Blonde Horseback Riding
How do you keep a blonde occupied?
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said, "These look like deer tracks." The other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Kidnapping by a Blonde
BLONDES IN HEAVEN
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"
The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."
"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.
"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try & throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again & again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when........
when........
when..........
when..........
the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
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(Scroll Up)
Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots of tequila. He looks at them and says "OK" and pours their shots. They all clink glasses and and yell "51 days!" Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied. They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell "51 days!"
The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are talking about and asks them what they mean by 51 days. One of the blondes looks at him and says "Well," looking very smug. "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us only 51 days. And on the box it said 2-4 years"
money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
