Disappointed with my failure to live out my dream, really a fantasy, with Lady Raquel Welch, I pulled out a travel brochure. The brochure read “Australia / Vacation Paradise Down Under.”

I anxiously opened the brochure to a map of Australia. I said to myself, “Ah! This ‘out-back’ area, near a little town called Walkabout Creek in the Northern Territory, looks interesting.”

Again, I programmed the time-travel module in the Corvette and pressed the Go button. Suddenly, I stood on a wide flat rock, on a tiny island, which was out in the middle of a big swampy lake, somewhere in Australia’s Northern Territory.

A little palm tree was stuck in the sand, right beside me. A sign, tacked to the trunk of the tree, read “Out-Back Island Resort.” Just under those words, the sign read “DANGER: MAN-EATING CROCS / NO SWIMMING.”

The Australian summer sun scorched the rocky landscape. All in all, it was a blistering hot, sultry day. I put on some swimming trunks over my suit of armor and wiped the sweat beads off of my forehead with a beach towel. Then I popped the top on a 12-ounce can of Zapmeister and lit a Tomarlbury.

A few minutes later, I gazed out over the muddy lake, just beyond the shoreline, and saw a crocodile’s head. The croc’s greenish-tinted eyes and long, pointed snout broke the surface of the water, just long enough for me to get a good look. I asked myself, “What kind of a vacation paradise is this?”

The Vette was off to one side, buried to the tops of all four tires in the mud. A wallaby (little kangaroo) was hopping about in a cool pool of cloudy brown water (a mud hole), alongside of the car. The cute wallaby curiously and carefully inspected the dirty sports car.

My helmet had a small door on the side of it. On the door, a warning sign read “Closed Mind / NO Trespassing.” In addition, a metal compartment, with a thick steel door in the area of my heart, was marked “Cold Storage.”

“This is some funny-looking car, mate,” the wallaby joked. “I hope that you’ve got 4-wheel drive!”

Not in the best of moods at that moment, I replied, “I’ve seen and heard it all. I have no time or regard for the shallow opinions of others.”

When I finished my beer, I grabbed for the door on my armored chest and flipped the latch on my built-in body cooler. Inside the little, cold-storage compartment, my shrunken and slowly beating blackish-colored heart rested on a block of ice. And only one last can of Zapmeister was leaned up against the frozen chunk of water.

With a frown on my face, I said, “Sometimes, I feel in my heart as cold as ice.” Then I remembered a few lyrics from “Cold, Cold Heart,” a memorable song by the legendary Hank Williams Sr. I sang, “Why can’t I free my doubtful mind and melt my cold, cold heart?” Right after that, I asked, “Lord, what can you tell me about cooperating with others and becoming a more open-minded individual?”

Instantly, God appeared. Properly dressed for the occasion, She wore a bright-red, two-piece, string bikini. I quickly took another huge gulp of beer and wiped some more sweat beads off of my forehead. Then the Lord said, “Wantsalittle, no man is an island. People must learn to get along and cooperate with one another. Listening, open-minded thinking, and compromise are the cornerstones for effective communication. Be approachable, and put others at ease. Establish an ‘open door’ policy, which allows people to freely, but tactfully express their ideas and opinions, without fear of intimidation or retaliation from you for their frank comments.”

“Lord, should I apply these more effective communication techniques with kangaroos as well as with people?”

God didn’t laugh. I guess that She failed to appreciate my attempt to make a little joke out of the circumstances. She simply continued, “As author Sinda Jordan suggested, ‘Unlock your mind and release it from the limiting thoughts to which it clings. Nurture your mind with exposure to new ideas and allow it to thrive.’ The moral: No one individual knows all of the truth. Exchanging knowledge—what you and others perceive to be truths—will enable you to retain any new, valuable information that lends itself to your perception of the truth, while you discard the rest. By sharing worthwhile information and compromising, you will constantly grow as an individual.”

As I tried to look at God with a straight face, I couldn’t help but to show a slight smirk on my mug. I said, “All right, I’m listening to Your advice and taking it seriously. Is there anything else that You’d like to add?”

“Come to think of it, there are a couple of more things that I’d like to say: Wantsalittle, please wipe that little grin off your chin. I’m trying to be serious here, and you should be, too! Sometimes, I don’t know if you are simply being stubborn or if you are just plain pig-headed and uncompromising. But one thing is for sure: You are never going to be as noble as you want to be, and you will never really feel and act like a king, unless you lose your occasional bad disposition and wave good-bye to all of your less-than-admirable, uncompromising, stubborn ways! And it wouldn’t hurt for you to tone down your sarcastic rhetoric, at times, as well!”

The Lord caught me flatfooted. I didn’t know how to reply. Of course, God was right with Her constructive, but stinging criticism. After thinking about Her comments for a few moments, I could only think of five small words to say, “Lord, I am very sorry!”

“I accept your apology. Perhaps I was a bit too rough on you. But there are times when our minds don’t mesh and we’re not on the same page, at least in terms of relating with each other in a serious manner. When the occasion or circumstances justify a more straightforward posture, I don’t really appreciate your snide remarks. Anyway, you’re only human, so I guess that I can live with your sometimes quirky demeanors and frivolous comments.”

I wanted to rib God on Her sarcastic remark of my being “only human,” but I thought better of the notion and let it go. I simply allowed Her to complete Her valuable food-for-thought message, without offering any light-hearted rebuttal.

The Lord concluded our touchy conversation when She said, “Wantsalittle, as you think with feelings of cooperation, your open-minded approach to people will result in more effective person-to-person communications. Who will you want to learn from and cooperate with, today?”

“The very next human being that I see!” The Lord couldn’t help Herself from cracking a little smile before She disappeared.

The door to my mind swung wide open. A blue parrot straddled the top rim of the door. The message printed on the front of the little door now read “Welcome / Always Open.” I said, “My door will always be open to new ideas, compromise, and suggestions.”

The ice melted in my chest compartment. I replaced the block of ice with a new flaming-red heart, which sat, smoldering, on a grate over some burning twigs. I said to myself, “I’m getting a little warm with this fire burning in my heart. I’d sure love to go for a swim. But I’m afraid of those man-eating crocs!”

It turned out that there wasn’t a crocodile in the water, at least not of the reptilian variety. Paul “Crocodile Dundee” Hogan surfaced. The comedy actor had been wearing a crocodile’s head mask. “I was just teasin’ ya, mate,” Hogan said, a wide grin across his face. “There aren’t any crocs in this pond. Take off that heavy, cumbersome suit of armor and come on in. The water here is safe for swimming!”

(The moral of this episode: Keep an open mind at all times. Respect the ideas and opinions of others. Be approachable, and try to cooperate with people. If you do, you will grow as an individual and improve your ability to communicate with others!)