For Orgy are essentially tireless connoisseurs of far more licentious and earthbound pleasures. And so, as the oblivious proletariat desperately bake their skin to blisters, Orgy relax in an air-conditioned 25th floor hotel penthouse with a convivial snifter of brandy, a vat of Max factor cosmetics and an unashamedly naked nymphet.
On this very day, Orgy have been informed that their debut album 'Candyass' has achieved platinum status by selling a million copies in their native USA alone. Later on, they'll face the tireless screaming of 3000 predominantly female rock fans as they unleash their awesome live assault on Boston's Avalon Ballroom. And finally they'll run the gauntlet of sex-crazed packs of souvenir-hungry stalkers. But for now, they're more than happy to reveal their darkest erotic secrets.
Orgy may serially scowl and smoulder whenever they're faced with an intrusive camera lens, but as soon as they're off the photogenic leash the quintet let loose a frenzied outpouring of abject filth. So hang onto your hats, people, for super-garrulous, spike topped guitar monster Ryan Shuck is waxing lyrical on his wide-ranging selection of fetishes.
"I've got a severe ass fetish, dude," he cackles. " I could just bury my head in an ass right now. And skinny girls? Wow!
"I just shaved my butt and I tried to suck Bobby's dick the other night, but he wouldn't let me. Even though I got the head in my mouth." "I took some funny pill," protests the two-toned-haired, drummer Bobby Hewitt - nè Fernandez - who chose to adopt the surname of his porn star wife Shane when they married 3 years ago. " That's why that happened." "He still wasn't letting me, though," Ryan continues. "I was fucking trying my hardest, cos one at a time I got it. He got his balls out on the bus and I lunged and got 'em!" Whoah! Too much information…
Before we delve even deeper into Orgy's unstoppable torrent of sordid reminiscence, let's inject a little historical perspective. When the band formed just two years ago, all five members had been active on the LA scene for the best part of a decade. Ryan played with Jonathan Davis in his pre-Korn combo Sex Art and co-wrote Korn's Blind. Bobby was a member of sub-Chili Peppers funk-metal losers Electric Love Hogs. Bassist Paige Haley worked in a series of anonymous LA scenester bands, and synth-guitarist Amir Derakh was a member of '80's hair-metal hombres Rough Cutt before he finally hooked up with charismatic frontman Jay Gordon to produce Coal Chamber's debut album.
Jay put Orgy together in 1997, and they signed to Korn's Elementree label almost immediately afterwards. Their first touring experience was opening for their label bosses' ' Family Values' touring package, where their self proclaimed 'death pop' - imagine Ministry covering old Duran Duran songs - won over enough eager converts to earn them 'Billboard' Chart placing for both 'Candyass' and their fearsome cover version of New Order's 'Blue Monday'.
Jay Gordon cuts an imposing figure. An unfeasibly tall man of few words, he is loathe to reveal anything more than the the sketchiest of details regarding his background.
"Let's not get into personal questions," he'll firmly insist when interrogated. "Was born in San Francisco and that's as far as I'm going. There's got to be some mystique." But cracks appear in Jay's carefully constructed wall of silence when you lace his questions with the dual elements of sex and rock 'n' roll.
Ask him when he first became sexually aware, and a smile creeps across his face. "I was probably three of four. I walked into the wrong room at the wrong time, and I was aware from that moment on."
Did you have any interest in girls at an early age? "Maybe in pulling their hair, but not in an sexual way. Being sexually aware is one thing, but being sexually active is an entirely different issue. That was later on. When I got to the fourth grade I started kissing and got into girls with lots of lip-gloss. That's probably where I got my lip-gloss fascination from."
Ryan Shuck, on the other hand, can't remember a time when he wasn't a bastard. "The first time I ever saw 'Playboy' magazine, I was like, 'Ooh, what's that?'. I always wanted comic-book girls. I lusted after then and used to draw them naked for lunch money at school."
With such a sordid background behind him, Ryan could quite possibly have been voted in The Man Most Likely To Find Himself In An Orgy in his high school yearbook. Not that his bandmates are exactly backward in coming forward either.
"Groupies are cool," smirks Jay. "It's not that I wouldn't be into them - it's just that you never really get the chance, because you're always leaving to go to the next town. You never really get to hang out." Ryan paints a somewhat different picture. " There's some over-doing it on the bus. We call it the Rave Bus because it's a non-stop f**king party. It's ridiculous, man." "People get scared when they party with us," butts in Paige Haley.
"Yeah," Ryan adds, "because we don't quit. We'll have 30 chicks partying on our bus for three days from city to city - and then it's just, like, 'See you later'. Some of us have girlfriends, but when we party with people who are even worse than we are it's fucking on. I like to drink , cause disaster, perform for everyone and do naked things."
You'd better believe it. Just prior to taking the stage in Boston, Ryan sprints up to Kerrang!, proffering a small token of his esteem. It is, indeed, his penis.
Orgy Love naked flesh, and plenty of it. When they're at home, they'll usually be found hanging out - so to speak - at notorious Hollywood strip joint 'Crazy Girls'. So when did they first discover the joys of voyeurism? "It would have been a peep show in San Francisco when I was about 14 years old," remembers Jay. "It was raunchy, disgusting, and I never went again until I was 18. It put me off for a few years." "Oh man, strip joints are a way of life," says the ever-retiring Ryan. "The first time, I was on a date. She took me to a strip club and I was like, ' Wow, that's loose!'. Now they're the places we go just to have a drink because we don't want to end up drinking with a bunch of fucking guys." "If you want to find Orgy in a city," nods Amir through his twin-tone curtain cut, "that's where we'll be. Chicks love strip bars and that's why they're good places to go. It's like gay clubs. Chicks go there because they feel safe. Then guys like us come in and destroy their feeling of security. They think they're safe, but they're not." "Usually you've got some stuffy-assed business fuck who's not getting it from his wife and he goes in there because that's his fake sex, " ejaculates Ryan. "That's cool - it's how my girlfriend earns money, so I love those guys. We're more like peers. We're performers too - and it sounds cheesy, but we always end up making friends with them. Cool fuck friends."
Have you any pet fetishes you'd like to share with us? "Pet fetishes?" asks a somewhat perplexed Jay. "What? As in animals?" No you're favorite fetishes. "I'm really into lingerie. Not a lot of it, just very faint bits. Girls and girls - I love two girls together. That's my big fetish. It's disgusting but it's my favorite. There's far worse than that. I don't like golden showers and animal sex, but I'm into two girls, definitely." "I personally like oil, water, anything like that," drools Amir. "You like being slippery?" asks Ryan. "Yeah, I love that shit. Sex in showers."
What about bondage and handcuffs? "No. that's too played out" says Jay. " But I love a girl who can take on that kind of freaky persona. The Cleopatra haircut, short bangs, black hair - I love that."Are you dominant or submissive?" More dominant than submissive," shrugs the singer," but if needs be I could play that role just to make the other partner happy. I'm not gonna argue with a girl with a fucking ball-gag and a rope." "Actually," Amir grins," I had an experience once with handcuffs and it was actually fun. I was coming out of a club and this girl handcuffed me, her and her friend. Hot chicks. I'd met her before, so I sort of trusted her. So I said ' Where's the key?', an she was like, 'It's back at my apartment'." "This could only happen to you Amir," complains Ryan. "And I hate you for that, man."
Of course, Orgy don't confide their assorted sexploits to the bedroom or the tour bus. "Once I was in this hotel room," recalls Bobby with a sloppy grin, "and this girl was flirting with me, but there were people in the room. So she took me out in the hallway, pulled my pants down, pulled my shirt up and started kissing me. She was like, " I'm gonna suck your dick." I'm getting a hard-on and she goes to suck it, then she looks up at me and just slaps it really hard! I thought it was so cool I didn't even complain. It was fucking hilarious."
Would you ever consider a bisexual adventure involving another man? "No" Jay asserts. "But Paige and I kissed each other for a 12-pack of beer. In California they shut off the beer at two, but these two huge girls wanted us to kiss each other. We weren't interested until they said, 'we'll get you a beer if you kiss.' We said, ' Make it a case.' So that was cool, we kissed each other but it didn't anything for me. Dicks do nothing for me, but girls work wonders."
Where do you draw the line sexually? " I don't think there is a line," continues Jay. " Somewhere close to death, probably - putting someone through extreme amounts of torture. Take it as far as you can go, I guess. As long as you're both enjoying it."
"I'm not down with pain," Adds Ryan. " I like to spank a couple of asses," offers Amir.
" Oh yeah," says Paige with open generosity. " Smack an ass."
"I've had a slapping incident before," ventures Bobby, the sexual cavalier. " This girl called me up, so me and my friend went over there. She was sitting on the couch with no underwear, drinking. She said, 'Come into the bedroom'. So we put the rubber on and started fucking, and she was going, 'Slap me'. I was like 'What do you mean?'. She goes, 'Come on, I've got cum - slap me harder.' That was totally weird I don't like hurting people, but she asked for it.
And so we reluctantly take out leave of Orgy as they stumble off in search of yet more orgiastic excess. After studying their press shots, you could be forgiven for thinking that they're totally earnest and entirely devoid of humor, but it couldn't further from the truth. Ask them to describe their fellow bandmates, and Ryan will simply replay: " Duck, duck, duck, goose." Jay, meanwhile, simply states that they're "the cast of 'Monty Python' turned inside out."
Before we go, Ryan has one last thing to admit. "My girlfriend worries about me," he confides. I've been on the road for seven months, inebriated every night, and then I got home and drink. And she asks me, "Are you an alcoholic?" I just say "No, this is my job!"