Did You Know?
I read these and had no problem understanding them. I know because I have been sexually abused. I quit school, became a drug addict, alienated all the people who really cared about me, and attempted suicide. I am in charge of my life now. I go to college, have been sober since 9/13/89, and have the love and support of many. You have a chance for happiness like I have enjoyed. You are not alone.I was 5 years old the first time. He layed by me and asked if I wanted to play a game. We were staying the night at his house. My dad was asleep on the next couch. He rubbed his penis on me and also masterbated. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I was humiliated and disgusted. I was just a little girl but from then on I was no longer. It happened every summer we were around him for about 5 years. He did it to most all the kids my age in our family. Boys and girls. He did it to my dad's girlfriend's daughter, right in front of me. I was just so happy it wasn't me. It felt good what he did. I was ashamed. I learned in therapy that I am not bad because it felt good. He was gentle and it is normal for it to feel good when some one is gently touching your vagina. I don't remember everything. I know that when slimey food goes down my throat it makes me feel really bad. I don't want to remember why that may be bad. He put his disgusting fingers all over my body. He stole my life for a long time. I became a drug addict to numb the pain. I had sex with alot of guys because I thought that was love. He took the sweet innocent pleasure of my first kiss. All I could think of at that first kiss was sex. I was 12 years old. I had breast. I was ashamed. I wore jackets in the summer in Southern California to cover my breast. I was ashamed. There is a poem in which it states, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive". He did that. Some times I feel like the abuse part was the best part. Because the drugs kicked my a ss, the promiscuity stole my dignity, the depression almost killed me. I spent a week in the psych ward because I tried to cut my wrist with a broken light bulb. My marriage almost ended because of bad things I did. I did these things, though, not him. I feel bad. He taught me how to be oversexed and negative. He taught me how to lie, be manipulative, to hate. I am not a survivor any more. I am an overcomer!! I live life. I took my life back. I went to therepy, I did an Adults Molested as Children Group, I prayed, I got sober, I take antidepressants. He can't take this from me. I no longer give him the power over my life. I did for about 23 years!! I am done! I am strong. I will never be violated again. No one will ever have power over me except my loving precious God. I have never been happier in my life. I help people now. I will graduate college and raise beautiful children. My kids will learn how to be proud of their bodies. I can make love to my husband with out cringing at his touch. I will have struggles but I now have the tools to survive them. Bless you all fellow survivors/overcomers. My little girl inside blows you all a kiss. She is happy now.
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