What do normal people do when they're bored? We have a two month break. A rarity, but we are taking full advatage of it. At this point, three weeks into the break, I am bored. I, Zac Hanson, am bored. I haven't been bored for four years, and here I am in my room, on my bed, thinking about what normal people do.

I used to go rollerblading when I was bored, but after outgrowing the skates, and outgrowing the pastime, I don't feel like it. Normally, if my brothers were here, we would go ride dirt bikes, but since they decided to get girlfriends, or whatever, I have been alone. There is nothing for me to do alone! I always do everything with my brothers! And it bothers me now. If I hadn't spent so much time with them, I probably wouldn't have this problem. Half the friends I had before we left for Los Angeles back in ninety-six, don't even like me anymore. They think I'm an asshole. Which is probably true since I never even took the time to call them and say hi. I regret that. Because now I wish I still had them as friends so I wouldn't be so bored.

Things are so different, it seems. I feel like everything changed, but I know deep down, that it's only me who has changed. Nothing around me has changed at all. But as soon as I packed up and left to record that first studio album, I was a whole different person, and I couldn't help it. How do you ask an eleven year old not to take all that attention to his head? I thought I was on top of the world. I had a record deal, and I had the girls and the traveling. But it all went to my head. I would make the jokes at interviews to annoy the reporters. I knew it was rude to make fun of them, so instead, I would make a noise or a smart ass remark. But instead of them getting mad at me, they all thought I was so cute. It didn't matter that in my mind, I was shooting them down. To them I was the cute lovable Zac Hanson. I was the cut-up. I was the back bone. I am nothing but a dick. And now I'm sitting here wondering what normal people do. How more arrogent could I be. It was like since I was the one getting all these girls, and getting all this money, I shouldn't ever be bored.

I still have one month left of this. One month of being bored and having nothing to do. In a way I'm resenting my brothers about it too. But why should I? At least they're out having fun. They got friends, and girlfriends, and cars. I got no one. And I'm only fourteen, so it's not like I could drive anywhere. My asshole side expects them to come and invite me to go with them. It expects them to offer me a ride to somewhere without me even asking. I want them to at least invite me though. I hate admitting this, and I always have, and I probably always will, but I feel left out. I feel left out by my own brothers! I should be grateful for this break from them, and as much as I am, I kind of wish I could at least go with them places. They're gone by the time I wake up! I crawl out of bed and walk to the kitchen to find dirty cereal bowls in the sink. The television is on in the living room and the blinds are open revealing the empty driveway. My younger siblings are running around screaming at each other to share, and my mom and dad are still unconscious in their room.

Sometimes I hate how my parents just expect us to watch the younger kids. They think that they're the only ones who need extra sleep. When I'm sitting in an interview talking about loving sleep, I'm not lying! I love it, but I never get enough thanks to the kids in my house. I blame my parents too, because they have the nerve to say they need it more than we do. They have the nerve to shoo me out of their room when I go in to tell them Zoe made a mess in the kitchen. I just wish they would stop fucking and become parents. But at the same time, I like the attention my younger siblings give me. Mackenzie thinks I'm the coolest person in the world. He'll sit across from me at the dinner table and ask me all sorts of questions about Sega World when he doesn't get to go. He asks me what my favorite color is almost every other day, and he follows me, even when I go to the bathroom.

I gladly oblige when Avery asks me to brush her hair, or when Jessica asks me to walk to the neighborhood market with her. I like being the favorite among them, but at the same time, I feel like they don't understand me. They don't see the side of me who has to get everything he wants, or the side of me who feels the need to publicly put people down. I hope they never see that side of me. I hope it remains a secret for the rest of our lives.

So when Isaac and Taylor leave, and don't invite me, I usually just remind myself that I am the favorite among our younger siblings. That's something they don't have, and something they probably never will have. But I still sit and mope around feeling like shit. I at least want to be thought of, and while I know there are a lot of people out there thinking of me, I just want to know if my brothers are. I'm not used to them not being near me twenty-four seven. I'm used to them constantly nagging, or constantly complaining. Sometimes when they're not around, I can close my eyes and hear it all. Every syllable that gets uttered. Times when Taylor doesn't feel like being nice to the fans, or when Isaac can't seem to figure out where he put his lucky pick. Things like that amuse me and they make them my brothers.

So when we have a break, and they go off to be with their friends (who they so nicely kept in contact with), I begin to wonder if all this was really worth it. Of course it's worth it. I have fans all over the world who adore me (It's beyond me), who love to hear me sing, or even just talk. They don't see me like this. All bored and shit. They don't know I sit around and wonder what they do when they're bored. They think I'm constantly playing my drums, or writing songs. I wish that was true. I wish I had the ability to just pull songs out of my ass like Isaac and Taylor, but I rely on them to put in their insight, and their musical skills.

Normal people . . . who like my music . . . they're hard to come by, but I know what they would do. I wonder if going up to my room and popping in This Time Around would make me feel any better? I get letters and emails from people who say that our music makes them feel good. I never understood how our music made somebody else feel good, but considering how good it feels to hear a finished, recorded song of your own, I decide to give it a try. The album is part of our extensive collection, although we rarely listen to it "just because," like I'm about to do. I finger the stack of CD's, and find it sitting nicely below Jonny Lang's "Lie To Me." I pull it out and look at the cover. Why didn't I look at the camera? It's funny how we choose the cover, but it always ends seeming like we could have done so much better. Taylor could have been in better focus for one, and I could have been looking at the camera. I searched my memory trying to remember what shirt Taylor had been wearing that had such a weird design. Nothing came to mind. I defeatedly open the CD case and look down at the CD. Our symbol, we have a symbol, stared back up at me. I opened the CD player and put the CD in. The fact I had a CD to even put in a CD player sent goosebumps to my arms. We were that good?

I pressed play and anticipated the familiar beginning of "You Never Know." The familiarity was stunning. I loved the way it sounded so perfect, and yet so simple. As Taylor's voice wafted through, I found my way to the bed and sat down. Even though I knew the lyrics frontward and back, I followed along with the lyrics in the CD jacket. I wrote those words. I helped make those words become a song. People everywhere listened to those words, not realizing where they came from. I don't even know where they came from, but I wrote them, and I was sharing that part of me with all of those people.

I did the same with "If Only," only the weird feelings had begun to wear off. I even put the CD jacket down and just sang along from memory. I didn't even sing my part, I sang the melody, which was something I rarely did. I didn't know what I would do if Isaac or Taylor walked in right then. How stupid would I look singing along to my own CD, singing the melody when I normally sang the harmony none the less.

When the lyrics of "This Time Around" wafted through I almost stopped singing altogether. I'm feeling older and I'm wondering why . . . Is that me? Is that what I'm feeling? I'm three years older than I was, and I'm all of a sudden realizing it. I heard them say that dreams should stay in your head / Well I feel ashamed of the things that I've said. The fact that I've been the biggest asshole to everyone hasn't even sunk in till now. When I was eleven, I could get away with acting stupid, and belching the alphabet, but now that I'm older, I have to act older and have that responsibilty my brothers have. I have to remind myself though, that I'm not them, I'm me. I'm a totally different person than them.

I shouldn't be bored. I shouldn't wonder what normal people do. I am normal. I'm just as normal as that guy in your math class who never shuts up. I get up each morning longing to sleep just five more minutes, and I do what everyone else would do. I eat breakfast, watch cartoons, maybe strum a few cords on the guitar. I even wonder what it would be like to have a real girlfriend. I'm normal, and I've been too big a jerk to notice.

You can't say I didn't give it / I won't wait another minute / We're on our way this time around.

Who cares where my brothers are. We're three totally different people and I don't need them around to have something to do. I am fully capable of finding something to entertain myself. Afterall, I've spent the last three years trying to entertain you.

And we won't go down.