NEVER SAY NEVER
By Sarah Wartman
PART THIRTY-ONE
“What are you guys up to?” I asked them cautiously.
“Nothing,” Beth said quickly. “What do you guys want to do tonight?”
“Clubbing,” Nicki yelled and everyone groaned.
“Nicki, I’m exhausted. And after last night, I’m kind of not in the mood to go clubbing,” I told her.
“Yeah, we heard about that,” Carrie said. “What’s up with you?”
“Joey’s got a big mouth,” I muttered.
“What makes you so sure Joey told me?” Carrie asked.
I sighed and put my head in my hands. “I thought this was supposed to be fun!” I told them and they laughed.
“Okay, okay.”
~*~*~*~
We decided to stay in and hang out. We ordered pizza and rented a couple of movies. All of us layed around Carrie’s apartment in our pajamas, running around and giggling like middle schoolers. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time. I didn’t even think about Joey or Drew. There was no need to.
“Oh, I have an idea!” I heard Ginger shriek. I was on the floor in front of Beth, who was putting my hair into pigtails. Ginger was sitting on the floor next to Carrie, doing Nicki’s nails.
“What would that be?” Nicki and I asked.
“Let’s play truth or dare!”
I groaned, but the others agreed instantly. I really did feel twelve all over again. And it wasn’t so great the first time around. We all sat in a circle and Ginger started since it was her idea.
“Beth, truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
Ginger thought for a moment. “I dare you go to over to the neighbor’s and ask to borrow a roll of toilet paper.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Beth shrieked.
“Nope.”
“Oh God,” I heard Beth mumble on her way and I giggled.
A couple minutes later Beth reappeared with two rolls of toilet paper and she threw them at Ginger.
“They looked at me as if I was crazy,” Beth told us.
“But you are crazy,” Carrie reminded her.
Beth sat there and thought for a moment. She eyes twinkled and she smiled as she thought of the perfect thing.
“Okay, I know this is a little out of context, but I have a truth for everyone.”
“This should be interesting,” Nicki said, sitting up.
“Okay, we each have to tell how far we’ve gone with any of the guys,” Beth said.
“Are you serious?” Nicki asked.
“Yep!”
“Fine then, you go first,” Ginger challenged.
“Fine, as if it’s a secret to you all how far Justin and I have gone,” Beth told us.
“I bet he’s a pretty good fuck, huh?” Nicki blurted out and I laughed. She wasn’t blunt in the least.
“You better believe it,” Beth grinned.
Nicki’s news wasn’t too exciting, just some “heavy making out and petting” as she liked to describe it, and that was about the extent what Ginger had done with Lance. Then it came to Carrie.
“Okay….well, JC and I kissed once.”
“Really?” we all asked at the same time.
“Yeah, it was really awkward.” We all just sat there, grinning at her. “Stop it!” she yelled. “Sarah, it’s your turn.”
“I have nothing to tell,” I told him.
Nicki looked at me at me and I knew I was screwed. She knew me too well and I prayed she wouldn’t she right through me. No such luck.
“You’re lying,” Nicki stated.
PART THIRTY-TWO
“I am not!”
“Yes you are….you think I don’t know when you’re lying?” Nicki said.
I looked around as the others stared at me. How was I going to get out of this one?
I sighed loudly. “Okay, fine. Joey and I had wild, hot, passionate sex the other night. Happy now?”
“You did not….” Nicki muttered.
“No, I didn’t,” I said, grinning.
“Tell us!” Beth yelled at me and I laughed.
“It’s no big deal….we kissed, that’s it.”
“When?” Nicki shrieked.
“Yesterday when we were watching the movie in my room.”
“Ahhh…. You and Joey kissed…..how cute,” Ginger said, grinning from ear to ear.
“I guess, if you want to call that big ape cute,” I muttered.
“Oh, come on Sarah,” Carrie said. “You know you like him.”
“Since when did you all become experts in my love life?” I asked.
“Oh, as if it’s not obvious, Sarah,” Nicki told me. “I did tell you this was going to happen, didn’t I? And I know you better than anyone.”
I just sat there, sulking, not sure what to say back. I hated being wrong. It wasn’t as like I was head over heels for Joey. It wasn’t that at all. But for some reason, I couldn’t get the guy out of my head. Beth saw my far away look and smiled at me.
“Sarah, want to help me get some ice cream?”
"Sure,” I answered and followed her into the kitchen.
Beth walked over to the freezer and opened it. “Can I ask you something?” she said.
“Sure,” I said, taking a seat at the table.
“Do you enjoy doing this to yourself?”
“Doing what?”
She sat down across from me and smiled. “Why exactly are you doing this? You’re leading Joey on and just torturing yourself. Just let it happen.”
“But Beth! Drew’s so nice though.”
“That may be so, but you have to make a decision. You can’t do this to them. To yourself.”
I put my head on the table and sighed. “I know. I just don’t know! Drew’s so cute and everything, but there’s just something about Joey.”
“Which one would you rather be with?”
“Honestly? Joey, I guess, but”
“But what?”
“Beth! You know him well, you know how he is. He’s a player, the biggest flirt I know. I mean, from the stories I’ve heard, it’s almost frightening” I told her.
“But it’s different with you,” Beth told me.
“How do you know?”
“Know how he keeps bugging you?”
“Yeah….” I muttered.
“He doesn’t just do that with flings. Something about you has made him stick and he’s not going to give up so easily with you. Trust me, I’ve known him a long time and he’s never acted like this before.”
I sighed and looked down at the table. She did have a point.
“Why don’t you call him?” Beth asked, getting up and picking up the cordless phone. Before I could protest, she dialed the phone and shoved it into my ear. I sat there and racked my brain for what to say, but when I heard someone say “hello” I froze. It wasn’t Joey. It was a girl.
“Hello, is Joey there?” I asked softly.
“He’s somewhat preoccupied at the moment, who is this?” the girl asked.
PART THIRTY-THREE
“Nevermind,” I mumbled and clicked the phone off quickly. I looked up at Beth to see a confused look on her face.
“Well?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips. “What happened?”
“A girl answered,” I whispered and placed the phone on the kitchen table. My heart was crushed. There was just something unexplainable about Joey. Drew was sexy, yeah, but he was lacking seriously in the personality department. He was one of those guys you love to look at, but the second their mouth opened, you wanted to reach for the duck tape. Joey always knew how to make me smile, I think that’s why I liked him so much.
“Oh Sarah, I’m”
“Just stop,” I said, standing up. “It’s not a big deal, so lets not make it one.”
I quickly walked out of the room so Beth wouldn’t see the few tears that had escaped my eyelids. I raced to the bathroom and closed the door. I walked to the adjacent wall and slumped down to the floor. No tears escaped. I just sat there, staring at the pink carpet, condemning myself for falling for someone I hardly knew.
I heard the door open and close, but I didn’t look up. Soon, Nicki was sitting on the floor in front of me.
“You heard, huh?”
She nodded and leaned over to give me a hug. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. All I knew was that I couldn’t keep doing this.
~*~*~*~
“Hurry home, I’ve got a surprise for you,” Nicki told me over my cell phone as I was leaving work. It was a week and a half since the night at Carrie’s apartment. Joey had called a couple of times, but I refused to talk to him and he eventually stopped calling. Drew called once and I wasn’t home and didn’t return his phone call. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.
I grabbed the few pieces of mail that was in our mailbox and run up to our apartment. I took the stairs two at a time.
“Nickers, I’m home,” I yelled as I closed the front door. I made my way to the kitchen and threw my purse on the counter. I flipped through the few pieces of mail as I walked into the living room. I looked up to see Drew sitting on the sofa.
“Hi SJ.”
“Uh, hi Drew,” I said, looking around for Nicki. “What are you doing here? Where’s Nicki?”
“Nicki invited me, she’s in the bathroom.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling extremely awkward in my own apartment.
“Like your surprise?” Nicki asked me as she walked into the room.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
“So, anything interesting in the mail?” Nicki asked as she plopped onto a nearby chair.
“A couple of bills and something from my brother,” I said as I threw a couple of envelopes onto a nearby table and ripped into the letter from my brother.
Inside were two plane tickets and a small white piece of paper. I pulled out the plane tickets slowly and read the letter. I couldn’t help the tears that fell as I read it. Nicki looked up and walked over to me quickly.
“What is it SJ?”
I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was cry, so I handed her the letter to read.
PART THIRTY-FOUR
“Cancer?” Nicki whispered. “Your mom has cancer?”
Hearing Nicki say it out loud, I felt my legs go weak and Drew was up in an instant to catch me before I became a pile on the floor. He carried me to the sofa and laid me down.
“Why is there two tickets?” she asked me.
“He wants you to come with me. He knows that I’ll need someone to keep me sane.”
She looked at the tickets and shook her head lightly. “But Sarah, I can’t go this day. I have a huge meeting at work that I can’t miss. You know I’d be on that plane in a second if I could,” she told me, tears filling her eyes.
I tried to smile at her. “It’s okay,” I told her.
“No, it’s not. You need someone with you Sarah,” she told me as the phone started to ring. I looked at Drew and he smiled at me.
“When is the flight?” he asked softly.
“The day after tomorrow.”
"Well, if you want”
Before he could finish, Nicki handed me the phone, telling me it was Joey. Her eyes told me she had already mentioned everything to him.
“Hello?” I asked after composing myself, trying to keep from crying.
“Hey, SJ, I’m on my way over.”
“No, Joey, I’m fine….”
“Do you honestly think I’m going to take no for an answer?”
“No,” I mumbled, knowing nothing would stop him from coming over and trying to cheer me up. I looked at Drew to see him shake his head and stand up. How could he be jealous at a time like this? I hung up with Joey and stood up.
“He’s coming over, isn’t he?” Drew asked, sitting in a nearby chair.
“Yes, he is.”
“Great,” he mumbled under his breath.
I sighed loudly. “I don’t want to have to deal with this. I’m going to my room, let me know when Joey gets here.”
~*~*~*~
“Sarah?”
I turned over to see Joey sitting next to me on my bed. I had laid down and must have cried myself to sleep. I rolled over and forced a weak smile at Joey. He smiled, removing a loose strand of my blonde hair away from my tear-streaked face.
“How’s my country girl holding up?” he asked me.
“Could be better,” I said as I strained to sit up. “Is Drew still here?”
A hurt look washed over Joey’s face quickly and disappeared as fast as it had appeared.
“Drew was here?” he asked.
“Guess that’s a no,” I said, looking down at my bedspread.
“So, I hear you’re leaving me on Saturday.”
“Yeah, I’m flying back for a while.”
“By yourself?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, Spence did send two tickets, but Nicki can’t go.”
Joey just nodded, silent. I knew he was waiting for an invitation, and deep down I wanted to ask him to come. But I wasn’t about to invite him to accompany me, I had more respect for myself than that.
“Can I ask you a question?” I asked him after a few moments of silence.
“Anything,” he said, putting his hand on top of mine.
I looked down at his hand placed on top of my hand and asked, “who answered your phone when I called two weeks ago?”
PART THIRTY-FIVE
Joey was silent for a minute. “What?”
I pulled my hand away quickly and repeated, “who answered your phone two weeks ago?”
He sat there and thought back to the night I was talking about. A panicked look washed over his face, like a small child who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He was busted and he knew it.
“Oh, SJ, I can explain.”
“I don’t want to hear it, I just want to know who she is.”
“Susie,” he said, his head down in shame.
“Susie,” I repeated in a whisper, not believing what I was hearing.
His head shot up like a bullet. “But you can’t be mad at me Sarah, you and I aren’t together!”
“I’m not mad,” I explained. “More like disgusted.”
“Disgusted?”
“I should have known better than to think you were different. That I could change you. You run around as if you were in college. Maybe it is a good thing this didn’t work out, you’d only cause me more heartache than I could manage.”
“I never set out to hurt you!”
“Never, huh? Odd….you seem to know what you’re doing perfectly, you’ve been doing it for years.”
“That’s not fair,” Joey argued.
I laughed at his comment. “Fair? Don’t talk to me about fair Joseph.”
“So, this is it? There is nothing I can do to change your mind?”
“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic. Don’t act so shocked, you should have seen it coming.”
“I never saw this coming,” he whispered.
I laid back down in the covers. I was stubborn when I needed to be. My heart was aching on the inside, but there was no way I was going to let him know that. This was for the best, I convinced myself.
I closed my eyes and waited to hear my door close. I felt his lips on my forehead and I held back the tears that were begging to be released. I wasn’t about to let him know how badly this hurt.
The door closed lightly and the tears escaped and I bawled like a baby. I cried for losing Joey and Drew, I cried for my mother, I cried for what seemed like hours before the sweet release of sleep entered and I drifted off to sleep.
~*~*~*~
“You ready?” Nicki asked me at the front door.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Give your family my love. I’ll try to fly down sometime in a couple of days,” she told me.
“Okay,” I whispered and gave her a goodbye hug.
After telling the cab driver where to go, I slumped down into the back seat and pulled out my sunglasses, the temporary aide for my red, swollen eyes. I had cried all night. I had always considered myself a strong person, but everything that I was dealing with at the moment was tearing me apart, on the inside and on the out.
I slowly made my way to the terminal, wiping the few tears that didn’t seem to want to go away. Glancing at my watch, I knew I had made perfect timing, I’d only have to wait ten or so minutes for the airplane to arrive.
My gate came into sight and I picked up my pace. But right as I was about to sit down and wait, I heard someone call out my name.
PART THIRTY-SIX
“Sarah, wait!” I heard and turned around to see Drew running towards me, a bag slung over his shoulder.
“Drew, what are you doing here?” I asked him once he approached me.
“I got to thinking. I don’t want you going by yourself. You still have that extra ticket, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I don’t need you to go, Drew. I’m a big girl.”
“I know that. But I care about you and I don’t want you to be alone while you’re going through such a traumatic time.”
I couldn’t help but smile through my tears. How kind, I thought. Maybe he was a good guy. After all, Joey hadn’t even come to say goodbye. Not that I expected him to, after the way I treated him last night. But I had treated Drew horribly, and he was here, offering to accompany me all the way to Kansas.
“Drew, I don’t know what to say,” I whispered through my tears and he smiled.
“Just say you want me to come,” he told me.
But before I could answer I heard someone else call my name. I looked behind Drew to see Joey dashing for us. He caught up to us and stopped to catch his breath.
“Oh, good, you’re still here,” he gasped out in between breaths.
“Run much?” Drew asked him and I elbowed him in the side.
“Joey, what are you doing here?”
“I’m here to whisk you off your feet. What do you think I’m doing here? You honestly think I take no that easily? I don’t think so,” He told me, smiling.
“Well, you’re too late, I’m going with her,” Drew said to him and I gasped.
“What?” Joey whispered, looking from him to me.
“I never said you were coming, Drew,” I told him.
“Well, I was here first.”
“What grade are we in again?” Joey asked him. “Why don’t we let the lady decide.”
All of a sudden the room started spinning. It wasn’t fair, why I was I faced with this now of all times? I had so much other things to think about, and choosing between two immature, faded pop stars seemed so trivial at the moment.
Over the loud speakers, they announced my flight was starting to load and I picked up my bags.
“Sarah?” they both said, causing me to look at them.
“Well? Which one is it going to be?” Drew pushed.
I looked back and forth between the two of them, not sure of what to do. I hated hurting either of them. It just didn’t seem fair.
I walked over to Drew and kissed him on the cheek. He looked down at the ground in defeat.
“I will miss you so,” I whispered in his ear and he wrapped his arms around me in a hug.
When he released me, I looked up to see a triumphant smile spread across Joey’s face. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Drew saunter off and my heart fell. I hated hurting him.
I walked over to Joey and leaned up to kiss him on the check and wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn’t want to let go, but I knew I had to. I pulled away to see a look of confusion on his face.
“I have to do this alone. I hope you understand,” I told him as the tears fell down my face. I didn’t even try to fight them this time.
He nodded and looked down at the ground. I lifted his chin with my hand to see a tear run down his face and I wiped it away with my thumb.
“I’ll be back soon,” I whispered. “Don’t forget me while I’m gone.”
“I could never forget you,” he whispered.
“Never say never,” I told him and forced a smile. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.
“I have to go,” I told him, pulling my hand free. He nodded and smiled. I smiled one last time and slowly made my way onto the plane. Maybe Joey and I did belong together. Maybe we didn’t. But giving it time is the only way to find that out, and I knew we had a lot of that left to figure it out.
THE END!