I'm walking in a darkness these days, a darkness of my own making. The world around me is dim, foggy, going on without me. I see the people, hear them talking, but their words don't reach me. No doubt some of those words are meant for consolation, for comfort, yet all they do is make me angrier.

Anger is the only emotion I allow myself to feel. I won't give in to the grief, the pain, for it will surely destroy me. Anger is what drives me into these desolate areas; anger sustains me through the long nights. Sleep is an illusion; nightmares haunt me when I do fall asleep. That one moment, over and over again. That second when the life that I knew shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, cutting me like glass. The splinters are still there, wedged deep into my soul. It won't heal, not until I put things right again. I've done it before, turned back time, even defied the God of the Underworld to get my way, so why not this time?

Because this is different my mind whispers. This time you can't undo it. These are not your Gods, they won't listen. I scoff at that thought, since when did my Gods listen to me? All they ever do is stand in my way. So much for family.

Yet, I could use them now. However irritating they are, some of them might be willing to help me. My father, if he can get himself away from what conquest he has these days. My sister, no! My thoughts shriek to a halt. Not her. She is the only one who would gladly lend a helping hand, but the thought of her around me right now is more than I can bear. The strange thing is that I find myself talking to her in the night. She can understand the agony I go through, being the protector of lovers. Love can turn into hate, and it can bring unbearable pain. Flimsy creature as she might appear, she does understand these things.

The worst part of the night are the hours just before dawn, when light tries to penetrate into these woods. Woods so dark and so filled with magick it almost makes me choke. I never was the man to believe in magick, but there is no denying that it lives here. You can feel it as a prickle on your skin, making the hairs at the back of your neck stand on end. The others feel it too, it makes them edgy. It won't be long before they desert me, too scared to go on. I can't blame them; this is not their fight.

I glance up, trying to find the sky through the thick foliage. I can only see a tiny patch, it's no longer black, dawn is near. Depression tightens around me, suffocating me. Desperately I try to fight off the images that I know are going to haunt me now. A face, hovering in front of my eyes, smiling first then contorting into a look of pure hatred. Accusing me. Telling me without words that I was responsible for what happened, that it was all my fault. I lash out, wanting for it to go away, but it simply appears again. It will continue to taunt me until the sun has risen, then disappear, only to appear again tomorrow. Probably for the rest of my life.

There's something else that gnaws at my insides. I never told him. Never could find the words to express what I feel. It's a flaw that I'm always been well aware off, and so was he. He never would miss a chance to tease me with it. Little did he know that my deepest feelings, the ones that were buried very deep in my heart, that those feelings concerned him. Loyal companion, friend since childhood, the one that has always stood by me, no matter how big the mess I was in. Loving me in his own way. No one has ever been able to come between us, friend or foe.

That bond is broken, destroyed by a man that wanted more power than he could handle. No, that's not quite true, it was the demon that possessed him, an evil spirit that makes the Gods I call my family pale in comparison. They're just a band of spoiled children compared to this one. He's after me now. It wasn't enough to kill one half of my soul, he wants the other half as well. There are moments that I'm almost willing to give it to him, too tired to fight.

Death beckons at those moments, inviting me to come along, to sink into blessed oblivion. It is so tempting, but there is a force inside me that resists it. A tiny sparkle, the only thing that is left of him inside me. It urges me to go on, with that same optimism I knew and loved.

I will continue this journey, alone if I have to. I will try to turn back time again, to defeat this evil force. If that's the only thing I achieve, at least I have done something good for the people of this land. It's little consolation, yet it is one. He would've wanted me to do it, to kill this darkness that threatens to suffocate this land and its people. That's the hope I hang on to.

If only he were here to fight along with me.

* "Somewhere In The Night"….Words and music by Velton Ray Bunch and Scott Bakula. 

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