SOME DREAMS
By Carrie Alexander
PART SIX
After the party, Carrie wanted to go to bed. It was late, and she was tired. After the ‘N Sync performance, the guys had been swamped with people wanting autographs. Melissa had been attached to Justin all night. She thought that serenading song was so sweet, and Justin likewise was really feeling her.
“Melissa?” Carrie asked, sitting at a table with Justin while he signed autographs. “I think I’m gonna go to my room now.”
JC, who had been watching Carrie from a distance since the performance, now came over.
“You’re leaving?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’m tired,” she said shortly, standing up.
“Oh! Well, we were all gonna go to this one club. We were wondering if y’all wanted to join us?” he asked.
Melissa sat up. “That sounds like fun! I’m in. Carrie?”
Carrie glanced at JC. “Oh, no thanks.” Suddenly, a wave of dizziness swept over her, and she had to put a hand on the chair to steady herself.
JC reached out and put his arm around her waist.
“Whoa, are you ok?”
Melissa knew Carrie hadn’t eaten all night, only had a few drinks.
“I’m fine!” She pushed his hand away.
“Carrie--” Melissa started, but she cut her off.
“I said I’m fine! I’m going to sleep now, are you going out?”
“Yeah. Listen, why don’t you come with?” Maybe I could get her to eat a little something, she thought.
“No thanks. Good night. JC, it was nice meeting you. I’ll see you tomorrow, Meliss.” Carrie left before anyone could say anything else. She headed to the elevator and went straight to her room.
~*~*~*~
Melissa was concerned for Carrie all night, but she tried to enjoy herself. Justind rove her to the club in his red Mercedes. He was so sweet and funny, she thought. She didn’t care that he was a famous pop star, he was still a normal guy. She found that she had a lot in common with him, right down to their favorite color. JC and the other guys followed in his black Jeep.
“So,” said Melissa. “How come you never told us earlier who y’all really were?”
“What?” asked Justin, turning a corner. “Today by the pool.”
“Oh, well, it’s not everyday we meet a person who doesn’t scream in our face, It was refreshing to meet some normal girls who for once didn’t know about us.”
Melissa nodded, understanding. “So you guys do live here in Orlando?”
“We try to. We travel so much. We’re gonna be here for the next week though.” Justin pulled up to the dance club. He got out, and ran around to Melissa’s side of the car, opening the door for her.
Taking his hand as she stepped out, she smiled up at him. And he’s such a gentleman too!
JC and the guys all pulled up then. They went inside. The place looked really fun, and the music was good. Justin immediately pulled her to the dance floor.
JC sat down at a table, wishing Carrie had come. He had thought she would like that serenade at the party, but she didn’t look very impressed. He wondered if he would get the chance to see her again. He knew she would be at the Polynesian all this week for that competition. I know, I’ll get their itinerary, and just happen to run into her! Yeah, I can do that. He didn’t stop to think that maybe she didn’t like him like he liked her, but that wasn’t going to stop him.
~*~*~*~
The next morning, Carrie woke up, showered, and got ready to go to her team’s rehearsal. They would be practicing their routine every morning, and at night they would hit the theme parks.
As she was locking her door, she saw Melissa come out of hers.
“Hey,” she said. “Did you have fun last night?”
Melissa nodded. “Oh yeah. The best!”
“Give me details!” They walked to the elevator together.
“Oh... Justin is SO awesome! We had so much fun, we danced all night. OH! GUESS WHAT!” Melissa grabbed Carrie’s arm excitedly.
“What?!”
“At the end of the night... when he dropped me off at the lobby... he leaned over in his seat... AND HE KISSED ME!!”
“NO WAY!”
“WAY!”
Carrie hugged her, happy for her. “That’s great! So when are you gonna see him again?”
“I don’t know. You know, we’re only here this one week. So we’ll see where we are by the end of the week, you know?”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“Oh, Carrie, JC was asking about you ALL night. I think he likes you!”
“Whatever.” Carrie shrugged it off. “We better hurry, we don’t wanna be late for rehearsals!”
The rehearsals were at MGM Studios, where the actual competition would be held. Carrie told Melissa she would hook up with her later, and went to join her teammates to practice.
They practiced some of their stunts to warm up. As Carrie lifted one of the girls in a single-base extension torch, she felt her head pounding with fatigue. She still was so tired! But she pushed her weariness down, and forced herself to focus on her work. She kept drinking water to keep herself hydrated, but she didn’t eat anything. This was too important, her team was counting on her to stay on top, she couldn’t lose control now.
PART SEVEN
After the long practice, Carrie met Melissa at the exit as they all boarded the buses back to the Polynesian. Melissa looked absolutely radiant, she was grinning from ear-to-ear.
"Why are you so happy?” Carrie asked.
“I’m just so happy to be here! I’m living out my dream!” Melissa had always dreamed of dancing nationwide. “This is just so great! Aren’t you loving it?”
Carrie tried to smiled happily. “Yeah, it’s awesome.” She was loving it here, and she was super eager for the performance at the end of the week. But she somehow didn’t feel as happy as she had thought she would. This new environment made her feel precarious. She knew it was supposed to be all in fun, but the pressure of the competiton, and staying in control was there, and she felt it. The veneer was starting to crack under the building pressure, and she didn’t know what to do to stop it.
That night, they were supposed to go to Disney’s Epcot, which was a science and cultural learning center (the big golf ball).
Carrie went into her room, telling Melissa she would meet her soon before they left. It was very hot outside, over 85 degrees, but Carrie was freezing. She put on her Jacket Cheerleaders sweatshirt, and jeans.
“Carrie, are you crazy?! How can you be wearing that?” Melissa cried when she saw her. Melissa was wearing capri pants and a tank top.
“I’m cold! And it’ll only get colder later in the night,” Carrie said defensively.
What Melissa didn’t know, nor Carrie, was that her body was reacting to starvation. There was no fat to keep up her body temperature anymore. And it was starting to eat away at her muscle tissue.
They went down to the buses where all the other girls were, and rode to Epcot.
Once they got there, Carrie’s eyes lit up in joy. “This place looks so beautiful!” She dragged Melissa off the bus, running to the entrance. “I wanna go in that ride in the globe first!”
Melissa hadn’t seen so much energy in Carrie in a while, nor such pure happiness. The dark circles under her eyes seemed to disappear at her excitement.
They ran all over the park, doing everything, trying everything. They got pictures with every Disney character they could find, even thought they were about 13 years older than all the other kids in line for photos.
“What should we do now?” asked Melissa as they strolled along.
“Ooh, look! A ride through Mexico! Let’s go!” Carrie ran to get in line. It looked to be about a 15 minute wait.
As they were waiting, Melissa suddenly felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she gasped when she saw Justin.
“Hey you,” he grinned at her. “Hi there, Carrie, how are you?”
“Good,” she smiled politely. Then she saw JC come up to them.
“Well, fancy meeting you here!” he smiled at Carrie.
“Yeah, what a coincidence. What are you guys doing here?” she asked neutrally.
JC shrugged. “Experiencing the wonder of Disney.” He didn’t let on that he and Justin had been trying to find them in here all day.
Justin suddenly reached into her back and pulled out a white daisy, and presented it to Melissa.
“Aw! Thank you, Justin,” she said, touched. He placed it behind her ear.
The line inched forward, and Carrie saw that Justin and JC intended to join them on the ride.
And she was right. When they got to the front and got in the little floating boats, JC sat next to Carrie, while Justin sat next to Melissa in front of them. Carrie rolled her eyes, annoyed. She was happy for Melissa to have found Justin, she had been so sad after breaking up with Jeff. But she wished Justin and JC hadn’t -- hadn’t what? She didn’t know. She felt uncomfortable with JC, as she always did with guys, ever since that one guy had told her when she was 18 that she needed to lose weight, laughing when he saw her picture online. Ever since then, she had stayed away from possible boyfriends, always afraid they would cut her for her looks.
And JC looked so perfect to her. His face, his physique, everything. He probably expects perfection in a girl too, she thought as the ride started.
JC felt Carrie’s eyes on him, and looked at her and smiled. When he smiled, his eyes crinkled at the corners endearingly. She couldn’t help but smile back warmly.
PART EIGHT
JC and Justin spent the entire night with Carrie and Melissa around Epcot. Once in a while, Justin would pull Melissa back while they were walking and steal a kiss, thinking they were being discreet, but neither Carrie nor JC missed it. JC kept asking Carrie questions about herself, wanting to know everything about her.
Carrie wasn’t a very open person, she was very private. Melissa was one of the few people who really knew about her. But JC had a comforting disposition. Even so, Carrie reluctantly answered his inquiries.
JC wasn’t used to a girl like Carrie. Most girls were easy for him to figure out. But she was such a mystery to him. He tried to find out more about her.
“What kinds of movies do you like, Carrie?” he would ask as they sauntered through the park as the dark night sky closed in.
Carrie could easily answer those kinds of questions. “Horror,” she would reply politely, but briefly.
Then, as Justin and Melissa went more and more into their own world, he asked more personal things.
“So do you have a boyfriend back home?”
Carrie shot Melissa a pleading look for help, not comfortable with being interviewed, but she was oblivious. She and Justin were now walking hand-in-hand.
“Uhh... no, not right now,” she replied.
Melissa glanced at JC, seeing the look of satisfaction on his face at this. Oh yeah, she thought. He likes her.
“I’m way too busy to have a relationship right now,” Carrie added.
"Oh,” JC said, disappointed. Sounds familiar, he thought. They always said the same thing themselves in interviews, partly to keep the fans happy. But in truth, JC and the guys were always looking for girls to meet and get to know.
At the end of the night, there was supposed to be a big laser/fireworks show. Justin suggested they find a spot to watch since it would start soon. They walked around looking for a bench or something, but most others were doing the same thing, claiming spots.
“Look, there’s a spot for two there, and another one over there!” said Melissa, pointing to two separate areas on a grassy lawn. “We can split up to watch the laser thing, and then meet again when it’s over?” She looked at Carrie for confirmation, eager at the prospect of being with Justin alone for a while. But if Carrie was uncomfortable being alone with JC, she wouldn’t leave her friend. That was always a cardinal rule, friends always came over guys.
“Sure, that sounds fine,” said JC. “Carrie, let’s go sit over there.” He led her away before she could protest.
Melissa and Justin sat down and stared up at the black sky, waiting for the show to start. He wrapped his arm around her bare shoulder, and she relaxed into his arm.
“Are you cold?” he asked, concerned.
She shook her head. “Hey, I’m from Minnesota! This is totally warm to me.” She snuggled into him, feeling so blissful. There is nowhere else in the world I would rather be, she thought, than here with this guy, right now. She didn’t even stop to think that she had only just met Justin, and she was leaving in 5 days.
Meanwhile, JC led Carrie over to another available spot on the grass. She settled down, wrapping her arms around herself, in her big sweatshirt.
JC sat next to her, idly picking at the grass, wondering what to say.
Carrie unexpectedly giggled at something. She ran her hand across the grass.
“What is it?” he smiled.
“This grass! I was just wondering, cuz ever since I got to Florida, I noticed the grass is different somehow! I don’t know why I’m even thinking about it!”
JC smiled back. “What could be different about grass?”
“I don’t know. It’s really coarse here, and softer back home, maybe? I was just thinking of how opposite things can be in Minnesota. It’s like another world there.”
Seeing an opportunity to get her to open up to him, JC asked, “Do you like living there?”
“I’ve lived there my whole life. I love it. There’s something about watching the sunrise over Lake Superior that -- I don’t know -- just makes you feel like you’re the only person on Earth at that moment, you know? It’s so peaceful and serene.” Realizing she was going on, she ceased.
“It sounds amazing,” JC said quietly.
“Yeah,” she smiled. They looked at each other for a long moment...
PART NINE
All of a sudden, the night sky lit up above them in colors. Carrie and JC both looked up. Fireworks and lasers zoomed over their heads in dazzling patterns.
“Wow...” Carrie breathed, bewildered. “Look how pretty that is!”
The fireworks and lasers were of all colors. Carrie, whose favorite holiday had always been the Fourth of July, smiled in child like joy. She loved fireworks so much.
JC smiled too, glad she was so happy.
“God, I feel like a little kid again!” she commented.
“That’s what Disney does to you,” said JC, looking at her out the corner of his eye, watching the way she brushed her hair out of her eyes, and her mouth in an ‘O’ of wonder.
JC decided to be impulsive. He casually put his arm around Carrie’s shoulders lightly, hoping she wouldn’t protest.
She didn’t say anything, she was too into the show. When she realized his hand was on her upper arm, she glimpsed it, and looked at him, questioning in her eyes.
“Look, JC... Um, maybe I should tell you--”
“Wow! Look, it’s in the shape of a heart!” JC pointed to the sky. Carrie looked up to see the firework.
“Look, JC.” She turned to face him, sitting cross-legged. JC gave her his full attention.
“What?”
“I think you’re really nice. You seem like a sweet guy, and a great person to know.”
JC smiled. “Thanks. I like you too.”
“But... Um, I’m not looking for any serious romantic thing now. I don’t want you to think that that’s what may happen here.”
JC’s mind was whirring briskly. Carrie didn’t want a relationship, ok. He could handle that. She was only the coolest girl he had met in a long time, everything about her astonished him, and she had so much in common with him. He had been hoping by the end of the night to have won her over, but she had just thrown him a loop.
“Oh yeah,” he agreed. “That’s fine with me. We can be friends, though, right?”
“Oh, sure!” she said, breathing a sigh of relief. God, what an ego I must have! she thought. Of course he doesn’t like me, guys like him never would. I’m so out of his league. He would date those model-type drop-dead gorgeous girls. That have perfect figures, of course, which leaves me out, she added bitterly.
The laser show ended, and JC stood him. Carrie tried to hop up next to him, but her joints felt stiff. From sitting here so long! she thought. JC offered his hand and pulled her up.
“I must be sore from practice today,” she explained.
“How long have you been a cheerleader?”
“Since my sophomore year in high school, so this is my fourth year.”
“I once watched some cheerleading on ESPN. It was amazing how high those girls fly up!”
“Yeah, it looks easy, but it’s not.”
“So do you ever get scared being whipped up there?”
Carrie was silent for a moment. “Um, I’m not a flyer. The smaller girls do that.”
“But you’re small! You’re a tiny little thing, I bet you’re the lightest on your squad!”
“When I first became a cheerleader, at my high school, I was... better as a baser, doing the lifting,” she lied. She had actually been to insecure to ever fly, hoping someone would comment that she was too heavy or big for a certain stunt. Now she just stayed basing because she liked it, and it was good muscle-building.
They met up with Justin and Melissa, and started to join the throng of people going to the exit of the park.
When they got to the buses which would take the cheerleaders and dancers back to their hotels, JC and Justin had to part.
“Can we drive you guys back?” Justin offered.
Melissa lit up at the prospect, but Carrie said, “You go ahead, Meliss. I see Tiffany over there, I’m gonna sit with her on the bus, and go over some stunts."
“Are you sure? Why don’t you ride with us?” JC asked.
“No, thanks. You guys go ahead. Justin, it was nice seeing you again,” she smiled at him. “JC. Maybe I’ll see ya around. Bye!” She boarded the bus.
JC sighed, watching her go. He followed Justin and Melissa to his car, watching them walk hand-in-hand.
PART TEN
“Hey Melissa!” he said.
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you something about Carrie?”
“What is it?” she asked warily. Carrie was a fiercely secretive person, and Melissa was always told things in the strictest of confindence.
“Well, I was hoping you could tell me more about her. What she’s like?”
“Carrie, Carrie, Carrie... Well, she’s my best friend, but she doesn’t tell me everything. Still, I know her like my own self.”
“She seems so shy. Is she always like that?”
“Oh no! Carrie is a very shy person once you meet her, she has trouble opening up, but once you know her, she is the wildest, craziest, funniest person to know."
“Really. That seems more like you, Melissa!”
Melissa laughed, and Justin nodded in agreement, wrapping his arm around her.
“No, really. Carrie can cut loose, and trust me, you’ll see it!”
“Tell me about her backround,” JC asked.
Melissa hesitated. “Um, I don’t know if Carrie would like that.”
“I just want to be friends with her, I promise. You don’t have to.”
They got to Justin’s Mercedes, and he unlocked the doors. They all got in.
As Melissa pulled her seat belt on, she said, “Well, did Carrie tell you anything about her family?”
"No, she kinda avoided any questions about that.”
Melissa grinned. “She hates her family. Carrie-- well, when I met her, she was in the middle of the hardest time of her life.”
“What happened?” JC asked, concerned.
Melissa turned to face JC in the backseat. “Carrie is the youngest of 4 kids. Her parents and siblings are all a lot older. So, Carrie told me that, growing up, she was never close to any of them-- except her dad.”
Justin and JC listened intently to Melissa.
“I’m only telling you this so you don’t have to ever ask her herself. She hates to talk about it.”
“Ok,” affirmed both JC and Justin.
“Well, Carrie’s dad got sick when she was a sophomore in high school. His liver was failing, and there was no hope.”
“Oh no!” said JC. “How terrible for her.”
“Yeah. When I was with her, I kept expecting her to break down. But she acted as if everything was always ok. That’s when I realized that she was in denial. She had no idea, in her mind, what was happening. See, Carrie and her dad had a very special bond, one of the few bonds she had.”
“What happened when he died?” asked Justin.
“She still didn’t believe it. Denial. She went to cheerleading camp the next day in the Cities, and came back the day before the funeral”
“Oh God, how could she go to cheerleading camp like that? Being all spirited and happy...” asked JC.
“I know. But see, when she got back, her sister bitched her out for having left her family like that. Then she dragged Carrie in the other room to see her dad, who had been cremated. He was in a box... and she forced Carrie to look at it, saying ‘Look at him Carrie! Our dad is dead!’ just screaming at her. I know cuz I was there. And that was when it hit Carrie that he was gone, and she just shut down. I never once saw her cry, not at the funeral, or any other time.”
“What a horrible experience,” said JC. “Is that why she’s so reserved?”
“No, she’s like that at first. But, once you do get to know her, she’ll change. It’s just that, ever since that day, Carrie’s never been the same.”
Justin drove to the hotel. They sat in silence.
“Now I told you this so you won’t ever ask her about her dad, nor her family. She has tried to sever all ties to them, and it’s still painful for her, I can tell, even though she never lets on. So just be aware, ok?”
“Ok. thanks for telling us,” said JC. “Hey, Melissa. What is the one thing that Carrie just worships above all else?”
“Hmm... Well, what Carrie would love more than anything, I guess, would be to look the way she wants. She has a low sense of self-esteem, I think, and she would love to just look in the mirror and see what she wants.”
“But she looks perfect!”
“Not to her. She has this crazy idea that she’s overweight, has ever since some asshole told her she could stand to lose a few pounds. It’s really messed with her mind.”
“She’s so skinny!” commented Justin.
“Don’t EVER tell her that!” warned Melissa.
Justin pulled up to the front of the hotel.
“So what are your plans for tomorrow?” asked Justin.
“We have practice until noon. Then we have the rest of the day free to do whatever we want.”
“So you wanna do something tomorrow?” he said, grinning flirtatiously.
“Ok,” she smiled back. He leaned over, and gently kissed her on the lips. It sent tingles down her spine.
“Later, JC!” she said to him in the backseat. He waved goodbye as she got out and ran inside.
TO BE CONTINUED