I'm in a black mood today. Irritated with everything. Dredging up things from the past and finding old anger, anger I should have let go by now.
Kathy messaged me Friday when I was at work. Friendly, smiley faces, the whole bit. I messaged back, in the same sickeningly amiable tone. I can play the game too.
I wanted to ask why she didn't bring up my name once while Jeff was visiting. Why she pretended I didn't exist. She tried to make me the villain because I "interfered" in her friendship with Jeff. That I committed a "vile" and "heinous" crime by butting into their business. I had no right to get involved, in her opinion. I had no right to put a stop to her romantic suggestions. I should have let her continue on with her fantasy about having sex with my boyfriend. Well, I disagree. When someone is suggesting that my boyfriend is her safety net, the other man in her life, I am going to get involved.
I should have said: Possessive? Yes. Fuck you if you don't like it. Fuck you if you think you're above it. You're not. I've been where you are. I've been sexually frustrated, I've been stuck in a sexually unsatisfying relationship. I didn't screw around under his nose -- unlike you. That, to me, is a vile and heinous crime. So drop the holier-than-thou attitude because I don't buy it.
I fought my way out of my marriage while keeping my friendship with my husband intact. And it wasn't easy. It took a lot of hard fucking work. And it wasn't easy to build another relationship afterward. But I did it. You could do it too, if you had the guts. Maybe you will someday. Or maybe you'll be a coward the rest of your life.
If you want to lead a double life, that's your business -- just find your secret satisfaction somewhere else. I've found my happiness now, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you suck it from me, you parasite.
