But wait, in order to "be" myself I'd pretty much have to know who I am, right? To "be" it..my "self," I'd have to be conscious of it, right? In other words, I'd need to be "self-conscious." No, not the kind of self-consciousness which involves a kind of embarassment or heightened awareness in the presence of others. No, the kind of self-consciousness I'm referring to here has to do with "knowing" my "self" to be who I am...as opposed to who others perceive or think I am. This sense of self has nothing to do with the "self" which is presented in different ways in different situations and conditions. THAT self is called a "social self" and I'll have more to say about it shortly. The kind of self I'm talking about tonight could simply be called a "core" or "authentic" self. An authentic self isn't a "thing" or a "way of doing" or even a "front" of some kind. No, a core/authentic self is the "real"you (for lack of a better word)...the one who tends to take on and use identities which fit certain conditions...but which is also affected BY those conditions.

Think about it...we utilize different identities (sometimes voluntarily and sometimes forced upon us) in varying situations, right? A mild but yet still valid example might be our identity when we're with our parents and the identity we use with a spouse, girlfriend, or such. Usually these are quite different...eh? OR the identity/self you "wear" with a fellow inmate and the one you "wear" when a correctional authority is nearby...is probably more pertinent for you right now. In our society, different...often quite different and even contradictory..."selves" (can we call it a "mask" or "persona" now?) are called for when...say...you're applying for a job, buying a car, talking to a boss, talking to a clergyman, addressing the Parole Board, etc., etc., etc. I think you know what I mean.

But think about it some more...even though these "masks" are sometimes very useful and convenient and can often get us what we want and (as each of you probably well know...given where you live right now) what we don't want, are any of them YOU? Really you? Are these social selves, these social identities equal to your core/authentic self? If your humanness is anything like my own, probably not, huh?

The essential thing all these social selves have in common is their "thing-like" quality. They're all "nouns"...father, mother, employee, son, inmate, sinner, consumer, etc...everywhere...nouns!! Relatively static nouns, at that...with noun-like phases or stages of development. ARE you really a "thing"...even if you are predominantly addressed by others like you are? I'm not. I may engage in fathering, but my core self isn't a "father." I may engage in speaking, but my core self is not a thing called a "speaker." You may be engaging in "inmating", but is your core self an "inmate"? Do any of these role labels or identities (individually or even collectively) constitute who you ARE...your core/authentic self? I think not.

You and I, everyone, may have to ACT AS IF they are at times, but I'd suggest that their very existence implies two things: 1) there's so many of them...often times contradictory ones...that "we" are really NONE of them except socially...that is, in relations with others at a particular time and place; and 2) there's someone else doing the playing of them...that is, our core/authentic self. However, that doesn't make our authentic self a leftover or a mere residue. Rather, it reveals this core self to be a necessary prerequisite to do the very role playing which isn't really who we are.

Here then lies the problem...how often do we confuse one with the other? How often do we equate our social selves with our authentic selves? Which self "did" the activity which got you sent to prison? Yes, physically it was simply "you." Beyond the mere physical though, which "you" was it? I sincerely and seriously doubt that it was your core/authentic self. Depending on what you "did" (or "didn't" do), was it the "mean guy" self, the "greedy guy" self, the "weak guy" self, the "macho guy" self...you'd be better able to say than I, huh? Yes, it was still "you," again...and for that you're responsible and being held accountable. I'm not here promoting the "devil/society made me do it" perspective. But just as clearly I'm not here promoting the "I made a bad choice" perspective, either. What I'm here promoting is an increased awareness of the possibility that "you" aren't who you've thought you are. And with other added variables this led you to be sitting here listening to me tonight.

But to get back to the confusion of and equating of the social self with the core self...what are the chances in our role-dominated and stratified society of today that an individual is even aware of the difference between these "selves"? My estimate is...not much. Yet, still...in those instances where a growing individual IS aware of the difference, in order to "fit in" or to simply "go along"...not to mention "to get a job"...a friend...a membership...a spouse...etc., we (and others) do our "best" to cover up or beat down this very awareness. The automaton or robotic society we ALL live in...the society of structured and interconnected roles...tries to shape us according to its "system needs"...and "we", our core selves are shunted aside or buried. We're left with playing roles...even the "criminal" role, as well as the "law-abiding" role. Contrary to the myth preached to us, our particular society needs BOTH.

As one writer put it...to paraphrase...we do our utmost to beat down this sense of authentic self. However, despite our efforts..up to the point of the complete automaton...our core self hangs around us...like an "accusing shadow"...reminding us of who we COULD be as opposed to who we've become. I imagine that some of you have noticed this "shadow"...I know I did. Have you paid attention to it? Or have you ignored it and continued to maintain that you ARE your roles and their attached identities? If you've paid attention and allowed it to be more than a shadow, then you already know "you" are someone other than your social identities...and have started the "transition" to the "outside" already. If you've largely ignored it, the irony is that you, too, know the difference but are pretending otherwise. You are still responding to others according to how they have addressed you...and any transition will be a continuation of role-identities.

Before winding this up and opening it up to discussion, lets take a particular look at the major concept I've been speaking about tonight...and maybe some of what I've said will be clearer...Role Theory.

Role Theory has been an important aspect of social-psychological and sociological analysis for some time. HOW its been used is a whole different matter, though...whether as a way to teach how to "fit in" or as a way to "know thyself." More on this in a minute. What is a "role'? A role is a "typified response to a typified expectation"...a pattern according to which the individual is to act in a particular situation. As such, roles regulate our behavior...but this goes much further, too. They also regulate how we are to FEEL and THINK...giving us "scripts" to follow...our social identities (keep in mind, this involves those which "aren't so approved" as well as the "approved" ones, too). In this process...people BECOME their roles to the extent they are unaware of the process...and to that extent never develop their core/authentic self.

Further, roles don't exist in isolation...they tend to come in PAIRS. For example, parents need children to even be parents. To be a husband/wife one needs a wife/husband. To be a teacher, one needs students. Correctional officers need inmates...inmates need CO's. In these and countless other "role sets," one role is created and sustained by the other. How does this happen? Well, a "role set" has a particular relation...a reciprocal one of EXPECTATIONS and OBLIGATIONS. The expectation of one role becomes the obligation of its partner. There's a criss-crossing of these E's and O's. Seems nice and symmetrical doesn't it? The problem is that one role's E's can be a bit more "powerful" than its partner's E's. The E's of a parent are more easily transformed into a child's O's than the other way around. So, there's a power equation which must be taken into account. I'm sure you've noticed it quite clearly in the dominant role set you're in right now. Both you, as an inmate, and the officers who are your role partners have expectations of the other...but whose E's are most easily transformed into the other's obligations??

Furthermore, role sets are linked to other role sets and help form a web of interconnected sets...INSTITUTIONS take shape...SOCIAL SYSTEMS of regulatory power emerge and SOCIETY is structured...often time AS IF it existed apart from its members. This is the power of roles when their nature is largely ignored..."we" become what the system needs. Hence, as said before, HOW Role Theory is presented is crucial. Most often its presented as simply the way to learn to "fit in." However, as being presented tonight, its also the way we come to "know ourselves"...our core selves. When we realize that the "self" we've taken to be us is merely the social identity bestowed upon us by virtue of our roles, a clearer picture of what's been happening to us starts to emerge. This knowledge doesn't remove responsibility for our actions and inactions, however. Rather, it places it squarely on our core self...the self doing the "playing." This, of course, applies to all kinds of behavior...including "criminal" behavior. We begin to see that even the behavior that is so disapproved of is our reaction to roles and then becomes a role itself...and is acted out. One might even say that much of the activity which lands people in places like this is a reaction against other roles and their E's and O's. A web of "puppet strings" is thus more easily seen.

Let me be very clear...roles themselves aren't the problem. The problem is when we assume we ARE our roles and act accordingly...often times jumping from one role identity to another...without ever knowing who we really are. As said, roles regulate behavior...and that's fine in and of itself. If we're to live together...a certain amount of patterned and expected behavior is desirable. But when individuals are not allowed to become themselves...when their core selves are buried so deep...without any real consciousness of its existence, then REACTIONS TO this conflictual situation are bound to happen...some defined as "legal" and some as "illegal"...but happen they will!! So, I'm not saying to abandon all your roles...THAT can cause even more problems. What I AM saying is KNOW THE DIFFERENCE between a social self and a core self and thereby know which "you" is really "in charge" of your life. To be really blunt, many inmates I've met have thought of themselves as "big bad guys" or "bad asses" who were doing what they wanted...just like so many people who aren't inmates. In actuality, they've been nothing but "bad good role players" who then become "good bad role players" of the "deviant" variety.

So what's the point of all this in terms of your eventual release? Well, directly put...which "self" is going to be released? Will you leave here as just another role player...hoping to "be" a "good guy" self (or maybe even planning to continue your "bad guy" persona)? Or will you leave here as your core self...fully aware that it is your authentic responsibility to "behave differently"? While the first alternative is certainly "do-able," it involves only "behavior"...a better role behavior. The other alternative involves behavior too...but now its behavior in relation to who you are and want to become. Roles and their corresponding E's and O's will still be there...for sure. In our society they're everywhere you go. Many "role partners" will continue to interact with you AS IF your identity is still equal to their "role-viewing." But if you are no longer confusing who you are with these role identities...coping with these pressures will no longer be a matter of "obedience"...but rather, will be "opportunities" to develop your self authentically...no matter what you have to put up with from others and particular situations. It won't necessarily be easy, but I believe it will be alot more honest...and will diminish the chances you'll end up back in a place like this. "Correct" behavior..."out there"...will no longer be a matter of "forced obedience", but rather, will reflect a real decision on your part to...yes, sometimes go along to get along, but more often to "be" the human in charge of your own life and the decider of how you want to change and progress.

I asked earlier which "self" landed you in here. Now I ask...again...which self will be leaving some day? Yes, you CAN get "by" with a "good" social self, but vigilance will be needed in order not to "slip" up again. But if you want to actually "change" your life...only your authentic self can do that. Either way its an "uphill" battle, but only the second one will really last.

Thank you.

The Seven Steps

Speech given 8/5/99 to The Seventh Step Program at Oregon State Penitentiary, Salem, Oregon



Good Evening. Since becoming acquainted with The Seventh Step Program I've been impressed by its purpose and focus. It's motto...THINK REALISTICALLY...is one I can wholeheartedly embrace...as long as it doesn't simply mean "according to someone else's definition of reality." If it means to think for yourself according to what "is" and "can be," (which I think it does) then its a very good motto. Further, as we've just heard said out loud, there are seven steps or principles of the Program and a Pledge based upon them. These, too, are very impressive and seem to embody some fundamental ideas which would apply to all people, not just inmates. Each of you apparently accept these steps as a way of decreasing the chances you will return to a prison once you're released. And as you know, the whole program is designed to minimize or eliminate recidivism by asking you to consider just what it was that landed you here in the first place and what it will take to keep you out...right?

Well, having said all that, I'd like to ask...just how is a program like this to be evaluated? Surely we each know the words of the Steps and the Pledge are easy to say? How are the individuals who are participating...you...to be evaluated or measured in relation to these words and their meaning and intent? If this weren't enough to address...just what do these words mean? There are some which are "loaded"...that is, mean various things, to various people, in various conditions, at various times, and in various eras. Some of these words are...truth, change, a power, evaluating, honest, self-appraisal, weaknesses, strengths, freedom, resentments, progress, goal, help, and not to forget...realistically. It seems to me that if this program is going to help people "change their lives," then each participant should be clear as to what is and isn't meant by these words and the Steps. In other words, each of you...as participating members of The Seventh Step Program, ought to be able to guage your own progress...as well as demonstrate it to others...in achieving these aims. That, I maintain, can only be done by being clear about what the words and ideas mean...specifically, to YOU.

So, what I'd like to do tonight...with your help...is take a look at each of the Steps...asking some pointed questions and supplying some suggestive answers and/or definitions. But let me be very clear about one thing I'm NOT doing...I don't mean to even begin to redefine this Program...its been going fairly successfully for some time without my input. Rather, based upon what I've learned about it...from individuals and the materials supplied to me...I'd like to offer some suggestive ideas which may help you to evaluate yourself in relation to it, as I've already mentioned. Of course, I will approach all this from a sociological vantage point...one that doesn't exclude interest in individuals, but rather, links or situates them in a larger context. Be advised that while my references will be decidedly about inmates...once again...these ideas apply to all of us...in or out of prison.

Let's take each Step one at a time:

1. FACING THE TRUTH ABOUT OURSELVES AND THE WORLD AROUND US, WE DECIDED WE NEEDED TO CHANGE

Just as there can be no change without a vision of what else is possible, there can be no solution without an understanding of what already "is"...the problem. As Alan Watts says, to understand a problem is at the same time to know what to do about it. But how does one go about "facing the truth?" What does authentic change involve? I'd suggest that to face the truth about one's self and/or world, one must begin by holding aside everything you ever believed about yourself and that world...at least as much as is humanly possible. Unless you "bracket" your current and long-standing beliefs and values the path for critical analysis will not be clear. Along with this, you must be willing to "unlearn" some of your most cherished beliefs about yourself. This is very difficult for those whose "identities" are so deeply embedded in these preferred stances...for those who believe their "self" is equal to the "role identities" they've acquired along the way...even the "negative" ones. Truth, whatever that MAY be, will never be glimpsed unless one realizes they are NOT their roles, but rather, have a CORE SELF that does all the role-playing. How does one change? By becoming conscious of their "self" and recognizing the "house of cards" they and others have been living in.

2. REALIZING THAT THERE IS A POWER FROM WHICH WE CAN GAIN STRENGTH, WE DECIDED TO USE THAT POWER

This step is, of course, a slippery one. The words which leap out at you are..."a power." What is this "power?" Is it external to us? Does it come from within? Although I've not glimpsed one iota of a "religious" bent to The Seventh Step Program, its quite easy to see how and why this might seep in at this point. I've no desire...at least tonight...to challenge anyone's religious beliefs...nor do I want to debate religion. I'd be glad to do that some other time...for and with those of you who wish to engage in such a discussion. So, let me simply give you my own bent on what this means and if you want to filter what I say through "religious goggles"...go ahead. Having said that, this Step enthuses me greatly. For you see, I too have realized "a power"...a power WITHIN ME and have utilized it too. To me, this power is our very nature as human beings. It is the power to realize that I'm a work in progress...that everything I've ever been is still in me today and everything I'm going to be is already within me...is part of the nature I share with all others engaged in HUMAN being. To give it a name seems like folly, but if I had to try...I'd call it AWARENESS. Awareness...consciousness (beyond, of course, merely being awake)...these words ignite in me the strength to BE. To be aware that "nothing human is alien to me" energizes me to be as fully human as I can be. To be conscious that all meaning is within my grasp to create...that all consciousness is consciousness intentionally directed...is a power I've only begun to tap...but the process itself gives me strength to go on.

3. EVALUATING OURSELVES BY TAKING AN HONEST SELF-APPRAISAL, WE EXAMINE BOTH OUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

That is, of course, more easily said than done. Thinking back to what I said about "facing the truth," the willingness to bracket beliefs and to become "self-conscious" is at the core of this step. As others have said, the individual is often the dead last source of reliable assessment of what that person is all about. Just which "self" is it that's to be evaluated? Which "self" will DO the evaluating? Is it possible that weakness and strength aren't absolutes within us...but rather, are relative to time, place, and function? Yes, I know what the intent is here, but before categorizing one's self accordingly, we should be cautious about these matters. I'm not convinced we can create neat columns of strengths and weaknesses...nor do I think its advisable to try. If we were to create a list of abilities and inabilities, then I'd have a different view of it...i.e. I have the ability to think and speak...I have the inability to perform brain surgery. I guess what I'm saying is that given the commonsense and prevalent definitions of weakness and strength in our society today...ones I think do more harm than good...I'd be cautious about categorizing myself according to them. The next step addresses this...so lets continue with it.

4. ENDEAVORING TO HELP OURSELVES OVERCOME OUR WEAKNESSES, WE ENLISTED THE AID OF THAT POWER TO HELP US CONCENTRATE ON OUR STRENGTHS

I'm simply not sure that "weaknesses" can be "overcome." Sounds too much like repression to me...too much like the Freudian (although I have a great respect for Freud) "hydraulic pump" that assumes certain undesirable characteristics in need of being "beat down." If this "power" is as I spoke of it previously...our awareness of our selves...then enlisting its aid to address our shortcomings and to promote our abilities is a very important step. Understanding...rather than "overcoming" the current manifestation of our "nature"...and promoting our development towards fuller humanness...leads us to not see "weakness," but instead to grasp "opportunities" for change. This very interaction...between our "core selves" and our "social selves" provides us with the opportunity to see ourselves in a clearer light as well as what we want to become. We no longer then have weaknesses to overcome or strengths to concentrate on. Rather, we have ourselves...finally...and the "old" no longer looks like it once did.

5. DECIDING THAT OUR FREEDOM IS WORTH MORE THAN OUR RESENTMENTS, WE ARE USING THAT POWER TO FREE US FROM THOSE RESENTMENTS

What is this freedom being spoken of here? Hopefully it means more than being without physical constraints...because there is no existence which is entirely like that. Assuming it refers to something less literal...I couldn't agree more. Resentment (just like guilt) is a nearly useless sentiment (unless you're being recruited to "hate" someone and then, its very useful for motivating purposes!!). The very power to come to understand our core selves does indeed dissappate resentment and thus, frees us to affirm ourselves (and others) rather than "deny" our responsibilities. If resentment is a cover for responsibility, when it DOES dissapate with the "aid" of authentic self-consciousness, what then is left? What's left is the ability to honestly assess where our responsibility lies...the only real thing we have control over. Freedom is, indeed, worth more than our resentments because resentment (as a perversion of recognizing where responsibilities lie) is the denial (the self-denial) and the blockage of one's freedom to "be" who you are and "can be." Thus, we arrange for our own freedom "from" and thus activate our own freedom "to."

6. OBSERVING THAT DAILY PROGRESS IS NECESSARY, WE SET AN ATTAINABLE GOAL TOWARD WHICH WE CAN WORK EACH DAY

This step...and the final one...are different than the first five steps...but they logically follow from them. I suppose we could say that this one could be summarized by the saying that "Rome wasn't built in a day." However, it means more than "taking it a step at a time" or "being patient." While, yes...establishing a tangible "goal" or "object" to be attained each day is fine...maybe the realization that the goal is really the SAME each day is more to the point. What I'm saying is that as we become more fully aware of ourselves...we start to live AS IF we know it...and that helps create more awareness of it. Something "new" is created...slowly but surely...in this process and gives us more resources to take on the next day's challenges. The "whole" we want to become...takes "parts" to create it...and the result is more than additive...its synergistic. When the process of growth itself is the "goal" we no longer have to look for and seek out "new goals" each day...they'll simply emerge before our very eyes. The only "goal" I have each day is to be more like I COULD be and to utilize the opportunities I encounter to practice it.

7. MAINTAINING OUR OWN FREEDOM, WE PLEDGE TO HELP OTHERS AS WE HAVE BEEN HELPED

This step reminds me of two ideas from very different sources. The first is from my religious upbringing where I was taught that if I didn't use my forgiveness from God (the vertical dimension) as a means and reason to forgive others (the horizontal dimension)...I was wasting my time. The second is from a song by the Alan Parsons Project...the verse is simply..."use it or you lose it." But HOW do you "help" others help themselves? If as I say, this help has come from within ourselves, how can we literally "help others as we have been helped?" It's like asking if you can force someone to be free...doesn't that taint the freedom just a bit?

What I'm driving at here isn't that Step 7 is impossible or undesirable...its that the only way to help another to help themselves is to MODEL your freedom for them. You might be able to "lead" them to the water, so to speak, but only by drinking it yourself will they come to drink of it on their own. If you have come to a sense of your authentic self...the only way to promote this in others is to BE your self in relation to them...no matter what their response is at times. As this step says...to do so is the way you "maintain" your own freedom to be.



Quite clearly there's nothing magical about any of this. To be blunt, if you want to stay out of places like this, you're going to have to be a "self" quite different from the one you were when you walked in here. Yes, you can put on another "mask" when you leave...even the "good guy-I'm law-abiding and useful to society now" mask...but it will still be a mask...one in need of constant vigilance to wear and maintain. But if the man who leaves is your core/authentic self, the "real" you instead of how others "see" and "address" you, then you will have taken all 7 steps and "being good" will be beside the point.

Finally, to return to where I started this...I've tried to put a little "meat" on the bones...so to speak. I've tried to facilitate your own assessment of how the program is doing and most importantly, how YOU are doing in the program. If you can truly see that these 7 steps lead to an awareness of being who you ARE, then I suggest you sit down and write out just who it IS that you ARE. Difficulty in doing so will simply highlight for you the work you have remaining to do. I...as well as others, would be willing to read your work and provide feedback...its your choice.