sarah. I’ve sat back for the past two weeks and let you do this to yourself. But not anymore. Quit being so stupid!” she yelled.
“I know!” I screamed into the phone. “But you don’t understand!”
“But I do, how many years have I known you? Of course you’re scared! But don’t keep shutting him out like that! All he wants to do is be there for you!”
I did nothing but cried, because I knew she was right.
I heard Nicki sigh and apologize. “So, how badly is your mother going to kill you?”
~*~*~*~
The cab driver pulled up to the curb in front of my house and realized I’d give anything to just drive off in this backseat. The last thing I wanted to do was walk into that house. I was nearly an hour and half late.
I slowly proceeded up the driveway and took out my keys. But right before I put them in the lock, the door swung open.
“Get your ass in here,” my mother said. She grabbed my arm and forced me into the house.
She shoved me into the room and closed the door. She turned around and glared. “You do realize what time it is, don’t you?”
I nodded and looked down to the floor.
“Well?” she asked.
I looked up to see her standing right in front of me, hands on her hips. I knew she was waiting for an apology. But she wasn’t getting one.
“Well what?”
“Well, where were you? And why do you smell like you were swimming in alcohol all night.”
I shrugged lightly. “What does it matter?”
“What does it matter? You’re only twenty, that’s what matters. How do you get alcohol underage?”
I laughed at her stupidity, which caused her eyes to flare. And with one quick motion, she slapped me, hard, across the face. That, mixed with the alcohol, sent me flying to the floor.
“Damn!” I said, rubbing my cheek.
“That will teach you to talk back to me,” she said. I slowly stood up and avoided her gaze.
“Now, I’m going to have to figure out an appropriate punishment.”
I stood there, waiting for the verdict. I expected something like no tv or radio for two weeks, like it was in high school.
“You’re grounded from your Jeep. For a month.”
I looked up with shock in my face. “I don’t think so, I bought that Jeep!”
“And you’re living under my house and you will obey my rules. I say you come home at one, I mean one. Not two-thirty!”
“Geez,” I said. And before I knew it, her hand was in the air again and she struck me.
“Leave me alone,” I screamed at her, pressing my hand to my cheek, trying to sustain the stinging.
“So disrespectful,” my mother mumbled.
“Look who’s talking!” I screamed.
“God, I don’t know where this comes from. I didn’t raise you to be such a person. When did you become such a bitch?”
My words caught in my throat. I never really cared what my mother thought of me before, but hearing it coming straight out of her mouth was painful. My eyes starting tearing, but I told myself I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
“Well, mother dear, I learned from the best, I guess you could say.”
And with that, she clenched her hand and raised it. She stood there, waiting to hit me. I didn’t cower as I usually did when she did this. But she never hit me with a closed fist, and the look in her eyes scared me.
“How dare you,” she muttered.
“You lay one hand on me….” I whispered.
But that didn’t stop her. And before I knew it, I was sprawled on the floor.
PART THIRTY-TWO
I opened my eyes to see my mother running up the stairs. I jumped when she slammed her door and I finally let the tears flow. I just laid there, on my side, holding my face in my hands, wondering what I had done to deserve such treatment.
I heard a soft knock on the front door, but I didn’t get up fast enough to get it and I watched Nicki peer in. The second she saw me, she ran into the room. Carrie, Marianne and Beth followed slowly behind.
“Oh, Sarah,” Nicki said and hugged me. Carrie knelt down next to her and played with my hair as Nicki held me while I wept. I noticed Marianne and Beth standing behind them, their eyes wide.
“What happened?” Carrie whispered when my crying had subsided.
“She hit me,” I mustered out.
“That’s more than obvious,” Marianne said, sitting down on the floor next to me.
“It is?” I asked.
Beth nodded. She dug into her back pocket and handed me her compact. I opened it and gasped at what I saw.
“But, it was like two seconds ago,” I said, examining my swollen face.
“You’re gonna have a nice bruise there,” Marianne told me.
I handed Beth her compact and I started crying again.
“How many times did she hit you?” Nicki asked me, growing extremely serious.
I shook my head. “Three, I think. It’s all a blur….”
“She’s out of control,” Carrie told me.
I nodded. I looked up at them and said, “how did you know to come here?”
“Well, we’re all staying over at Carrie’s tonight. I was worried how your mom would react and so we decided to check on you,” Nicki told me.
“I’m glad,” I said and stood up.
“What are you going to do now?” Beth asked.
“Get as far from here as possible,” I told her.
“You know you’re always welcome at my house,” Nicki said.
“And mine,” Carrie added.
“Us too,” Marianne and Beth added.
“Thanks guys,” I said and made my way to the kitchen. I found some Tylenol and popped three in my mouth.
“You’re not gonna stay here tonight, are you?” Marianne asked me as we climbed the stairs to my room.
“Are you crazy? Hell no,” I said and made my way to my closet. I pulled out my one suitcase and a couple of duffel bags. “The sooner I get out of here, the better.”
They watched me pack some clothes and important things. I looked around my room, deciding what I’d take with me. Because I knew I’d never step foot into this room again.
Nicki, Carrie, Beth and Marianne sat on my bed and watched. I took a few photographs and my yearbooks and shoved them in my duffel bag. I grabbed a few stuffed animals with sentimental meaning and some other stuff. I filled up one suitcase and two duffel bags and picked them up.
“Here, let me help you,” Nicki said, but I shook my head.
“No, I’m fine.”
“You’re not gonna drive are you?”
I nodded. “Trust me, nothing could be more sobering than what I just went through tonight. Plus, I don’t’ want to leave my Jeep here. Lord only knows what she might do to it.”
“Okay, well, then we’ll see you at my house?” Carrie asked.
I took my keys from my pocket and shook my head.
“No?” Carrie asked me.
I looked up at Nicki and she instantly knew what I was thinking. She smiled and nodded slightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said and winked at me.
PART THIRTY-THREE
I turned and looked at my room, which was my haven for the past twenty years. I grew up in that room and knew that it would be the only thing I missed in this house. I turned and looked at my mother’s bedroom door. She probably expected this. ‘I’m sure this is how she wants it’, I told myself as I ran down the stairs.
I threw my bags in the backseat and climbed into my Jeep. I turned it on and noticed it was close to four in the morning. Nicki told me before they left that the guys left the club when they did. I was worried I might wake Joey up, but Marianne and Beth assured me he wouldn’t be asleep.
As I drew closer and closer to his house, I noticed myself getting nervous. And I never get nervous over guys. The butterflies I hear about in the movies, I was finally getting to experience. I knew what that meant, but I tried convincing myself otherwise.
I took a deep breath and walked slowly up his driveway. I noticed there was a light on upstairs and breathed a sigh of relief. After everything I had put him through, the last thing I wanted to do was wake him up.
I knocked softly on the door and waited. I could almost hear my heart pounding.
The front door opened and there stood Joey, in a white wife beater and black Adidas wind pants.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” I asked softly.
He shook his head and walked into the house, leaving the door open for me to enter. I did slowly and closed the door behind me. I just stood there for a long time, trying to think of what to say, how I could explain showing up at his house at four in the morning.
Joey was looking out a side window with his back to me. My heart was pounding so hard, I was sure he could hear it.
“Joey, look. I understand if you’re mad at me. I’d understand if you never wanted to speak to me again. Lord knows that’s what I deserve. But I just want you to know I’m sorry. And starting tonight, I’m gonna be going through a lot of changes.”
He turned around, a small smile across his face. But suddenly his face turned cold and he rushed over to me.
“Jesus, Sarah!” he exclaimed.
“What?” I asked, shocked at his reaction.
“Your face!”
“Oh,” I said, bowing my head in shame.
“Did she do this?” he asked, sitting down on a sofa next to me.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
He just sat there, staring at me for the longest time, not saying anything. His gaze made me nervous and I turned away.
“What?” I whispered.
“People like you are my inspiration,” he told me.
I laughed and turned towards him. “I’m hardly the inspiration material.”
“Oh, but you are,” he said, taking my hands in his. “You’ve gone through so much stuff. And it has made you so much stronger than you realize. People look up to us because we’re a famous music group. But I look up to people like you. I don’t know how you survive going through what you have, but I think you’re amazing for doing it.”
I looked at him, speechless. Finally I mustered, “thank you. That’s gotta be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“You’re very welcome,” he said. He sat there and just watched me for the longest time. “Does it hurt?”
“Sort of,” I mumbled, unable to look away from his eyes.
“I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I wish more than anything that I could kiss you right now. But I don’t want to hurt you.”
I smiled. “Me too.”
He pulled me towards him and I layed my head on his chest. “What are you going to do now?” he asked.
“I’m not sure. My bags are packed and in my backseat. I’ll probably stay with Nicki or Carrie until school starts.”
“Or you could come with us on tour,” he added.
I laughed softly. “Joey, I have to go to school.”
“I know, wishful thinking,” he told me.
He just sat there, holding me. I loved the way his arms felt around me and for the first time in a long time I felt safe. He kissed the top of my head and I closed my eyes.
“You staying here tonight?” he whispered.
“If you don’t mind,” I asked, sitting up and looking at him.
“Of course not. I’m glad you are,” he said and kissed me on my forehead.
“You’re not mad at me?” I asked.
“No. I know you’re going through a shitty time Sarah. I just want to be here for you, that’s all. But, may I ask you something?”
I smiled and nodded. “Anything.”
“What made you decide to come over here tonight?”
I sat there, just looking at him and loving every little thing about him, down to his bright hair. I had never felt like this before and enjoyed every moment of it. I knew I had nothing to be scared of as long as he was in my life.
“I guess you could say I had a change of heart,” I told him, smiling widely.
THE END!