“I thought I’d find you here, “ Nikolas’ voice cuts across the still and quiet cemetery. He can feel the cold chill in the air through his leather jacket and can only imagine how cold she must be. “I hate not waking up next to you,” he finishes softly.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Emily says. There is a hollow note in her voice that he hates hearing. She is kneeling in front of the gray marble headstone, lovingly reaching out to trace the name etched there.

Edward Lewis Quartermaine.

Nikolas feels helpless. So much pain. Cutting so deep. He fights the urge to pick her up and take her somewhere, anywhere, the pain can’t find her. But he knows he can’t. He can’t protect her from this pain. All he can do is love her.

He walks up behind her and drops to his knees and shelters her as she leans back against him. “I still can’t believe he’s gone.” Her voice is the merest of whispers but the pain in her tone breaks his heart.

He says the only thing he can say. He gives her the only thing he can give her. He prays to God that it is enough.

“I love you.” The words are a solemn vow as his lips caress her hair in the softest of kisses. “Always have. Always will. If there was some way I could take away your pain...” He lets his voice trail off, hoping that she will understand. Knowing that she will.

“I know,” Emily closes her eyes. For two years now Nikolas has been the rock that her world has centered on. She knows that the last few days have been hard on him, that there has been this distance between them. She knows it is of her own making but she doesn’t know how to get past it. She feels lost in this cloud of numbness that she can’t escape. The only thing keeping her sane are the arms that hold her now.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, “ The words are tinged with fear and come out harsher than he means them to. He swallows and tries again. “You have nothing to apologize for. I love you. I can cope with anything, just don’t shut me out. Let me help.”

She turns in his arms to face him. Nikolas can see the depth of sadness in her eyes and fears that she will drown in it. She lowers her eyes and stares at the ground.

Nikolas has never felt as powerless as he does at this moment. He loved her and she was hurting and for once he couldn’t fix it. God he hated this feeling.

“Nikolas?”

“Love?”

“Just hold me,” Emily buries her head on his familiar chest and cries softly. “Hold me. Don’t let me go.”

“Never” He promises her. “Never” Later at the Quartermaine Estate

She is so beautiful he thinks to himself as he watches her talking to Lila from across the room. She is tall and elegant in black, the only evidence of her inner turmoil the dark circles under her eyes. He watches her carefully for any sign of collapse, but knows he won’t see any. Not here. Not surrounded by her family. She learned a long time ago not to show weakness here.

Here she is playing a part, he almost thinks he can recognize it from an off Broadway play she did last year. The loving and dutiful granddaughter. When they are alone, when it is just him to see her shatter, Nikolas knows it will be different. He wants to take her out of here, away from this place that must trigger a bad memory everytime she breathes. If he had his choice, they wouldn’t have come. But in this, as in most things in their relationship, the choice was hers.

She looks up and their eyes meet and she smiles. He can feel the electricity that shoots through him at the promise in her eyes. He loves her so much. His eyes fall on a picture of Edward Quartermaine sitting on the piano. Good thing the bastard is already dead, Nikolas thinks, or he might just have to kill him for all the pain he’s putting her through.

“Nikolas?” Stefan gives up trying to get his son’s attention on business. ‘Nikolas?”

Nikolas forces himself to at least pay some attention to his father, although his eyes still linger on Emily. “I am sorry,” he apologizes half-heartedly. “You were saying?”

“I was asking you what your plans are after you finish your studies at Columbia? Perhaps return to Port Charles and take your place in the Cassadine business.”

Nikolas shakes his head. How often have they head this conversation? “Father, the last time I checked Alexis was running the Cassadine Empire and doing a good job of it. She enjoys that life. I’ve discovered that I don’t. I like studying medicine, especially pediatrics. It suits me. New York suits me.”

“You mean Miss Quartermaine suits you.”

“To a ‘T”,” Nikolas smiles for the first time during this conversation.

Stefan gives up and turns the conversation to more personal things. “How is she coping?”

“Horribly.” Nikolas’ worry shows in his voice. He doesn’t bother to try to hide it. “She hasn’t slept since the call came last week. She barely eats. I’m scared to death for her.” Nikolas looks at his father. “I can’t wait until I can take her home.”

“To Wyndemere?” Stefan is startled. “You are of course, welcome but I thought you were staying here with the Quartermaine’s for a while.”

This time Nikolas manages a quiet laugh. “Father, “ he begins gently, unwilling to hurt his father’s feelings but needing to make clear certain things. “I love you. I adored Wyndemere, but its not my home anymore. Neither is Port Charles. New York is my home. Or to be more specific, wherever Emily is my home.”

Emily walks up behind Nikolas just in time to hear this last statement. She wraps her arms around him and kisses him, unmindful of Stefan or any of her family. Even with everything, she knows that he is her home too.

Emily draws Nikolas to the side for a little privacy. He looks carefully into her eyes and hates the stress that he sees there.

“How are you?” he asks her not letting go of her hand.

“Holding on,” she answers him. “Barely anyway.”

“Anything I can do?”

“I’m going to go hang out with Michael and Brooke Lynn for a while,” Emily reaches up and gives him a kiss. “Don’t worry too much about me.”

“Impossible,” Nikolas says simply. “You want me to come with you. Michael and Brooke are two Quartermaines I actually like.”

Emily shakes her head. “I think you should spend some time with your father. And Laura and Lucky. It was really nice of them to come to Grandfather’s funeral.”

“My mother and your grandfather had a very special relationship,” Nikolas begins and then stops, regretting the words the moment they come out.

“I’m glad that he had a special relationship with somebody,” Emily can’t keep the bitterness from her tone and has to blink back the tears.

“Em , I didn’t mean....” Nikolas reaches for her but Em pulls away, suddenly needing to be alone.

“It’s okay,” she reassures him. “I know what you meant. I’m going to go find Michael and Brooke.”

Nikolas watches her go, knowing that he has hurt her and hating himself but hating Edward Quartermaine even more.

Tomorrow, he thought, tomorrow I’m taking her home and away from this place whether she wants to go or not.

Nikolas is sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee. It’s late afternoon and the guests who came over after the funeral have all gone home. He spent time talking to Laura and even managed to catch up with Lucky and Lu but he couldn’t get his mind off Emily. He had tried to track her down, but Reginald reported that she had gone for a walk. He was torn between getting into the car and searching the city for her and letting her have some time and space.

How could I have been so stupid? he wonders to himself, not for the first time. I’m supposed to help her deal with her pain, not add to it.

“Nikolas?” He looks up.

“Monica” His voice is polite and neutral. Try as he might, Nikolas cannot forgive the Quartermaine’s for their treatment of Emily growing up. He can manage polite conversation but that’s about all. In the years he had known Emily, both before and after they became lovers, he has spent too much time bandaging the wounds these people have caused to be anything other than polite to them. For all that his own father had lied to him over and over again, Nikolas had not once felt unloved. These people had made Emily feel unloved over and over again.

“Where is Emily?” Monica’s voice is hesitant and nervous.

“She went for a walk,” Nikolas replied.

“She seems to be holding up pretty well,” Monica went on. “I’m so glad that the two of you are here. It’s such a comfort to have Emily around. We’ve missed her these last few years while you were in New York.”

Nikolas is trying really hard not to lose his cool.

“I know how hard this is,” Monica continues, unaware of the rising tension. “Emily and Edward always had this unique relationship”

“Unique?” Nikolas feels the anger explode. “Where in the hell have you been for the last few years? Emily and Edward didn’t have a unique relationship. They had no relationship. The bastard turned his back on her.”

“I know that Edward had a hard time showing affection.”

“What kind of dream world are you living in?” Nikolas blurts out angrily and then stops. “Look, I’m trying really hard to remember that your daughter is the women I love. And for someone reason that I’ve given up trying to figure out she loves you too. She even loves Alan and AJ and Jason. She even loved Edward. Which is amazing considering the fact that most you have treated her like dirt. Every time she did something you didn’t approve of you made her feel like she wasn’t good enough to be a Quartermaine. All she wanted was your love and your acceptance. She loves you, each of you, the way you are. Why couldn’t you love her for who she is?”

Nikolas’ anger has dissipated.

“I know you love her” Monica begins. but Nikolas interrupts. “Exactly I love her. I will always love her. There is nothing that she can do or say that would change that. I would never turn my back on her just because she decides to try acting instead of college.”

“Edward loved her,” Monica insisted.

“He had a funny way of showing it,” Nikolas retorted. “I was there after graduation when he disowned her. I helped her move to New York. He cut her off. Told her a real Quartermaine would never have become an actress. He wanted her to go to college. He had her life planned out for her. And when she didn’t want to go along with his plans he simply dropped her like she had never existed.”

Nikolas looks at Monica. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see the hurt like I did. You know she used to write him once a month. She’d spend the whole morning writing this long letter telling him about the auditions she was going on, the small parts she was getting, the acting classes she was taking. And she would tell him how much she loved him and how much she wanted him to be proud of her.”

Nikolas closes his eyes and remembers. He doesn’t notice the silent tears running down Monica’s cheeks. “Every month. Like clockwork. And every month the letter would be returned a few days later. Sent back. Unopened. Each time she would fall to pieces and I’d have to put those pieces back together again. And each month she would build up hope that next time would be different. So she’d try again. But it never was. Each letter came back unopened. Each letter broke her heart. But she always had hope that eventually, some time, he would come around. Some day he would be proud of her. That he’d be there to cheer her on when she won her first acting award. Or that he’d dance at our wedding. Or that one day she’d answer the doorbell and it would be him and he’d tell her how wrong he had been about her. And now he’s dead. And she’s alive. Only she has to live with the guilt and the grief and the knowledge that the only grandfather she’s ever known died thinking she was unworthy of being his granddaughter.”

“ I ..I had no idea...”

“Yeah,” Nikolas pushed aside the coffee and stood up. “Now you do.” Without looking back he went in search of Emily. Late evening, The Quartermaine Estate

Nikolas enters the guest suite that he and Emily are sharing tired and exhausted. Three hours. For three hours he has searched for her. Three hours of driving up and down streets, checking out places they used to visit, calling friends she might go see. Three hours of not knowing where she is. Or how she is. The fear is overwhelming. He moves to turn on the light, determined to give Mac Scorpio a call.

“Hi..”

He freezes at the soft voice and waits a moment while his world rights itself. He keeps the light off and turns around. She is sitting in the dark curled up in an armchair.

“Hi” He watches her but makes no move to get closer. “Are you okay?”

She shakes her head. “No,” she replies and then takes a deep breath. “But I will be.”

Nikolas relaxes and begins to breath again.

“Where have you been?”

“Everywhere. Nowhere. I don’t think I could tell you.” Her voice is clear. “I just walked and kept on walking, like I could leave all my problems behind. I almost didn’t want to stop. I almost didn’t want to come back. Then I remembered something.”

“What?” He walks closer to her but they still don’t touch. He waits for her to tell him what she needs.

“I remembered you,” she looks up at him. Her eyes are large. “I remembered how much I love you. How much you love me. And I knew what I had been doing wrong these last few days.”

“What?” he smiles and reaches for her. He sits in front of her and their hands touch and hold.

She sighs and interlocks their fingers. “I don’t know if you will understand. I don’t know if I understand myself. But these last few days, ever since I heard that grandfather died, it’s like I haven’t been me. Being here, being in this house, being around my family I’ve become her again. Emily Quartermaine. Insecure. Lonely. Unloved. Full of so much pain she hides it behind drugs or make up because anything is better than the reality.”

“Em..” he begins hating to hear her talk like this.

“No,” she whispers. “Let me continue. Somehow in the last five or six days the last two years got lost. I forgot that I’m not that same Emily Quartermaine. I’m just Emily. Emily who loves Nikolas. Emily who is loved by Nikolas. Emily who likes to sleep in on Sundays even though it drives you crazy. I’m the Emily who comes and gets you out of the library at Columbia because somebody has to remind you that you need to sleep. That Emily is not unloved. She is so far from lonely. And she has the guts to try her hand at acting because she loves it and she always know that even when she blow an audition you are there for her. For me. Always. No matter what I do you love me.” Emily unconsciously echoes Nikolas’ earlier words to Monica. “And no matter what you do I love you.”

She pauses and reaches up to trace a tear on his cheek. “I hurt because of my grandfather. I can’t get over that immediately. I wish I could wave a magic wand and it would all disappear.”

“But I do know that whatever pain I feel will get better because of you. Everything in my life is better because you are in it. Nothing hurts as bad as it did before you”

Emily looks at him. “I want to go home. I want to go back to being Emily and Nikolas in a world where Cassadine and Quartermaine are just names.”

He finally reaches for her and pulls her close. He thanks God for giving her back to him again. She is crying softly as he holds her, but they are cleansing tears and Nikolas cries them too.

For a few moments there is utter silence between them. There is no need for words.

“We’ll go home tomorrow,” Nikolas finally whispers.

Emily nods. Then she smiles, the kind of mischievous smile that Nikolas has rarely seen these last few days.

“How thin do you think these walls are?” she whispers seductively.

Nikolas smiles, his lips reach out to capture hers. After a long moment, he breaks away and lifts her in his arms and carries her to the bedroom.

“Let’s find out.” he says.

And they do.

The next morning

Nikolas is in the Quartermaine living room, reading the latest issue of the American Medical Association Journal. He had to physically leave their bedroom before the temptation to wake Emily up and make love to her again became too strong too fight. He was determined to let her sleep in, knowing that it was the first time in days she had actually slept. And even then they hadn’t actually fallen asleep until the early hours of the morning.

Nikolas looked at the clock. Nine o’clock. He had just about decided to give up being chivalrous when Lila and Reginald entered the room, Reginald’s arms filled with a variety of boxes.

Nikolas smiled at Lila.

“How are you?” he asks.

Lila sighs. “I’m doing okay, my dear. How is that beautiful granddaughter of mine?”

“Tough as nails, just like her grandmother,” Nikolas answers. “I’m taking her home later today.”

“I’ll miss her,” Lila says simply “But it will be good for her to be home. She’s lucky to have you darling boy.”

“No,” Nikolas corrects her. “We are lucky to have each other.”

As Lila beams at Nikolas, the boxes Reginald is carrying topple over.

“Here,” Nikolas bends down to help Reginald pick up the boxes. “Let me help.”

Nikolas picks up a leather bound book that has fallen and opened up. His heart freezes as he recognizes the contents.

“Oh my god,” he whispers.

Emily smiles as she emerges from the shower. She should be tired, but the feelingsrunning through her this morning makes it impossible to be tired. Impossible to stay in bed. At least not alone.

She walks into the bedroom.

“Nikolas.” She smiles at him. “I was just thinking of you,” she begins and then stops. His expression is solemn. “What’s wrong?”

“Come sit down,” he tells her. She does, sitting next to him on the bed. “I have something to show you, but I don’t know if it will make things better or worse.”

“Nik...” she touches him on the cheek. “I won’t break.” she promises him.

He nods and then reaches for the leather book and puts her in front of him.

“What?” she begins, but before she can say anything he opens it.

Her eyes grow wide. It’s her. It’s all about her. There are copies of her report cards. Poems and stories she scribbled in high school. The photos she took when she was modeling. A picture of her and Mark at the prom. She turns the yellowed pages carefully. There’s a picture of her from the program of the first play she was in during high school. A clipping from the first real play she was in New York. There is the program from the Broadway play she did last year, the one where she had three lines total. There is a picture of her and Nikolas from their last visit, set against the docks. The pages are stained by what look like tears. Emily is speechless.

“Edward kept this. Lila said he would look out at it often and that he was always adding things to it.” Nikolas whispered, aching for her.

“He loved me,” she turns tear filled eyes up at him. “He really loved me.”

> “Yeah,” Nikolas says, “he really did.” Later that evening

Even though it is cold, Nikolas enjoys the beauty of the sunset as he watches it from the veranda of the Quartermaine estate. They decided to stay one more day. Emily had spent most of the day with her grandmother and mother.

“A penny for your thoughts,” Emily’s voice breaks the quiet and Nikolas smiles. Will he always react this way to her voice? Her touch? Probably.

“I was just thinking that after today I might have to learn to like your family.”

Emily giggles and Nikolas’ heart soars. “I don’t think you have to go that far,” she is quiet for a moment as he reaches out his arm and pulls her close. “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure the Quartermaines are always likeable.”

“As long as one Quartermaine always loves me, I’m okay.”

“I think I can pretty much guarantee that.” she whispers and reaches out to kiss him. He enjoys it for a moment then pulls away. His eyes study her face.

“How are you really?”

She sighs. “I feel better,” she turns and looks at the sun fall into earth. “But I’m also a little angry and hurt. He put both of us through all of this pain and turmoil just because he was too proud to tell me how he really felt. Did he care more about his pride than me?”

Nikolas shakes his head. “No. I don’t think he knew how to apologize. I think behind his pride was this fear that he would lose you. Had lost you,” He looks at her. “I can’t condone what your grandfather did. But I know what its like to lose you and its the worst feeling in the world. I think you just have to accept that in his own way, Edward Quartermaine loved you.”

“I like your way of loving me better.”

Nikolas pulls her closer. “That’s good because I don’t intend to ever stop.”

Emily snuggles closer to him. “I wouldn’t want you to.” She turns in his arms and kisses him softly on the lips. “You and I are always and forever Nikolas.”

“No,” he corrects her lovingly. “Always, forever, and beyond.”

“Sounds good to me,” she whispers before his lips catch hers.

There is silence for a long time.