By Cheryl McCreary
Copyright 1999
Buck sat in the barren jail cell. The soldiers had found no signs of other braves. They had locked Buck up, sure that he was the one responsible for the death of the guard. Cody looked through the bars of the cell to Buck. Buck sat on the bunk in a trance-like state. The guard outside the jail told Cody that he had been sitting like that since he awoke.
"Open the door, Tyler." Cody ordered the guard.
Tyler eyed Cody oddly, wondering if the Colonel knew that he was going into a cell with a deadly Indian.
"Come on," Cody added getting impatient with the guard. He knew very well what he was doing.
The guard unlocked the door to the cell and let Cody go inside. "Leave us," Cody then ordered. Tyler shrugged his shoulders and closed and locked Cody into the cell and left as he had been told.
Buck had sat in his motionless trance the whole time. Paying no attention to the actions of Cody and the guard.
"Buck?" Cody asked to get his friend's attention.
Buck made no move, but slowly his eyes looked up at Cody. "Have you told them yet what I have said?" Buck asked.
"No," Cody answered, "And I'm not gonna." Cody knew what problems he could get into by doing that, but he couldn't turn his friend in. He wouldn't let Buck die like that. Even if that was what he wanted to do.
"Why not?" Buck inquired calmly.
"They'll hang ya, Buck!" Cody stated wondering if that was what his friend really wanted.
Buck simply looked at Cody. He realized that Cody did not want him to hang. And would make sure that it didn't happen. He also knew that Cody knew that what his heart desired was death.
"Is that what you really want?" Cody asked. He knew the answer already, but he needed to hear it from Buck before he would really believe it.
"I killed a man in cold blood. In the white world that is what I deserve." Buck plainly answered.
Cody knew that Buck was right. That was the penalty for killing a man. But he knew that not all men that killed another deserved that, even if that was what they often got. Buck was one of those men.
Cody and Buck let silence fall on the small cell as they both collected their thoughts on the others actions and opinions. Finally Cody broke the silence by quietly asking, "Why did you do it?"
Buck looked up at Cody and answered, "Your cavalry attacked my village. They killed my wife. They killed my son. I came to avenge their deaths."
Cody nodded his head. That made sense. "Why didn't the rest of the braves come with you?" he inquired.
"Red Bear stopped them," Buck replied. "He knew that they would only meet their deaths. It would have done no good."
"Then why did you come?" Cody questioned. Buck sat silently for awhile then quietly he responded. "I can fight no longer. I can not live in that world again. I came to kill two soldiers to avenge the death of my wife and child. And then to have your soldiers kill me and take me to the other world beyond life."
Cody stood in silence. Shocked by his friend's response. He remembered how full of life Buck had been long ago when they both rode for the Pony Express. And now he saw before him a man that had been broken by the world. He had lost his best friend, saw his family ripped apart by war, lost his first wife, fought in an unwinable war, and now had lost his second wife and child. Cody doubted that he could live through the same.
"What about Ike, your son?" Cody asked.
Buck looked up at Cody. His eyes that he been lifeless up until now filled with love and sadness. Cody knew he had made a point that Buck had not thought of lately.
When Buck gave him no response Cody added, "He's already lost his mother, don't make him loose his father too."
Still Buck sat in silence. He turned his eyes from Cody. Went back to his trance like state. Cody knew that right now no more words would help. He would be back later though. Cody banged on the bars to get Tyler's attention. He then left Buck sitting there just as he had found him. Cody hoped that his words would help his friend realize that he deserved a second chance. Now all Cody had to do was figure out how to get Buck free.
Cody's words had haunted Buck, what of his elder son. Isaac was still alive. But Buck was sure that he would be no use for his son as he was now. He thought and mediated and sat in the empty jail cell wishing for death.
Eventually Buck feel into a fitful sleep. He found himself dreaming. Ike's face appeared before him. His gently blue eyes full of questions. It had been weeks since Buck had talked to Ike in his dreams. Maybe his friend would help him see things better. Just the thought of talking to Ike calmed Buck's troubled soul.
"Why do you wish to die?" Ike asked.
"What do I have to live for?" Buck replied.
Ike silently shook his head and looked disapprovingly on his friend. "It is not your time to die, Buck." Ike answered. "You have much left to do." Buck shook his head, "NO, Ike! I've had enough of this world. I want to be done with it."
Ike looked at his friend at sadness filled those beautiful blue eyes. "I am sorry that you've had such sadness in life Buck. You've known such loss and grief. But it is not your time to go. You must wait." Buck grew angry. "I do not have to wait for anything!" he yelled at Ike. "I can take my knife and slit my wrist in one quick move."
"No you can't," Ike plainly stated. "The soldiers took your knife. You have nothing in this cell to kill yourself with. I've made sure of it."
Buck looked around the jail cell in his dream. He realized that Ike spoke the truth. There was nothing that he could use to harm himself. Then a light dawned in Buck's head. Why hadn't he thought of that sooner. "I can tell the soldiers what I did. I can confess my crimes and have them hang me."
Ike nodded his head. "Yes, you can do that. That is in your power."
Buck smiled. "Good then we I awake I will call for the guard and do that."
Ike looked at his friend with sadness. "You've forgotten about Isaac." Ike stated. The smile left Buck's face. No not Ike too. Must they always keep bringing this up?
"He's your son and he needs you." Ike said.
"I will do him no good," Buck quickly replied.
"But you will," Ike responded. "You must have faith in yourself."
Buck shook his head, "I can't go back to the white world."
"You don't have to," Ike said. "Now that you have fully lived in both world you will spend the rest of your life in neither."
Buck said nothing. He thought of Ike's words. He didn't have to go back to the white world. He couldn't ever fully do it anyway. He would never truly fit in. And he didn't need to go back to the red world. He couldn't live seeing them suffer anymore. And Isaac needed him. Not everyone that he loved was in the other world. Isaac his son needed him. He couldn't not be there for him.
Ike sat patiently as Buck sorted his thoughts.
Finally Buck asked, "What do I have to do?"
Ike smiled at Buck. His friend was willing to try and live. It was a start. "Do as Cody asks and promise to see Isaac."
Buck nodded his head. "I will."
Ike smiled and then reached out to embrace his friend. Buck let Ike hug him. Glad to know that he was never alone. Ike ended the embrace. "I'm glad you made the decision you did." Ike said. "You have much left to do."
With those last words Ike disappeared a smile still on his face. And the dream was over. Buck didn't know how he was going to get out of the situation he was in. But he did want to live. He did want to be there for Isaac.
On to Chapter Five
