Until near the end of my journey, when my love hormones would once again stimulate my behavior, I gave up on trying to find true romance. I decided to go back in time a couple of months, from October to August. I visited Nashville, Tennessee, in the summer of 1998.

In need of some pocket money, I picked up a Nashville newspaper and searched through the “Classifieds” for a temporary job. One ad read “Help Wanted: Someone to watch Toby, my two-year-old son, and Tramp, my beloved black Labrador, while I am at work.”

I got the baby/pet-sitting job. The first day, after the lady left for work, I escorted the little boy and his dog to the neighborhood park. It was around two o’clock in the afternoon on a hot, muggy day. The sun was bright; there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

I unfolded a reclining lawn chair and tied Tramp, the pet Lab, to one end of a ten-foot-long leash. I tied the other end of the frail rope to the back-right leg of my lounge chair. Then I told little Toby to go play on his choice of the slide, the swing, or the jungle-jim apparatus, all of which were just a few yards away.

With the dog and the kid now out of my way, I opened an ice chest, which I had brought along, and I grabbed a bottle of Zapmeister. Then I turned on my boom box, put on a black headset over the ear holes in my helmet, and comfortably stretched out.

My war club and ax were close at hand. I thought that everything was under control. I lit up a Tomarlbury, took a swig of beer, and closed my eyes. Next I sang along to the lyrics of an old country tune (written by Mac Davis), which was playing on the radio. “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way . . .”

Preoccupied with my listening to the radio and singing, I had failed to observe a few things that had just gone on all around me. For one thing, the toddler, Toby, had wandered down by a creek that bordered one end of the park. I hadn’t heard Toby, but the little boy had said, “My sitter’s back is turned. Maybe I’ll go for a swim!”

The dog, Tramp, had broke the rope. “I think that I’ll go for a stroll in the street!” Tramp had said.

Furthermore, the music had been blaring so loud, through my headset, that the noise had rendered me incoherent. I hadn’t heard a lady, about thirty feet behind me, who had been screaming at the top of her lungs. She had been strolling through the park. A man had tried to grab her purse. While the lady had struggled with the burly male purse-snatcher, she had cried out, “Help! Help! This man is trying to rob me!”

When the song finally ended, I leaned forward and took off my headphones. I looked around. Toby was playing in the creek; he was wading in water up to his neck. In two other directions, I noticed Tramp dodging cars on the busy street. And I saw a damsel in distress.

I said to myself, “I think that I’m hopeless. I feel as if I’m losing ground to every noble trait that I’ve gained so far during my journey. Should I just give up my quest and go back to Camelot? When will I ‘see the light’? Lord, who will save me from myself?”

Thoroughly dejected and mentally depressed, I eagerly waited for God to appear. As if She were Wonder Woman, God came to my rescue. She said, “Wantsalittle, I’m glad to see that you finally came to your senses! Really, you’re doing all right, for the most part. It’s okay to be a little cocky at times. But remember that there will always be something new for you to learn.”

“I need to pay more attention to what’s going on, especially when the welfare and wellbeing of others are at stake!” I exclaimed.

The Lord said, “Yes, of course, you’re right. In this case, though, I think that you just had a temporary mental lapse. I know that you would never be intentionally neglectful whereby children and animals are concerned.”

“No, Lord, I would never purposely do anything that would put a child or an animal in harm’s way.”

“Wantsalittle, while we’re talking about ‘child/animal neglect,’ I want to make something perfectly clear: My biggest pet peeves with the human race are those non-actions, speaking of child neglect or animal neglect, or those hostile actions, speaking of spouse abuse or child abuse or animal abuse, that occur at any time and at any place, worldwide. After life on earth, no person is likely to enter My heavenly kingdom who has ever been purposefully neglectful of any child or animal! And no individual will likely enter My pearly gates who has ever been abusive, physically, to any spouse or child or animal! As far as mental abuse goes, it would depend on the perpetrator, the circumstance or the set of circumstances, the severity of the mental abuse, and the duration of the harmful communications.”

“God, you just spewed a pretty full mouthful. Do You mean that in the case of one of my own children, if I ever have any children, that I could not occasionally spank the child or ever lay a hand on the youngster?”

“Wantsalittle, you had better not leave any marks or bruises on the child in the process! Most parents know right from wrong with respect to proper and effective punishment for their child or for their children. It should be tolerable for either parent to harshly discipline a child, including his or her giving that child a spanking at deserving times, but not to the degree that the child would have any visible scars or any long-lasting marks or any long-term negative effects, physical or emotional, from the inflicted physical punishment. Many nations and states have enacted laws on this subject. Parents must adhere to the laws of that nation or state of which they are citizens.”

“Lord, a minute or so ago, You were speaking of ‘neglect.’ In view of the current circumstances, with Toby wading in the creek, Tramp running loose on or near the street, and the woman fighting off the purse-snatcher, shouldn’t You and/or I be tending to these problems, right now?”

“I respect your concern for the immediate safety of all those concerned, Wantsalittle. But your God is able to talk and know what is going on, throughout the universe, at the same time. Trust me, your God will not let anything bad happen to Toby or Tramp or the damsel in distress while I am in each of their presence. We still have time to continue with our most important conversation. That is, we will have the time if you quit interrupting Me!”

“Sorry, Lord. I should’ve known that You would have everything under control. What about animal abuse? Can you give me some examples of how some people are abusive to dogs and cats, for instance?”

“Those are very good questions. With domestic, but also dependent animals, pet owners need to use good common sense. For example, you should not have tied Toby up with a frayed rope. With dogs and cats, it is absolutely necessary that their masters always make sure that their pets have fresh, clean water available to drink at all times. And dogs and cats, as with other domestic animals, should always be fed, but not overfed, on a daily basis. A dog’s diet or a cat’s diet should consist of healthy dog or cat food, not of scraps left over from people’s meals. Many foods that are safe for human consumption are not healthy for pets and can be gradually or quickly lethal to animals. Chocolate is one primary example. Dogs and cats should never be given any cookies or candy or ice cream or anything else that contains chocolate.”

The Lord paused for a moment, then She continued, “In today’s world, there are too many streets and too many vehicles. People need to be extremely careful with potential hazards for their beloved family pets. Dogs should be kept in the house or allotted a fenced yard or a fenced pen when they are outdoors. For people who live in apartments without yards, they should always walk their dogs, regularly, with proper collars and leashes.”

“Should pet owners ever spank their dogs or cats?”

“As with children, dogs or cats should not sustain any physical scars or marks or bear any long-term emotional scars as a result of their being disciplined or mishandled. Again, any human being who, with intent, inflicts serious injury to any domestic animal—dog, cat, or other helpless pet—that individual will likely not be welcome in his or her God’s heaven!”

“Lord, is there anything else that I should be aware of with respect to animal abuse?”

“Yes, Wantsalittle, there is one other most important precaution that pet owners should take with regard to their dogs’ or cats’ safety and wellbeing: Many animals, especially dogs, love to ride in vehicles. Unfortunately, too many human beings are naïve or downright ignorant when it comes to leaving their pets in otherwise unoccupied vehicles. It is imperative that a dog or dogs never be left in a vehicle unless the windows are down far enough to allow for ample fresh air and ventilation. On a sunny day, even when the outside temperature may be as cold as ten degrees, the sun will magnify through closed windows in a vehicle and cause the temperature inside the vehicle to quickly rise upwards of a hundred degrees or more. Animals simply cannot withstand the hot air temperatures resulting from being left in unventilated vehicles, even for short periods of time. Severe brain damage or death may occur under such circumstances. People should either leave their pets at home or they should always adequately ventilate their vehicles when they go shopping or into a restaurant, etc. while their pets are left in unattended vehicles. More animal abuse occurs from this type of circumstance than from all other types of animal abuse combined!”

“God, those are some great tips and reminders that all pet owners should abide by. Beginning now, I will be extremely careful and cautious where both children and animals are concerned.”

“Wantsalittle, as I said earlier, you are doing all right. You are becoming more and more enlightened with each passing day during your journey into time. Many times, people are reluctant or refuse to give themselves due credit for their more worthwhile accomplishments. Some achievers are perfectionists at heart. They’re really never satisfied with their efforts, regardless of the recognition and compliments that they may receive from others.”

“I understand, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever ‘see the light’!”

“Wantsalittle, you’re on the right track. Give yourself some credit for just how far you’ve come so far. Try to be patient. One of these days, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at yourself.”

The Lord paused, momentarily, and looked out over the park. I think that She just wanted to be sure that the kid and the dog and the woman didn’t need any immediate assistance.

Then God said, “If you want to be a perfectionist, that’s fine. For many people, that’s probably the driving force that enables them to be so masterful at their work in the first place. Nevertheless, you may be able to live a happier, more self-fulfilling life if you remember this: Nobody is perfect. It’s what you do that truly inspires greatness in others that counts most. Therefore, try not to be overly self-critical. Allow yourself some slack in the rope of perfection. Think about what you’ve done that has resulted in other people being: thoroughly pleased, entertained, amused, educated, recognized, better prepared, more self-confident, or more successful.”

The Lord paused to think, for a couple of seconds. Then She concluded, “One word of caution: Wantsalittle, don’t go overboard with self-praise. Give yourself credit when you think that you deserve it, but retain your fine reputation of modesty. As you think with occasional thoughts of self-praise, you will recognize your contributions to humanity and feel better about those times that you may have inspired greatness in others.”

“Thanks, God! I’ll try to focus on what I can do next—some positive action that might deserve my self-praise.”

After the Lord disappeared into thin air, I exclaimed to myself, “DAMN IT! I’m NOT going to give up on myself! I’ll do whatever it takes to feel and act like a king! In fact, it looks as though there’s something that I can do, right now!”

First, I rescued Tramp from roaming around in the traffic. Then, I put Toby in his playpen. Finally, I picked up my war club and ax and headed toward the woman who was being robbed. The thief turned in my direction. As I approached him, he saw the rage in my eyes. He suddenly let loose of his grip on the lady’s purse straps and ran in the other direction.

“Stop, you scoundrel!” I hollered. “I’ve awakened to my neglectful nature. Now, I’m going to correct the error in your evil ways!” Handicapped by my clumsy, cumbersome suit of armor, I couldn’t catch the unidentified man. He easily escaped. I guess that nobody else in the vicinity realized what was happening. Anyway, not a soul offered to help me in the chase.

The woman in jeopardy turned out to be country singer and actress Dolly Parton. I didn’t know who she was until my conversation with her later. She wasn’t injured in her battle to save her bag, but she was a little upset, naturally, over the frightening experience.

A couple of minutes elapsed before I returned to the spot where Dolly had nearly been held up. During that time, she had picked up some of her personal belongings off the grass—items that had been shaken out of her purse as a result of the skirmish. And she had collected herself as quickly as she could in the aftermath of her fight with the thief.

As I trotted up to Dolly, she was tucking her white blouse back into her tight-fitting blue jeans and rearranging her long, thick, light-blonde hair. Then Dolly took a couple of deep breaths; her lungs expanded as she inhaled some fresh, clean, Tennessee air. After the trying experience, she made an effort to calm herself down.

Before I spoke to Dolly, I stood face to face with her. I puffed and I panted, like a dog in heat. I puffed and I panted from my recently smoking too many Tomarlburys and from my gasping for air, not because I was overly ‘heated’ about being in the presence of the breath-taking, busty Ms. Parton. At least that’s why I thought that I had puffed and panted. . . ? Suddenly, the entire affair had turned into a “trying experience” for me, too!

“Praise the Lord!” Dolly exclaimed. “Thank ya for comin’ to my rescue. Ya should give yerself a big pat on the back. Before ya do, though, ya might want to put down that club with the long sharp spikes! . . . What’s yer name, mister?”

“You’re welcome, my fair lady. My name is Wantsalittle.”

“What did you just say, young man?” Dolly asked, with a surprised look on her face.

Just as Dolly started to raise her open right hand, probably about to slap me, I exclaimed, “Hold on there a second! Please allow me the chance to tell you my full name. It’s Sir Wantsalittle Morefromlife.”

Dolly quickly lowered her hand and said, “Well, okay. That explains it. For a minute, there, I thought that I was gonna have to smack you for what I thought to be a most insulting remark on your part.”

I said, “Thank God that I came to my senses in the nick of time. Say, you look very familiar. Do you sing country songs?”

“Yes, I do. My name’s Dolly Parton. Would ya like a couple of tickets to my next performance at the Grand Ole Opry here in Nashville?”

“Wow! Thanks very much!”

“It’s the least that I can do after what you’ve just done for me. I’ll be forever grateful to ya, Mr.—I mean—Sir Wantsalittle.” Dolly giggled, briefly, and concluded, “I’d better be goin’ now. I’ve got a busy schedule. Thanks again!”

“Nice to meet you, Lady Dolly,” I said. When the lively, well-endowed, blonde beauty rapidly walked away, I couldn’t help noticing that she had a considerable “bounce” in her step!

(The moral of this episode: What you do that truly inspires greatness in others counts the most. And when you think that you deserve it, give yourself a good pat on the back!)

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