Secrets Revealed
Chapter 13: Confronting the Past

Nikolas pulled his BMW into the driveway and took his
first look at the home Lucky had bought. The lines of the house
were sharp and modern, but the use of wood and glass for the
exterior made the house blend in with its forested surroundings.

He could hear music and laughter coming from the house
as he made his way through the parked cars to the doorbell.

He hesitated briefly before ringing the doorbell. What
was he doing here? What did he hope to accomplish? What
could he accomplish? He needed to talk to Emily. He was here
to see Emily. But for what? Retribution? Absolution?

He honestly didn’t know.


Inside the house, Emily was making her way to what she
hoped was the kitchen. She had gotten lost three times in the
house already, a fact which sent Jonathan off to his computer to
make her up a “map” of the house and Lucky to suggest they
simply start leaving a trail of bread crumbs for her to follow.

Sometimes the Spencer sense of humor was hard to take

She reached the kitchen and started to fill a pitcher with
bottled water when she stopped, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.

This was her home. That was her family in there. Her
entire family. If she listened hard enough she could hear them.
All of them. Alan and Monica trying their best not to fuss over
Jonathan. AJ discussing business with Edward , Ned, and poor
Michael was was trying to pretend an interest he obviously
didn’t have. Laura and Stephanie trying to play the piano which
Monica had decided they really needed, despite the fact that
neither Lucky nor Emily nor Jonathan played it. Still she had
seen Lucky eyeing it earlier and wondered if having the piano in
the house wouldn’t reawaken his old love of music.

The only ones missing were Jason and Luke who were
still in Texas, still trying to track down Helena and Katherine
Bell.

Emily still couldn’t believe that Katherine had tried to kill
Stephanie and almost ended up killing Maxie Jones. Felicia had
called Laura earlier to let Stephanie know that Maxie had come
out of her coma.

She can hear the laughter and the noise from the living
room and suddenly her knees feel shaky. For so many years
Lucky and Jonathan had been all the family she had known. And
before that it had just been Jonathan and herself. She had
resigned herself to never seeing any of her family again. And
now they were here. Even Reginald. The only one missing was
Lila. Although she had a feeling that somehow Lila was here too.
She couldn’t imagine Lila being anywhere else.

She couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

She felt a familiar hand on her shoulder as she was pulled
back against a solid wall of warmth. A sweet sensation shot
down her as gentle lips nuzzled her neck. “You okay?” He
traced a tear. “You’ve been crying?” Worry laced through his
voice.

Emily turns into his arms and relaxes against his
shoulder. “Tears of joy,” she reassures him. “My family is in
there. My family in my home. I guess I just never thought this
day would actually happen. Jonathan has aunts and uncles and
cousins. He must be feeling pretty overwhelmed.”

“Actually, I think it’s more like feeling pretty irritated.
My sister has not exactly welcomed him with open arms. Maybe
I should talk to her.” Lucky suggests.

Emily shakes her head. “Jonathan can take care of
himself. So can your sister. Whatever relationship the two of
them are going to have, they have to figure it out for
themselves.”

“Wise and beautiful.” Lucky kissed her gently on the lips.
“How did I get so lucky?”

“Remember that when I’m 70 and old and gray.” She
begins teasingly and then stops. Lucky pretends not to notice her
hesitation.

“We’ll both be 70 and old and gray together.” He finishes
for her. “And so disgustingly in love our great-grandchildren
won’t be able to stand it.”

“Now that’s an aspiration in life, live long enough to
disgust your descendents.”

“Our descendents.” He is about to say more when the
doorbell rings.

Emily hands him the pitcher of water filled with lemon
and lime slices. “You take this, I’ll get the door.”

Emily is smiling as she heads towards the front door.
There is something catching about Lucky’s confidence that
makes her think that maybe everything will be okay. Maybe
Luke and Jason will take of Helena this time. Maybe the
specialist will have a way of saving her and saving her baby.
Maybe the they can finally focus on being a normal family. She
opens the door.

“Nikolas?”


He didn’t expect her to be the one to open the door. He
didn’t know why, but he had steeled himself for an encounter
with Lucky. Or maybe even his son.

Instead she was there.

She was beautiful. The beauty that had been hinted at it
in the teenager had blossomed fully in the woman. She was a
little pale, but the hint of shadows around her face simply made
her eyes seem larger. Her hair was a soft shade of brown and
luxurious. She was still tall, but it was a graceful tall and not the
coltish tall of her childhood.

He looked at her and saw so many things. His first friend
in Port Charles. The girl who’s adoration had made him both
uncomfortable at times and proud. The friend who had been by
his side when his father had been buried. The friend who had
greeted his fiancée and congratulated him on their engagement.
The friend who had simply disappeared a few months later.

The girl he had had sexual intercourse with one drunken
night. The girl he had left pregnant and alone. The girl who given
up everything to keep his son safe from his grandmother.

The ally of his youth. The mother of his son. The wife of
his brother. The stranger in front of him.
“You look wonderful. I had heard you were in the
hospital. I hope you are feeling
better.” His words were smooth but his eyes were hard and
Emily lowered hers in nervousness.

“Yes, I am. Thank you.” Emily searched his face, trying
to see in him any sign of the young man she had once idolized.
She thought she could see traces, but the man in front of her was
mostly a stranger. A stranger who happened to be the father of
her son. Biological father that is.

“You have a beautiful daughter.”

“I have a son too, why didn’t you tell me I had a son?”

Emily paled. He sounded so bitter. She had done this. All
those reasons which seemed so solid at the time were beginning
to crumble. The only one she could hold onto was the most
important reason of all- Jonathan’s safety.

She held on tight to the door knob for support. “Nikolas
I”

“Mom, Dad wants to know where...” Jonathan’s cheerful
voice interrupts them
and turns a lot less cheerful when he sees who it is. “What are
you doing here?” He says contemptuously to Nikolas.

Emily looks at Jonathan in horror. She had never heard
her son talk to anyone in that tone of voice. She knew Jonathan
had met his real father in Texas, but no one told her that the
meeting was less than cordial. “Jonathan.” Her voice was stern
and Jonathan looked uncomfortable. “Nikolas is your....is a
guest in this house. I will not have you use that tone of voice on
him.”

“You don’t even know what to call me.” Nikolas
mocked. “Maybe we should settle for Uncle Nikolas....for now.”

Emily’s brown eyes flash. “You are Lucky’s brother.
You were one of my best friends. That will always make you
welcome in this house. But if you are going to be an *ss, than
maybe you better leave now.”

Behind his mother, Jonathan grinned. It made him feel
better to think that someone else found Nikolas overbearing and
obnoxious.

Nikolas sighed. “I’m sorry. This is just so damned new. I
don’t think I’ve had a chance to process it all. Seeing Lucky
again after so many years. Finding out that the two of you are
married. Hearing what my grandmother did to your life. I guess
I’m still reeling.”

He doesn’t add anything about finding out about his son.
He doesn’t have too. Emily hears the message that he doesn’t
say.

“Why are you here Nikolas?”

“Just to talk. Can we go somewhere and talk?”

Emily hesitates. It will freak Lucky out. But she and
Nikolas have a lot to say to each other. Most of it better said
away from anyone else She nods.

“I’ll grab my coat and we can go for a short walk.” She
turns to Jonathan. “ Wait a few minutes and then tell your Dad
that I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She kisses Jonathan on the
cheek. “Give him that for me.”

“No way. I’m not doing your mushy work for you,”
Jonathan says. “Maybe I should get Dad now.”

“Jonathan.”

“Fine. Three minutes. But you tell him you made me or I
won’t see my allowance for another six months.”

El Paso, Texas

Maxie closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillow,
listening to the music playing softly from the radio Felicia had
brought her.

She felt like crying. The pain that radiated through her
body every time she moved or shifted was hot and burning.
Worse, it had made her something she had long ago sworn she
would never be.

Helpless.

She couldn’t sit up by herself. She hadn’t even bothered
to try walking. She had the survival skills of a newborn baby at
the moment.

It was just so damn frustrating.

She had a life to get back to. A job. A home. A routine.
An identity. Now that was gone. Stripped from her. Lost.

Now she was a victim.
She would do it again in an instant. Stepping in front of
that child had been instinctive, part of the part of her dedicated
to protect and to serve. No matter what the cost.

God, Maxie. Admit the truth. If only to yourself. The real
reason you are lying here feeling sorry for yourself isn’t a
gunshot wound. It isn’t the possible loss of a job or a home.

It’s him. You lost him again. And it hurts as much as it
did the first time. Maybe worse because you know what its like
to try to live without him.

Had she dreamed his visit? Had he really been here?
Felicia said he had been a constant visitor while she had been in
the coma.

Was he here because of guilt? Or was there some other
emotion pulling him towards her?

She knew that she was still in love with him. She could
pretend to herself that it was hate most of the time, but deep
down inside she knew that she felt something for Jason that was
never going to go away. She might bury it and sometimes entire
days would go by without her thinking about it. But it never
went away.

She remembered that look in his eyes. The sadness. The
sense of resignation. All these years Maxie had operated on the
belief that Jason could never feel for her what he had once felt
for Robin.

What if she was wrong?

Would it make a difference? Would it change anything if
Jason loved her?

She sighed. She didn’t think it would. She couldn’t live
with Jason’s “lifestyle.” The danger didn’t bother her. She was
living proof at the moment that life as a police detective wasn’t
any less dangerous.

What she could not live with was the guilt. She knew
how Jason made his money. She knew the damage the Mafia did.
The dreams that it destroyed. The lives it claimed. Jason and his
partner Sonny Corinthos might be able to live with the delusion
that they were nothing more than unconventional businessmen,
but Maxie couldn’t. They made their money through illegal acts,
through prostitution, drugs, gambling, smuggling, rackets, etc.
Jason and Sonny might live in their ivory tower and designer
suits, but they were as guilty as the street corner dealer or the
pimp.

She knew that Jason as a person was honest and
trustworthy. But his business was built on deceit and secrecy.
She couldn’t live like that.

If she asked, would he give it up for her? Probably not.
Her father and Mac could help him, her father had enough
contacts throughout the world that Jason could simply
disappear. But he wouldn’t. He hadn’t given it up for Robin all
those years ago when he wasn’t in so deep. Why would he give
it up for her? How could she ask him to?

What was it that everyone said- if you love someone you
accept them as they are for who they are. Robin had been able
to. Maxie couldn’t.

She did love Jason. She did accept him for who he was.

She just couldn’t accept what he did.

“Maxie.”

She opened her eyes, half expecting to see Jason and
instead encountered her mother and Mac.

“Hi,” she said weakly.

“Oh Honey,” Felicia smoothed her forehead. “The pain
must be horrible. Did the doctor give you something for it?”

Maxie nodded. “Did they find Katherine?”

“Not yet. She seems to have completely disappeared.
Your supervisor says to tell
you that they are going to be very active in pursuing this case.
They’ve turned the Stewart murder investigation over to another
detective while you are on leave.” Mac said.

Another loss. “Leave?”

Mac nodded. “The doctors say that your recovery is
going to take a while. Your job will be waiting for you when you
are ready to return. In the meantime, your disability pay will be
in effect.”

“Maxie....” Felicia began. “I know you want to be
independent and strong, but you’ve got to let us help you
through this. We want you to come home to Port Charles with
us. Let us take care of you until you’re feeling better.”

“Nikolas Cassadine has offered the use of his jet to fly
you home as soon as the doctor say its okay.”

She had worked so hard to escape that town and now
she would be going back. She would be in the same town as
Jason Morgan.

Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

Maybe she was too tired and too much in pain to think
that one through. She did
have one question.

“My cat?”

“Yeah the cat too.” Felicia voice was soothing.

Maxie closed her eyes and nodded.


Port Charles
They had been walking for five minutes, a slow, quiet,
uncomfortable walk. Emily remembered all the time they had
spent together when she had been a teenager. Would she have
believed back then that there would ever come a day when she
had so much to say and not a clue how to say it to the man at her
side? Her life was nothing like she had imagined it would be like
at 15.

With Lucky and Jonathan in it, it was so much better.

She stopped and sat on on a fallen log, looking at the
stars spread over her. From a distance she could hear the sounds
of the impromptu housewarming and smiled.
Nikolas sat next to her.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Emily began
softly, shuffling her feet. “Lucky told me that he pretty much
told you everything already.”

“I want...” He stopped. “No I need to hear it from
you. The truth. All of it. For once.”

She flinches. A part of her says to let it go, to let him
have his little digs if it will make him feel better. But that Emily
had died somewhere during those early years on the run. Nikolas
needed to know that more than her physical appearance had
changed in the last 12 years.

“If you came to yell at me or make cutting remarks or to
say hurtful things,” her voice is quiet and intense. “then you can
leave. I have put up with enough abuse from one Cassadine. I
won’t put up with it from you.”

There is silence. He says nothing but he doesn’t leave
either. After a while Emily sighs.

“You didn’t force me to sleep with you. I knew what I
was doing. It was a stupid mistake and I’ve paid for it over and
over. I knew you were drunk. But when you started kissing me,
touching me.....it was like somebody was giving me what I had
wanted for years- for you to notice me. As something other than
a friend.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“Yes.” She looks at him sadly. “You were my first. I was
19 and I had had boyfriends but I was still a virgin. What
happened between us, it wasn’t the stuff of fairy tales. It wasn’t
what I had dreamed about. It just was. I woke up the next
morning and I knew that what I had done was wrong. So I snuck
out of your room while you were still sleeping. It never
occurred to me that you wouldn’t remember or that I would end
up pregnant.”

“You should have told me.”

“You should have remembered that we had sex.” Emily
shot back. “What was I suppose to say to you? You left for
Greece a wreck. You came back whole. I knew that Kimberly
was the reason. How was I supposed to destroy all of that for
you?”

“Kimberly would have understood.” Nikolas said weakly.

Emily looked at him. All these years and Nikolas could
still be dense about the feelings of other people.


“The point is that I didn’t get the chance to tell you.
About the time that I had worked up my nerve, your
grandmother started making threats. Scary threats. I didn’t know
what else to do, so I went to the one person I trusted who knew
more about Helena Cassadine than anyone else.”

“Luke”

Emily nodded. “I owe Luke Spencer my life many times
over. I owe him Jonathan’s life. You owe him Jonathan’s life.”

“He kept my child a secret from me and you want me to
be grateful?”

“He kept your child safe and alive and yes I expect you
to be grateful.” Emily almost shouted the words, then tried to
calm down. The last thing she needed was to end up back in the
hospital again.

“Tell me about Jonathan growing up.”

“What do you want to here?”

“His first words. His first steps. His first day at school.”

Emily relaxes. This she can handle. “His first word was
“bird”. We were at the park. I wanted it to be Mom but even at
that age Jonathan had plans of his own. His first steps were a
surprise. He hadn’t been practicing or anything. One day he just
stood and walked. It was like he analyzed the situation, figured
out how it was done, and did it. No errors. He didn’t really go
to school on a regular basis until Lucky came to live with us.
When it was just the two of us, we never stayed in one place for
that long.”

She looks at him. “Sometimes I look at Jonathan and it
amazes me that he’s turned out fairly normal and well adjusted.
God, sometimes it amazes me that he knows his name. He’s
answered to so many in his life.”

“Lucky said he killed a man.”

Emily closes her eyes. Even six years later she doesn’t
like to think about what happened in Mexico. She nods.
“Helena’s men. Your grandmother was holding me hostage in
Mexico. She,” her voice faltered. “she tortured me. Hurt me. She
wanted Jonathan. Still does. The bitch. Lucky and Jason and
Luke came to save me. Jonathan tagged along. Jonathan stayed
behind in the hotel and Helena’s men came for him. They killed
Sean Donnelley. They took Jonathan. Jonathan fought back. He
grabbed the wheel of the car and forced it off the road and down
an embankment. Helena’s man was killed. Jonathan would have
died if Lucky hadn’t saved him.He was six years old. He still has
nightmares. We all have nightmares.” She stands and walks a
few feet. He follows.

“I didn’t know. I swear to you Emily I didn’t know what
my grandmother was doing.”

“I know. “ She looks up at him. “Jonathan knows who
you are. Lucky and I told him a few years ago. The whole truth.
He’s never asked about you. I think in some way it scares him
that he’s related to Helena. You scare him. He doesn’t want to
be a Cassadine. And when you think about what he knows and
what he’s been through, can you blame him?”

“He’s my son. I have the right to have him in my life.
You took that right away from me. You took my son away from
me. You cost him a father.”

Emily slaps Nikolas across the cheek. “You bastard.”
Her voice is a low hiss. “You sanctimonious bastard. All you can
see is what this cost you. You haven’t even stopped to give a
thought to what you cost me. I had to leave my home. My
family. My mother. My father. My best friends. I had a child in a
strange hospital by myself. I raised that child on the run by
myself. We slept on the streets. We slept under bridges. We ate
in soup kitchens. We learned to flee in the middle of the night.
There was no security. No comfort. All we had was each other.”

“Emily I understand all that,” Nikolas begins but she cuts
him off.

“No you don’t. No one does. Not even Lucky
understands what we went through Jonathan and I. I would give
my life to protect my son. Ask your grandmother. She knows
first hand what I would do to save my son. Did you know that I
killed men to escape your grandmother? I took Jason’s gun and
fired. Lucky risked everything to save me. Even Jason and Luke
put their life on the line for Jonathan and myself. Where were
you? You were where you belonged with your wife and daughter
in the safety of Wyndemere.” She finished.

“I didn’t know. Don’t you think that if I did know that I
would have done things differently? That I would have done
whatever was necessary to keep my son safe.”

Emily felt defeated. Tired. She wanted her husband. She
wanted to hold her son. “I know you would have tried.” She said
quietly. “But not even you could fight your grandmother. You
couldn’t then. You can’t today.”

Silence again. “Look, all of this is in the past. We need to
figure out what what we are going to do now.”

Emily smiled sadly. “You’ve already decided haven’t
you?”

He looks startled.

“I can still read you Nikolas Cassadine. You’re hurt and
you’re angry. You think that Lucky has somehow stolen
something from you. Again. First Lucky had your mother when
you didn’t. Now he has your son when you don’t.”

“This isn’t about my relationship with my brother. It’s
about my relationship with my son.”

“This is about everything because this connects to
everything- its like one huge tangled web. Pull one string
somewhere and somewhere else it becomes unraveled. You want
to be part of Jonathan’s life. I understand that. I can work on
that. Even Lucky knows that you have a right to know your son.
The trouble is that you want to be a part of Jonathan’s life on
your terms. You want your son. He can’t be your son. Not the
way you want him to be. You can’t expect him to pretend that
the first twelve years of his life never happened. “

“I want to be his father.”

“He has a father. One he loves and adores and worships.
One who feels the same way about him. From the moment they
met, they’ve had a bond. I sometimes think Lucky fell in love
with my son before he fell in love with me. You can’t expect
Jonathan to immediately accept you as his father. Don’t make
him choose because you won’t like who he chooses.”

“Is that a threat?”

“No, it’s a fact. I’m trying to help you Nikolas. My son,
our son, doesn’t know you. He knows a name. He knows you as
Stephanie’s father. He loves his sister by the way. He doesn’t
think much of the way you’ve raised Stephanie. He thinks you
keep her prisoner on that island of yours.” Emily allows herself a
smile. “Typical Spencer reaction to a Cassadine I suppose.”

“Jonathan is a Cassadine.”

“No, he’s not. Not in any way that counts for him. Lucky
once told me that Spencers aren’t born they are made. Jonathan
is a Spencer. Although sometimes I see the Quartermaine
manipulativeness coming out.”

“I don’t want my son growing up hating me.”

“He doesn’t. He won’t. Your grandmother scares him.
He doesn’t like to admit it. but she does.”

“She wouldn’t hurt him.”

“She killed your father. But you’re right. Jonathan knows
she wouldn’t hurt him. What scares him is that she will hurt the
people he loves. Lucky. Me. Now his sister. His family is the
most important thing in the world to that boy. You tear it apart
and you will never earn his love.”

“Maybe that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Your choice. Your call. I’m willing to see to it that you
are a part of Jonathan’s life. But I will not allow you to do
anything that hurts my son, including taking him away from the
only father he has ever known. You try that and I will fight you
with everything that I am and everything that I have.”

“He would adjust.”

“No, he won’t. I wish I could make you see that. I don’t
know what to say to convince you. I don’t know if I can
convince you.” She sighs. “You can go to court. You can file for
custody. You might even win. You have enough power and
influence. But you can’t change the past. You can’t undo what
has happened. You can’t force that boy to feel something for
you that he already feels for Lucky. I’m sorry. I’m sorry if that
hurts. I’m sorry you lost Kim and the son you had together. I’m
sorry if the decisions I had to make hurt you. But you force that
young boy in there and you will regret it. You will never have
the kind of relationship with him that you want to have. I wish
you could just accept that and work on the kind of relationship
with Jonathan that you could have.”

“He might learn to love me.”

Emily looks at him sadly as she begins to walk away. She
turns around. “Is that what you want- a son who has to learn to
love you.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

Emily closes her eyes. “Then you’ve already lost.”


Nikolas doesn’t follow Emily back to the house and she
walks up to the steps alone. Lucky is sitting on the steps, waiting
for her. He is about to say something to her about the folly of
talking to Nikolas alone and the need to avoid stress, when he
sees her face. He moves over and she sits next to him, pulling
herself close to him to seek his warmth as they watch Nikolas
get in his car and drive off.

Emily exhales slowly and feels like she can breath again.

“I love you,” Lucky whispers.

“I know.”

Emily relaxes into the peace of the moment and her
husband’s embrace.

After a moment, the door opens and Jonathan comes out.

“Mom? Dad? Is everything okay?”

Emily smiles. “Everything is fine. Your father and I were
just counting the stars for
a little bit”

“Can I sit with you for a few minutes?”

Emily indicates the step in front of her and Jonathan sits
down quietly.

Emily gently touches her son’s brown locks. She loves
her family that is in her living room and she is thankful that they
are in her life again. But its this family, the four of them, that she
could not live without.

Please God don’t let Nikolas do anything to destroy this
family. Please.