I was cordially invited and attended my first Halloween party at an unidentified celebrity’s mansion in Long Beach, California. An hour or so after I arrived at the party, three others and I were “bobbing for apples.” All four of our heads were deep down into a big tub of water. We held our hands behind our back while we tried to “grab” one of a dozen or so apples with our mouths or teeth.

I finally gave up in my effort to extract an apple out of the tub. I lifted my head and whispered to myself, “I’ve been at this party for more than two hours. Nobody notices me. Does everybody think that I’m some Hollywood luminary all dressed up for Halloween in a full suit of armor? Don’t they know that I’m Sir Wantsalittle Morefromlife, from Camelot, and that I came here in a time machine? What must it take to be recognized? I guess that I’ll just have to tell these three other ‘bobbers’ who I am.”

A few moments later, the three masquerading bobbers lifted their heads out of the tub. One bobber had an apple stuck in his or her mouth. As the trio, who were in full costumes, raised up, they quickly pulled off their masks. One of the three other bobbing participants was Elvira, “Mistress of the Dark.” Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) was wearing a shiny black silk evening gown. The low, plunging neckline on her dress boldly revealed both of Her biggest personal assets. Another bobber turned out to be Regis Philbin. He was dressed up as Donald Trump. Regis wore a black tuxedo and a black top hat, a costume befitting of someone who “wanted to be a millionaire.” The other bobber was Kelly Ripa, Regis Philbin’s co-host on Live with Regis and Kelly. She came to the party in the guise of Kathie Lee Gifford, who was Philbin’s former co-host on Live with Regis and Kathie.

“What did you say your name was?” Regis asked.

“You’re from where?” Elvira inquired.

“You got here how?” Kelly questioned, with an expression of total amazement.

Several minutes later, almost all of the fifty-some guests at the party mobbed me. They hounded me for my autograph and took dozens of pictures.

Within a half an hour, the TV in the room showed a caption running across the bottom of the screen that read “News flash . . . authentic knight from Camelot discovered.” On the radio, the people at the party heard “. . . and he’s here by way of a borrowed time machine. . . .”

Suddenly, I was very popular. I heard motorcycles pull up outside. I went to the window, and I saw a handful of paparazzi photographers running up the walkway; one of the photographers got knocked down by a couple of the others. He dropped his camera as he fell to the sidewalk.

With a frightful frown on my face, I closed the drapes on the living room window. Then I said, “First nobody would recognize me. Now I can’t get any privacy! Lord, how can I learn to deal with people?”

The Lord arrived at the party, dressed as Merlin, my favorite magician. When God came up to me, Her black sorcerer’s hat fell off Her head. The Lord picked up the cone-shaped wizard’s hat and said, “Wantsalittle, this is some party. You looked pretty silly, though, when you were futilely bobbing for apples.”

God brushed off some Halloween-orange strips of confetti, which had clung to the front of Her black blouse. Then She continued, “John D. Rockefeller once stated, ‘The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.’ Wantsalittle, if you really want to relate, you must learn to work with and through people. Listen to others attentively. When it’s your turn to speak, talk WITH people and to others’ points of view. Be sincere, up-front, and honest. Be fair and objective. Be open-minded, approachable, and put people at ease in your conversations. Build self-confidence and show confidence in others.”

“God, that sounds like a review of some of our earlier conversations.”

“In a way, it is. You see, Wantsalittle, dealing with people encompasses everything that we’ve talked about up to now. In addition, use your good sense of humor when you relate with people. Become a team player. Use the words ‘we’ and ‘our’ more often in your vocabulary. Get full of enthusiasm. Be a rousing good cheerleader. Incorporate a more democratic leadership style, and lead by your good example. Become quick to sincerely praise and compliment; be slower with your constructive, private criticism.”

The Lord paused for a moment, then She said, “Wantsalittle, everybody has a right to be wrong. Claim this right, and grant it to others. Take a sincere interest in people. Go by the heart, not always by the book. As you think and act with others’ interests foremost in mind, you will improve your ability to deal with people. Strive to improve the quality of your person-to-person communications.” Then God evaporated into thin air, as if Elvira had just made the Lord disappear, magically, after a single wave of the mysterious mistress’s black-magic wand.

William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy also attended the festive Halloween party; they dressed as their respective characters, Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, in Star Trek. In fact, I found out that they had extended me the unidentified invitation to the party.

After the party, Captain Kirk asked me, “Sir Wantsalittle Morefromlife, would you like to go on a tour of the U.S.S. Enterprise?”

“Yes, I’d love to explore the huge spaceship,” I replied, anxiously.

When we boarded the expansive, majestic starship, I asked Captain Kirk, “Do you have autograph hounds and paparazzi photographers on board the U.S.S. Enterprise?”

“No, no! People nowadays, here on the Enterprise, don’t feel the need to find their own recognition through identity with others. So, Wantsalittle, just relax. . . . And welcome aboard!”

Mr. Spock turned to Captain Kirk. Spock said, “Something about this just isn’t logical.”

(The moral of this episode: As John D. Rockefeller said, “The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun!”)

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