By Cheryl McCreary
Copyright 1999
Buck dipped his finger in the white paint. He traced a line from his forehead to his chin with the paint. It was war paint. He sat in a trance. He had painted his face like this so much that his fingers just knew how to move. He painted two white teardrops under his right eye, one for Ike, one for his dear wife Clara. He then dipped his finger in the red war paint traced a red line down his face next to the white one.
His soul was like his face. Split in two. As a child he had lived in the red world. They had never truly accepted him then. And then he had left and lived in the white world and learned that he wasn't accepted there either. He had met Ike though and found a friend. His first true friend other than his brother Red Bear. His mind thought of Ike, his best friend. They had been friends since that day Ike had stood up with him against people looking to fight him because of his Kiowa blood in the Catholic orphanage. They had both been misfits in the eyes of society. Buck the half-breed Kiowa and Ike the silent mute. It had served to make the bond between them that much stronger. They understood each other like no one before ever had. And Buck sometimes wondered if he would ever meet someone who understood him better than Ike.
When Ike and Buck heard of the Pony Express they knew that they needed to sign up. They were both good with horses. And society left few other options open to them. He thought longingly of those days of the Pony Express. It had been a happy time in his life. The other Express riders had excepted him for himself. They had been a family and it seemed like nothing could ever tear them apart.
Buck thought of Ike's death. It had been a hard piece of life to shallow. Buck loved Ike more than he had ever loved someone before. He missed him. He would always miss him. And yet Ike was always there with him. Looking over his shoulder and still silently wording his opinions. Buck had long ago accepted that Ike was his guardian angel and that his dear friend would always be there looking out for him. He would never be alone in the world.
And then his Pony Express family had began to split up. A war was coming, a great war. Fought among the two sides of the white world back east. And the family he had grown to love had been split apart by the war. Noah had been killed fighting to free his people. Jesse had left to fight with his brother. Kid went back to Virginia to fight for the south and Lou had gone with him. Cody Jimmy took up arms for the north. Rachel and Teaspoon remained in Rock Creek. They're thoughts were with the south. But neither of them could help the south keep blacks, like Noah, in bondage. But they couldn't take up arms against their homes either.
The Civil War had meant little to Buck. He thought it wrong to keep a man in chains. But he wouldn't take up arms and risk facing Kid in battle. It was not his fight. So he stayed at Rock Creek with Teaspoon and Rachel. He helped Teaspoon out as the deputy. Law enforcement was a job he really enjoyed. But doing it with just Teaspoon made him miss his family even more.
Then one day he had met a lovely lady from back east named Clara. She had had enough of the fighting. And when she learned that her father had been killed by the south in battle she had gone west on a stagecoach to live with her aunt in Rock Creek.
Her aunt however had died before she arrived. Leaving poor Clara alone in the big, unfamiliar west. But Rachel and Teaspoon had befriended her. And found her work.
Clara and Buck were the same age and saw a lot of each other. They would take walks down to the pond and went riding over the hills. Buck was sure that Clara had let her heart fall in love with him long before he had done the same. He had lost Ike and Noah already. And could loose the others in the war. He knew what it was like to loose someone close to you. He didn't want to have to go through it again.
But love was a hard thing to control. And he did fall in love with the quiet girl from back east. And eventually he admitted it to himself. And finally he worked up the nerve to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him. And she had said 'yes'.
Clara was a wonderful thing. She was quiet and shy. And full of love. Her soul reminded him of Ike. He saw her face before him. Those beautiful pale blue eyes, curly blonde hair, rosy checks. He had loved her and she had loved him. She might not have understood him as much as Ike had. But the love they shared was deeper and stronger than any love he had ever known before, and likely would ever know again.
In 1866 his old family had gotten back together for the joyous occasion of Cody's marriage. Somehow Cody had found a lovely young women named, Louisa Frederici, and actually convinced her to marry him. Kid and Lou had returned from the east to stay. Buck had helped them start out their new ranch. Teaspoon and Rachel wouldn't have missed Cody's wedding for anything. Jimmy had put aside his differences with Kid and come to support Cody. Sam, Emma and their children had come for the event also. And even Jesse had shown up.
The war had changed them all. But they were still family and they all still loved one another. And the rips that the war had caused started to heal. Having all of his old family around had made him feel at home. His thoughts did occasionally turn to Ike and Noah, the missing members. All of them thought of them. But for the first time in a long time Buck had felt at home. It was probably the happiest time in his life.
By that time Buck had already married Clara and she was expecting their first child. And they were very happy together. Everyone was glad to see Buck happy. The last time he had been that happy was before Ike's death.
But the happy times in his life were not to last. Three months after Cody and Louisa's wedding Clara had died. There had been complications during childbirth. She had lived long enough to hold their new son. But then she had died. It was a blow that Buck couldn't live with. He couldn't deal with losing one more person in his life.
He had named the child Isaac, after his good friend. And had left him in Rachel's care. Buck knew that he couldn't care for the baby. He couldn't even care for himself at the time. He had left the white world after that to escape the pain it had caused him.
Buck had wondered for two years through the wilderness. He lived in a makeshift tent. Hunted game and sold furs for pocket money. He was never in any place long. He needed time for his heart to heal. He wondered if it ever would. He was alone in the world and that was the way he wanted to remain.
Then one day he stumbled onto a Kiowa camp. Red Bear was there and asked him to visit for awhile. Buck learned of the things that the white men had done to his mother's people. When the village was attacked and innocent women and children shot, Buck had asked to go on the warpath with the braves. He had asked this before of his brother, years ago. Red Bear had turned him down then knowing that Buck belonged in the white world at the time. But now Red Bear could see that any ties Buck had to the white world had been severed long ago, and he accepted Buck's help.
When Buck was a child he had lived among the Kiowa and they hadn't accepted him. Then he had lived among the whites and they hadn't accepted him either. Then he had lived with the Pony Express and Clara, and he was thought of as an equal in the white world. Now he lived among his brother's people again, but this time he was accepted as an equal. The white blood he carried in him was forgotten. The only ties to the white world that remained were his thoughts of his son and distant memories of old friends.
On to Chapter Two
