Kid and Louise were grateful that he was finally going to open up. They eyed him curiously.
Jimmy took a deep breath. He was about to reveal some unresolved issues from the past that he had always just hoped to forget. It's now or never I suppose.
"Harvey used to be in with a gang when we first started getting settled as neighbors. He tried to force me into it too, and that's when I made the decision to turn him in." Jimmy wanted to make this story as brief as possible. Unfortunately he knew there would be questions.
"Your friend here doesn't know how good he would have had it." Cutter turned to Jimmy. "You realize I was the only one to get away. I would be willin' to bet that's why you were so surprised to see me." He laughed again to himself, but that soon turned to angry growl. "All the boys with me were hung. I'm still holding you responsible, Hickok."
Jimmy leaned down into his face. The firelight accented the shadows around his eyes, causing Harvey to see just how irritated he was becoming. "We were just boys...I wasn't going to ruin my life. You didn't stick to robbing, Harvey, your gang murdered innocent people!!"
Lou, who had been bandaging Kid's grazed arm, looked over at Jimmy. She could tell just how provoked he was. Silently she prayed that he would be able to control his temper. Last thing they needed was to have to explain to the marshal why he had shot a "presumed" innocent man. She looked back to Kid who smiled warmly and gratefully touched her hand as she tightened the last bandage.
Slowly walking over to Jimmy, Lou reached out and touched his arm. Jimmy instinctively pulled it back. "I'll be fine, Lou."
She was about to instantly argue. It was so hard to see him injured, physically, and mentally. "Jimmy..."
He cut her off. "Let me finish first, please." Smiling slightly, she backed away. Jimmy continued, noticing how Harvey had wisely chosen to remain silent. Lou nodded, acknowledging that she was ready to listen.
"We were about 14 at the time. I asked him not to keep it up. But when things fell apart with our parents, I decided for sure that it had to stop. I wouldn't be honest if I told you that I didn't think about joining him. Boyish fun I guess you could say." Jimmy stopped long enough to make sure Harvey was looking at him. "It took me two months to do it. I kept hoping you'd change."
"Yeah, well you missed some good times James." Harvey said, breaking his silence."
Jimmy ignored him. "It started out small; Rob the man walking down the street. Then, they went for a general store...of course from there it kept getting bigger, until it finally lead to murder. My only regret, Carter, is that I didn't turn you in sooner. Those people you held up would still be alive. How and why I called you my friend, I'll never know." The sadness seeping in, Jimmy had to walk away. He had always regretted having to turn Harvey in, not because of what he did, but because it tore at him that he chose to live that kind of life. Just think where you'd be if you HAD followed him. He clenched his fists. Harvey, we could have made something of ourselves! Jimmy, feeling alone, sat down in the darkness.
Lou, who had silently followed him, approached as quietly as she could. "Jimmy"? She called softly.
He looked up. "Yeah. Did you just go off and leave Kid"?
She lowered herself down to sit beside him. "Yes, actually he suggested I come see if you were alright."
When he didn't respond she leaned down towards his face. "Well"?
Jimmy didn't move. Instead, he tried to avoid the question. Lou could be so frustratingly good at getting him to spill everything. He spoke in a low whisper. "I don't know, Lou. I thought this part of my life was behind me. Did I make a mistake"?
Lou was surprised. "How can you ask that? He murdered people. You had to turn him in."
"No, that's not what I meant." He massaged his forehead. "Did I make a mistake by staying with all of you....and working for the express?? It seems like I've only brought trouble." He didn't want an answer, but rather Jimmy wanted so much for the answer to appear to him.
Lou tried to decide if she should remain silent, or tell him how she really felt. She went for the latter. "Jimmy, I can't imagine these past couple of years without you. I don't want to think about it. You have not done anything wrong....so stop being so hard on yourself. When you say that, you're not thinking about anyone else. What about me? And Kid, you're his closest friend, don't we all count for something in your life"?
She didn't want to hear his answer, so she stood up and took his arm. "Come on, let's get some rest. We have a prisoner to take to the marshal, and mail to deliver."
He squeezed her hand affectionately. "Thank you, Lou."
"Don't thank me. Just get things sorted out!"
She turned and started to walk towards camp, but he grabbed her arm. "Lou, when we get back, can you and I talk? There's something I need to tell you."
Lou nodded slightly confused. "Of course."
He smiled gratefully. She took his arm and they started back to the warm fire. This feels right. Jimmy thought. But it's not going to be.
On to Part Eight!