NEVER SAY NEVER
By Sarah Wartman
PART TWENTY-ONE
I jumped into a cab and quickly dialed Drew’s number. The pathetic thing was I already had it memorized just after last night.
“Hello?” he asked.
“Drew?”
“Sarah? What’s up?”
“Nothing, what are you doing?” I asked him, trying to hide that I was upset.
“Not much, just hanging out. Something wrong?”
“No, care for some company?”
“Sure, but why don’t I come over there though, my place is a mess and I know how the first impression is a lasting impression….”
I smiled. What a nerd. But that’s what made him so much more lovable.
“Okay, just come on up, I’ll leave the door open.”
~*~*~*~
I didn’t hear the front door close. I didn’t hear Drew call my name. I was in a trance, in my own little world. I knew deep down something was wrong with my mother. If I was a good person, I would take the next flight down to see her. But I knew she wouldn’t want to see me. I just couldn’t figure out what I needed to do.
I sat in a chair near the window, my feet pulled underneath me and a cup of tea in my hand. The room was dark because I hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights, it fit my mood. I stared out the window at the cloudy sky as I sat there and thought.
“Sarah?” I heard and felt his hand on my shoulder. I jumped and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, smiling down at me.
“I know, I’m sorry,” I told him and looked back out the window.
“You can’t tell me nothing is wrong, Sarah,” he told me, sitting on the armrest of the chair.
“It’s just been a bad day,” I told him, taking a sip of my tea.
“Mind telling me about it?”
I placed my cup on a nearby table, stood up and walked over to the window. I took a deep breath, and turned around and was surprised to find Drew right behind me.
“It’s a lot of things, really, all mixed together I guess. I’m sure it would bore you,” I told him, turning back around.
I felt his arms wrap around my waist and I laid my head against his chest and closed my eyes. If I could have stopped time then and there, I would have. The scent of his cologne was so intoxicating, I felt myself slip away into another world.
“You know I’m here for you. I know we hardly know each other, but we have a connection. You can feel it too, can’t you?” he whispered in my ear.
I nodded and turned around to face him. Neither of us said anything. I just studied his face, memorizing every crevice and curve. My mind was spinning. I hated having no control over my emotions, it always made me feel trapped. But in his arms, the last thing I felt was confined.
I closed my eyes and invited his lips to meet mine. My mind was reeling, screaming on the inside. ‘You hardly know this guy’ it yelled at me. But deep down, my heart pushed away those thoughts. It didn’t matter. Like Drew said, we had a connection. Nothing like I could ever have with Joey. He’s more of a partier, the kind of guy who got with as many girls as possible and didn’t think twice about it. He would have been a perfect fraternity guy.
Joey? I pulled away from Drew and sat down on the sofa. Where in the hell did that come from? What did Joey have anything to do with this?
I watched Drew sit down next to me. He looked so good in jeans and a sweater. But deep down, I knew he would look good in anything. How could he not?
He placed his hand on my cheek and smiled at me. “You okay?”
I didn’t say anything. I just put my hands behind his head and brought his lips back to mine.
PART TWENTY-TWO
Nicki didn’t come home til late. But I was kind of glad, too. Drew and I just watched TV and talked all night. It was great. We both had fallen asleep on the sofa when the front door slammed.
“That was quite a scene you made, Sarah,” Nicki yelled before even walking into the living room. My eyes popped open and I saw that Drew was still sleeping, so I slowly removed his arm from around me and I walked out to the entryway.
“Nicki, shush, Drew’s asleep,” I whispered loudly.
“What’s he doing here?” she asked me.
“We watched TV, Mom, is that okay?” I answered angrily.
“Hey,” she snapped, walking back into her bedroom and I followed. “You could be a little nicer to me. After all, I’m the one who got Joey to forgive you for storming out on us like that.”
I laughed at the comment. “Joey forgive me? Oh please….”
“Sarah, it was rude,” she told me.
“I don’t care, okay? It’s no big deal, he had Jen to comfort him,” I answered.
“Oh please, are we jealous Sarah?”
“Jealous? Hell no, why would I want that big ape?”
She spun on me. “Because you like him, that’s why.”
“Uh, no, I don’t. Last time I checked, I liked the guy who’s conked out on our sofa.”
“Yeah, it is possible to like two people at the same time sweetie,” she said, turning around to hang up her jacket.
“I don’t disagree, but that’s not the case here.”
“Sarah,” Nicki said, walking up to me and sitting down next to me on the bed. “I saw how hurt you were when Jen jumped into his lap. I’m your best friend, SJ, I pick up on these things. Your face said it all.”
“No, that’s not what hurt Nicki,” I told her. “He introduced me as ‘just Sarah’.”
“So? What was he supposed to introduce you as?” she asked.
I sighed loudly and looked away. This was pointless. If I didn’t even know why that bothered me, there was no way I could explain it to her.
“Just admit it Sarah. You like him.”
“I like Drew,” I said standing up.
“Drew’s not a challenge,” Nicki said, standing up.
“So? Unlike you, I don’t like challenges.”
“Bull shit, you live for them,” she responded.
“This is pointless!” I told her. “You’re never going to understand!”
“Oh, I understand Sarah. You’re looking for the fairy tale romance. The prince sweeping you off your feet and carrying you off to a happy ending.”
“Yeah, so? Every girl dreams of that. I deserve that.”
“Yes you do. But I’m your reality check. It isn’t going to happen. This is not a fairy tale. You think Drew is your prince charming, but I know no such thing exists. But Joey, he’s…..”
“Barbaric?”
“He’s adorable.”
I sighed loudly. “Adorable, maybe. But more irritating than anything.”
“Yeah, but that’s more fun, and you know it. Drew’s too perfect and boring. At least with Joey, there would be excitement.”
“You know what Nicki, I’m not doing this right now, okay?” I told her. She simply shrugged and went back to what she was doing.
I slowly walked out into the hall, head down. I looked up barely in time to see Drew standing in the hallway.
I gasped and just looked at him. “How long have you been here?”
“Long enough.”
PART TWENTY-THREE
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” I told him, unsure of what to say.
“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. Guess I know how Nicki feels about me.”
“It’s not that, I’m sure. She gets in these moods sometimes, I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“Well,” he said, picking up his keys. “I probably won’t be coming over here very often then.”
I grabbed his arm as he started walking towards the door and pulled him next to me. I don’t know what made me do it. I had hardly known Drew but two days, but I didn’t want to lose him so quickly. “Please don’t say that,” I told him.
“Sar, I’m not coming over here if Nicki thinks of me that way. I’m too perfect and boring, remember?”
“So? What does it matter what she thinks?”
“She’s your roommate.”
“So? Drew, if you care about me, like you say you do, it shouldn’t matter what Nicki thinks. Plus, she does like you.”
He laughed at my comment and I grabbed his arm again, forcing him to look at me.
“Don’t laugh at me, I’m not kidding, she does like you.”
“Sure sounded that way,” he scoffed.
“You don’t know her like I do. She didn’t mean what she said in a bad way, she wouldn’t have even said it if she knew you were standing there,” I told him.
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“Drew, I didn’t mean it that way. Trust me, she does like you. But for some strange, psychotic reason she thinks I belong with Joey. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, because I don’t want to be with Joey, okay?”
He looked away from me and my heart dropped. Why was he acting like this? What was the big deal?
I sighed and let go of his arm. I walked over to the window and crossed my arms. I was losing someone I cared about yet again. “Fine, go then.”
“Don’t be mad,” he said, following me over to the window. “I just don’t feel comfortable here.”
“I’m not, just go. It’s what you want anyway, just go.”
“Come with me,” he said and I turned around quickly.
“Huh?”
“Come with me,” he said, grabbing my hand.
I pulled it free. “Drew, I can’t, it’s three in the morning. Plus, you do have to remember, I hardly know you."
“The more reason to come.”
“I can’t,” I said, turning back around. “Goodnight Drew.”
I heard him sigh and whisper, “goodnight Sarah.” A couple seconds later I heard the door close and I couldn’t help the few tears that fell down my face. First my mother, then the screwed up Joey situation, now this. For some reason, the people I cared most about loved to push me away.
PART TWENTY-FOUR
I quickly walked into Nicki’s room to see her on the phone. She looked up and said, “I’m on the phone SJ.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“Josh,” she said, unable to control the smile on her face.
“Well, sorry to interrupt. I just want you to know you’re on my shit list now,” I told her and turned to leave.
“Wait a second here,” Nicki yelled. “On your shit list? What the hell?”
“Let’s not get into it now, Nicki. You’re on the phone,” I said, doing my best to mimic her.
“I don’t care, Josh isn’t talking much. I want to know what’s wrong.”
“Drew heard what you said, that’s what’s wrong!” I yelled at her.
“So?”
I sighed loudly as the tears flowed from my eyes. She just didn’t get it. I looked up as Nicki finished her conversation with Josh.
“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she said and said goodbye. “Now,” she said, standing up. “What’s the deal?”
“What are you and Josh doing tomorrow?” I asked her, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“Not sure yet, but isn’t he great? We talked all night long,” she told me, smiling.
“Yeah, congratulations,” I mumbled, making my way to my long awaited bed. I just wanted to sleep and forget this all. I could hear Nicki following me. I pulled down the covers and hopped in quickly, pulling the bedspread up around my neck. Nicki sat down next to me and played with my hair.
“I’m sorry he heard me, SJ,” she told me.
“Doesn’t matter now,” I told her, wiping my face again. “He’s gone, and probably for good.”
“I’m not sorry about what I said though. You and Joey would be perfect together, and you know it.”
I sighed loudly, annoyed with the conversation. “What is it with you? We hardly know either of them. What makes you so sure Joey is the one for me, not Drew?”
“I spent all night with Joey, Sarah. He couldn’t stop talking about you.”
“Really?” I asked, sitting up.
“Yes, really. Would I lie about something like that?”
I shook my head and looked down at my bedspread. “We’ve only been here a couple of days and my life is turning into a soap opera.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m jealous,” Nicki told me.
I looked up quickly and said, “jealous? You want to be in this mess?”
“Well, not exactly, I just think it would be cool to have two guys after me, that’s all.”
“Well, Josh is obviously after you,” I told her, making her smile widely at me.
“I sure hope so,” she whispered.
The warm smile on her face made me happy and sad at the same time. Her life wasn’t complicated. She liked one guy and that one guy happened to like her back. ‘Must be nice,’ I thought to myself.
Nicki saw the look on my face and hugged me, “I didn’t mean to upset you. If it’s meant to be with either of them, it will happen. You just know who I’m rooting for.”
“When did things get so complicated?” I asked her as she stood up.
“Life isn’t any fun without complications, Sarah.” she told me, shutting my door, enveloping my room with darkness. What a weird way to look at life, I thought to myself as I closed my eyes for some long awaited sleep.
PART TWENTY-FIVE
“Open the door Sarah!”
I turned towards the banging and picked up my remote control. “No!” I screamed, turning the television up to drown out the yelling.
“Come on SJ!” I heard Josh yell.
I climbed out of my bed, which had been my sanction for the past couple of days. I was like a robot. I got up, went to work, came home and went straight for my bed. Didn’t talk or see anyone. I just wasn’t in the mood. I opened the door to see Josh and Joey standing at my doorway.
“Sarah, I got movies!” Joey proclaimed, holding up a blockbuster sack and a bag of chips.
“Great!” I said as sarcastically as possible.
“Wow SJ, you look….um, nice?” Josh said, smiling at my flannel pajamas that I seemed to live in.
I grabbed the two sacks from Joey and turned to Josh. “Ahahaha, you’re a funny one.” I turned to slam the door and Joey caught it with his foot.
“I got those for us to share, Sarah,” Joey said, leaning down and smiling at me.
“Oh, well, share them with your dorky friend,” I said, throwing the two bags at Josh.
“Damn, that’s what I get for being nice,” he told me, dodging the sacks. “Nicki, I tried babe, she’s useless!” he yelled towards the kitchen. He threw me a dirty look and made his way to the front room.
I watched him walk down the hall and turned to Joey to see him still grinning at me. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, let me in,” he whispered.
“Uh, no, thanks,” I whispered back.
He sighed loudly. “Come on, SJ. Please?”
I studied his face. He seemed sincere. And it wasn’t that Josh or Nicki weren’t, I just didn’t want to deal with so many things at once. I sighed loudly and let him into my room. He jumped on the bed and grabbed my remote.
“Uh, no buddy, the remote is mine in my room.”
He shrugged. “That’s fair,” he said and tossed it to me.
I put in one of the movies and sat beside him on my bed. I studied his face as he watched the movie intently. Maybe Nicki was right, he wasn’t so bad. I obviously didn’t matter much to Drew, he hadn’t called for a week. But Joey had been here on a daily basis, trying to cheer me up.
“So, can I ask you a question Sar Bar?” Joey asked me, ripping open the bag of chips he had brought.
“You just did,” I told him without taking my eyes off the television screen.
“Am I really that bad?”
I turned to see if he was serious. “Do you honestly want me to answer that?”
“No, I’m being serious. You act as if I was the last person on earth you’d like to hang out with. I mean, the night we met was great, but after that, you just been….I don’t know, different.”
I sighed and looked away. The feeling of guilt ran through me and I leaned back against my pillows.
“I’m sorry Joe, I’m just dealing with a lot now….”
“Drew?” he asked me. I sat up and looked at him.
“A lot of things, but Drew is gone now, so he shouldn’t matter.”
“Well, I can tell he still does,” he told me, slipping his arm around my shoulders. I leaned back against his chest and closed my eyes.
“I know,” I whispered. I sat there for a couple of seconds, silent.
I don’t know what came over me. I sat up and turned to look into his eyes. I needed and craved what he had to offer, sincerity and friendship. It was as if something or someone took over my body because with one quick motion I closed my eyes and kissed him.
TO BE CONTINUED