Emily sat in the silent shadows, her arms wrapped around her knees as she curled up on the leather couch, her brown eyes soft and huge as they focused on her friend. They had driven back to Llanfair in silence and she and Jess had been closeted in this study together for the last half hour or so. She looked at the clock on the mantel and realized just how exhausted she really was. What a night. First there had been Nikolas’s revelation that he had feelings for her, than the whole sordid scene with Christian, and finally there had been the surprise kiss with Will. A kiss that she had wanted very badly while it was happening, but left her confused now that it was over. She knew that Will didn’t love her, but for those few moments they had been connected. She didn’t get it.

Emily focused her attention back on the clock. Now she had to deal with telling Jessica what happened.

“Say something.” She pleaded softly. When her words were met by continued silence she begged. “Anything.”

Jessica Buchanan looked away from the window she was intense staring out of. “What do you want me to do?”

“Yell. Scream. Ask me to help you cut his picture out of every photo album. Set fire to his Mercedes. Something.”

A reluctant smile crossed Jessica’s face. “Christian doesn’t have a Mercedes and some how I don’t think torching his beat up Datsun would have the same effect.”

Silence fell between them once again.

“I’m sorry.” Emily whispered. “I would give anything to make you happy. You know that, don’t you?”

Jessica nodded. “Don’t worry. Christian and I will work things out. He loves me.”

Emily sat up. “You are not thinking of forgiving him, are you?”

“Emily, you don’t understand.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand. I caught him with Roseanne. A few seconds later and we both know what I would have interrupted. Then he threatened me. HE THREATENED ME. If Jason’s bodyguard hadn’t come along, who knows what would have happened.”

“He wouldn’t have hurt you. Christian’s not like that.”

Emily shook her head. “You could have fooled me.” Emily took a step closer to Jess and then stopped, unsure of what to say or do next. “He’s a jerk Jess. And he doesn’t treat you like you deserve to be treated and you know it.”

“Maybe he’s treating me exactly like I deserve to be treated.” Jess said softly. “Don’t forget, I was the one who cheated on him first.”

“So that gives him carte blanche to cheat on you. That sounds more like the Quartermaine way of thinking than the Buchanan. Quartermaines forgive and take back and play this game of who can cheat on who the most. Your family would string Christian from the nearest tree if they knew what he did tonight.”

“They won’t know, will they?”

A long moment of silence.

“Not from me,” Emily conceded after a moment. “I may think you are crazy, but you are also and always my best friend. I’m not giving up and I’m not going to stop trying to convince you that you deserve better than a creep like Christian, but I’m not going to tell your mother what happened tonight.”

“Thank you.” Pause. “I don’t expect you to understand...” Her voice trailed off hesitantly.

“I don’t expect I will ever understand either. You are the best person I know and if anyone deserves to truly be loved its you. I hope, for your sake, I really hope that I’m wrong about Christian and you are right.” Emily stood up. “I’m going to go upstairs and crash. A lot has happened tonight and I think we both have things we need to think about. If you need to talk.....”

“I know where you are.”

“Anytime. You know that.”

“I know.”

Emily hesitated at the door, reluctant to leave Jess alone but at the same time recognizing that the other girl had had a shock tonight and needed time to think. Without pressure.

As she heard Emily silently close the door behind her, strangely enough it wasn’t the image of Christian and Roseanne that Jess couldn’t stop thinking of. The truth was that Jess really didn’t care that Christian had been about to sleep with Roseanne. She wasn’t jealous or hurt over Christian’s actions. She knew how the next part would go. Sometime tomorrow Christian would come over and apologize for what had happened. He would have some excuse. He’d blame it on Emily’s attitude or the alcohol or something. And she would accept it, tell him she forgave him, and then move on. Getting angry or screaming would require that she feel something and feeling something, anything, was the last thing she wanted to do.

Because then the pain she had felt when she had seen Emily in Will’s arms would come flooding back. And if she felt that pain, then it would open up the floodgates for pain she was desperately trying not to feel and not to remember.

Her mind wouldn’t let go of that kiss. What if she and Nikolas hadn’t interrupted? What would have happened next? How could Will have gone from professing his love to her just a few hours earlier to kissing Emily?

Because you rejected him, she conceded to herself honestly. Emily is sweet and beautiful and fun to be around. You’ve seen the way the two of them have connected since Emily arrived. Why shouldn’t Will fall in love with Emily? What did she expect him to do- pine after her forever?

Maybe she had. Maybe she hadn’t wanted him to give up on her so easily.

Moving quietly away from the window, Jess walked over to the desk and pulled out the bottom drawer. With a deep sigh, she pulled out a tiny silver baby rattle engraved Megan.

She sat the rattle on the desk drawer and stared at it in silence for a few minutes.

She closed her eyes against the sudden onslaught of pain.

How could she let herself give in to her feelings for Will? What would she do when he woke up one day and realized that she was to blame for their daughter’s death? She had had no right to put herself in a position where she would end up on a dark road where Dorian could hit her. Dorian had caused the death of her baby, but Jess had helped to make it happen. And one day, Will would realize it and he would look at her with condemnation in his eyes and Jess’s world would collapse permanently.

Turning the rattle so that it caught the faint tendrils of light that sneaked in through the window, Jessica blinked back the tears. Will deserved to be happy. If Emily could make him happy, than somehow she would have to learn to live with it. In the meantime, she’d continue to use Christian as a shield to keep everyone from knowing the truth.

Especially Will.

Emily’s heart was heavy as she shut the door behind her. Something was wrong, really wrong. Whoever that stoic stranger was in the study, it wasn’t the Jessica she had known all these years. The same Jessica who had offered to send Joey to Port Charles to beat up Nikolas after the whole Katherine fiasco.

The Jessica she knew would have been spitting fire. Christian Vega would have been dead meat. Instead of foolish talk of forgiving him, she and Emily would have spent the night plotting their revenge.

Something was off and Emily had little more than a week to make it right.

“Em?”

Emily looked up in surprise as she saw Nikolas sitting on one of the benches in the hallway. He stood as she approached and without a word, her emotions drained, Emily walked into his arms and let him hold her.

Nikolas bit back the angry words that threatened to engulf him when he thought of the kiss between Emily and Will that he had witnessed. Had he lost her because it took him so long to realize how he felt about her? He remembered what she said earlier and he acknowledged ruefully that falling for Will was decidedly uncomplicated compared to falling for him. Will wasn’t a Cassadine. Will hadn’t treated her badly for so long. She trusted Will. If he was a better man, he would just surrender the field and let Emily and Will be together.

He felt the warmth of her in his arms, even if it was comfort and not passion she sought.

He wasn’t a better man.

As if suddenly aware of what she was doing or the direction of his thoughts, Emily pulled away from Nikolas and he relunctantly let her go.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t be,” He looked at her in concern. “You okay?”

“No. Not really.” She sat down on the bench wearily. “Why are relationships so confusing?”

“I don’t know.” Nikolas sat down next to her. “Maybe because we are human. It takes us a while sometimes to figure out what we want.”

“My mother’s having an affair,” Emily said softly, the words hanging in the air between them. “One of the doctors at the hospital I think. It doesn’t matter who. She’s doing it because my dad had an affair. He’ll have another one when he finds out about her current one.”

“Emily..”

Emily shook her head. “Let me finish. My parents I don’t think they know any better. But Jessica? I told her that I found Christian making love to Roseanne in the bushes. I told her that he threatened me. I told her every detail of the whole ugly and sordid scene and it doesn’t matter to her. How can it not matter when the person you love is making love to somebody else? When I found you and Katherin-” Emily stopped herself. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but Jessie. She doesn’t love him. I know she doesn’t love him. If she loved him, we’d be hearing expensive vases breaking in that room. So why does she stay with him when she doesn’t love him?”

Christian had threatened Emily? Nikolas vowed to find out from Will exactly what had happened and soon. He forced himself to focus on Emily’s words to offer her comfort and sympathy, to show her how supportive he could be.“ Why do you stay with Juan?”

Emily drew back from him in shock.

So much for support and comfort Nikolas thought to himself ruefully.

“Juan and I are different than Christian and Jessica.”

“Are you?” Nikolas plunged in. “Maybe Juan didn’t sleep with someone else, but you are no more in love with him that Jessica is with Christian. Maybe Jessica is like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe Jessica is holding on to Christian because he’s safe and allowing yourself to really love someone is the scariest feeling in the world.” Nikolas reached up touch her cheek gently. “Maybe Jess needs someone to hold her and tell her its okay to be scared but love is worth the risk.”

“Nikolas I..”

“Don’t. It’s okay. I know you are tired and I know that the last thing you need is pressure from me. I just..” He closed his eyes briefly in remembered pain. “Seeing you with Will tonight made me see that I don’t just think I’m falling in love with you. I am in love with you and I have been for a long time. Maybe forever and I was just too stupid to realize it. If what you felt when you saw me with Katherine or with Liz was anything like what I felt tonight, than I don’t blame you for being afraid. I want you to know that I’m scared too, I’ve never felt like this before. I know that’s hard for you to believe, but I need you to know that that is the truth.”

Nikolas took a deep breath. “I also want you to know that I’m not giving up. Not on you and not on the possibility of an us. If I have to stand by and watch you kiss a thousand other guys before you realize that I’m the only one you will ever love, than I will. God knows you waited for me long enough, now its my turn to wait for you. Only I’m not as patient. I’m going to do everything I can to make you see that I’m not the only here who’s falling in love. ” Nikolas’s eyes sparkled with both the challenge and the feeling that provoked it. “Prepare to be courted Emily Quartermaine.” He finished softly.

Emily stared into Nikolas eyes. Did she dare believe him? God she wanted to. She wanted a future with this man so much she could taste it. However she could also taste the bitter fear.

She closed her eyes and was about to reply when a voice from the top of the stairwell interrupted them. “Sorry Nik old man. I do believe she’s already taken.” Juan said from the top of the staircase.

Will sat on the marble bench in the cold night air. His mind a mass of confused thoughts that he had given up trying to sort out 30 minutes ago.

He loved Jess. And before tonight, before she had rejected him, he could have sworn that she had loved him too. He’d always seen Christian as her security blanket, as the shield she kept between herself and the rest of the world.

A few hours ago she had chosen that shield over him.

And that fact hurt worse than he had ever imagined that it could.

He dug his hands deeper in his pocket to hold off the cold as his breath formed small ice crystals in the air in front of him.

He looked over at the tombstone and felt that old familiar pain flow through him.

Funny how he had been prepared for fatherhood to change his life, but he could never have foreseen what it would really do to his life. Nothing after Megan was the same as it had been before her coming into his life. Megan had helped him to grow up, to accept responsibility, and to learn to put others before himself.

Most of all Megan had led him to Jessica in ways that he had never thought of before. Jessica had gone from a good friend who he was deeply sorry he had gotten pregnant to someone who he wanted to spend his life with.

He drew in a sharp breath. Even after the dream of Megan had died, the dream of Jessie and their future together had persisted. She said she loved Christian, said it over and over again, yet Will had always expected the day to come when she would turn around and realize how much more she loved him.

Tonight had been the first time it had ever hit him that that day might not come. Tonight he had realized that in this battle at least, he might not win. He could still remember the sick feeling in his gut when she had chosen Christian.

He couldn’t even count on Emily’s telling her what had transpired to change her mind. Jessica had proven time and time again that she could turn a blind eye to Christian’s fault.

And then there was the small matter of her having seen him kiss Emily.

He stared at the etched tombstone. The kiss was not something he wanted to think about too deeply. Emily didn’t love him and he didn’t love her, but he liked her and respected her and for those few minutes they had needed each other.

When had life gotten so complicated? He loved Jess. Why couldn’t she just love him back?

Knowing that if there was an answer, he wouldn’t find it here, Will laid the flowers he had stopped to by at the local supermarket on the frozen snow in front of the tombstone before quietly walking away.