Luke paused after unlocking the door and turned to his wife with a smile. “You know it just occurred to me that Ruby and Lulu are both staying on Spook Island with Nikolas, which means that we have the house entirely to ourselves.”
He opened the door and put their duffel bags inside and then turned back to Laura. “What do you say we just don’t tell anybody that we are home and take advantage of the privacy?” He leaned forward and easily picked Laura up and carried her over the threshold.
“Luke!” Laura’s squeal was barely audible beneath the giggles. “Put me down.”
With a smile, Luke complied but he didn’t let her get too far away before he pulled her close for a kiss that was deep and hard and left Laura breathless.
“Sorry to interrupt,” the familiar voice tinged with a deep sadness broke them apart just as the lights turned on.
Luke turned in shock to the familiar figure sitting quietly on the staircase.
“Cowboy?” His voice revealed his deep confusion and Laura found her legs suddenly unsteady beneath her.
“Lucky?”
“Yeah it’s me,” Lucky looked up his eyes lost and haunted. He attempted a smile but it failed. “I’m not dead.” Lucky said without embellishment.
“But what? How?” Luke approached his son cautiously, still not sure that what he was looking at wasn’t some kind of specter or hallucination. “The launch exploded. There were witnesses.”
“I dived at the last minute.” Luck’s voice is flat and lifeless and tears at Laura’s heart, squelching the rising joy she was feeling that her son was still alive. “I’m alive I guess that’s all that counts.”
“Lucky?” Laura’s voice was soft and gentle as she went to sit next to her son. “What’s wrong? Where is Emily? Does she know you’re alive?”
“Yeah, she knows,” Jesus he doesn’t want to feel it or hear it but Lucky knows there’s bitterness in his voice. He swallows hard. “She’s fine..no she’s not but she’s home. They both are. Helena had Jonathan but the four of us rescued him and now...”
“Wait a minute,” Luke interrupted. “Helena had Jonathan? What the hell happened?”
“Did you ever notice how close Helena sounds to hell,” Lucky noted absently before looking at his father and explaining in brief what happened in New York.”
“Emily went after Helena? Emily?” Laura’s voice reflected her shock but Luke shrugged.
“I should have expected her to do something like that.” Luke eyed his son. “But you said everything was okay. So why are you here? I mean no one is more glad than I that you are alive Cowboy, but if I had just come back from the dead to my beautiful wife I definitely wouldn’t be visiting my parents. And God knows I’ve had experience coming back from the dead. Not as much experience as your mother, but still....”
Laura shook her head at her husband and then turned her attention back to her son. “Lucky, what’s wrong?”
Hold on to me when your world's turnin' cold
When it feels like your life's spinnin' out of
control
You're hopin', prayin', tryin' so hard to believe
Hold on to me when there's no middle ground
And every emotion is comin' unwound
And you don't know if you can hold on
To your dreams
Baby you can hold on to
me
Lucky took a deep shuddering breath, briefly closed his eyes, and then opened them again to look at his mother. “She’s dying.” Just saying the words creates thes sickest feeling in his stomach and he wants to vomit, but he forces himself to go on. “I’m losing Emily and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose my child but God knows that I don’t want to lose her more. I want her to let the child die so that she lives. The child? My child. But I don’t care. All I want is Emily. Does that make me a horrible person? To put the health of my wife before my child.”
“Lucky slow down,” Laura’s heart is breaking. She has never seen her son in this deep of a despair, even after Liz died. “Are you saying the medication isn’t working anymore? The virus is still attacking her heart muscle?”
Lucky nods heavily. “She fainted in New York so she had Monica run some tests this morning. Monica....Monica says that Emily’s heart is going to continue weaken as the virus destroys the muscle. Except that nobody knows how long it’s going to take for the virus to do it’s work. Emily could make it through the next few months or she could die next week.” He feels a wave of coldness sweep over him at these words and shivers.
“And Emily won’t take the medication that could save her because it will kill her baby. The baby isn’t viable out of the womb yet either.” Laura’s heart ached for both her son and her daughter-in-law. “Oh Lucky, I’m so sorry.”
“How can she do this? How can she do anything that might take her from me forever? Doesn’t she know how much I love her? How much I need her?”
“Of course she does. She loves you too. Anyone can tell you that just by looking at the two of you together.”
“Then why? Why won’t she let them give her the antidote? Why?”
Laura sighed softly. “I’m not Emily. I can’t answer for her. But I can see where she’s coming from. She loves you Lucky, that has never been in doubt. But when you carry a child inside you, when you know that this new life has only you to rely on to keep it safe. It’s a connection that makes you put that child first and foremost. Always and forever. Do you remember when Lulu was sick? I looked at her in that crib and I thought to myself over and over again that I would switch places with her in a heartbeat. No matter what the cost.”
“I can’t buy that for Emily. She has a child who needs her.”
“That’s why she’s doing this,” Laura says sadly. “Poor Emily. She has to make a choice no one should make. Ever. It isn’t fair to either of you.”
“No it isn’t. I hate this. I hate this virus. Sometimes I almost think I hate this child and I hate myself for getting her pregnant and I hate Emily for choosing to die. I know I’m not being rational. But I can’t help it. I hurt so much. So God damned much. And I love her so much.”
“I know you do.” Laura puts her arm around her grown son and pulls him close. “And she knows it too.”
“Jesus. Emily.” Lucky ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “ I walked out on her hours ago. She’s probably frantic by now. I just..” He hesitates and looks at his mother. “How do I go back? How do I look her in the eye and tell her that its okay that she is choosing to die?”
“Monica said there was a chance, right?” Lucky nods. “Then hold onto that chance and to your faith and to your wife. Hold on and help her hold on too. The only way the two of you are going to make it through this is together. Whatever happens, she needs you to be there for her.” Laura exchanges a glance with teary eyed Luke. “And you know that your father and I will always be there for you. Always.”
“I know.” Lucky stands up slowly. “I should get going. I had one of Jason’s guards drive me here and I came through the back. No one knows that I’m alive except for you guys, Nik, Jason, and Maxie and it needs to stay that way. There’s a plan, but I’ll let Nik fill you in later.” Lucky turns to go and then stops. “Thanks.” The word is a quiet whisper as he leaves.
Laura turns to her husband.
“Luke?”
“Darling?”
“Hold me?”
“For as long as you need me to.”
I wanna lay down each evening
With you
right here by my side
I wanna get drunk on
your laughter
And wipe all the tears when you cry
You can scare me with your darkness
You can blind me with your light
Throw
your worries out the window baby
On your wildest night
Hold on to me when there's no middle ground
And every emotion is comin' unwound
And you don't know if you can hold on
To your dreams
Baby you can hold on I said
Baby you can hold on I said
Baby you can hold on to me
Scorpio-Jones Household
A little after midnight
Maxie Jones walks slowly into bedroom that used to be hers as a child and is temporarily hers again. She smiles as she looks around. If she closes her eyes she can almost see the Dawson Creek poster that used to hang in one corner or the Pikachu wall hanging she had to have one year. She remembers what it felt like to be 13 and have your whole life ahead of you. She’d always dreamed of falling in love and living happily ever after. She sighed. She’d achieved one of those goals anyway.
She slipped out of her heels and exchanged the dress she wore for a pair of flannel pajamas and took a brush to her long hair as she thought back over the evening she had just enjoyed.
And she had enjoyed herself. Nikolas was charming and sweet and attentive. A true prince. His daughter was a delight. They’d had an early dinner on the terrace and then she and Nikolas had gone for a ride on the beach in the moonlight. It reminded her of carefree summers spent at her grandmother’s ranch in Texas, nights spent camping out or that one year when she was 17 and convinced her grandmother to let her go on the cattle drive because she had a crush on the new cowboy.
She paused as she brushed her hair. Something told her that for Nikolas the night had more meaning than a beautiful ride under the moonlight. The kiss he had given her to bid her good night had hinted at other things.
Maxie sighed. She could fall in love with Nikolas Cassadine so easily.
If she didn’t already love Jason. If her heart hadn’t ached for Jason every minute of the evening. If she could only stop wishing that the eyes staring at her in admiration were blue and not brown. If she could just stop looking at Nikolas and thinking he’s not Jason.
She looked at a picture taped to the corner of the mirror. It was an old one of Mac and her mom and Georgie and herself at the wedding. They looked so happy. She hadn’t lied to Frisco. She had had a happy childhood full of laughter and love. She wanted that for the children she might have some day. She wanted a life that wasn’t lived behind bullet proof glass. She wanted a husband she could be proud of not one. She didn’t want to wonder whose deaths he had ordered or what he had smuggled or whose lives he contributed to the destruction of. She knew more than others the damage the mob did. People could write glamorized versions of it that made it look sexy and intriguing and somehow fun- the ultimate alternative life style. Maxie knew differently. And that knowledge made it impossible to live with Jason.
Just as it was impossible to stop loving him. She felt the cold chill of the evening even in the enclosed room. She couldn’t stay in Port Charles. She’d end up driving herself crazy or giving in to her need and destroying herself in the process. When this whole situation with Helena was over, she’d move back to El-Paso. She felt a familiar warmth press against her leg and she looked down to find her cat. She smiled at the cat and brought it to her lap, stroking it behind the ears and holding it close. “You want to go home too, don’t you?” Maxie crooned.
The sight of the phone on the desk caught her eye. She closed her eyes against temptation. One phone call. Just to say goodnight. Just to say goodbye again. Just to hear his voice.
With a determined shrug, Maxie moved away from the phone, turned on the stereo, and crawled into bed. Sleep would be a long time coming.
Emily sat alone on the deck looking
at the woods below, the chill of the evening
causing a shiver to run down her spine. The
moon was full and flooded the scene with a
kind of mysticism that made you believe in all
things possible. UFOs. Aliens. Love. Miracles.
Where was her miracle tonight? Was
this how her mother had felt after learning that
she had cancer? Had her mother sat and stared
at the stars in the Arizona sky and prayed for a
chance to see her child grow up? Had her
mother made deal after deal with God to
bargain for her child to be safe? Someday
happy? Had God answered her mother’s
prayers by sending Alan and Monica. She had
not always been happy being a Quartermaine.
She had not always been very safe either. But
even at the worst of the famous battles when
she had been in high school, Emily had known
that she was loved. Would her children know
this? Ten or fifteen years from now when
Jonathan stood in front of some young women
and made vows to love her forever, would he
remember how much his mother loved him?
Lucky would be there for him. And Nikolas.
Maybe she would even score the jackpot and
Nikolas and Lucky would be there for each
other. They’d mad a start this morning. Losing
her would be the worst thing that ever
happened to Jonathan.
And the baby. If the baby survived, she
prayed that it would be healthy. She prayed that
her daughter, she smiled when she realized how
much she wanted it to be a little girl, would be
blessed with the love of a father, grandparents,
uncles, aunts, cousins, and a brother who would
somehow help to fill the void caused by the loss
of a mother. Maybe someday Lucky would
marry again. She flinched at the idea of Lucky
loving someone else but she knew he probably
would. She supposed it would be selfish to wish
that he spent his life mourning her, even if she
had a crazy notion that she would spend
eternity missing him.
Jesus, Emily now you are getting really
morbid. You should be focusing on the present.
On what you have. On how blessed your life
has been.
“It’s not over yet,” A firm voice
sounded behind her and two strong arms
wrapped around her and she leaned back, not
realizing until she felt his touch how badly she
needed it.
“Lucky?”
She could almost hear his smile. “God, I
hope so. I hate to think that you let anyone else
embrace you at two o’clock in the morning.”
He kissed the back of her neck as his hands
captured hers. “I’m sorry. I should never have
left you. I never meant to hurt you. I just....the
thought of losing you makes me do crazy
things. I don’t agree with your decision. But I
love you. And whatever you need of me, I’ll
give it to you .”
Emily turned in his arms so that she
looked up into his face. “I’m the one who
should be sorry. I made a decision that involves
our whole family and I made it alone. You’re
right. That’s not fair. What you want me to do,
chose my life over my childs. I can’t do that.”
“I know. I spent all this time this
morning talking to Nikolas about the bond
between you and Jonathan and I never stopped
to consider that the bond between you and our
baby is just as strong.” He sighs deeply. “I was
so angry when I left here and I have to tell you
because I promised never to lie to you that
there’s a huge part of me that is still angry. But
I went to see my parents after walking in the
woods for hours and making Jason’s guard
completely uncomfortable. My mom helped me
to see your point of view. I don’t agree with it,
but I do see it.”
He was surprised when Emily suddenly
began to giggle and he frowned at her. She
quickly soothed his bruised ego with a gentle
kiss and explained. “After you left, I went to
see MY mom and dad at the mansion. Of
course I didn’t tell my dad about you being
alive, but I sat and talked to them for a long
time. They helped me see that I’m being selfish
at the same time I’m trying to be unselfish.”
“Emily you made a mistake.”
“No, I saw what I wanted and I took it.
But then I became pregnant and suddenly there
was something in my life more important than I
was. I grew up and I learned that when you
love someone you put them first, especially
when that someone is a small child who is
helpless without you. I learned my first lesson in
love from my mother when she died. She taught
me to value love when I found it because it
doesn’t always last. I learned my second lesson
in love from my son. That love means more
when it isn’t about what you get but about what
you give. The third lesson I learned about love I
learned from you. That its when you are the
most scared to believe and trust in love that you
should. I took a chance and trusted you with
my heart and with my safety six years ago and I
haven’t regretted it once.”
“Neither have I,” Lucky’s tears mix with
hers as he holds her close and whispers in her
ear.
“I realized tonight that if I turn my back
on this child, than I will be turning my back on
everything I’ve ever been taught about love and
trust. I have to trust that somewhere up there
God, assisted by my mother and Lila and Liz,
will see me through this. I do believe that the
love that you and I and Jonathan have for each
other can see us through this. But I also
realized tonight that I have to do everything I
can to fight for my own life as hard as I would
fight for yours or for Jonathan’s.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means a compromise of sorts,”
Emily says shakily as she moves away from
Lucky for a moment. “Alan made some phone
calls for me. Actually he made a lot of phone
calls for me. There is a doctor in Phoenix that
has been making tremendous strides in the field
of neonatal care. The biggest worry is that the
lungs aren’t fully developed yet, but this doctor
has had significant success with extremely early
babies. He has developed equipment that is
cutting edge to prevent respiratory infections
and even in some rare cases they’ve been able
to transplant a partial lung from the parent to
the newborn.” Emily shrugged. “I don’t
understand all of the work they do but Alan
said they were the best in the world. He called
and this Dr. Smith said that at 21 weeks the
survival is almost nil.”
Lucky let loose a sigh of disappointment
as Emily continued.
“But at 23 weeks the survival rate is
35%.” Emily finished.
“23 weeks but that means ....”
“Waiting two weeks. I know. It’s a
chance, but Monica said that it’s possible that it
might take this virus four or five weeks before
it gets worse.”
“It’s a gamble...”
“Not really. Monica said we can
monitor my blood oxygen levels and my pulse
and
heartbeat and all that. There will be signs” her
voice broke slightly “if my heart begins to fail.
It won’t be the same as a heart attack. It won’t
be that fast. They should have time to do a
C-Section and give me the medication.”
“Will it work?”
Emily looks out into the starry night.
“Probably not.”
He moves behind her again.
“What do you want to do?”
Emily’s voice cracks a little. “I thought I
was willing to die for this child to live. But now
I’m not so sure. I can’t turn my back on this
child, but I can’t turn my back on you or
Jonathan. This is a leap of faith but my life has
been a leap of faith and so far its turned out
pretty good.”
There is a long silence. “All right. We’ll
do it your way. Fourteen days.”
“You know I was wrong this morning.”
“About what?”
“I told my mom that it wasn’t fair, that I
deserved a happy ending for once.”
“You do. God, Emily you do.”
“But don’t you see.......the minute
you told me that you loved me I got my happy
ending. Nothing else, not viruses or Cassadines
or anything, matters beyond that.”
Lucky doesn’t reply in words, his heart
full to bursting and his senses operating on
overload, he sweeps his wife into his arms,
carries her to the couch in the living room, and
proceeds to make love to her as if it was the
last time they ever would, all the while knowing
in the back of his mind that it could be.
I wanna lay down each evening Emily, dressed in dark colors and
hiding her eyes behind sunglasses, sits in the
corner booth of Kelly’s having agreed to meet
Maxie for lunch.
‘You look like hell,” Maxie said
sympathetically as she slid into the seat across
from her.
“Thanks.” Emily’s mouth twisted wryly.
“Whatever happened to little white lies?
“They went out with the let’s be honest
with each other always movement of 2011.”
“I hated that movement.”
“So did I but when Oprah endorses
something, what can you do?”
“Run for the hills?”
“And then some,” Maxie muttered. “It’s
getting to you, isn’t it. Lucky being gone.”
Emily shrugged, trying to play the
grieving widow if anyone was listening. “It’s
hard. I haven’t slept at night since the
explosion.”
It was true, even if it was the loving
attentions of her husband that kept her awake.
Of course there were opportunities to nap
during the day, but there was also Lucky who
was pretty much going stir crazy confined to
the house all day. Thank God for the computer,
even if Lucky had taken to logging on as
Jonathan and surfing the game sites. She didn’t
care where he surfed as long as he stayed away
from the fan fiction sites. Those were too
dangerously addictive for her peace of mind and
at some point when this was over she wanted
her husband back. Nikolas came over for a
little bit each day, outwardly to visit Jonathan
but in reality the two men were busy planning
every little detail of Lucky’s funeral which was
scheduled for the two days from tomorrow.’
“Of course I think everything will
be easier when the memorial services are over
with and Jonathan and I can go back to living a
normal life.” Emily said.
“As normal as possible with the press
tailing the two of you.” Maxie pointed to the
cameras waiting outside Kelly’s, only the burly
presence of Emily’s bodyguards had
stopped them from coming into the diner.
“I know. Sly was sweet to write that
story as a tribute to his cousin but off course it
stirred up all this interest. There was even
something on Hard Copy last night.”
Maxie and Emily exchanged glances and
tried not to smile. So far everything is going
according to plan.
“Actually the reason I wanted to meet
you was that I’m meeting Nikolas and the
florist later at Wyndemere to pick out the
arrangements and I was hoping you would give
me your opinion. I’m not good at any of that.”
Maxie nodded. The plan was to put the
webcams in the floral arrangements and
Maxie’s expertise on surveillance would be
needed.
“Anytime.”
Now it was time for Emily to notice the
dark circles under Maxie’s eyes.
“How are you?”
“I’m okay,” Maxie evades the question.
Emily shakes her head. “It’s tough to
get over my brother, isn’t it?”
Maxie nods.
“I love my brother, but he has this habit
of trailing broken hearts and dead bodies in his
wake. Jason is a good man but he inhabits a
dangerous world.”
“I know that. Trust me I know that. A
relationship with Jason Morgan Mafia Boss is
not what I want to build my future on.”
Emily nodded knowingly. “But a
relationship with Jason Morgan the man...”
“In a heartbeat,” Maxie said simply.
Emily’s reply is lost in Jonathan’s
laughter as he and Luke come in from the
kitchen bearing huge hot fudge sundaes. Emily
has trouble distinguishing what kind of ice
cream exists under the hot fudge.
“Jonathan before lunch?” Emily looks at
Luke with a rueful shake of her head.
“It wasn’t my idea, was it Jonathan?”
Jonathan shakes his head even he licks
the hot fudge off the spoon. “It was all the ice
cream’s fault. Grandpa Luke was showing me
the kitchen and I was comparing the knifes to
Grandpa Alan’s scalpel’s at his clinic, when the
ice cream just started crying out ‘eat me...eat
me...’ so we did.”
“And the hot fudge and the whipped
cream and the nuts and the cherry were all
feeling suicidal too?” Emily asks eyeing her son
who is looking at her so innocently.
Jonathan shakes his head. “Nope. That
was Luke’s idea. The ice cream looked lonely.”
Emily sighed and turned to Luke. “You
know at this rate you are going to spoil him
rotten.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Cowboy and I used
to come in and sneak ice cream off of Ruby and
he turned out okay.” Luke paused. “I’m sorry
Emily.”
Emily smiled. “Don’t be. Hearing you
talk about him brings him back. You raised a
good man Luke. I only hope that I do half as
good a job with Jonathan and this baby.”
“You will.” Luke said simply. “You’re a
wonderful mother.”
“I’m not so sure I agree,” said a cold
voice from the doorway. “Good afternoon
Luke. Emily. May I offer my condolences on
your loss. And Jonathan how lovely to see you
again. I was so sorry when our visit was cut
short.”
Emily looked at Helena Cassadine in
shock, vaguely away of Maxie’s hand moving
towards the pistol she had carried in her holster
almost around the clock since New York or of
Luke moving to put his arms around Jonathan.
Emily looks into Helena’s cold eyes and for a
moment she’s in another time and another place
feeling the sting of the whip on her back and the
cold cement of the cell floor. With an incredible
feeling of deja vu’, Emily stands up and
approaches Helena and repeats the words she
said six years ago.
“Good morning, Helena.” She says in a
cool and detached voice. “What took you so
long?”
Next chapter:
The vows we made began to fade
But now they're gone
Put your pictures in a shoebox
and my gold ring in a drawer
I'm not supposed to love you anymore
Now Sherri says she's jealous
Of this
freedom I've found
If she were me she would be
Out on the town
And she says she can't imagine
What on earth I'm waiting for
I'm not supposed to love you anymore
Oh I shouldn't care or wonder where
and
how you are
But I can't hide this hurt inside my broken
heart
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never
fought before
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you
anymore
Now I'm writing you this letter
And it's
killing me tonight
That I agreed when you believed
It wasn't right
And I couldn't sleep up on
the bed
So I'm down here on the floor
Where I'm not supposed to love you
anymore
Oh I shouldn't care or wonder where and how
you are
And I can't hide this hurt inside my broken
heart
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never
fought before
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you
anymore
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never
fought before
Cause I'm not supposed to
love you anymore
The Big House In The Woods
With you right here by my side
I wanna get drunk on your laughter
And wipe all the tears when you cry
You can scare me with your darkness
You can blind me with your light
Throw your worries out the window baby
On your wildest night
Hold on to me when there's no middle ground
And every emotion is comin' unwound
And you don't know if you can hold on
To your dreams
Baby you can hold on I said
Baby you can hold on I said
Baby you can hold on to me
Two Days Later
The memorial service begins as the end
draws near in more ways than one.
