A Promise Broken
By Marie
Copyright 1999
Chapter Three
"Lou, are you still worrying about Kid?" Jimmy knelt beside the fire, looking across it at Lou.
"No, I'm sure he'll be fine," Lou replied, unconvincingly. "I was just thinking."
"About what?" Jimmy asked, choosing to go along with her lie for now.
"Just stuff," Lou was clearly avoiding the question. Jimmy could tell that she was worrying about Kid, but he decided not to press her. "I'm going to bed now; dawn comes mighty early." Lou stood up and stretched. "Good night."
"Good night Lou," Jimmy sat by the fire long after Lou's soft breathing told him she was asleep. Elias also appeared to be asleep, although Jimmy figured there was no telling with him. Something about the man disturbed him, but he couldn't figure out what it was.
Stop kidding yourself Hickok. You know exactly what it is. Jimmy pushed the thought from his mind. He knew he had a habit of avoiding the things that troubled him, but he really didn't know how to quit. Or maybe you just don't want to.
"Jimmy?" He heard Lou call to him, but he ignored her. She was the one person who could make him face his troubling thoughts, and he really didn't want that now.
"What's the matter, you can't sleep?" She wasn't going to give up. "Jimmy?" Lou walked towards him. "You're thinking about him aren't you?"
Jimmy pushed his thoughts away. "Ain't much to think about; the man's an outlaw." He was right; he had to be.
"Yeah there is and you know it." Lou refused to give up. She was the one person in the world who was as stubborn as James Butler Hickok.
"It's late. Stay up if you want, I'm going to sleep." When are you going to stop running Hickok? You are going to have to face the truth someday. Wouldn't it be better to do it now, while you have someone who cares about you here to lean on? He knew he would get no sleep tonight, but he really couldn't talk with Lou right now. He turned around to walk away.
"When are you going to stop walkin' away and admit the truth?" Lou's words hung in the air, and for a moment Jimmy couldn't find his voice to respond. Was she reading his mind? Finally, he found his voice, but he still couldn't bring himself to say what she wanted to hear.
"What truth is that?"
"That when you look at Elias, it's like staring in the mirror twenty years from now, and it scares you to death." Lou refused to play games with Jimmy. But when she saw the look on his face, she realized how her harsh words had affected him. "I'm sorry. I had no right sayin' that."
Jimmy suddenly found that it would be good to have somebody to talk to about the fears he couldn't bring himself to admit, even now. "Yeah you did. I keep telling myself that that ain't gonna be me. But all I see is myself heading down that same road."
Lou had seen Jimmy this way before...determined that his life could never turn out good; determined to live up to all the stories about him, even though he didn't want to. She hated seeing him like this, hated what it did to him to live that way. "It doesn't have to be that way."
Jimmy gave her the most pitiful look she had ever seen. Lou's heart broke as he spoke. "I don't think it's gonna turn out any different. People got their minds made up about me."
Why? Lou thought. What is it going to take to make Jimmy realize that his life can be different, no matter what anyone else thinks? She knew her opinion mattered to him, but she also knew that he would refuse to believe anything good about him. "It doesn't matter what others think. It matters what you think." Lou knew that she was right. Until Jimmy got it into that fool head of his that he could change his destiny, nothing would change. Looking at him now, standing in front of her, more vulnerable than she had ever seen him, she couldn't help but say what she thought. "For what it's worth though, I think you're a much better man than you give yourself credit for."
Looking at Jimmy, Lou knew she had said enough for now. Jimmy needed some time to think, to sort all this out. But this wasn't the end of it...No, she would have more to say later. But for now, she was going back to bed to let Jimmy have some time to himself.
"Goodnight," Lou gave Jimmy a kiss on the cheek and turned toward her bedroll. She wasn't at all prepared for what came next.
"Lou," Jimmy said, then grabbing her roughly, kissed her. Lou was caught by surprise, but through all the confusing thoughts of the first second she realized something. This wasn't a kiss of love. It was more like a kiss of passion. Jimmy had bottled up everything that was bothering him for so long, and now all the anger, frustration, confusion that the world had created in him--and yes, an amount of love for her--was released in that kiss. That much Lou realized. But before she had time to react, they were interrupted by Gilmore.
A Week Later
Lou sat on a hay bale in the barn, thinking about the last few days. The trip to Ft. Kearny had not turned out to be at all what she expected. She had been silent ever since they returned to Rock Creek, and Kid had left her alone, figuring she was just upset about Elias' death. Jimmy knew what was bothering her, but he refused to talk about it at all.
On the trail, before they found Elias, she had brought up the subject with Jimmy, but he wouldn't talk then either. She was worried about him. He had withdrawn into himself, barely speaking to any of them. He still went on his rides and did his chores, but it was as if he had no emotion at all. Like with Lou, Kid just attributed it to Elias' death, and since he told the others at the station about the man, they all assumed the same thing.
Lou knew she had to get Jimmy to talk about that night. She had to get it cleared up, and she knew that even if he couldn't see it, it would help him too. He would be coming back from his ride soon, and she was determined to talk to him then. He was going to sit down and discuss this with her, even if she had to hold her gun on him the whole time.
On to Chapter Four
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