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razorblade temptations



A Tribute

Thin line of steel,
Hard
Glistening proof that the world
Doesn't care.
Followed by a lone line of red.
She closes her eyes.
In the dark.
A corner
unseen.
A small fish drowning in a big sea.
She opens her mouth,
Gasps at air.
Closes.
Alone in the dark,
She cuts herself,
A tribute to depression and
Loneliness.
Outside her dark room
Neighbors sit behind blinds
Wrapped in their own worlds.
Downstairs her parents watch
Television,
And hear nothing.
The wind howls.
-Oceania

there is a huge forest, gaping, frightening, the trees cold and dark as teeth. this place, this fearsome woodland, is full of pain, and here, there, wherever, wanders an innocent person. someone fresh and naïve, untainted, glorious in their purity. this individual has struggled for so long, such an immense amount of time, against the pain that this forest holds, that now, as they sink to the ground with muddied hem and dampened spirits, the only thing they can do is concentrate on one small cut on their hand. a thin, crimson stripe running along the smooth skin. focusing on this injury, all the pain negates itself. there is none left to feel. the tiny cut has made the person forget the forest, the large pain, what is untamed and will remain so.

when a person has suffered as huge a trauma as sexual violence, a forest grows, thick with angst and torment. the trees seem sometimes as tall as the sky, so that they block out all sign of the sun or stars. it is as if a cage has been built around the survivor, something wild and unexplored, dangerous beyond belief.

to avoid further hurt, or to ignore and therefore forget the immense pain of their experience, survivors sometimes will choose self-mutilation.

this means a survivor is causing physical harm to their body in order to provide relief from the emotions, memories, or depressions that may plague them.

there are many ways in which people self-hurt: cutting, burning, and bruising are some common forms. some people use razors, others use knives, cigarettes, broken glass, or their own fists. if at any time a person chooses to hurt themselves, that is self-mutilation.

it is vital to remember that self-mutilation will only cause temporary relief, and when that is gone there will be the additional shame and pain caused by self-harm. some injuries may leave permanent scars. there are other ways to cope with the immense pain of sexual violence that do not involve violence against yourself.

if you have an urge or tendency to hurt yourself, take precautions. remove dangerous objects from your line of sight. if you have someone you can trust, call them when you feel the urge to self-mutilate. even if it is just to talk about the weather, talking to someone can distract you until the urge passes. always try to remember that within that forest of pain there is someone frightened, alone, someone you have to care for. when you try to forget your pain you are also trying to forget your truth.

it has to hurt if it's to heal!
-from "the neverending story"

in our culture there is an idea that self-mutilators are a minority. they aren't. there are millions of people who choose self-harm as a way to ease the pain of their traumas. there are support groups, crisis lines, and ways that you can heal.

if you have hurt yourself in the past or are still hurting yourself now, please don't let it happen again. visit the blue cocoon for suggestions on ways to cope with trauma that don't involve self-injury.

instead of trying to suppress the pain and fear you feel, try to understand it. it is time that we all stood up, looked around our forests, and made our way to the nearest clearing, where we will find that the sky is visible.