SOME DREAMS
By Carrie Alexander
PART ELEVEN
The next morning, Melissa knocked on Carrie’s door so they could walk down to the buses to go to rehearsals together. But there was no answer.
“Care Bear! Get your lazy ass to this door, we gotta go!”
There was still no answer.
“Carrie? Are you up?”
Silence.
Melissa pounded on the door harder, shaking the door frame. “CARRIE!”
The door finally creaked open, and Carrie looked at Melissa wearily.
“What?” she mumbled.
“Carrie?! What are you doing, it’s time to go!” Melissa stared at her, suspicious.
Carrie was still in her pj’s, and she looked like shit, thought Melissa. There were black circles under her eyes, and her cheeks looked hollow. Her normally tan skin was pale and waxen. She looks like she can barely keep her eyes open!
“Carrie, what time did you go to bed?!”
“Right after we got back last night.”
That was 9:00! She has been asleep for almost 12 hours?! Melissa thought. Carrie, who always rose with the sun? What’s happening here?
“Well, get dressed! We have to go to the buses!” Melissa bustled into the room.
Carrie slowly shut the door. She stumbled to the bathroom door, and had to grab a chair to steady herself.
“Carrie!” Melissa caught her arm, holding onto her. “What’s wrong with you?!”
“N-nothing.” But her voice was wobbly and she felt as weak as a tiny bird in Melissa’s grip.
“Ok. Sit down. Now!” Melissa ordered. Carrie obeyed gratefully.
“Carrie, when was the last time you ate? No, don’t you dare not answer! You tell me right this minute, or I swear to God, I’ll call 911!” Melissa ordered.
Carrie’s head felt so heavy. She rested it on her shoulder, wanting nothing more than to just go back to sleep.
“Carrie! Look at me!” Melissa yelled. Shed shook her shoulders. But Carrie was so tired, she could barely keep her eyes open, sitting in that chair.
“Please, Melissa... just let me sleep...”
“Oh God, Care, why are you doing this to yourself? You don’t need to!”
“Please, just go,” Carrie whispered. She never felt so tired in her life. All she had eaten last night was half an apple.
Melissa heaved Carrie out of the chair, and led her to the bed. “You’re stupid, you know that?” she whispered as she tucked her under the covers. Carrie was asleep again in an instant.
Melissa watched her for a moment, feeling torn and sad. “God, if only your dad could see you now,” she said, watching Carrie’s blanched, ashen face fall into slumber.
Melissa went down to the buses, and told her coach that she wouldn’t be able to go to practice today, making something up. Then she hunted around for Carrie’s coach. She found Tiffany, another UCA teammate, and told her Carrie wasn’t feeling well, and she was going to rest today.
Then she went back up to Carrie’s room, and sat next to her asleep in the bed. Melissa didn’t know what to do. She knew Carrie was destroying herself every day, but she also knew Carrie’s fierce spirit and determination. What could she do to help her?
Melissa spent the whole day at Carrie’s side. She brought her juice, which she gratefully drank, and tons of bagels, cereal, and toast, which she nibbled on.
Well, at least that’s something. Usually Carrie would pretend to eat, but she couldn’t pretend under Melissa’s wary gaze.
The day wore on, and Carrie felt a lot better, stronger.
“Carrie, I’m not gonna let you do this anymore,” said Melissa suddenly.
Carrie glanced up, as she stood at the closet, looking for something to wear.
“I’m not going to let you kill yourself like this.” Melissa stood and went over toher. “I’m not going to pretend I don’t see it anymore just to avoid hurting you. I’m going to help you until you get better, until you see that you are fine just the way you are.”
Carrie opened her mouth to protest, but then suddenly, Justin and JC burst through her open door.
They looked from Carrie to Melissa, and back again, seeing that there was tension in the air.
“Hi, guys,” said Justin coolly.
“Melissa, what are you talking about?” asked Carrie, oblivious to the guys.
“Carrie, you’re not well. You look like a little bird or something! You’ve lost somuch weight--”
Carrie held up her hand. “Wait, what the hell? I’m--”
“Anorexic,” Melissa finished.
PART TWELVE
That word had never come up before. Carrie stared at her blankly. JC and Justin stood there awdwardly, not knowing how to excuse themselves.
Carrie’s face turned a deep shade of red. She finally noticed them. “Guys, could you excuse me for a minute?” She dashed into the hall before anyone could respond, feeling ashamed and embarrassed.
Melissa sat down, and put her head in her hands. Her shoulders shook with emotion. Justin came over to her and took her in his arms.
“Shh, it’s ok.”
“No, it’s not. I never should have said that to her. Now she’ll hate me forever!”
“No she won’t. Why didn’t you tell us she was so sick?” asked JC.
“She’s my best friend, I didn’t want to betray her confidence. But I don’t want to lose her!”
While Justin stayed with Melissa and consoled her, JC went after Carrie.
He found her sitting by the deserted pool, among the Hawaiian trees. Her arms were wrapped around her knees in a lawn chair.
JC slowly approached her. She didn’t protest, and watched him sit next to her.
“Hey,” he said cautiously.
“Hi.”
“Hey, um...” He glanced at his lap, at a loss.
“Do you think I’m... unsightly?” she asked bluntly.
“No! Not at all!” he said, surprised.
“Do you think I’m anorexic?”
“I don’t know you that well, Carrie. It’s not my place.”
She smiled unexpectedly. “You’re nice. I guess my first impression of you was wrong.”
“What was that?” he asked curiously.
“I thought you were the biggest player. No guys I know ever try to pick up girls by serenading them onstage!”
He laughed. “That wasn’t my idea, that was Justin’s. He had planned beforehand to do that so he could get to see Melissa again. He’s really got it for her."
"I noticed. They’re cute together, and he’s so good for her after Jeff.”
“Who’s that?”
“Her ex-boyfriend. He goes to school in Alabama.”
JC asked her question after question, keeping her mind off the recent discourse. Without even knowing it, Carrie had forgotten all about what had just happened.
JC thought it would be a good idea to just talk to her for now, not about her possible anorexia. He would leave that to Melissa to discuss with her, it wasn’t his place. He just wanted to bring her back up a little so she wouldn’t do anything foolish.
“Oh, I have this story for you!” he smiled.
Carrie smiled back. When she smiled, her thin cheeks looked full and rosy. “What?”
“Well, last year when we were on tour, we were doing this one concert, and we had just ran onstage. Well, the crowd was screaming so loud, I could barely hear myself sing in the mike. We did a couple songs, but I felt the vibe was kinda off, you know?”
“What was it?” Carrie asked, intrigued.
“Well, I looked at these girls in the front row, and they were all pointing at me, laughing. I glanced over at Lance, and his eyes were really wide in shock!”
“Oh no! What? Tell me!”
“Justin walked up to me, and said ‘JC... your fly is down.’ It had been ever since the first song!”
Carrie clapped her hand over her mouth in shock. “No!”
JC nodded. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life!”
Carrie started laughing really hard at the thought. “That’s horrible!”
“I know. You can’t imagine how humiliated I was. Have you ever had something like that happen to you?"
“Oh yes I can!”
“You can?”
“Well, when I was in high school, I once did a similar thing at an assembly.”
“Tell! I told you mine!”
“Ok, ok...” She took a deep breath, smiling ruefully. “Well, my school was a big hockey school. Every year the whole school went down to the Cities for the State tourney, and we always had this big send-off assembly. It’s a big deal. Us cheerleaders spend months perfecting a routine.”
“Ok,” JC nodded.
“I was supposed to do the opening tumbling pass across the gym floor. So when they announced the cheerleaders, I was the first one to run out there, all alone. I had to run right past the hockey players, who were all so gorgeous to me. I had such a crush on this one guy...”
JC felt a slight twinge of jealousy.
“But I’m getting off the subject. Anyway, the entire crowd gasped when I did my round-offs across the floor, ending with a back tuck into a Russian. I thought they were gasping at my tumbling, but then they all pointed to me, and I realized I wasn’t wearing any bloomers.”
“Bloomers?”
“It’s what you wear over your underwear.”
“Oh my God! You flashed your entire school!” JC laughed.
“Yep! Just like you did... kinda.” Carrie smiled.
They laughed over their shared embarrassments, sitting there by the pool. Carrie felt so much better.
"Thank you, JC,” she said seriously.
“For what?”
“Coming down here and talking to me. You’re sweet.” She leaned over and gave him a friendly hug.
“Anytime,” he said, loving the way her arms felt around his neck.
“I think I better go talk to Melissa now.” She stood up to go upstairs, but saw that Melissa and Justin were already approaching them.
Justin motioned for JC to come with him. “We’re gonna go over to the cafe,” he said, taking JC with him. Melissa sat down next to Carrie.
“JC?” Carrie called. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye ’k?” she smiled.
He smiled back. “Sure.” Then he and Justin went over to the outdoor cafe.
PART THIRTEEN
Melissa looked at Carrie. “Care, listen, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. That was completely out of line.”
“No, Melissa--”
“Maybe you’re not an anorexic. And I know you’ve had it hard these last few years. It’s natural for you to be... well, I should be there for you as a friend, not a doctor.”
Carrie listened attentively.
“I just don’t wanna see you hurting anymore. Everything is going so good for you now! We’re in paradise, and let’s just try to enjoy it.”
Carrie nodded.
“So,” smiled Melissa. “What did you and JC talk about?”
“Melissa. Wait. I need to say this.”
“Ok.”
“I know I have been losing weight. But I will try to stay in shape, and eat healthy for this competition. I just have to lose a few more pounds, but I will hold off on that until after Saturday.”
“Carrie, but you’re not fat! You don’t need to lose any more weight!”
This didn’t register in Carrie’s mind. It never did. “Just a few more pounds...” she mused.
“Carrie--”
“Can we just meet halfway, for now? I promise I will eat everything you put in my face this week. Except meat.”
Melissa nodded. Well, at least that’s something, she thought. “Anyways, back to JC and you...”
Carrie laughed out loud. “Oh, you little gossiper! What is your dirty mind concocting now?”
“Nothing!” Melissa feigned innocense. “He’s a nice guy, isn’t he?” She glanced over at the cafe, where JC and Justin were arm-wrestling at a table.
Carrie looked over too. “Boys. Look at them! Always acting macho.”
“Yeah. Let’s go over there.”
Carrie and Melissa joined JC and Justin. Their faces were screwed up in the effort of the arm-wrestle, at a dead-lock.
Grinning, Melissa gripped Justin’s arm, and tried to force it back, helping JC.
“Hey!” he yelled. “Babe, I got 10 bucks on this!”
Carrie grabbed JC’s arm, and pushed it back as well, therefore helping Justin.
“Carrie! I thought you were my friend!” JC yelled at her.
“That’s what friends are for!” Justin laughed. “Not you, though!” he said to Melissa.
They decided to call it a draw, and they all sat down at the table.
“What should we do now?” asked Carrie.
“Let’s go out somewhere,” said Melissa. “Where’s a good place for nighttime?”
“Definitely Downtown Disney,” said Justin. “They have this huge movie theater, and there’s Planet Hollywood, and guess what I heard! The Backstreet Boys are supposed to be there tonight.”
“Oh, really?” said JC. The Backstreet Boys were good friends of ‘N Sync, despite rumors of rivalry.
“Who are they?” asked both Melissa and Carrie. They had never heard of BSB.
“They’re another singing group from here in Orlando. They’re really cool guys,” explained JC.
So they all decided to go. Carrie and Melissa went upstairs to their rooms to change, while JC and Justin waited down in the cafe.
20 minutes later, Carrie and Melissa came back to the cafe.
“Wow...” both Justin and JC breathed when they saw the girls.
Melissa was wearing black flare pants and a short-sleeved baby blue shirt, with black high-heel sandals. Justin thought she looked hot.
Carrie was wearing her khaki cargo pants, white shoes, and a royal blue tank top with a stripe across the front. JC thought she was so cute, like a little girl sometimes, but also a mature, beautiful woman.
“Well, are we ready?” she asked, smiling at JC warmly.
“Yeah, let’s go. Should we see a movie?”
They decided to go to the new Adam Sandler movie, “Big Daddy.” After the movie, which they loved, and laughed hysterically at, they went over to Planet Hollywood for dinner.
At first, Melissa was worried as to what would happen with Carrie in a restaurant, the whole food thing.
But when they sat down, Carrie pointedly picked up her menu, and skimmed it defiantly, under their watchful stares. She ordered a medium Oriental salad, and when it came, she shoved forkfuls into her mouth.
“Hey! Brian!” JC called, seeing someone over Melissa’s shoulder.
A guy came over to their table, and introduced himself to the girls.
“Brian is in that group we were telling you about, Backstreet Boys,” said Justin.
“It’s nice to meet you guys,” Brian said with a slow Southern drawl, sitting down next to Melissa. Justin wrapped his arm around her, clearly feeling threatened, and wanting Brian to know Melissa was with him.
PART FOURTEEN
Brian talked with them for a while at Planet ollywood. He and Melissa found out they had a lot in common. His favorite movie, it turned out, was “The Princess Bride,” which was also her favorite book. They hit it off right away.
Justin did not like this. He had always had a tendency to get jealous, and even though he and Melissa barely knew each other, he didn’t like her talking to another guy like this, even if it was Brian, a good friend of his.
Carrie watched the scene unfold before her with interest. She could see exactly what was happening here, and it amused her. Brian and Melissa were in a deep conversation about their favorite movies, and Justin kept trying to hold Melissa closer, to which she was unaware, and she didn’t respond to his gentle caresses, engrossed in talking to Brian.
JC and Carrie exchanged knowing glances. They both knew Justin was getting more and more defensive with Brian’s good-natured friendliness with Melissa. “Well, I better get back to the guys and those fans,” Brian finally said. “It was a pleasure meeting you, ladies.”
“Yeah,” said Melissa enthusiastically. “Hope we see you again before we leave!”
“Yeah, nice meeting you, Brian,” Carrie agreed, leaning back in her chair to see what would happen now.
After Brian left, Justin was unusually cool and distant. He was really bugged by Melissa’s sociability with Brian. She had no idea why he was pissed. After a few minutes of noticable unease, when Justin would answer Melissa with only one-word replies, she finally said, annoyed, “Hey, what is your problem?!”
“Ooh, JC,” interrupted Carrie. “Look at that... that um, wall!” She stood up, thinking quick.
“Yeah, wow, let’s go watch it!” JC jumped up, leading her away discreetly, leaving Justin and Melissa alone.
“Good thinking, Care,” JC whispered in her ear as they walked to the other side of the restaurant. “You can cut the tension back there with a knife.”
~*~*~*~
“Well, you sure got chummy with Brian fast,” said Justin back at the table.
Melissa stared at him in confusion. “What? What’re you talking about?”
“Come on! I saw the way you were with him, and I know all about him, he’s a real player. Besides, I thought we had something going.”
Melissa tilted her head. “Are you saying that I was flirting with Brian?”
“Oh, I know you were. I’m not stupid.”
“Ugh! Please! I just met the guy, would you gimme a break?”
Justin sat there pouting.
“I’m probably never even gonna see the guy again. I was just being nice. He shared a lot of my same interests.”
“Well, ok. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be such a jerk,” Justin gave in. “I mean, we barely know each other, but I already feel a connection with you, and I think this could develop into even more.”
“Really?” Melissa smiled, touched.
“Yeah,” smiled back Justin. “Do you think so?”
She nodded, grinning at him fondly. “I hope we can still see each other after this week--”
He took her by the back of her neck and pulled her into a long kiss.
"That should answer that,” he said brazenly.
“You’re so full of yourself,” she teased.
JC and Carrie came back to the table, seeing them kissing.
“I guess y’all are cool now,” Carrie observed.
They just continued to make out. JC laughed. “Hmm, guess so! Hey, Romeo and Juliet! Let’s get outta here!”
“Oh, I just have to go to the ladies’ room real quick,” said Carrie as they all stood up to leave.
"Oh, I’ll go with you,” said Melissa.
“No!” Carrie cried hastily. “Um, I’ll just be a minute, I swear.” She looked at Melissa and they spoke with their eyes, and she knew Carrie would just go in for a feminine concern, and be right out.
“Ok, we’ll wait for you, meet you outside,” said Melissa, nodding understandingly.
Carrie walked slowly to the restroom, watching to make sure Melissa and the guys had gone outside before she went in. She walked into the restroom, looking under the stalls to make sure no one else was in there.
The bathroom was deserted. Carrie went back to the door, locking it securely. Then she went into a stall, knelt down, and forced herself to throw up her dinner.
PART FIFTEEN
Carrie walked out of the restaurant smiling normally. No one suspected a thing.
They started to walk to Justin’s car, Melissa and him walking ahead arm-in-arm. JC and Carrie hung back, giving them space.
“So what are your plans for tomorrow?” JC asked her.
“We rehearse all day,” Carrie groaned. The competition was the day after.
“Oh. All day? Are you guys free at night?”
Carrie feigned astonishment. “Oh, my God! Does the famous JC Chasez want to see little old us again?! Shut up!”
JC laughed. “C’mon, Care. Don’t start to get all celebrity-struck on me. I like hanging out with you cuz you treat me like a real person, not a celebrity.”
“Well, was I wrong? You ARE a real person, right?” Carrie joked, poking him in the ribs.
“Yeah, maybe!” JC slung his arm around her shoulders, messing up her hair with his other hand.
“Hey!” she yelled at him. He tickled her fiercely back.
They got to Justin’s car, and got in, driving back to their hotel. Melissa fiddled with the radio, finally finding a good station.
“Here’s the latest from the Backstreet Boys,” said the radio DJ. “This is ‘I Want It That Way’.”
As the song started, Melissa said, “Oh! This is the Backstreet Boys? Brian that we just met?”
“Yeah,” said JC from the backseat.
They listened in silence to the song. “Hey, they’re really good,” commented Melissa.
Justin kept his eyes on the road steadily, not replying. He still felt a twinge of possessiveness.
They got back to the Polynesian, and Melissa and Carrie got out.
“Thanks, you guys!” Carrie said cheerfully, shutting the door.
Melissa leaned over to kiss Justin, but he turned his cheek at the last second.
“You’re still mad, aren’t you?” she said incredulously.
Justin looked at her guiltily.
“Justin, you’re acting like a child. If you wanna have a real relationship, grow up!” She got out and slammed the door before he could respond.
Carrie stood on the curb, watching. She made eye contact with JC, and shrugged helplessly.
Carrie looked over her shoulder as they walked inside. JC waved as they drove off.
“Ugh. He said he wants us to have a relationship, how can we if he acts like that?” Melissa fumed.
Carrie nodded, listening with care.
“I mean, Brian and I just met!”
“Uh huh.”
“I have no romantic interest in him at all!”
“Of course.”
When Carrie got to her room, she said good night, and told Melissa to call her if she needed to talk.
Melissa walked into her room, and saw that the message light was blinking on her phone.
Who could that be? she wondered. Probably another dancer, wondering where I was today... She hit “play.”
“Hi, Melissa. This is Brian Litrell, we just met tonight, do you remember me? Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to get together sometime tomorrow night, maybe, and do something? Call me if you’d like to, here’s my number...”
Oh wow! thought Melissa. I wonder if I should call him. Justin wouldn’t like that... Wait a minute! He can’t tell me who to be friends with! I’m in Florida, I wanna meet as many new people as possible. Besides, Brian is Justin’s friend, I don’t see how he can have such a problem with it. They’re friends, right? Melissa picked up the phone and called Brian’s number.
TO BE CONTINUED