Secrets, Lies, and Other Acts of Love

Chapter 19: Saying Goodbye

Emily sat in the darkened living room clutching the cell phone. Her mind refused to focus. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t feel. She couldn’t function.
Her world had ended 15 minutes ago with two simple words.
She’s alive.
Helena Cassadine was alive.
And Emily Quartermaine had to die.
Again.
She thought of Lucky asleep upstairs. Remembered his touch as they had made love. Remembered h is voice when he had told her he loved her.
She thought of Jason. Remembered the look on his face when he had rescued her from that cell in Helena’s compound. Remembered the anguish in his voice when he had told her about Robin’s death.
She closed her eyes and remembered them all. A broken Edward at Lila’s funeral. Her parent’s pain as they stood there. So close she could have yelled at them. But she had to remain silent. Lost. Hidden.
Oh god, how could she walk away again? Away from her family? Away from Lucky? How could she turn her back and leave?
Did she have a choice?
She thought of that little boy sleeping upstairs who depended on her to keep him safe. She thought of the times when she had failed him.
There was no choice. There never had been.


Jonathan was dreaming. It was his birthday and they were having a huge party in the backyard of his house. There were balloons and streamers everywhere. He could hear all of his friends laughing and giggling. Even the dog was barking with excitement.
He smiled as his mom came forward with the cake and everyone sang “Happy Birthday.” There were a pile of presents in front of him. Things he could own. Things that belonged to him.
“Blow out the candles and make a wish,” Lucky urged him.
Jonathan smiled up at Lucky before he turned his head to blow out the candles.
“What did you wish for Jonathan?” his little sister wanted to know. “Jonathan? Jonathan?”
The voice whispering in his ear and the slight shaking penetrated into his dreams. He opened his eyes. The room was still dark except for the moonlight that filtered in. “Mom?” A strange feeling twisted his gut as he realized what was happening.
“We’re leaving aren’t we?”
Emily nods. “I’m sorry.”
He wants to yell or refuse to go. He doesn’t want to l leave. He wants to stay. Lucky was going to take him wind surfing tomorrow. Today. Luke had promised a fishing trip when he returned. He doesn’t want to leave. He’s tired of saying goodbye.
But he didn’t say any of that. He couldn’t . The look on his Mom’s face scares him. She seems so sad. So lost. He had to take care of her.
“I’ll be down in five minutes,” he says instead.
Emily smiles halfheartedly. “I love you Jonathan.”
“I love you too Mom.”
And Jonathan waits until his mother leaves before saying a silent goodbye to his dream.

Emily stood in the hallway in front of the door. She was taking nothing with her.
She was leaving everything behind. Everything.
“You can do this Emily,” she whispers to herself.
Every instinct in her is telling her to run up those stairs and hide from the world in Lucky’s arms.
Every rational thought in her is screaming for her to leave while she can.
“Mom?” Jonathan whispers to her as he joins her. “Are we going to say goodbye to Lucky?” His voice is soft and wistful.
Emily shakes her head. “We can’t tell anyone we are going.”
“Do you think he’ll understand?”
“I’m sure he will,” Emily answered, not at all sure that he will. He will be so devastated that she left. And so angry that she left without saying anything. Maybe it’s better that he’s angry. Maybe she should hope that he learns to hate her. Maybe it would be easier on him if he hated her. The thought made her sick.
The truth was that if she had to look at him, see the brilliant blue of his eyes, she would never be able to goodbye. If he asked her to stay, she would. And she couldn’t. Please let him understand she prays silently.
“Let’s go, “ Emily whispers as she leads Jonathan to the front door. Jason had arranged for one of the guards to drive her to Mexico City where he would be waiting. After that she would do what she had done for seven years- make it up as she goes along.
She opened the door and stopped cold.
“Luke?”

It had been a long flight from Boston to Mexico and the stress and tension of the last few days had only made it seem longer. Trying to explain to Tiffany how Sean had died had been one of the hardest things Luke had ever had to do. He couldn’t tell her the truth and she had barely accepted the cover story the WSB had come up with. Laura hadn’t bought it all. He was pretty sure that when he returned to Port Charles she would corner him demanding a full explanation.
He would lie to her of course. He hated lying to her. Always had. But he had learned a long time ago that some things were worth lying for. Like a young girl’s life. Or an innocent child. Especially when that child was his beloved’s grandson. He could lie to her for that reason. And if she ever found out the truth he knew she would understand.
Or at least he hoped she would.
All the time he had been in Boston he had worried about what was going on here in Mexico. Judging from the fact that Emily and her son were sneaking out of the house at 3 AM in the morning he thought he knew what had happened. His heart sank. The bitch had more lives than a presidential sex scandal.
“I guess the wicked witch of the East didn’t die when the house landed on her after all,” he drawled.
Emily looked at him wordily.
“Jonathan.” She turns to her son and motions to the car and driver waiting for them. “Why don’t you wait in the car?”
Jonathan hesitates for a moment. Then he goes to Luke and gives him a tight hug and a quickly whispered “bye” before he walks to the car and waits for his mother to join him.
“Don’t try to talk me out of this Luke- I have to do this.”
Luke nodded. “I don’t think I could if I tried. Are you sure you don’t want to wait a while? At least till you’re stronger.”
Emily shook her heard. “The longer I stay the harder it is to leave.” Her voice is on the verge of breaking. “It’s had enough to leave now.”
“And my son? What was his opinion of all this?”
“He doesn’t know,” Emily’s eyes beg Luke’s understanding. “He’s still sleeping. I can’t tell him. If he asks me to stay, I don’t think I can tell him no to his face. I need to do it this way. It’s the only way I can do it. I can’t stay. It’s too dangerous for both Lucky and Jonathan.”
“And for you?”
“I’m tougher than I look. You should know that. You taught me how to survive.”
“Maybe I taught you too well,” Luke’s tone is resigned. “This is going to hurt Lucky a lot. He loves you if you haven’t figured that out by now. He was frantic when Helena held you.”
“He thinks he loves me,” Emily corrects him fighting to keep her tone light. “It’s just some sort of infatuation bought on by everything we’ve been through together lately. He’ll get over it.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“Maybe. But it doesn’t make a difference. I can’t stay. He can’t come with me. I can’t ask him to live a life of lies. To never see you or his mother or sisters. I know the kind of pain leaving everyone you love behind creates and I won’t do that to him.”
“You love him.”
Emily doesn’t answer him. “I have to go.” She turns and heads to the car. Then she stops, turns back, and finds herself in Luke’s embrace crying softly. Luke is hard pressed to not cry himself.
“Take care of yourself princess. And take care of my grandson.”
“Take care of him for me. Please.” Emily whispers. Luke nods.
After a minute, Emily pulls back from Luke, straightens her shoulders, and heads into the night.
Luke watches a moment later as the car quietly slips away.
Then he turns and heads into the house.


“You what? How could you? How could she? ” Lucky can’t believe what is happening. It is like a bad dream, only a hundred times worse. God knows he had been expecting Emily to walk out of his life for days now. So why was the reality so much harder than his nightmares had been.
Because last night she had been his. In every way possible. He had fallen asleep with her in his arms sure that she loved him and that somehow they would work it all out.
He had waken up alone and in hell.
Gone. No note. No words. No goodbyes.
What the hell was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to function without her? How could he ever sleep again not knowing if she was safe? Or if she was hurt? Or even alive?
He thinks he’s going to be sick.
“She did what she thought was right and so did I”
“Right? The great Luke Spencer finally does the right thing in his life by letting the woman I love and the child I’ve come to adore walk back into a mess that four weeks ago left her shot and almost bleeding to death at door. She has no money. She has barely recovered from her wounds. She’s in shock. She can’t protect herself. Let alone her child. You should have stopped her.”
“I thought you didn’t approve of my using force on a woman,” Luke says quietly. “Emily will make it. Jason will help her. She doesn’t need you or me at this point. She needs to do what she needs to do to keep Jonathan safe”
“She may not need me but I need her.” Lucky is nearly yelling. He can’t imagine feeling worse than he does now at this moment. “I need her.” He finishes quietly. Emotionally drained, he falls to the floor. Ironically sitting in the same place Emily occupied earlier.
He looked up at his father. All traces of animosity gone. “What am I supposed to do without her.” He asks his father his anguish etched into his eyes. If he closes his eyes he can remember her touch. Her whisper. Her smile. Her love. Then he sees it again. The blood pulsating against his hand. The welts on her back. The knife against her skin. The gun aimed in her direction. He sees Jonathan trusting eyes the first time they had met. God, he whispers to himself, if you can’t find a way to bring us together again will you please find a way to keep both of them safe.
He feels his father’s arms go around him and he turns and buries his head in his father’s shoulder and begins to cry.


Emily is trying to find the right words to say to Jason. He already has his battle mask in place. He won’t tell her how badly he is hurting. But she can feel it. His arm is still in a cast from when he broke it escaping the compound.
“You have the passports and the ID’s.”
She nods.
“You have the cash I gave.”
She nods again.
“And the numbers for the account in the Bahamas in case you need it. I’ll make sure it always has money in it for you.”
Emily nods. The tension is terrible. A guard has taken Jonathan to buy some candy for the flight. She can feel the tears begin to overwhelm.
“I should kill you for putting that tracking device in me when I sick.” She says hesitantly. Jason had told her about the chip he had had the doctor put in her. She had been horrified and upset at first and made him stop at a doctor to have it removed. “But I know you love me and you only did it to protect me.”
“You’re all the family I have left.”
“Please don’t say that,” Emily can feel the tears fall despite her efforts. “I can’t do this if I thought that was true. You have Michael. You have Mom and Dad. You even have AJ. Or at least you would if you let them get close. I know that the Quartermaine clan is not the easiest to love and sometimes the hardest to forgive. But they are our family. It would make me feel better if you would keep an eye on them and maybe try a little. Alan, Monica, and Edward can drive you crazy but they won’t be around forever and they are family.”
Jason looks at her. It is a lot to ask. To try to get along with Monica or Alan or Edward might be near to impossible. AJ, on the other hand, had been fairly decent considering their history.
It is a lot to ask. But this is Emily and he can’t refuse her. Not now. Not when he might never see her again.
He nods.
“Thank you,” she whispers as she holds him tight.
“I love you big brother.”
“I love you too Em.”
And Emily can’t stop the tears now.


30 minutes later Emily and Jonathan are in the coach section of the plane bound for Chicago, but Emily plans to get off at the layover in Dallas and not get back on.
She has no idea where they will go from there.




Chapter 20: Decisions

Lucky makes a decision about his future but is he too late?