I lost my neclace. It was the neclace my dad gave me when I told him I was going to save myself for marriage. Of course I didn't mean that. I only said it so I would be thought of as the sweet, nice, thoughtful one. It worked. Anyway, I wore that neclace all the time. I'm talking all the time. I wore it everywhere. People saw it and they thought, "That Zac is such a nice boy wearing that nice neclace." It was a nice neclace. It was a pretty silver cross that was on a black piece of string. I know it doesn't sound like much, but even though I got that thing out of default, it was my most prized possesion. Sure, I was out having sex left and right, but my dad didn't know that. And the girls I was having sex with didn't know what the neclace was for.

So here I stand hoping my neclace will just appear before my eyes so I won't have to do any searching. Andrea, the girl I had been with, is sleeping silently . I wanted out of there before she woke, but to my dismay, the neclace had gone missing in action. The first place I thought of looking was on the bed, maybe tangled up in the sheets. When that ended up not working, I thought maybe it fell off the bed. I spent a good six minutes searching the floor of the tiny room hoping the neclace would just jump out at me. I couldn't understand the way it had just disapeared. Andrea and I had been kissing, and she kept running her fingers over the cross. I remember her telling me how beautiful it was. And of course she asked what it was for, and I lied and said it was for nothing. A small part of me hated lying about it. I felt like I was somehow betraying my dad, and in a way I was. I made a promise and I had no intention of ever keeping the promise. Rummaging through the discarded clothes on the floor, I wonder if it's too late to try to keep that promise. I wonder if maybe I should tell my dad I have been a bad son. Telling my dad I have sex though, is like a death wish. I got grounded for two weeks once, just for taking a sip of some wine. I never forgot that. But I was drunk last night, so it's not like I'm worried.

A thought crosses my mind about checking Andrea. She said she liked the neclace, and I had never met the girl before last night, she could be a kleptomaniac for all I knew. The neclace was nowhere to found on the sleeping girl. I silently cursed her. She was so hot, and had such a nice body. Her long black hair and deep blue eyes were what drew me to her, and I hated the fact that I wanted nothing to do with her after what we had done. But looking at her sleep peacefully, I wonder how I could ever keep that promise. I can't just leave her and stop thinking about her, but for the sake of my family, I know I have to. I decide to just forget about the neclace and tell my dad that I lost it. That isn't such a bad lie. Anybody would buy it. And since I'm a pretty good liar I'm never worried about being caught.

I leave the small apartment and head out into the cold New York night air. There aren't many people in the neighborhood except a few cabs looking for business. I hail a cab and get in telling the driver my destination. I get a "Yes sir," and smile to myself. It's not very often a fourteen year old gets called 'sir.' I like it. I ride silently in the cab hoping with all my might that I could just forget the girl and lie believingly to my father. My dad's a pretty smart guy, and even though I always come home late, he always has to ask where I've been. My missing neclace won't make him very happy either. I just pray he's asleep.

The thought of my brothers crosses my mind too. They don't agree with what I do, but I know that I can trust them not to tell our parents. They're the kinds of people who are saving themselves for marriage. I never understood that. I never understood how you could wait, when there are so many beautiful women out there just waiting. And what if I find that right girl when I'm eight-teen. I don't even plan on getting married until I'm in my mid to late twenties. I plan on having sex with that girl. I'm not going to spend five or six years just waiting till we're married. I just don't understand things like that.

The cab finally pulled up in front of my hotel. The door man Stephen nods his head at me and I smile hoping to God that he doesn't know who I'm with. I can't risk him telling my dad that I got back at three-thirty in the morning, so as I pass him, I kind of turn my head. Andrea crosses my mind and I get that butterfly feeling in my stomach. I hate that feeling. It means I liked it and I feel bad for leaving. It means I'm feeling guilty. Her beautiful face and her soft skin remind me. I want more than anything to go back in time and take everything back. When I took that neclace, back when I was thirteen, I would keep my promise. I can't stand all this guilt I'm feeling. It's like my conscious is finally catching up with me. I can't even fathom looking my dad straight in the eyes. I would cave. I would tell him everything, I know it!

I wait a minute or so for the elevator to travel to the current floor I'm on. I get on and press the twenty-sixth floor button. I'm thinking all the way up about my neclace, and my dad, and Andera, and every other girl I've slept with. Was it all worth it? Is this all worth it? I even consider secondary virginity. Could I do it? I can't go on feeling all this guilt after every time, so there really is no other solution. Except telling my dad. But then I would have to marry all of them, or something. I shudder at the punishment I could receive from my father. I even shudder at the example I'm setting for my younger siblings. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if one of them turned out like me. Would it be my fault though?

The elevator lands on the twenty sixth floor and I take a deep breath and let it out slowly before I exit. Everything is going through my head, and I can honestly say I am close to tears. I feel like I've been living this huge lie. I lie about everything, and I'm ready to stop. Just like that. I'm going to stop. I can't deal with the way I feel about the girls, or the way I feel about lying to my mom and dad. I can't deal with the way my brothers are judging me behind my back. I love my family too much to keep this up. I'm fourteen for Christs sake and I've had sex with more girls than I can even count.

Andrea again. Everything seemed perfect. I remember the way she ran her fingers up and down my chest, and over my neclace. The way she giggled when I would kiss her stomach. I took one more deep breath before opening the door to my hotel room. It was final. This is my last time till I've found the "right one."

I promise.