By Suzy
Copyright 1999
'He'll be fine Cody, we all will, Buck just needs some time to come to terms with what has happened.' Teaspoon stated as he watched Buck and Rachel sit on the porch swing, hoping that she would be able to pull Buck's fragile emotions back together.
'What if he's right about Jimmy?' Cody asked quietly
'You don't think he is do you?' Teaspoon asked
'I don't know Teaspoon you know how deeply he feels for Lou' Cody shrugged his shoulders and walked off in the direction of the bunkhouse. Leaving Teaspoon standing there shaking his head
'Buck you have to stop this' Rachel spoke quietly to the disillusioned young man whose hand she held
'Things just aint right Rachel' Buck shook his head
'That's why we've all got to work hard to help make it right honey, with our love and a lot of God's will we can help put things right.'
Buck straightened and hugged Rachel tightly, then rose and walked briskly into the barn a new purpose in his mind.
Teaspoon walked up to sit beside his friend anxious to see what had happened
'Waht happened?' he asked quietly
'I'm not sure, I don't even know if I helped' she shook her head as Teaspoon embraced her gently.
It was another two days before Doc Barnes would allow Kid to lay on his back, and that very same day Cody and Buck carried him back to the house on a stretcher, careful not to jar his back or move him too much. They lifted him into his bed and left the room, everybody's mood despondent and disheartened, Kid had not spoken in anything other monosyllabic answers since the morning the Lou had asked him for a divorce. Buck sat with him several times a day telling him of things that were happening around the way station, Cody shared amusing little anecdotes with him trying to raise his spirits but it didn't matter what they did he still just laid there staring morosely at the ceiling.
The day that Doc Barnes arrived to remove the stitches from Kid's back, everyone was almost at their own personal breaking point. The depression that Kid felt had blanketed the whole way station, it was as if they couldn't do a thing about it, they were all just being sucked into a vortex of self pity and despair that they were helpless to climb out of.
When the doctor left Buck and Cody entered Kid's room, smiles plastered on their faces, a surprise for their friend just outside the door.
"Kid, the Doc says you can sit up now.' Cody spoke brightly
'So' came Kid's reply
' So we have a surprise for you.' Cody tried again
'Now you'll be able to sit on the verandah and watch what's going on, and even move about on your own.' Buck spoke eager to see his friends face light up again
'When are you two going to understand, I don't care what's going on outside now. This is my life now. You two jabbering on about insignificant little things that happen don't matter to me. This is it boys, I've lost my ability to do anything other than lie here. My God I've even lost my wife. You don't know how many times I have laid here wishing that the wagon had killed me. It may as well have, I'm as good as dead here, I'm useless to everyone and then you two come in here and expect me to laugh at things that I used to be a part of and now I can only hear about' he railed at the boys as he turned his angry gaze on them.
'Kid that was uncalled for, the boys are only trying to cheer you up.' Rachel had entered the room halfway through his tirade and listened, her irish temper rising as she saw the hurt on Buck's and Cody's faces
'No Rachel' Buck spoke 'Maybe he's right, I mean after all he lost his wife. We all know how he lost her, he practically pushed her into Jimmy's arms. He doesn't realise how lucky he is, he's alive, there's no guarantee that he won't walk again, but he's already given up hope. Maybe he doesn't need us at all, maybe he's just quite happy to lay here and rot.' Buck almost yelled at Kid his eyes full of fury
'Buck that's enough' Teaspoon stated from the door
'No please let him go on' Kid spoke sarcastically
'You don't know just how good you have got it. ' Buck stated 'Instead of giving up, why don't you fight for what you have still got and what you may get back.'
'What is the point?' Kid asked his eyes filled with pain 'Dammit if I even felt pain I would have something to fight for, but I can't feel anything at all.' Kid tried to explain why he had given up hope.
'Kid you have so much more than any of us, don't just give up on it' Buck spoke
It was almost as if the other occupants of the room had faded into the shadows as Buck tried to draw his friend back from the abyss of despair he was ready to throw himself into.
'Lou's gone, I don't care anymore, I wish that the wagon had killed me.' he stated
'Dammit Kid, you're going to be a Daddy, she had to go away to keep well. Isn't that enough to fight for. God I'd do anything I could if it was me, just to hold my baby in my arms.'
'She's pregnant?' Kid spoke, for the first time in two weeks forgetting his own problems
Buck nodded 'Doc's worried about her, so she went away, she thinks you meant what you said'
'I'm going to be a daddy' Kid smiled
'Not if you don't come to your senses and get your wife back here. You sent her straight into Jimmy's arms Kid. She doesn't love you for your legs, she loves you'
'I won't have her waiting on me for the rest of my life. I won't ask her to come back until I can walk.'
On to Chapter Ten
