Ice caps melting because of global warming threatens what's really near and dear to us.
Not so much the polar bears or those seal pups slaughtered annually for their white fur.
Not so much the meccas for hard bodies at Malibu and Miami Beach that will disappear as ocean levels rise.
No, the situation if much more dire:
By 2100, trapped atmospheric heat gasses produced by vehicles and factories will have destroyed the ice platforms for St. Nick's workshop and Superman's "Fortress of Solitude" at the North Pole.
Thousands of little people with pointy ears will lose their jobs. Several media outlets will fold as holiday advertising dries up.
Turkey farmers will have to focus on just Thanksgiving to survive. Retailers will have to commercialize new observances in order to move merchandise.
Never fear: Climate change will have brought skiing to the Amazon rain forest and surfing to Greenland. (27 DECEMBER 2009)
