Is this what it its like to be in love, Nikolas wonders to himself as he moves along the fringes of the ballroom. It’s not how he expected to feel. He came here tonight to be with his lover, the women he has been fascinated with, almost obsessed with, for months now. He wants to be able to sweep her into his arms, to dance with her under the crystal chandelier, and to proclaim to all the world their relationship. Instead he is standing here alone while she mingles with Edward and other GH board members. It’s not what he thought love would be like.

He watches his brother Lucky and Liz as they glide across the floor and he envies them their freedom. That he realizes is how he has always imagined falling in love would be, not the trauma's the two have endured but the magic and openness of their relationship. The fact that they can hang out at Kelly’s or go to the movies or just sit holding hands in the park. There is no sneaking around or hidden trysts or shuttered windows for the two of them. Where he and Katherine have created a relationship that lives in the dark, Liz and Lucky live in the light. And they shine. He doesn’t think he and Katherine have ever shone like that.

He shakes his head. At first the sneaking around, the hiding, was part of the allure that was Katherine. The danger of the seduction. But now it was no longer appealing. Instead being with Katherine made him feel used and sometimes cheap. He was tired of hiding, tired of feeling ashamed of how he felt.

He had come here to this ball tonight determined to claim his dance under the lights. But Katherine had turned him down. Here surrounded by those she most wanted to impress she needed her relationship with Nikolas to stay in the dark. Is this really what love feels like?

Across the ballroom, Emily Quartermaine is smiling and happy, truly happy, for the first time in months. She teases Ned, dances with Edward, and even joins AJ in a toast of sparkling cider.

It must be love, Emily figures, if she can forgive Mark for canceling on her a few hours before the ball. It feels like nothing she has felt before. She knows that how she feels is light years beyond the childish crush she had on Nikolas, the crush that had died a violent death when she had caught him and Katherine together. It had been hard to get over that.

But now she thought she might just send Katherine a thank you letter for arranging that little scene. She had needed that, that moment of realizing once and for all that Nikolas was not hers to long for, in order to let her feelings for him go. Of course she had cried. There had been many a late night phone call to Lois in Bensonhurst or Liz across town. She had even sought out advice from Carly of all people. But in the end it had been common sense that had helped the most.

Having never been into self-torture (okay outside of that episode with Dorman or her addiction to drugs), Emily had carefully began a plan to cut Nikolas out of her life. If being with Nikolas was too painful, than she began to seek out new interests and new friends. She had quit modeling and taken up acting. With Monica’s and Alan’s encouragement she had shown up for an open casting call at a local reporatory theater and had won the part of Hero in Measure for Measure. Somehow the role of the innocent maiden who is cruelly manipulated by the men in her life fit Emily to a T. She had been good, really good according to her family and friends. But most of all she had known she was good. The role had also increased her confidence and in a few months Emily had bloomed from a gawky teenager to a confident young women. Now, instead of being tongue tied and nervous in social situations, she simply imagined herself on stage playing a part. Instead of a reputation for being somewhat snobbish and remote, Emily was known for her sense of humor, her loyalty, her compassion, and her ability to have fun.

She was invited to parties, started to date, and all those other things she had failed to do while life was limited to the Quartermaine Mansion and Spoon Island. She had even managed to talk Edward into letting her hold her first real party with only friends her age invited. A pool party nonetheless and Emily hadn’t blinked twice about wearing a bathing suit. And she hadn’t spent one part of the afternoon comparing herself to anyone. And of course there was Mark.

She sighed. Mark was smart, funny, cute, and totally crazy about her. They had been dating for a little over a month and Emily was still on cloud 9. She had even understood when he had to cancel their date at the ball tonight because of a family emergency. After all, isn’t that what being in love means Emily thinks to herself as wanders into the hotel courtyard for a breath of fresh air.

From his vantage point, Nikolas sees Emily walking outside. He has in fact been noticing her all night long. He misses their friendship which has been strained and almost nonexistant since she had discovered the truth about him and Katherine. He knew that he had hurt her. On her birthday nonetheless. Still, she seems to be blooming he thinks to himself. There is a radiance about her that has drawn the attention of many people tonight. She literally sparkles and it has nothing to do with the s equens on her gown. He knows from Lucky and Liz that she is happy. He even went to see her in that play she did. He sat in the back row. She had been really good.

Nikolas decides to follow her. If he can’t use the evening to make some progress in his relationship with Katherine, he might as well try to heal his friendship with Emily. She is sitting on a bench by the fountain when he finds her.

“Emily?” he whispers her name softly.

She looks up and smiles.

“Nikolas!” she greets him as an old friend. “I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you tonight. It’s quite a crowd in there”

“Yeah, I know,” he replies sitting next to her. He tries not to notice the soft light in her eyes. “I’ve missed talking to you.”

“Me too,” she admits with a sigh. “Those quiet afternoons we spent on the island sure seem like a million miles away, don’t they?”

“They were good times Em.”

“Oh, I know,” she smiles in remembrance. “They were great times. Like something out of a fairy tale, golden and peaceful and magical yet unreal at the same time."

“Unreal?” he queries, not sure why he feels this vague sense of hurt.

“A handsome prince...a gothic castle....a magical island...” She counts these things with her fingers. “How much more unreal than that can you get? Is it any wonder that I had this huge crush on you? You were like something that walked out of the pages of a Grimm Fairy Tale.”

“Emily..” he begins unsure of how to proceed. They’ve never talked about her crush or how badly he had hurt her.

“It’s okay, Nikolas” she takes his hand for a moment, “I’m not as fragile as Snow White. The prince didn’t fall in love with me, my heart was bruised for a while, but it didn’t break. Looking back, I think falling for you was as necessary to my growing up as getting the measles or braces. Call it a rite of passage. Every girl needs to have her heart broken by a prince...it makes her appreciate the rest of the frogs more.” Emily laughs, a soft gentle laugh.

Nikolas is bemused. He is used to an Emily who worshipped him, an Emily who can compare him to measles or braces is not what he expected to find. Still, there is something in her he finds beguiling.

“But I don’t want to spend this starry night talking about me...I want to hear about you and how you are?” Emily slips her arm into his.

Some things have not changed, Nikolas discovers. Emily is still one of the easiest people to talk to. He finds himself telling her about his new relationship with his father, his conflicted relationship with his mother, and even his frustrated relationship with his brother, the one step forward,two step backward dance they are engaged in. Talking to her, answering her questions, listening to what she has to say, he finds himself feeling happier and freeier than has in months. He listens with a smile as Emily excitedly tells him about her plans for the summer, including plans to attend acting classes in New York. Under the sharp supervision of Lois of course.

He watches her, not really listening to what she’s saying just enjoying her company. She is light, bubbly and sparkling. She is radiance and it is catching. They talk for an hour but for Nikolas it seems like minutes.

“Emily! Emily are you out here,” a male voice intrudes on their time.

Emily glances up and this time the glow on her face is truly radiant. “Mark you came!” She is up and his arms before Nikolas can react. Nikolas watches the pair, feels like an intruder, and begins to leave.

“Wait.,” Emily calls. “Nikolas I want you to meet someone very special. Mark, this is my friend Nikolas. He has helped me through a lot. Nikolas this is Mark.”

Not my friend Mark. Just Mark. Nikolas thinks. “Nice to meet you,” he reaches out and shakes the younger man’s hand. “Emily has told me a lot about you,” the words are friendly enough but the tone holds just enough warning for Nikolas to realize that Emily has indeed told Mark a lot about him.

“What are you doing here?” Emily asks Mark. He smiles at her.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. I know its late, but I was hoping I could have one dance with you under the lights tonight.”

Emily smiles and kisses him lightly on the lips. “I think that can be arranged.” As they turn to go, she turns back to Nikolas. “Are you coming in?”

“Not just yet,” Nikolas says. Emily nods as she and Mark turn to go into the ballroom. Nikolas watches them go. This is what love feels like, he thinks to himself as his eyes follow her, this is what love feels like.

And it hurts.