DISCLAIMER: The Young Riders is the creation of Ed Spielman, and the property of Ogiens/Kane productions in association with MGM/UA television. This Story is created for entertainment purposes only, no infringement intended. Not to be copied without permission from the author.
Regaining some small measure of composure, he tore his lips from hers. Pausing to catch his breath, he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes closed, simply enjoying the closeness they were sharing before they had to return to the real world. He drew back to kneel at her side and lifted his hands to tenderly tuck her hair behind her ears, before lifting her hat from the ground beside them and placing it on her head.
'C'mon, we'd better get back, Rachel will be pitching a fit,' he smiled wryly.
'Thank you for doing this for me Buck,' she paused, 'I really needed to get out of the bedroom. I can't explain it but I needed some fresh air and a change of scenery. I was starting to go crazy in there all alone,' she tried to explain.
'Honey, I'd do anything for you.' He paused and looked at her seriously. 'You know that don't you?' He waited until he saw her nod and then slid his arms around and lifted her into the buckboard. She sat and waited for him to fold the blanket and put it in the back of the wagon before he climbed in to sit beside her. He took the reins in both of his hands and with a click of his tongue they were on their way home. They spent the trip in companionable silence and when they got back to the way station, Buck lifted her out and carried her up to her room and deposited her on the bed. Rachel followed behind him like a protective mother hen, waiting for him to deposit her on the bed and leave. As soon as the door had closed behind Buck she moved to the sleepy Louise's side and started to help her undress.
'Rachel, can you tell me about my relationship with Buck?' Lou asked softly as Rachel fiddled with the tiny buttons down the centre of Lou's back.
'Why honey?' Rachel paused and turned to look into her face "Do you remember something?'
'No, nothing really.' Lou seemed confused. 'Can I talk to you about personal things Rachel?'
'You know that you can.' She paused. 'Well maybe you don't remember, but we have a lot of really good girl talks Lou,' she smiled hoping that she could help.
'On our picnic, we kissed,' she paused blushing furiously. 'I mean we really kissed and while I know that Buck was as involved as I was, when we stopped he seemed really uncomfortable. When I asked him he said it was because he had promised father we wouldn't do anything like that, but I don't think that was the problem.' She stopped embarrassed. 'It was almost like he was angry at himself for kissing me.' Tears welled in her luminous brown eyes.
'Oh Honey, he loves you dearly, but he doesn't want to hurt you. I think that he thinks you are confused by your amnesia and he shouldn't be confusing you more.' She ran her thumbs under Lou's eyes to catch the fat tears that had collected on her lashes.
'So I haven't done anything wrong?' Lou murmured.
'Neither of you have honey, you both love each other so you have done nothing wrong.'
She knew that she wasn't lying to her, because she knew that Lou loved Buck dearly as she did all the boys. She helped Lou to slip into her nightgown and waited until she had herself settled in the bed before she slipped from the room to go in search of Buck. She didn't have far to look, she found him in a place in which he seemed to find comfort, sitting on the top rail of the corral watching the mares and foals.
'Can I talk to you for a moment Buck?' she asked softly.
'She's told you hasn't she?' Buck spoke without looking at Rachel.
'Yes, I know how she feels, what about you?' she questioned him. Buck finally lifted his head, his expressive eyes liquid. 'How do you think I feel?'
'Can you talk to me about it Buck?' Rachel asked, her heart breaking for him.
Buck slid off the rail and walked further away from the way station, Rachel following close behind him.
'Please Buck?' she called as she followed. 'I might be able to help. You know that I'll never tell the others, or even Teaspoon,' she called, stopping when Buck turned to face her.
'None of them, you can't say a word to any of them,' he spoke gently.
'I swear.' Rachel held up a hand as if in oath.
'This is tearing me apart Rachel,' he stated to her as he walked towards a large tree that he liked to sit under and think. Reaching the bottom of the tree, he helped Rachel to climb onto a fallen branch, where she could sit and listen before he continued.
'Ever since we found out that Lou was a girl, I have loved her. Maybe even a little before,' he paused confused trying to find the right words. 'I mean I loved her before, but like a brother, but it has gotten worse, I love her with all my heart Rachel. Some days it hurts to look at her and know that I can never have her,' he paused.
'Have you ever thought of telling her?' Rachel asked softly.
'And ruin her life? I don't think so. She and Kid are soulmates, they are almost one. Like two halves of one whole, even a fool like Cody can see that. I could never come between them. And then there's Jimmy. She loves him too, you know. If nothing else I couldn't confuse her anymore, she doesn't need to know about me. She deserves more than me anyway, even if the others weren't involved. She has had enough hardship in her life without having a halfbreed for a husband.' He stopped, trying to collect his thoughts. 'When she kissed me this afternoon, it was almost like a dream, like all my fondest dreams. I couldn't resist, just this once I took what I wanted without thinking first.'
'There's nothing wrong with that Buck,' Rachel answered.
'I shouldn't have done it. She is not mine to cherish and adore. She belongs to Kid.' He stopped and turned to Rachel, his tears flowing freely down his cheeks.
She climbed from her seat and embraced him tightly her tears falling as well. 'You are the one who deserves more Buck, you are so noble and honourable. One day you will find someone who loves you the same way you love Lou and you will love her back.' She released her hold on him.
'Rachel I have to get away for a little while, there's a one day run leaving in a couple of hours, I'm going to swap with Noah. I can't stay here, I have to get away before I do something I won't be able to save myself from,' he spoke earnestly. 'Will you look after Lou for me? I'll be back early in the morning.' He watched for her reaction.
'What do you want me to tell Lou?' she asked quietly.
'She knows that we are the express station, just tell her I had a delivery to make,' he spoke.'I wouldn't leave her if I didn't have to, but I think she's safe here for a few days yet. I'll only be gone for a day, maybe less,' he spoke.
'She will be safe with me,' Rachel answered. 'Jimmy doesn't stray far anyway. Kid is due back tonight, I think she trusts him. He could stay with her if she needs guarding,' she added.
'I want you to know that I would protect her with my life. You know that don't you?' he stated trying to make sure that Rachel knew that he wasn't running out, he just needed to distance himself for a while.
'I know Buck I know. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.' She watched as Buck acknowledged her and started the walk back to the way station.
Rachel walked back behind him, wondering what it was about the young girl in her house that had inspired six men to be willing to lay down their lives for her, and if she herself had any idea of their devotion to her.
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