SOME DREAMS
By Carrie Alexander
PART THIRTY-SIX
4 MONTHS LATER...
It was now September of Carrie’s sophomore year of college. She had gotten back into cheerleading, and worked at the radio station, KUWS. She was still healthy, she never starved herself anymore.
Unfortunately, Carrie rarely talked to Melissa. She had decided to transfer to University of Central Florida, since she was still dating Justin. As far as Carrie knew, Melissa liked it down there, she had made the dance team, when Carrie last talked to her, which was way back in May.
Carrie knew nothing about JC. She had never talked to him, and she never asked Melissa what he was up to. He probably had a new girlfriend, had gotten on with his life.
Carrie tried to do the same thing. Many guys asked her out, due to her new found confidence and healthy life. And she had lots of guy friends that she dated, but she never got really serious with any of them.
She hated to admit it, but she still loved JC. I guess a part of me always will, she told herself. He was her first love, and you never forget your first love.
~*~*~*~
JC walked out of the trailer and onto the set of their latest video. Justin was filming his scenes right now with Melissa. She was a dancer in the video.
Their new video was a fast dance song that Chris had written. It had a great beat and energetic sound, and the video was the same way. They were filming it on the campus of UCF. The concept was the 5 of them as students.
Each had a different character. But when they all came together to dance and sing, they became like one, shedding their personas.
Chris was “the nerd.” He had his glasses, and the geeky clothes, everything. He played it up so much, it was hilarious. His scenes were being shot in the chemistry labs.
Lance was “the sensitive shy guy.” Every school had one. He was filmed in the back of the class, and panicked whenever called on. Of course, all the girls (who were also the dancers) thought he was the greatest.
Joey was “the pimp.” True to his real-life persona, he chased all the girls and flirted with them, wearing his big gold necklace and all. And of course, none of them would go out with him. Sarah was on the set, watching carefully. She and Joey had become very close, and they were now an item.
Justin was “the school jock.” He played basketball, and he wore his letter jacket around campus. He thought all the girls wanted him, and his current scene with Melissa was the two of them dancing, him trying to get her while she denied him.
Melissa was having a ball shunning Justin. She loved making a video with him, and of course, dancing with him.
JC ‘s character was a little harder to categorize. He had asked the director not to have a lot of air-time in the video, even though he sang lead on it. So the director had put him as “the worker.” What that meant was he worked at the local bookstore, and he spent practically all his time helping others.
JC didn’t feel totally into this. In fact, he hadn’t felt really interested in anything these days. Johnny yelled at him almost daily. He messed up on choreography, he rarely talked during interviews, and worst of all, his energy was lacking during performances.
I guess it’s because the one woman I love is out of my life, he thought as he watched Melissa dodge Justin’s advances in the school gym. He had never spoken to Carrie after she left. He had given up on asking her to marry him, even though he still had the diamond ring.
After this video was wrapped, they were to go back to the tour. Melissa and Sarah had joined them once in a while for some dates. Justin could never stand to be away from Melissa for long, and Joey adored Sarah.
JC knew Melissa had talked to Carrie, but his pride wouldn’t let him. He was too scared to find out that she had a new boyfriend or something.
But he somehow had a feeling that he would see her again someday. The tour was going to be in Madison, Wisconsin soon, which wasn’t far from Carrie’s school. Then they were going to be in Minneapolis the next day. He felt sure that he would see her somehow, being so close to her...
PART THIRTY-SEVEN
Carrie’s phone was ringing insistently. She was engrossed in a paper she was writing for her Film and Culture class. She reluctantly went to go pick it up.
"Hello?” she asked, exasperated.
“Carrie? Is that you?”
Carrie paused. “Melissa?” she asked, disbelieving.
“Yeah, it’s me! How are you?” Carrie could hear voices in the background.
“I’m good. How are you? Where are you?”
“I’m on a bus right now, somewhere between Chicago and Milwaukee!”
“Oh, so you’re still with, um... the guys on tour?”
“Yeah, I’m having a blast. So tell me what’s new!”
Carrie hesitated. She wondered if JC was in the same room as Melissa.
“Oh, not much...”
“Carrie, you can talk to me. I’m totally alone right now. So really, how are you?”
“Great. My doctor says I’m doing great, totally healthy. And school is great too, cheerleading has kept me real busy, as well as the radio station. How ‘bout you?”
“Oh, I’m awesome! Justin and the guys have been so good to me on tour with them. We’re all having a blast.”
“That’s good. So how are the guys?”
“Well, Justin is his same self, you know how he is. Lance is pining away for his recent break-up with that bitch Danielle. Joey is just head-over-heels for Sarah, you remember her, the journalist... Oh, well, Chris is.. just Chris. He’s been very hyper lately, like a caged animal...”
Carrie waited breathlessly for words about JC. Was he sad? Was he happy?... Was he seeing someone new now?
“And JC... well, I’ll let you ask him yourself! He’s right here!”
“Melissa, no! Wait!” Carrie yelled.
But it was too late. She could hear Melissa handing the phone to JC, who had just walked in the room.
“Hello? Who’s this?” JC asked.
Oh, God, I’ve missed the sound of that voice! Carrie mused. It had been so long.
“Hello? Is anyone there?” Melissa obviously didn’t tell JC it was her.
Carrie cleared her throat. “Hi, JC. This is Carrie.”
There was a long silence. Then, “Carrie. It’s good to hear from you.” JC coughed. “How have you been?”
Carrie wanted to tell him she missed him like crazy, and how she had laid awake at night missing his hugs and kisses, his voice, everything.
But her pride kept her from doing that. If she told him she was miserable, when he was probably doing fine without her, probably had a new girlfriend, she would never be able to hold her head again.
He can never know how much I miss him, it makes me too vulnerable. “I’m great!” she said brightly.
After a few minutes of awkward chatting, JC asked, “So will we be seeing you soon?”
“What?”
“At the Minneapolis show, maybe? We’ll be there on Saturday.”
JC wanted to see her?! No, he’s just being polite, he doesn’t want to be rude and say he doesn’t want to see me when he’s in my own state. Well, I won’t give him the satisfaction of soothing his guilt, or ego!
“Um, I don’t think so, JC. I have a game to cheer at,” Carrie lied.
“Carrie, come on, all the guys miss you. And Melissa too. She really wants to see you, you can’t say no. She’s your best friend.”
Carrie blinked back threatening tears. “No, JC. I just can’t.” Her voice shook, and she knew she would start to cry any minute.
“Carrie,” JC whispered. He could hear the emotion in her voice, and it made him feel terrible. “Care, come on. Please. I want to see you too. We have some things we never talked about.”
“There’s nothing for us to say to each other, J.”
"Yes there is. I need to tell you what happened that day you left.”
Carrie sighed, wiping furiously at her eyes. Her heart was aching to go to Minneapolis. She really did miss Melissa, and it would be great to see her again.
“So will you come visit us?”
“Ok. I’ll see what I can do. But no promises. Tell Melissa to call me when you guys are on your way.”
“Ok. And, hey, Care?”
“Yeah?”
“It was great to hear your voice again.”
“You too, JC. Bye.”
~*~*~*~
JC hung up the phone and walked back to where Justin and Melissa were.
“Well?” Justin asked, waiting.
JC sat down. “She said she might be able to come see us when we’re there.”
Melissa smiled. “See what a little open communication can do?” She was so happy that Carrie and JC were going to cross paths again. This may be their only chance before they were gone, and Melissa didn’t intend to let it slip by those two. She intended to make sure Carrie realized what JC meant to her, and for JC to ask Carrie to marry him.
She knew he still had the ring, so she knew that he had to still love her, no matter what he said.
As the bus rolled through Wisconsin, Melissa couldn’t help but smile the whole time in excitement for what would happen in the coming days...
PART THIRTY-EIGHT
Carrie was now driving South to the Cities. She kept asking herself what she was doing, going to see them. And she kept telling herself it was for Melissa, that was why.
Partly it was, but she really wanted to see JC, even if it meant seeing him with someone else.
Carrie drove past Forest Lake. She was almost there, just about an hour out of Minneapolis...
~*~*~*~
JC and Joey walked back to the elevator to go to their room. Sarah was up there with Melissa, waiting for them.
When they got there, JC went straight to the mirror again, inspecting his looks.
“Do you think this looks ok?” he asked for the billionth time. He was wearing khakis and a dark blue shirt that Carrie had given him for Christmas. He ran his hands through his newly highlighted hair.
Joey sighed, annoyed. “YES, JC! For the last time, you look fine!”
“Just relax, JC,” Sarah added.
“Yeah,” added Melissa. “She’s not gonna be here for awhile.”
“What’re you talkin’ about?” JC feigned innocence.
“Oh, please, JC. Carrie! You know you’re nervous to see her again.”
JC sat down on the couch. “Well, I’m just worried. I know we broke up and all, but I still care about her. I hope she’s doing ok.”
“She is. I talked to her,” said Melissa. “And she sounded like she was fine. I mean, I bet she still cares for you, too, J. But she’s not having problems.”
“I’m glad. So what else did she have to say?” JC asked casually.
Melissa smiled. “She’s been busy cheerleading and working. And school, too.”
“Oh, really?”
“No, JC, she did not say anything about a new boyfriend!”
“What? So? I didn’t ask!” JC said. “It’s fine with me if she has one,” he lied. “We did break up. She should be happy with who ever she wants.”
She would be happiest with you, Melissa thought to herself.
~*~*~*~
Carrie got out of her car in front of the huge hotel, the Hyatt, where they were supposed to be staying. She adjusted her short beige skirt that had butterflies on it, and looked herself over.
Well, here goes nothing! she thought, tucking her hair behind her ear. She walked in the front doors, intending to go up to the desk and give her name.
“CARRIE?!” she heard 2 voices yell.
She turned around just before Lance and Chris attacked her in a hug. She laughed and hugged them back. She had missed them so much lately.
“Hey, guys! How are you?”
After a few minutes of talking, they led her up to the room, waving her past the security.
"We have to perform tonight, so we have a few hours before we go, to do something,” Lance said. “We’re really happy to see you again, Care.”
Carrie smiled. “I’m happy to see you too.” Her heart was starting to pound in anticipation. They entered the elevator and went up to the penthouse, the three of them horsing around and joking like it was old times.
When they got to the top and walked down the hall, Carrie spotted Justin coming from the other direction. He stopped when he saw her.
“Care Bear?!” He ran to her.
“Hey, Justin!” she laughed as he spun her in his arms in a hug.
“Hey, guys, Carrie’s here!” Justin called out to the other room. “So we’ve missed you! How ya doin’?”
“I’m great. I see you finally got that red out of your hair!” Carrie tousled his now-blond curls.
"Yeah, I decided to go back to blond!” He said, running his hands through it.
“Well, it looks much better!”
Just then, the door opened. Melissa ran out, and practically tackled Carrie in greeting. They were both talking to each other so fast and excitedly, the guys all just stared in wonder at them.
And then, JC walked out of the room and into the hall. Carrie stopped in mid-sentence when she saw him.
He walked up to her silently. They both just stared at each other. Everyone was watching.
“Hey, Care,” JC said quietly.
“Hi, J.” They just continued to look at each other. Then they both leaned in at the same time and hugged each other briefly. It was a friendly hug, but Carrie could feel that old electricity.
They all went into the room and got reacquainted. Carrie got all caught up on what had been going on with them these past 4 months.
Lance told her all about his breakup with Danielle. Carrie had never liked heranyway; she always seemed like she had a hidden agenda.
“It’s ok, Lance,” Carrie comforted. “I know plenty of girls who would be perfect for you!” Carrie felt like she was her old self again. She hadn’t realized until now how much she missed these guys. They were all such good friends, like Melissa was to her. She felt like she could tell any of them anything. She didn’t have that many really close friends since she was such a guarded person.
JC was sitting there, listening to them all chatter. Once in awhile, Carrie made eye contact with him, and she knew he wanted to talk with her privately.
Melissa could sense that JC and Carrie needed to be alone, so she stood up.
“Hey, can some of you help me in the other room for a minute?” she asked.
Justin, Lance, and Chris all went with her into the other room. Joey and Sarah had already left a while ago. Now JC and Carrie were alone.
PART THIRTY-NINE
“So,” said Carrie, sitting across from him. “Are you enjoying the tour?”
"Uh huh. It’s been busy, but fun.” JC’s eyes pierced into her.
“So what are your plans after it’s over?”
“Just go home, rest. We are supposed to have a long break.”
Carrie looked down at her lap, feeling very uncomfortable.
“Care, I think I need to tell you something--”
“You know, there’s really nothing for us to say anymore,” Carrie interrupted. “I think we can still be friends, right?”
“Yeah, of course. But that day that you left Orlando--”
“Um, I think I’m gonna go see if Melissa needs any help.” Carrie stood up, not wanting to hear what he was going to say.
“But, Carrie, hold on!” JC’s voice was insistent, and it made her stop. She turned around to face him, and just looking at his face caused her so much pain, she felt like crying.
“I know I had promised you I would say goodbye that day, and I tried to get to the airport.”
“JC, I told you, it’s over and done with. Let’s just forget about it and be friends.” God, why was he bringing all this up now? Didn’t he know how much it hurt her?
“No, I need to explain what happened. Please, sit down?”
Carrie sat next to him.
“The reason I didn’t get there in time was partly due to getting pulled over for speeding, about a mile from the airport. And also this.” JC pulled something out of his pocket.
It was a silver-banded diamond ring. It looked like a full karat. Carrie was speechless, not knowing what to say. Was this an engagement ring? she wondered.
“I knew how much you love silver, so I didn’t get the gold one. I was going to propose to you that day, but I missed you.”
Carrie looked away from the ring, and into JC’s eyes. “You were gonna ask me to marry you?” she whispered.
"Yeah. But Johnny wouldn't let me got after you. And when you never called, I figured you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“Why are you telling me all this now?” Carrie asked him.
“Carrie, I know we broke up. And I know you have a life. But-- I still think about you, about the life we had.”
Carrie was in shock. She could feel tears of grief in her eyes.
“I wonder sometimes, if we would still be together. Do you ever think about that?”
Carrie hesitated. “No. I don’t. Because we broke up for a reason, JC. We want different things.” She wanted to sound confident and sure, but her voice was shaking.
JC started to move toward her, but she put up her hand. “Don’t, please. I should’ve never come here.” Now her eyes were threatening to spill over.
“Care, don’t push me away. We can make it work again, I think. You once said that you loved me. And I know I never stopped loving you.” JC watched her carefully, waiting for any sign.
“Love doesn’t matter, J, it’s not the issue. It never was. We had plenty of love, we just have different lives.”
“All you need is love!” he smiled.
Carrie smiled back. “Look, I’m going to stay here for your concert. Please, don’t make this any more awkward of uncomfortable. I don’t want any problems, I just wanna enjoy seeing you guys.”
JC sighed. “Ok. We’ll talk about this later.” He glanced at his watch. “Actually, we should probably get to the venue now.”
Grateful for this to end, Carrie nodded.
~*~*~*~
Melissa got into the limo next to Justin, and they waited for everyone else to come so they could head over to the Target Center.
“Oh, I hope JC and Carrie can work things out!” Melissa said to Justin, looking out the window anxiously.
Justin slyly wrapped his arm around Melissa’s shoulders. “I’m sure they will. Those two are so right for each other... You know, some people are just meant to be together forever.”
Melissa turned back to Justin and smiled. “Like us?”
“Yeah, something like that!” Justin leaned in and kissed her gently. They had been through so much, with the whole Brian thing, and tour life was a strain on their relationship at times. But they never stopped lovign each other. They always made sure they never took anything too seriously, and always had fun.
They had started some heavy making out, forgetting that the door was unlocked. It suddenly swung open.
“Whoo-hoo! Go, Justin!” Chris shouted.
Melissa jumped back, adjusting her blouse hastily. Everyone was standing behind Chris. She saw Carrie with JC, but it still looked like they hadn’t made up or anything, they were standing apart.
“Well, are you guys gonna get in, or not?” Justin asked. They were all staring at them, trying not to laugh.
They all got in the limo, and drove to the venue.
PART FORTY
Downtown Minneapolis was a gridlock. Cars were bumper-to-bumper. It seemed everyone was going to the ‘N Sync concert. But their limo went through a specially blocked road, and they were there.
They went backstage. The dressing rooms were set up with plenty couches, and they all relaxed before they got ready.
Carrie had only seen ‘N Sync perform that one time at the UCA/UDA party at the Polynesian Resort, just before the competition. She remembered their energetic music and fresh choreography. She was interested to see what they would do in this bigger venue, especially with the show being sold-out to about 10,000 fans.
When it was time for the guys to start getting dressed, Melissa, Sarah, and Carrie said they would go to their seats to watch the show.
They wished them luck. They could already hear the thunderous screams of the crowd as the opening act performed.
As soon as the girls had left the room, everyone pounced on JC with curiousity.
“So what did you and Carrie have to say?” Joey asked.
“Did you tell her about the engagement ring?” Justin said.
“Are you gonna get back together?” asked Lance.
“Guys!” said JC. “Yes, I told her everything.”
“Really? What did she say?!”
“Well, she seemed kind of upset by talking to me. And I really don’t know what she thinks, we didn’t get to finish talking about it. But I know that I’m going to try to talk things out again, I just don’t know how.”
“Well, you’ll never have an opportunity this good again. I mean, we’re right here in her home, so close. You need to do something big for her. Girls love that,” commented Justin.
“You mean some romantic gesture?”
“Yeah! Works every time. You express yourself, and get your feelings through to her. Like remember a few weeks ago when Melissa and I got in that fight over her clothes?”
“Oh yeah, when you said she needed to dress ‘less accessible’, as you put it?” said Lance.
“She was getting checked out by all the guys in the band! But anyway, she swore she was never gonna talk to me again. So after the fight, I went and got her a dozen of her favorite white roses, and I sang ‘I Want you Back’ to her on my knees.”
“And it worked?” asked JC.
“Yeah! Like a charm.”
JC paused. “Why?”
“Don’t ask me, girls are weird like that. They just love it when you show your feelings. And it’s really great to see the look on her face when you do. She thinks you’re the most wonderful guy in the world.”
JC thought carefully. What could he do that would make Carrie see how much he still loved her?
“I got it! Hey, listen to this...”
~*~*~*~
Carrie, Melissa, and Sarah waited as the lights dimmed in the huge arena. The screams grew louder. They had the best seats, right in the front row, center stage.
Then ‘N Sync came running out onstage. They got the crowd pumped up by doing a chant, and then they opened their set with “Here We Go.”
Carrie was having a blast. They were standing up right away, just like everone else. The music was great, the dancing was awesome, and she was so glad to be here with her friends.
Her mind started to wander to what had happened earlier with JC. She couldn’t believe he was going to propose to her. Things would’ve been so much more different if he had caught up to her at the airport. She wondered what she would’ve done, if she would’ve gone home.
As Carrie thought more and more about it, she came to a conclusion. JC had never once mentioned even living together before, much less MARRIAGE! And he obviously was really against me going home...
The guys were now doing “You Got It,” one of Carrie’s favorite songs. But she was lost in thought.
So maybe he only was going to propose to me just to get me to stay. Maybe he didn’t really mean to... But why would he tell me about it now? Why does he still have the ring?
Ugh, this is all too confusing! Carrie thought. She turned her attention back to the stage, where the guys were now sitting on stools.
“What’s up, Minneapolis?!” Justin yelled, pumping up the crowd. Carrie, Sarah, and Melissa all screamed along with them.
"Well, we’re gonna slow things down a little, now, right JC?” asked Justin.
“Yeah, that’s right, Justin. Hey, Lance, what are you thinking about all these gorgeous people here tonight?"
“Well, JC, I’ve been thinking,” said Lance.
Melissa and Sarah had seen this show practically every night, so they knew what was coming, but they still watched with interest as if it was the first time.
“I’m thinking that God must’ve spent just a little more time on all of you!” Thecrowd was thundering and screaming before Lance even finished the sentence.
So then the guys went into everyone’s favorite song, “(God Must’ve Spent) A Little More Time On You.” The entire crowd sang along, Justin could put the microphone in the air and they would sing the song. They even did the same motions.
Justin made eye contact with Melissa as he sang the chorus. He winked at her and smiled. She smiled back.
Joey went downstage and knelt just in front of the girls as he sang. Sarah smiled at him. He did this every show. He reached for her hand and took it, singing just to her. Carrie and Melissa watched, smiling too. It was like those two were the only people in this huge arena. At the end, he kissed it romantically.
The lights went even dimmer, and Carrie was confused as to what was going on. Was the show over? But they hadn’t even done half their songs!
“Is it over?” she asked Sarah.
Sarah shook her head. “Not even close!”
Suddenly, 5 lights shown on each of the guys, and they started to sing a’ capella.
“I lie awake.
I drive myself crazy, drive myself crazy.
Thinking of you...
Made a mistake when I let you go baby,
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do...”
Then the music started in the backround. Carrie watched with interest as Justin sang his solo. She had remembered when he and Melissa had broken up, when he thought she was seeing Brian, and then when they got back together in the airport. When he sang, it reminded her of that day.
But Justin got to her in time, she thought. JC didn’t reach me in time... She was suddenly overwhelmed by an incredible feeling of sadness and depression. For the past four months, she had tried to get over JC. She had told herself that he was her first love, and she would never forget that. But it still hurt as much as before! Why couldn’t she move on?
“Sing it, JC...”
JC got off his stool and stood up to sing:
“Why didn’t I know it? (How much I loved you, baby.)
Why didn’t I show it? (If I had only told you...)”
JC was starting to walk around the stage. The spotlight followed him. The emotion in his face was real.
Is he starting to come over here? Carrie wondered. Her eyes followed JC on the stage. He is, he’s walking down to us!
TO BE CONTINUED