Tango At Night
"Tango At Night" is set three years after "Dance In The Light"
Wyndemere
There is barely any light making its way through the heavy drapes that line Nikolas’s office but he makes no attempt to turn a light on or open the drapes. He likes the dark, has learned to be comfortable in the shadow. It gives him a chance to think. And as usual, all he can think of is her.
He remembers a moonlit courtyard and a dress that reflected a thousand stars. He remembers her laughter and the smile that lit up her face. He remembers her gracefulness as she danced across the ballroom.
In the arms of another man.
Because of his stupidity.
Nikolas sighs, unable to concentrate on the papers his uncle asked him to look over. Instead he reaches over and picks up the snapshot he keeps in a gold frame on his desk. Most people assume he keeps it because his brother is in it with his fiancée. He doesn’t tell anyone that the reason the picture stays with him, traveled with him through four years of college, has nothing to do with Lucky and Liz and everything to do with her.
Emily Quartermaine. The girl, no he corrects himself silently, the woman who had once loved him, but who he had thrown away because he had been too immature, too obsessed with his lust for Katherine Bell, to notice. He had failed to value what was most precious in his life until he had lost it.
The picture is of the four of them. Lucky and Liz and Emily and himself. It is was taken B.K. Before Katherine. Before Emily had discovered him in bed with Katherine and broken free of him. Before he had realized how much he needed her. Loved her.
Now all he could do was miss her. And he did. Everyday.
He never told anyone how he felt. He hid his love behind friendly hugs and late night trips to Kelly’s Diner. It was the price he had to pay to regain her friendship. To regain any kind of place in her life. It had been hard. But the thought of living his life without her in at all had been impossible.
So he had been her friend. Sometimes her best friend. He had held her hand when she fought with her boyfriend and secretly hoped that this time they would break up. He had taught her how to drive and treasured the time they spent alone. He had been there when she had graduated from high school and drove her to the airport when she had decided to try her luck acting in New York.
That had been four months ago. He had heard from her just twice. Twice in four months. Life was hell.
But it was one of his own making so he accepted it.
Sometimes, when it all seemed hopeless he had tried, tried really hard, to not to love her. It had been as impossible as learning to not breathe. He had dated other girls, mostly as a smokescreen sometimes in desperation, but none of them could make him feel what she could with just one glance. Just one look.
He looked outside. It was almost October. She had to come home for Thanksgiving he thought to himself. And if not Thanksgiving, Christmas.
She wouldn’t come home alone of course. Mark would be there by her side. Taking his place. Liz said Emily talked about marrying Mark someday. Nikolas had to fight the urge to, for once in his life, be a ruthless Cassadine when Mark’s name came up. Mark was a student at New York University. Sometimes, late at night, Nikolas fantasized about using his uncle’s connections to force Mark to move to another university. Another country. But he never did. Emily would hate him if she found out. And she had hated him once. He never wanted that to happen again.
Besides Emily would probably just go with Mark and then she would be farther away from him.
He supposed he should be glad she was happy. He was. He just wanted her to be happy with him.
He looked down at the tablet he had been writing and smiled at what he had been writing. Nikolas Cassadine loves Emily Quartermaine.
It was true. It would always be true. Shaking his head, Nikolas attempted to focus on the figures in front of him and get back to work.
The call came two weeks later. His uncle was out of town and, except for the staff, Nikolas was alone at Wyndemere.
“Hello,” Nikolas answered the phone still half asleep.
“Nikolas?” Nikolas sat up fully awake.
“Emily? What’s wrong,” He glanced at the clock. 1 AM. Her voice sounded shaky. Too shaky.
“I....” She starts to cry. “I need you.” She whispers brokenly.
“Where are you?” He is already halfway dressed.
“My place.”
“Okay, I have the address here someplace.” Liar. He had memorized it. Even flew up to New York once just to drive by it. “I can be on the next flight.”
“Nikolas....” There is a pause. “I bought some drugs. I’m holding them in my hand. I don’t want to use them....” Her voice trails off.
“What in the hell happened?” God, he is scared. Emily has been clean and sober for years. She’s so strong. “Forget it- I’m on my way. You can tell me when I get there”
“Nikolas. Hurry.”
“Just hang on Em.” As soon as she hangs up, Nikolas calls the airport and orders the Cassadine jet to be ready in a half hour.
Emily Quartermaine stares at the drugs sitting on the kitchen table. So far they are untouched. She badly wants them. She thinks she needs them. But she knows what will happen if she takes them.
She doesn’t want to be like that again.
So she had called Nikolas. She still can’t believe that she did that. She hadn’t even thought about it, she had just called him. She could have called her mom. She could have called Liz. She could have called a dozen people before she called him. She doesn’t want him to see her like this. But she badly needs to see him.
She needs a friend.
The doorbell rings. She answers it.
“Nikolas?” Before he can say anything she is in his arms and crying. Wordlessly he holds her in his arms and keeps her safe.
An hour later Nikolas is sitting on the couch watching Emily pace across the room. The drugs have been flushed down the toilet. Emily did it on her own. The crisis seems to be over for the moment, but Nikolas thinks it might be just beginning. Emily is wearing a large chenille robe, her wet long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. He forced her to take a hot shower and she looks a hundred times better than she did when he arrived.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks her, his voice soft and concerned.
“Not really,” she whispers. “But I don’t suppose you’d accept that as an answer.”
Nikolas shakes his head and Emily sighs. She is feeling better, stronger, but the whole thing has left this better taste in her mouth. She feels dirty. The last one she wants to talk to is Nikolas. Nikolas who never makes mistakes. Nikolas who has helped her through so many tawdry Quartermaine scandals.
“It was Mark,” Her voice is quiet. Nikolas hears the name and his fists clench. He wants to react, but is afraid of scaring Emily. “We’ve been having problems lately. Ever since I graduated. Before I moved up here. A lot of fighting and tension. He resents my money. I resent his resentment. Things have been boiling. Last week we had this big fight. Tonight I went to his dorm room to apologize.” She hesitates not wanting to tell him the rest.
“Emily?” prompts Nikolas as he moves to stand behind her. Emily is looking at the view of the city from her studio apartment.
“I found him in bed. He wasn’t alone.” She closes her eyes against the image. Nikolas swears softly. “I walked around for hours afterwards. I saw this guy selling drugs on the street and I bought some. I wanted to not feel anything for a long time. But I couldn’t do it. So I called you.”
Nikolas is silent for a moment, torn between his desire to go tear Mark’s head off and his desire to comfort Emily. It isn’t a hard choice to make. Mark and his head will still be there tomorrow.
Emily turns in his arms. “What is wrong with me,” She asks him, silent tears cascading down her face. “Why can’t someone I love love me back? Why am I never good enough for the people I love. I’m not good enough to be a Quartermaine if you listen to grandfather. I wasn’t enough for you- you wanted someone else. You loved someone else. I even walked in on the two of you.” She is nearly yelling. Nikolas wonders if she knows what she is saying. She lowers her voice. “Mark was supposed to be different. He was supposed to love me- just me. Only me. But I wasn’t good enough for him either.” She cries softly and Nikolas tightens his grip around her.
After a moment, he guides her to the couch and sits with her in his lap. He’d have given anything to hold her like this, but not like this. He couldn’t stand to see her in pain.
He forced her eyes up. “Your grandfather is an idiot if he doesn’t see the value in you. He’s just mad that you came to New York to pursue your dreams instead of going to an Ivy League school to pursue his. As for Mark,” He tries to control the anger in his voice. “Mark is a jerk. You are worth twenty of him. As for me,” his tone turns rueful and he reaches out to stroke her hair. “As for me, I was a fool. I let myself be blinded by glass and failed to see the diamond that was right in front of me.” He is silent for a minute and then decides to take a gamble. He needs for her to know, to believe, that she is worth loving, even if he has to sacrifice some pride and self-respect. Even if it costs him her friendship. He can’t let her believe that she doesn’t deserve to be loved. Not for one second. Not ever.
He takes a deep breath. “You are so wrong, Emily” He puts all of his love for all of these years into his tone, his whisper, his inflection. his touch. He wants her to feel his love at this moment, to realize his love at this moment, even if she can never return it.
She sense the change in him, the change in the air.
“Nikolas?” She whispers in confusion. She tries to look away, to move away, but can’t force herself too.
“I was a fool,” he repeats. “I realized it the night of that charity ball at the Port Charles Hotel. You were so beautiful and it was like magic when we talked. I fell in love with you that night. I’ve loved you since. I will always love you.”
“But Katherine?”
“Was a mistake,” Nikolas says touching his finger to her cheek, tracing the tears that fall there. “I don’t want her or anyone else in my life, in my arms, in my heart. I will love you for the rest of my life.”
She is silent but doesn’t move away. Nikolas has no idea that he is holding his breath until it is released when she speaks.
“I don’t know what to say,” she looks up at him. “I...it’s too soon after Mark. I can’t think. I’m confused.” She looks up at him not trying to hide the variety of emotions that cross her face. He has always loved the honesty of her eyes.
“Don’t say anything. Not now. Not yet. I don’t expect you too. I know that you cared deeply for Mark and that you are feeling very hurt right now. I’m not making any demands. I’m not asking you to love me. All I want is the chance to love you. To take care of you.”
Their eyes meet for the longest time, silken brown meeting warm chocolate. She can’t look away. She doesn’t know what’s happening or how she feels, but she can’t look away from his eyes. Or move away from his touch. She can’t stop herself from touching him back.
She nods and he gently leans forward until their lips touch. He kisses her, softly at first and then with more fire as she begins to kiss him back. He finds himself pulling her closer, reaching for her, trying to connect to her in as many ways as he can. Emotionally. Spiritually. Physically.
After a few minutes he pulls away. “Do you see how it is between us? Do you feel how it can be? God, Emily I will do anything for a chance to be with you. I’d wait for you forever as long as I knew you would be there waiting for me. I will give you all the time and space you need till you are as sure of how you feel for me as I am of how I feel for you. Just don’t shut me out of your life....”
After many minutes she replies and her voice is soft and tinged with wonder and laced with tiredness. It has been a long night. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
He sighs with relief and closes his eyes with gratitude. He continues to hold her until she has fallen asleep and then gently lies her on the bed and covers her with the down comforter. He sits by her bed for a few hours watching her sleep, making sure she is okay. Taking care of her. It feels incredible.
At some time after 7:00 in the morning he gets up and leaves. He has an errand to run. NYU Dormitory:
The ringing on the doorbell is insistent and his roommates are complaining so Mark gets up to answer it. He wonders who it could be this early in the morning. He doesn’t remember much of the previous evening. Just getting drunk at a party and bringing some girl back here. He didn’t know her name. She might even still be in his bed. He would have to check when he got back to bed.
He opens the door.
“What in the world? Nikolas?” The last person he expected to see at his door this early or anytime for that matter was Nikolas Cassadine.
“This is for Emily,” Nikolas grates out.
Mark never sees the punch coming.
Nikolas heads back to his rental car. Not quite as good as challenging him to a duel, but still satisfying.
Emily is beginning to stir when he enters the studio apartment carrying bagels, juice, and coffee.
She blushes when she sees him remembering the night before. For a moment, she looks like she wants to forget. He won’t let her. He places the food on her kitchen counter and moves to sit next to her in bed.
“How are you,” he whispers softly and kisses her on the cheek.
Emily’s heart is beating fast. “I thought you changed your mind. I thought you left,” she says not realizing until she says the words how devastated she would have felt.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Nikolas replies. “Not without you. Not again. Not if you want me to stay.”
Emily looks at Nikolas for the longest moment of his life. Then she smiles.
“Stay,” she whispers.
And he does.