- Name: Ryan, The People’s Director
- Parts Played: It Doesn’t matter what parts I’ve played
- Nicknames: Max Carnage, Molester of goats
- Birthday: July 21st (Buy me Presents)
- Sign: FREE LUNCH
- Hometown: Dudleyville
- Favorite Color: Keith Crimson
- Dream Car: A pair of rollerskates
- Favorite A-Team Character: H.M. Murdock (the crazy one)
- (Belly button) Innie / Outie / Other: Other (I don’t need to explain)
- Favorite Deodorant: I dont wear any
- Favorite Place to Eat Lunch: Anywhere with a no hippies allowed house rule.
- Theme Song: Pretty fly for a white guy, Offspring
- Quote to Live By: Best there is, best there was, best there ever will be
- Goals and Aspirations: To one day have all three of the I’s
- How You Got Into the Cabaret: My stupid brother
- Mentor: Vinnie Mac
- Favorite Hair-do: I like Shauna’s hair
- Fondest Cabaret Moment: When I realized that I am the whole F’n show
- What do you do Outside of Rocky: sleep, work, and pay bills
- Sanity Rating: Insane 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Completely sane: I’d say a 7
- Names of Voices in your head: Shauna
