Innocents Win, But Lose

Junk Junk Rebates

LITERATURE

Nazi, Jap Icons Sell Paperbacks

She Never Emptied a Tommygun

Cherish the 'Worst Dog in World'

Here's Warm Spit in Your Damned Eyes

Go, Dog. Go! Should Get a Pulitzer

MISCELLANEOUS

The Editor Orders 'Last Meal'

Year No. 17

Siren Call Ups E.D. Ante

Navy Tampers with Iconic Symbols

Here's a Brand New Wrinkle

Do Co-Pilots Qualify for Welfare?

Year No. 16

DNA Datum Stubs Toe of Medics

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch

Portland May Host White Yule

The Mobs Don't Rob En Masse

Korla Lives Again Thru James Eyes

'Slow Jams' Add Rhythm to Message

Year No. 15

Year No. 14

Golf Isn't Exercise Anymore

England: This Butt Isn't Joke

Don't Plan Anything May 21

Duke Drives Symbol of England

Year No. 13

Bear With Me for a Second

Year No. 12

This Teen Has Pipes for Jazz

Ice Cream for Santa Workshop

The Editor Won't Miss You, Jacko

Marla, Why Aren't Ye Famous?

Year No. 11

Year No. 10

Here's the Real Poop--Creation

Filter and Bottle Your Tap's Water

The Editor Copes Sans China Goods

Oscar Paws the Way for Grim Reaper

All Fighters of Dogs Go to Hell

Bite Bullet--Boycott all China Goods

McDonald's Coffee: I'm Lovin' It...

'2 1/2 Men' Captures Hollywood

Year No. 9

TV Spots Provide Giggles

Year No. 8

There's Gold in Them Thar Bungalows

Year No. 7

'Christmas Story' Hits Yule's Nail

Feds Point Fingers at Ab Device

Healthcare Givers Balk at Care Cost

Dumbbell Has New Meaning

Hooray for Low-Carb Options

Message to U.S. Fatties: Take a Walk

Dogs Like Ben Go to Heaven

Your Card Password--It's 'Bozo'

Year No. 6

Use Meters to Regulate Cable, Phone

Eat These, Dubya and Congress

Real Blow: Rubber Is Obsolete

Gouge Doesn't Begin to Dub This Rip-off

W-M: The U.S. Bank from Hell

Trans Fats Are Not in Nut Butter

Here's Toast to America's Good Health

Dirty Your Collar to Boost Pay

Boycott Products of Glaxo

Year No. 5

Water, Water Everywhere--in Bottles

Waiting for Other Shoe to Drop?

The Editor Is Father of Bride

Anna Has a Touch of Midas

Year No. 4

Buddy and Other Dogs Go to Heaven

It Was Only Yesterday, Wasn't It?

Where Are America's Four Bits?

Force Gas Hog to Pay Penalties

Some of Us Just Don't Fit Mold

Where Are Special Ops Operations?

Year No. 3

Bobos Earn Nickname as Closet Bozos

Chance the Gardener for President

He's Just an Anglofied American

Higgens Is Still Full of Vinegar

Thanks, Harry, for 4 Decades of Friendship

Labradors Win 'Canine of Century'

NUISANCES

Ode to the Northwest Black Ants

Go Voodoo the Things You Do Do

Save the Horse We Rose In On

Astrology Pros Hold Conclave

May God Give All Freedoms from Religion

This Bug Bites the Eardrums

Just Do Not Blow Your Own Horn

Scents Cause Motorists to Pine for Meat

Zombies Do the Voodoo They Do Well

Just Blow Your Horn Elsewhere

Nut Jobs Thrive in America

Dear Al: Warm This Middle Digit

Expose Your Who-Who As Free Speech

Felony Heist Is No Bull

He's Taking a Crack at Pants Fad

Bump Fist Bump From Greeter List

Don't Blame Teen Tagger for Graffiti

Homeless Thing Lives Under House

If Poop Happens, Don't Sue

Just Don't Give Squat About China

Kilmer Fails to Save Two Redwoods

City Clips Wings of Trappers

Apply the 'On' Ads Directly to the Anus

Dry Humor--Nix Laundry in Backyard

Trip This Canyon Skywalk

Americans Like Human Cockfights

Ban Public Display of Flip-Flops

Condo Board Should Just Lighten Up

Receding Ice Region Can't Stand the Smell

They Should Piss--or Get Off the Pot

Fling the Bling from Workplaces

Here's the Upcoming Accident

Silence the Irritating Car Alarms

N. America--Where Lion, Tiger Roam

Kentucky Frowns on Mr. Smiley

Put Prizes Where Sun Don't Shine

Keep Wild Animals in Our Zoos

Floridians Deliver Odd News Events

Hunters Aim to Designate Cats as Prey

Give Boot to Idiots Who Hoot

Sex Sells for Human South Pole

Miniaturized Motorcycles Make Mayhem

Hang Up on Political Recording

Everyday Items May Be Banned

U.S. Puts Taboo on Tattoos

Food Cases May Maim in Your Aisle

Burn Those Cancerous Tan Salons

Require Roof Supports for All Vehicles

Ban Phone in Cars--Except in Emergency

S - - t Does Happen in Wired USA

U.S. Lights Fireworks With Money

Speed Kills Motorists, Not Profit

One Step Forward, Two Back

Relegate All 'Vehicles' to Lanes, Roads

Repair Our Roads Only After Dark

Disconnect on Charity Scammers

Throw-Away-Key List Gets Longer

Just Ask Scooter to Scoot

Make Tank Users Pay for Waste

Piss on Intrusive Advertising

Use Twist Ties Only on Trash

Bag Ladies Rolling in Suburbia

Add Signal on Post at Near Corner

Don't Ever Laminate This Card

Stop Junk Placed on Property

Wrap Rap and Rock and Roll

Eradicate Mountain Dew Myth

Plug Cycle,Truck Tail Pipes

Just Poke Pokemon & Other Fad$

America Pays for Egotism

Nuke Plate Holders

Restroom Madness

Vehicles Without Governors

POLITICAL INCORRECTNESS

Shame on You, Governors

We're No. 1--in all the Wrong Places

Canada Adds to Its Slate of Jokers

Who Was That Bozo Wearing a White Face?

Portlandia & Portland Are Boring

Tea Party Doomsday Plays Out

Men Ignore Models and Ballerinas

Chisel These 21 Names on Tombstones

Sports Cars Don't Roar Any More

First Dog Bo Rides Inside Obama Limo

Muzzle GOP Cannoneer Allen West

Give the Finger to Jan Brewer

Don't Mess With First Pooch Bo

75 Reasons to Embrace Liberalisms

Move Over Lady Bozos for Punjabi

Delta Puts Bite on GI Passenger

Don't Buy Levi, Nike Products

John Weeps at the Drop of Anything

Steve Takes His Job and Shoves It

Get Flush on City's Payroll

Octomom Has Role as PETA mouthpiece

Andy, Jack, Meet Your Successor

Eric Massa Messes Up Machismo

Help Haiti Get Back Its Mojo

Blame the Mayans for Today's Tags

DYB and See S--t Hit Fan

That Is Act at Its Best

Liar, Liar--Joe's Pants Are on Fire

Sponsors Deck Beck; Who's Next?

This Is a Great Country?

Tell That to Person Who Can't

GOP Causes Mom to Roll in Her Grave

No Stiff Nays Rising for This Law

Tea Party Sets Off Alarm

Porcine Politicians Hate America

Financial Firms Put 'Touch' on U.S. Taxpayer

Hubris Award Goes to CEO John Thain

Idiots Cost Taxpayers, Ratepayers

Nude Bike Ride Hits the Gas

ADA Tames Landlord--Not Pets

No! You're Taking Me Back Here

Sack Sacks--Re-use the Canvas Bag

Don't Look for Action on Illegal

Jets Must Go on Customer Seating Diets

Larry Craig Ain't Happy--He's Gay

Legislation Proves They Lack Gonads

Same Mold Made Paris and Barbie

It Mimes Ho? It's a Whore

NASA Can't Track All Asteroids

Doc Says No Body Add-ons

CSI:Miami or CSI:El Segundo?

Hacks Hack at Freedom of Boozers

Three Idiots Lose Lives & Tax Dollars

Leno Resides in Junk-Food Glass House

Santa Leaves Crappy Gifts for Children

California to Lose One More Symbol

Here Is a Splenda Solution

Where is PETA When It's Needed?

No Wonder Pols Redye Their Spots

Majorities Rule in New Tolerance

Kilt Kilt in School Dance Flap

There Isn't a 'Generic' Christmas

Don't Eat Gobbler--and Drive

Let G.I. Joes Serve U.S. in Peace Corps

Hepburnism Wears Thin for America

Florida Bounces Boob Ban

Dethrone This King Next Year

Fruitcake Lady Defies the Studies

Faith-Based Initiatives Run Amok

Have Sleep Issue? Skin the Cat

Body Counts in America's Workplace

Teens Open Tent's Flap in Florida

We Really Care About --Stockcars

Say Bye to 'Merry Christmas'

Radicals Dominate Religions

California Turns Into Mexifornia

Commingling: New Meaning for Rubbish

Directorates: Produce Your Papers, Please

Buy $100,000 Hummer for Only $25,000

Remember the Past's Jane Does

Enemies: Abuses of Drugs, Oil

They Bleed Hospitals, Taxpayers

'Affirmative Action' Bids Dysfunction

HH Wouldn't Like Today's PC Campuses

Don't Bail Out Victims of Stupidity

Stick That Where Sun Don't Shine

Talibanize the Vagina Monologues

Amnesty? No--But Perhaps Guest Status

Protection of Children a Lot of Bull

Slaves Make Sweets for the Sweet

Graying Hairs Rule Only on National TV

Don't Give Federal $$ to Religion

Cut Back on America's Emigres

Education Must Start with Dubya

Pills Push Geezers to Bankruptcy

Old Fart Rudy Gets the Shaft

Baldies Get Girls--Not Jobs

Whose God Do We Trust in America?

No Need for More Apologies

They Prefer More Lead in Their Pencils

Jail Staff Needs Some Correction

Reinstate Draft in America

Clueless Embrace Doomsday

Americans Create New Snake Pits

Protect Wrinkled on the Job

Smoke Clouds Public Vision?

Goodbye, America

Hetero/Homo Humbug

POLITICS

American Reads Boner's Lips

Bully Gets His Just Due

Is That Great Job, or What?

Don't Blame Religion or Politish2>

Another Reason to Snub GOP

You'll Pump Koch Under Rock Shale

Il Douche Earns His Nickname

GOP Stomps on Veteran "Third Rail'

Who Will Top GOP's Bozo list?

GOP Sticks Trunks in Its Anus

Thank GOP for Lost Billions

Neo-Fascists Poop in Own Playpen

Santa Clone Has Present for Barack

Voting: A Right for Which to Die

NBC/CNN: Tell GOP Shove It

They Can't Stop Push for Cuts

Democrat Senators Lock Grid

Mute Senate Must Learn to Speak

Willard: Gift That Gave Anew

Architect Karl Rove Loses Big

Your Vote May Not Count

He Can't Walk and Chew Gum

Message to Ike, Teddy, Abe: Help

Willard Ruffles Feathers

Half of Us Feed from Taxpayers

True the Vote Is False

Don't Ask Willard--Anything

Flip Flop Fame for Flim Flam

Meet Male Clone for Bachmann

Welcome, Post-2012 America

Consider Living in Canada

Impasse Now Essence of Politics

Ryan Keeps Stepping on "third Rails"

Boycott Limbaugh Sponsors

GOP Profits from Tests for Drugs

Republicans Suppressing Voter Rights

It Hurts Too Much to Laugh

'V' Rallies Americans Against '1%'

GOP Imposes Photo Card on Electors

GOP Likes Glam Over Substance

American 'Spring' Is Just Cause

Terrorism 101: Block Hike in Tax

Ad Provides Breath of Fresh Air

Deadbeat Demands Default

Grover Says No, No, No, No

Tony Erects Barrier to Pol Career

Bribes Are Normal in 3rd World

The Donald Plays Hair Trump Card

Don't Walk & Drive in Montana

It's All About Using Unfair Advantage

The Rich Get Richer & We Get Poorer

Obamacare: Judge Shows True Colors

Tim Profitt: Ich Bin Ein SS Bully

What's the Party With Your Mojo?

Now You See 'Em, Now You Don't See 'Em

Just Call Me President Neville

Why No? It Is All So Obvious

Don't Egg on Turkey Sue Lowden

John Pulls a Boner on Obamacare

Vote Won't Change the Bottom Line

Joe Cuts Our Own Throats

Get Back to Simple Rule by Majority

Enact Public Option

Nominees Fling Fat into Fire

Let Texas Leave the 'Lower 48'

Put Pox on Her House of Morons

The World Can't Wait Til Tuesday

It's Good Riddance for Dubya

If the Shoes Fit, Dubya, Wear Them

Southern Pols Renew The Civil War

This Time Right Is Right

Live By the Sword, Die By Sword

McCain, McBash, McBush!

Wake Up, America, to Greed

You Betcha Palin is the GOP Parrot

Don't Buy This Pig in a Poke

Say Bye Bye to Politics Status Quo

Now's Time to Select Cabinet

Don't Expect Browns to Disappear

Abe Won't Turn Over in His Tomb

Kucinich: What Me Worry?

Pandering Politician Pokes Ally

John McCain May Follow Darth Vader

Hillary Has to Find Role for William

Some Ideal Prez, Veep Matchups

Shut These Gates Next Month, 2008

Bet on High Pump Prices in November

Sen. Pork Hides the Sausage

Flush Dubya, Not Embryo, Down Toilet

Is That Any Way to Run Democracy?

Bolton: Pit Bull Diplomat

Rotund Rove Needs to Lose on Prison Diet

Even Living Wills Won't Stop Lifers

Muzzle the GOP Attack Dogs, Dubya

Your Vote May Count--for Zilch

Add More Tests for President

Back Door Opens for Abort Ban

Feds Kick Victims of Disabilities

Dubya Won't Count Your Calories

Expect Red Herrings: New Jobs

Will Work for Life's Essentials

It's the Economy--Again

Use Remote Controls to Probe Space

Say Goodbye to America's Middle Class

Change It to "Points of Blight'

California May Shoot Fiscal Foot

Local Pols Sidetrack Real Work

Pill Makers Cross Ethics Line

State Reacts to Abuses of $$ Initiatives

Son of Star Wars Misses the Target

Trample Trickle Tricks

Keep, Even Raise, Tax Revenues

Live By the Sword & Die By the Sword

Withholding Taxes Should Earn Interest

Dubya Knows Stem Cells Don't Vote

Viagra Makes Dubya Taller

Dubya Lowers the Bar

Dubya Wants Her Pregnant & Barefoot

Let There Be Light in California

Economy Status Is Illusory

Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho Humbug

It's Just Politics As Usual

Dismantle Electoral College

Hang Up, America, Hang Up

Abe Too Ugly for GOP Today

GOP Won/t Raise Cain With McCain

Look This Gift Horse in the Mouth

Flush Jesse Helms

Cram Them Where the Sun Doesn't Shine

Congress Rips Off Retirees

Commercial Patriotism

SPORTS

Who or What Is Next on List?

Punch Abusive Pro Athletes

Who Looks at Winter Games?

Outlaw All Contact for Young Jocks

There Ain't No 'World' in U.S. Play

Athletics Outshoot Academics

Earn Your Million by Diagrams

Glitter and Techs Rule Olympics

China Makes Games Duds for Yanks

Concussion Hits Access for Sports

So Much for Peace in the Gymnasiums

Color His Football in Yellow

Here's a Good Reason to Nix Contact Sports

Dogs Rule at Newest Non-sport

The King Has Left Ohio Gym

Mindless Buzz Mars World Cup

The Winter Games Ain't So Relevant

Free Press?--Don't Hold Your Breath

Super Bowl's Ducats Ain't Worth S - - t

There Are No Hacks in Haka

From Pep Rally to Palaces

Rubbers Rule the Olympics

Violence & Sports Go Together

Legislature Thumbs Nose at Athletes

Club the PGA Tour Cart Ban

First Bush--Now This Nonsense

USA's No. 1 Team Sport Is Soccer

Let Sports Compete in Market

Let Pros Pick Up the Tab

Sanctioned Child Abuse

WAR ON TERRORISM

Cherchez La Femme

Ya Get What Ya Pay For

Lob More Than Few Missiles

Two Down--But Only One Exists

Gore This Military Sacred Cow

Send in the Legions to Save Libya

Wealth Has No Barrier to Stupidity

Fungus Helps Farmers Nix Drug Habit

Pro-Lifer Terminates Baby Killer

The Torture Debate--Just More Torture

'Semper Fi' Puppy Dog Dies in Iraq

Bomb Sends Honeybees to Pansies

Iraq Won't Exist After Exits

Greed, Not Faith, Gets Us to Fight

Chubs Rules the Roost in Today's Iraq

Here Is Plan to Save Iraq

Employ only Professional GI in War Zone

Military's Mistakes Mount Up

Genocide Wins You a Make-over

You Fill My Tank & I'll Fill Yours

Human Rats Always Hide Underground

Let Tribunal Try Zacarias for 9-11 Role

Just Track the Money to Motive

E-mail Hero Nick Jones--Chronick01

What in the Wide World is Wahhabi?

Bury Rigid Islam and Stone It

Iraq: Cross T's & Dot I's Before War

Save Pomp for Troop on Parade

Fool Yanks Twice, Pay the Price

Let Turks Torque the Terrorists

Hit WMD Bases in Evil Axis

Jihad John--the Typical Cult Victim

America Puts Up a Stink

They All Have the Evil Eye

Absence of Osama Helps War

Osama, Eat My Shorts

Fix Osama & Put Him in Burqa

This Little Pig Went to Martyr

Nuke Osama bin Laden & Followers

Sue Killers--Not Yank Taxpayers