Lucky pounded on the door, banging his fist in a loud angry noise that echoed down the street. The neighbors across the street stopped and stared at him, but he ignored them, concentrating instead on keeping up the steady beating of his hand against the door.

He’d decided on the way over that he’d break the damn thing down if he needed to.

Luckily, he wouldn’t need to. He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the key that Laura had given him that morning. Waiting just a minute longer and hoping in vain that she would come to the door on her own, he slipped the key and turned it, opening the heavy mahogany door.

The townhouse was new and he could still remember the excitement in Emily’s voice when she had called him in Brussels to tell him about it. She’d been thrilled that she and Nikolas were buying a home, the fact that it was a spacious townhouse only a few blocks from the university where she was taking classes had been incidental. For Emily, the important thing had been that it was a home that she and Nikolas could create together. A place filled with the kind of love and security that had been severely missing from her childhood. The townhouse had three bedrooms upstairs and although one of them was being used for an office she’d had hopes of that changing someday when she and Nikolas had children of their own.

It had been raining in Brussels when she had called. He’d listened to her talk for hours, barely getting a word in edgewise, content to just listen to her voice. The phone call had ended like all of them did. She’d ask him when he was coming back. He’d make up some excuse about his job keeping him in Europe longer. And she’d accept it, although he had come to recognize the confusion in her voice as she did so. She’d ask if he wanted to talk to Nikolas. He’d say no, he’d catch up with Nik later when he wasn’t so busy. She’d say okay, tell him to take care of himself, and hang up. He’d hold the phone for a few seconds longer as if somehow he could hold onto that connection with her and then he too would hang up.

And somewhere inside of him he would already be waiting impatiently for her next call.

The soft hum of the television brought him back to the present as he entered the townhouse, walking through to the living room. He looked around him in dismay. The blinds were drawn and the room was dark despite the midday light shining outside. Dishes were piled high in the sink, clothes were strewn around as if someone had flung them off a merry-go-round.

His heart beginning to pound, his eyes scanned the living room even as his feet moved up the stairs towards the bedrooms.

“Emily? Em?”

He heard a muffled sound from behind the door leading to the master bedroom. He tried the door and banged it in frustration when he found it locked.

“Emily.” Somehow he managed to keep any of the sympathy and pity he felt out of his voice. “Em.” He yelled a little louder. “Come on. Open up.”

Silence. He shook the door a little more. “Emily Cassadine open the damned door now or I swear I’ll break it down.” A pause. “Come on Em. You know I’m not leaving until I see you.” Another pause. “I can be just as stubborn as you and you know it.”

Lucky felt the relief sweep over him in a tidal wave as the door opened slightly and a pair of huge brown eyes stared out at him, dark bruises beneath their gold flecked depths.

“Go away Lucky, okay. I just want to be alone.” She started to shut the door again only Lucky jammed his foot in it.

“Nope. I’m not leaving you alone. I made that mistake once already and look what happened.”

Emily sighed, a soft painful sigh that clawed at him but he kept his face impassive.

“I just want to be alone.” She repeated the words softly and he shook his head.

“No.” Without hesitation, he pushed the door opened and stepped inside the bedroom. His eyes flickered over the unkempt room, the closed blinds blocking out the light, his picture in a frame on the bed with blankets curled around it. Sympathy and something more lit his eyes. “You have to stop this Em. You’re killing yourself.”

Lost. Defeated. Emily sank to the bed and lowered her head. “Maybe it would be better.”

“No damn you we’re not doing this again.” Lucky was suddenly furiously angry as he bent in front of her. “We’re past this Em. This isn’t Cape Cod. We’re not going back to that again. You’re not going back to that again. I won’t let you.” Hands suddenly gentle stroked the hair back from her face. “It’s the last thing he would have of wanted.”

Emily shivered but kept her face downcast. “I can’t do this Lucky. I’m not strong enough. It hurts too much.”

“Bullshit.” Lucky swore harshly and Emily looked up as their eyes caught. “You- not strong enough? I’m not buying it Emily. You are the strongest person I know. You’ve made it this far Em God when I think back.....” His voice trailed off. “You can do this Em.”

She shook her head. “Not without Nikolas.” Her voice broke and she fought to control the deep shudders that went through her. “I need him Lucky. I need him to tell me its going to be okay when everything in me is saying something different.” Her eyes were intensely bleak. “I need him to make me believe again.” She interlocked her fingers tightly together. “I love him and he’s not there and I miss him and it hurts so God damned much that I......I can’t Lucky. I just can’t.”

Lucky reaches for her hand and instead of sitting next to her on the bed he pulls her down to cradle her in his arms on the floor. “Emily. Give yourself a break. It’s only been a few weeks. It will take time but you will feel better.”

“I thought....I thought I could handle it you know. I thought I was strong enough. Or if I wasn’t strong enough I could be strong enough because its what he would have wanted. I was okay for a while, maybe not really okay but okay enough to pretend that maybe I could make it without him. There was the memorial service and all of the legal things that Stefan needed me to do and sign. And then Jason and Brenda were here everyday and I knew I had to hold it together for them. Laura needed me to be strong and Lulu and you.......”

Lucky said nothing as his fingers gently soothed her. He should have realized, should have seen the signs that she wasn’t as strong as everyone expected her to be. He knew her almost better than......no, he amended that last thought. He knew her better than anyone know. Knew that she would do anything to protect her family and friends, no matter what it cost her personally. So why hadn’t he seen her need earlier?

“Don’t.” Emily’s voice cut into his thoughts and he frowned as he looked at her. “Don’t.” she repeated. “You’re not responsible for my pain and you don’t need to take care of me. Lucky he was your brother and you loved him too.”

“He would have wanted me to look after you.”

“Let’s just say that he would have wanted us to look after each other.” Emily corrected him with the first thing resembling a smile he had seen from her in weeks.

“Emily....” Lucky’s voice was soft. “What happened? I left to meet with my editor in New York and when I got back this morning Mom said no one has seen you since I left. You haven’t left the house. You haven’t seen anyone. Scott said you wouldn’t even see Jason or Brenda. They’re worried about you. Hell you’ve got Corinthos ready to tear your door down and I think everyone who loves you would be the right there helping.”

Emily closed her eyes. “I called Monica. I told her not to worry.”

“You told her you wanted to be alone. That’s not exactly reassuring.”

“I ... I don’t want to talk about it.” Emily struggled out of his hold. “I think you should go now Lucky. You can tell everyone that you saw me and I’m fine and there’s nothing to worry about.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No as in I’m not leaving. You’re not shutting me out. And you are not fine.”

“What do you want from me Spencer? My husband is dead okay. And I’m doing my best to cope.”

“This is not coping.” Lucky gestured toward the general state of the room and then at her. “This is denial with a capitol B. You’re hiding Em and its destroying you.”

“Don’t you get it Lucky? I’m already destroyed. Without Nikolas....there’s nothing left. Nothing.”

“You’re wrong. There’s so much left, for you, for me, for all of us. Nikolas is gone I know that. And it hurts. You’re right it hurts like hell.” His voice became soft and imploring. “But there’s so much left for us. You’re alive Em. That means there are things to do and see just waiting for you. Things that were and are important to you. Your family. Your friends. School. I can still remember how excited you were to get your degree. I know how hard you worked for that. For everything. Emily you built a life for yourself and you can’t turn your back on it now.” He reached for her but she stood still. “Nikolas wouldn’t want that for you.” A pause. “And I won’t let you.”

“What if I can’t do it? What if there’s nothing left for me? What if you’re wrong? What if it never gets better?”

“What if it does?” Lucky countered. “What if one day you wake up and everything really is okay, maybe not great but okay?”

“I’m scared. I don’t think I can do this without him. I don’t think I can do it alone.”

“You’re not. You have friends and family. You have me.” He searched for the right words and settled for grabbing the only words he could. “Em...Nikolas loved you. He loved you more than anything or anyone. A love like that.... it doesn’t just go away. It can’t. It will stay with you forever and because it does, Nikolas will too. You’ll always have his love you just have to hold on. Don’t throw your life away. You know he would hate that. He wanted your happiness above everything else.”’

“All I needed was him Lucky. Just him.”

“I know.”

“I keep expecting him to call and tell me he’s coming home. I keep expecting him to walk through the door. Or meet me at Kelly’s. I can hear his voice telling me that it doesn’t matter what I wear to dinner at Wyndemere or that he doesn’t mind staying home from a business meeting to help me study for a final or that its okay that I still sometimes wake up screaming at night and sometimes I shake so hard it’s like I’ll never stop. But most of all I can him tell me that he loves me and nothing else matters and I know that as long as he believes it it’s true.” She turned tear filled eyes up to him. “Why did he have to die Lucky?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” He reached out again for her and this time she closed the gap between them and he held on tight. “I just know that I miss him. And I believe, I really believe that it will get better.”

And as he held her, she began to cry softly.

Thirty minutes later, Emily came down the stairs having showered and wrapped herself in a soft terry robe. She smiled when she saw that Lucky had been busy downstairs, cleaning up, opening windows, and making the place feel...almost normal. Her gaze flickered to a picture of her and Nikolas at their wedding on the wall. Almost normal.

Gratefully she accepted the cup of hot tea he offered and sat down across from her at the kitchen table.

“How do you feel?”

“Like someone who hasn’t slept or eaten in days only a lot cleaner.”

“I think that’s good.” Lucky grinned. “Or at least I hope it is. I called Jason and he said he’d be by tomorrow to check on you for himself.”

“I’m surprised that he didn’t say he was coming by now.”

“Actually he did. Only Brenda told him that tomorrow was soon enough.”

“Good.” Emily nodded. “I love Jason like he was my brother but I don’t think I’m up to any more scenes tonight. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. Really sleep.”

“What happened Em? When I left for New York you seemed....”

“It’s like I told you Lucky. As long as there was someone else to take care or something that needed doing I was okay. But then everything was handled and his death, God help me his death was over and all that was left was missing him and I couldn’t handle it. Hiding away....it made it easy to pretend that Nikolas was still here. I didn’t have to hurt as bad.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“I know you Em. You wouldn’t have just fallen apart like this unless something happened.”

“You mean beyond my husband dying in a plane crash.”

“Emily.”

A long pause. “I’m sorry.” She looked at him. “I started my period.”

He stared at her in confusion.

Emily sighed. “Nikolas and I we were talking about maybe starting a family. I was scared and excited and terrified at the same time. What if I did to my child what my father did to me?”

“You wouldn’t. You couldn’t.” He shook his head. “You are not that type of person.”

Emily cocked her head sadly. “I wonder if my father ever said that about himself.” She shook her head to erase the thought. “Child abuse is a cycle Lucky. You know as well as I do that children who are abused often grow up to be parents who abuse.” She let out a slow breath. “But I loved Nikolas you know. I wanted his happiness. As scared as I was, I trusted him to help me be a good parent. So a few days before he left we decided to stop using any kind of birth control. We would leave it up to God or whoever.” Tears were streaking down her face and Lucky moved to her side.

“Emily you don’t have to go on....”

“I didn’t know Lucky. I didn’t know how badly I was hoping that I was pregnant, that I would have something of him to stay with me forever until I woke up that morning and I realized...I realized it wasn’t going to happen. Nikolas was gone. He was really and truly gone and I couldn’t bring him back even in that way.” She took deep gulping breaths. “I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t do a thing but just sit there and realize that Shakespeare had it wrong. It is worse to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Cause God knows if I had never meant Nikolas, never loved Nikolas, never been loved by Nikolas than it wouldn’t hurt so badly to lose him.”

And there was nothing that Lucky could say to counter that so he settled for saying nothing at all, merely letting her know by the pressure of his hand on top of hers that he was there for her.

Someplace

Nikolas Cassadine stared at the darkness surrounding him through the blindfold currently around his eyes. He had only flashes of memory for the last few weeks. He knew that he had been drugged, the vivid colors, the voices, the blurred faces, all of that had indicated that someone had put him in an altered state and then put him in this room. A room that as far as he could tell had no windows, no lights, nothing but a slot in the door that every so often food was shoved through.

Of course the term food was probably an overstatement.

When he’d first arrived, he could vaguely remember trying to get out and the brutal beating that had resulted. Still it wasn’t the physical pain that had stopped him from trying again, but the voice chuckling that if he didn’t play the game maybe his wife could.

Nikolas had been the model prisoner since then. He had to be. He had to play this smart and figure out a way out of here before they did anything to hurt Emily.

He’d vowed a long time ago that no one would hurt Emily again and he intended to live up to that promise.

Emily. He hated the thought of how much she had to be hurting. He wished he could somehow reach into her mind and let her know that he was alive, that he was okay. She’d be terrified for him by now, but being Emily she wouldn’t let others know how badly she was hurting. She’d try to stay strong all the while she was dying inside with fear for him.

God he loved her. He thought he had know how much he had loved her five years ago when that nightmare with her father had happened. But he had been wrong because how he felt about her now was so much more, it was like his love grew exponentially every day. That had been an eye opener for Nikolas, the idea that love could grow, that you could love someone so much as time passed. With Sarah, nothing had ever reached that first mad infatuation. With Katherine....well that hadn’t really been about love. With Emily it had been about nothing but love since the moment she had slugged him in her hotel room.

Which was why whoever had taken him had grossly underestimated the situation. Nikolas would do what it took, whatever it took, to get back to Emily.

No matter what.

He heard the squeaking of the heavy metal door as it opened and before he could respond, felt himself jerked to his feet.

“Get your hands off of me.” Nikolas’s voice was stone cold.

He could hear someone tsking even as the blindfold was torn off and the sudden flood of light made him blink.

“Is that anyway to speak to your father?”

Nikolas stared aghast and his voice was filled with shock, despair, and a sudden onslaught of fear.

“Stavros?”

Coming Next: Lucky helps Emily rebuild while Stavros’s plan for Nikolas unfolds. Plus more scenes with Jason/Brenda and Sonny/Karen.