Christmas Miracle Ch. 9


Emily wondered vaguely why she felt so warm when she was only wearing a light sweater and a layer of snow blanketed the ground surrounding the path they walked on. She shivered slightly as the answer came to her.

“Are you cold?” Nikolas asked, concern apparent in his voice even as his hand landed on the small of her back to turn her to face him.

She shook her head, momentarily unable to think clearly enough to formulate a sentence as she found herself feeling lost in the depths of his eyes.

Nikolas smiled because he could
tell beneath the confused bewilderment in her eyes that she felt it too, the growing attraction between them, the need to touch, the need to share. God, why had he been so blind so long?

His eyes were wide open now.

He heard a hammering and was surprised to find that it was his heart, beating rapidly.

It was a distinct rhythm from the sounds of the music from the dance floor that filtered out to the gardens.

Emily took a step back, hoping that the slight distance would slow down whatever it was that was happening here. She took a deep breath and let it go shakily.

“It’s beautiful out here,” she whispered as she forced herself to turn away from his eyes and look out at the garden below them.

Nikolas closed the distance between them, so that he was directly behind her. His breath warm on the back of her neck and sending shivers of awareness radiating throughout her.

“It doesn’t quite equal Lila’s rose garden though,” Somehow Nikolas kept his voice casual and even, so afraid that if he gave in to the thoughts running rampant through his mind and lodging in his heart that he would scare her. Hell, he scared himself.

“Nothing equals Lila’s rose garden,” Emily was grateful for the distraction conversation provided as she found her hands holding onto marble railing in front of her, partly to keep her up, partly to keep them away from touching him.

There goes any illusion she might still have that Nikolas was part of her past.

“Although the gardens at Wyndemere are a close second. Or at least they were when I saw them last spring.”

He inhaled her scent and it etched into his memory as he tried to follow the conversation. “Has it been that long?” he asked in wonder. Had they drifted that far apart. If he had his way, they would never be further apart than they were at this moment. In fact, if wishes came true someday they would be a lot closer than this. He clenched his jaw at the rising tide of desire that thought brought.

He imagine her nod. “You moved into the cottage and....”

Her voice slipped away as she remembered why he had moved into that cottage.

“There was Katherine.” He finished softly, hating to destroy this minute with her name but knowing that they needed to get this out in the open.

She closed her eyes, wondering how a pain so old could feel so new.

“Yes.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Nikolas grasped her around the waist and turned her so that he could see her eyes and he gently reached up and wiped a tear that was just beginning to form.

“I’m sorry,” His voice was low and somber and filled with just a trace of self-hate. “I’m sorry that I was stupid enough and immature enough to be tangled up with Katherine but I’m even more sorry that you got hurt by it. I would never willingly hurt you.” He swallowed. “Hurting you is the last thing I want to do.”

“It’s okay Nikolas,” she started to repeat the old lines from memory but he stopped her.

“No, it’s not.” His voice was firm as he gently forced her to look up at him. “All this time I thought I was so mature and grown up and I only saw you as a kid. Sweet. Charming. Someone to talk to and laugh with, but still just a kid.”

“I know. Your little sister.”

“I was wrong. You’re not just a kid, you never were. Ever since I’ve known you you’ve been one of the most mature and level headed people in my life. You would have seen through Katherine, hell you did see through her while all I could think with was...well we both know what I was thinking with, don’t we? The point is Em that if one of us was immature and needed to grow up, it wasn’t you- it was me. You were fifteen going on thirty and I never saw it. There I was so sure of myself as the adult but the truth is that this whole last year or so I’ve been acting like a spoiled little boy. I hurt the people I cared the most about over and over. My father. My mother. You. I don’t know enough ways to say I’m sorry,” he finished softly. “All I can do is hope that you will forgive me.”

Emily closed her eyes against the rush of emotion and when she opened them all she could see was Nikolas, standing in silence and waiting for her benediction. She nodded. “It’s okay Nikolas, we will always be friends. Always.” She even managed to smile as she said it, determined not to break until she was alone. Away from him. She started to head back to the dining room when he stopped her, not with his body but with his words.

“I want more than friendship from you Emily Quartermaine.”

She must have heard him wrong. She stopped, but made no move to turn back to him.

“I want a chance to win your heart.”

Oh God, she hadn’t misheard him. She turned back to him. “What did you say?”


He smiled, trying not to think about what was at stake. What if she didn’t believe him? What if he’d hurt her so badly in the past that she wasn’t willing to give him another chance?

“You heard me,” His voice was just loud enough to reach her but not carry any further. “I want a chance with you.”

“Liz?”

“Another mistake. We broke up before I came to Llanview, that’s what I was trying to tell you this morning.”

“You loved her?”

“No I didn’t and she didn’t love me. Not really. Not the way I want to be loved.” Nikolas ran a hand through his hair, wondering how he could explain it in a way that she would understand and not hate him for. “It wasn’t about us loving each other, but in our own ways it was about us loving Lucky. God, Em I know this sounds crazy but I don’t know how to explain it any better. I missed miss Lucky so much. He was my brother but we never really had the chance to be brothers. We were enemies strangers and finally in the end friends I think, but never brothers. But I loved him like a brother and when he ......died, there was so much guilt inside of me because he was dead and I was alive. The only way I knew to handle that guilt was to take care of the things he cared about--- our mother, our sister, and Liz. I wanted to give her what Lucky would have given her if he was alive- a reason to smile, a reason to hope, something to look forward to. I told myself I was in love with her because I knew that he had been.” Nikolas expelled a deep breath. “I had so much to make up to him for. The way I treated him when I came to Port Charles. The way I hated him for so long. The way my coming into his life destroyed it. Spending my life making believe that I was in love with Liz seemed a small price to pay.”

“What happened?”

“You happened. You were my reality Emily. I saw in your eyes what I was doing and I couldn’t pretend anymore. I will always have regrets about Lucky but I can’t live my life out of guilt. It’s not fair to me. And it’s not fair to Liz.” He didn’t add that he had his own suspicions about Liz falling for someone else. Time would tell on that one.

She couldn’t hold herself aloof from his pain and she closed the distance between the two of them. “You are wrong, you know. You and Lucky were brothers in the end. Anyone who saw the two of you together could tell how much you cared for each other.”

“Whatever relationship Lucky and I had was because of you. Did I ever thank you for giving me my brother?”

Too full of tears to speak, Emily shook her head.

“I should have.” He pulled her into his arms, knowing that she was there to comfort him didn’t lessen the sense of satisfaction he felt one bit.

After a moment, he couldn’t resist the temptation and he drew back until he could see into her eyes, and what he saw there was a reflection of the need and desire that he knew were in his. With his heart catching in his throat, he bent forward to kiss her gently on the lips.

For one glorious moment, she returned his kiss and his world shattered around him until nothing existed but her.

Then he didn’t even have that.

He looked up as she pushed him away and took a few steps back.

“Em?”

She shook her head furiously. “I can’t do this. You don’t have the right to do this to me. Do you know how badly you hurt me? How long it took me to get over you? How many nights I cried? You can’t come waltzing into my life and expect me to be your lover when you haven’t even been my friend for the last six months. I can’t do this,” she repeated the words firmly even as she avoided his eyes and fought every instinct that told her to run back into his arms before he changed his mind again. That was what she was most afraid of, that he would change his mind. “I’m getting off the merry-go-round Nikolas, once and for all. I can’t let you hurt me again. I won’t let you hurt me again.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Of course you would. You always do. Maybe you wouldn’t mean to and maybe you would be sorry, but the end result would be the same.”

“Emily there are no guarantees and you know it.”

“You’re right. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to hurl myself into the path of an oncoming train.” She took a deep breath, trying to sound more sure of herself than she felt. “It’s too late, Nikolas. I’ve moved on. I love Juan.”

“No you don’t. You can try to lie to me but you can’t lie to yourself. Whatever you and Juan had is over and if he wasn’t doing his damnest to avoid you you would have told him so yourself.”

“My relationship with Juan is none of your business.”

Nikolas could feel himself growing desperate as his worst nightmare came to life. His stupidity was costing him a chance at the only real relationship he had ever wanted.

“Emily don’t do this. Don’t turn your back on what we could have in the future because I made some stupid mistakes in the past. I hurt you. I know that. But don’t punish both of us for the rest of our lives because of it.”

“The rest of our lives? Nikolas with your track record you’ll find a new love in time for Valentine’s Day.” Emily’s words hung in the air as the two of them stared at each other for a long moment, before Emily gave in to her cowardice and ran down the steps from the terrace losing herself in the dark of the gardens below.

A few minutes later, Emily found herself sitting alone in the suddenly cold darkness on a marble bench, her mind a whirlwind of confusion and doubt.

He had sounded so sincere. So honest. So much how she had always wanted him to sound.

Nikolas Cassadine said he had feelings for her. Nikolas Cassadine wanted her to give him a chance. Nikolas Cassadine wanted them to be more than friends.

The thought was mind blowingly numbing.

How was one supposed to react
when the dream you had long since stopped believing in suddenly came true?

Part of her wanted to believe him. Part of her wanted to be in his arms, to continue that kiss that had been so much more than any kiss Juan had given her. But the bigger part of her kept relieving that moment when she had opened the door and seen him with Katherine. The two of them naked. Their bodies entangled.

How could she have still loved him after that? Why didn’t she have the sense to stop loving him?

How can you love someone you don’t trust to love you forever? And how do you rebuild a trust that was shattered in a thousand different pieces?

You didn’t. She took a deep breath and tried to slow her heart beat. She couldn’t go back to loving Nikolas again.

Go back? When did you stop?

I love Juan.

Right. Like you love the beach or like you love daffodils in the spring.

Never, not for one moment, have you ever felt about Juan the way you feel about Nikolas.

And I’ve never cried so hard over Juan either.

Love means getting hurt. She knew that from her parents marriage. She never doubted that Alan and Monica loved each other. Just like she never doubted that they no longer trust each other. And lately she had gotten the sick feeling that their latest and longest period of fidelity was over.

Even people she had thought would love each other forever, never did. Lucky’s parents. Jason and Robin. Sonny and Brenda. Loving each other hadn’t stopped them from hurting each other.

Maybe people were better off without love, maybe the grand passion she had dreamed about was just an illusion.

Robin Hood was just a movie. Kevin Costner just an actor reciting lines. Maybe it was time she grew up and learned that that kind of love didn’t exist or if it did it never lasted.

Maybe she had been wrong.

But what if she had been right? What if, just what if, she and Nikolas could have that kind of love. Wasn’t it worth the chance to catch a ride on a comet?

Comets crash and burn. She
shivered as the cold night air creeped into her.

Face the facts Emily. You can’t trust Nikolas to love you forever. And you couldn’t survive losing him again, especially after having really had him.

The answer was clear.

She just wished it was different.

She turned and made her away back down the path, when she heard a
noise coming from the bushes.

Thinking it was a lost and wounded animal, Emily pushed aside the bushes and stared in horror at Christian and Roseanne together, obviously in the middle of making love.

Deja vu, she thought to herself clamping down the mild hysteria that was rapidly forming.

“Sorry,” she said coldly as Christian and Roseanne broke apart, Christian looking angry and guilty while Roseanne looked just smug. “I thought I heard a wounded animal but now I can see it was only a stray dog and his bitch.”

She turned to walk away from the disgusting scene when she heard Christian behind her and felt his arm on her shoulder stopping her.

She didn’t look back. He wasn’t worth the effort. “Let go of me.”

His grip tightened almost painfully, but she didn’t cry out. She almost welcomed the twisted scene to get her mind off of Nikolas. Almost.

“You can’t tell Jessica what you saw.”

“Are you referring to the lovely gardens or the fact that you were f***ing your old girlfriend when you should have been dancing with the woman you claim to love.”

“I do love Jessica.”

“In your own demented way, I think you do. But Jessica is one of the best people I know and she deserves better than a creep like you.”

“You tell her and I’ll deny it. I’ll tell her your jealous and that you came on to me.”

“Hello? Who do you think you are talking to? If that was a threat I’ve made better ones in my sleep? As for who Jess will believe, I don’t think that’s to difficult to figure out.”

“Why you little rich snob,” Christian grabbed Emily and pushed her up against a bush. “You have no idea who you are messing with. If you know what’s good for you, you will keep your mouth shut and forget that you ever saw Roseanne and I together or I will make you miserable.”

“Too late,” Emily didn’t back down an inch. “I’m already miserable and I intend to see to it that Jess drops you faster than you can say loser and sends you running back to your little slut.” She shifted her eyes from Christian’s angry ones to Roseanne’s smirk. “At least a prostitute gets paid for her services. You’re stupid enough to give it away free.”

“You haven’t a clue what you are talking about. Roseanne and I are old friends.”

“Right. I bet’s that what Bill says to Hillary all the time too. Now let go of me you creep or I’ll make you sorrier than you are at the moment, as difficult a task as that may be.”

“Not until you promise that you won’t tell Jessica what you saw.” Christian’s manner changed suddenly. “What you saw- shouldn’t have happened and it won’t happen again. I swear it. I love Jess. I love her more than I love anything in my life.”

“And I suppose you were fantasizing about her when you having sex with skanky over there?” Emily spit the words out, her confusion over Nikolas having crystallized into anger at Christian. “You haven’t a clue what love really is or you wouldn’t do anything to hurt Jessica.”

“Jessica won’t be hurt unless you tell her. I’m not the one she’ll end up hating, it will be you for breaking her heart.”

“How can I break her heart if she won’t believe me?” Emily taunted. She brought both hands up and pushed against him. “Let me go you bastard.”

“Not until you promise to keep your mouth shut.”

“Never.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to make sure you never get the chance to squeal.”

Fear crossed Emily’s face at his words as he drew his hand back.

She heard a click of metal.

“I wouldn’t.” The cold and deadly voice sounded from behind Christian even as he felt the hard steel against the back of his head. “You hurt her and I kill you. Is that simple enough for you to understand.”

Christian nodded.

“Let her go.”

Christian took a step backward and Emily almost collapsed, holding herself to stay upright. She looked over and saw a pale Roseanne standing and watching, the smirk gone from her face.

Emily turned to her brother’s bodyguard. “Thanks.” She whispered shakily.

Johnny’s gun didn’t move from its position. “You okay, Miss. Emily.”

“I am now.”

She rubbed her arm, a movement that wasn’t lost on Johnny who reached over and slugged Christian in the stomach.

“That’s for hurting her.”

“Who the hell are you?” The words came out slowly as Christian tried to breath despite the pain in his stomach.

“Someone who will kill you for
what you just did and enjoy every minute of it.”

Christian could tell he wasn’t bluffing.

“Why do you care?”

“Didn’t you know?” Johnny shook his head at this further evidence of this idiot’s stupidity. “Miss. Quartermaine here is the only sister of Jason Morgan. I’m assuming you’ve heard of him?” At Christian’s nod, Johnny continued. “That puts her under his protection. Which means that anyone who tries to hurt her, becomes my concern. Under normal circumstances, Mr. Morgan would probably want to kill you himself for daring to lay a finger on his sister, but since he isn’t here and I am, I don’t think he’d mind if I had that privilege.”

He clicked the safety on his gun and Christian paled. A few seconds later a tinkling sound could be heard.

Johnny tried not to grin. “Your decision Miss. Emily. You say the word and he’s dead. The girl too so I don’t leave any witnesses.”

Roseanne stared in horror, too frightened to move.

Emily tried not to grin, really that community theater work was getting to Johnny. Jason would have his head for the melodrama.

“What is going on?” Will’s voice broke into the tableau and Christian turned to Will in desperation.

“Don’t let him kill you?”

“Kill you?” Will’s voice reflected his puzzlement as he took in the situation. “Not that I’m complaining mind you, but why does this guy have a gun pointed at Christian’s head and what is that smell?” He asked Emily in confusion. He took in Christian’s half dressed state and Roseanne’s clothing or lack of. “Oh hell, don’t tell me...”

Emily nodded. “Exactly. I caught the two of them together and Christian threatened me if I told Jess.”

“He what?” Will exploded as his long standing anger at Christian surfaced in a rage he couldn’t control. He walked over to Christian. “Pardon me?” He said to Johnny who shrugged and waved him on. “You bastard.” Will said the words to Christian in a low and violent voice. He punched Christian in the face, a blow that caused Christian to stagger a few feet back and Johnny to smile. “That was for hurting Emily. This one is for hurting Jessica.”

Christian didn’t get up from the second blow and Johnny gave an appreciative smile.

“You don’t happen to need a job,
do you?”

Will shook his head and Johnny shrugged. “If you change your mind, Emily knows where to find me.”

Johnny turned to see that Roseanne had disappeared. Emily muttered, “It must be time for her to return to her coffin.”

Johnny looked at Emily. “Where do
you want me to dump this creep?”

Emily smiled. “I know just the place, but first things first.....”

Ten minutes later, Johnny having taken care of the still unconscious Christian, a shaky Emily leaned into Will as they made their way back to the dining room. His jacket was around her shoulders and his arm supported her.

“You okay?”

“Not really.” She stopped as she stared at the lights coming from the dining room. Nikolas was in there. After the ugly scene with Christian, the last thing she was up to was seeing Nikolas again.

“You want me to take you back to Llanfair?” Will gently pushed back a tendril of chestnut hair. Her eyes were dark and wounded, she reminded him of a frightened deer and it brought out all the protective instincts in him.

“I should tell Jessica about Christian.” Emily tried to keep her voice even, but a delayed shock proved difficult to find. “And let Juan know that Johnny will be late picking him up.”

“Juan can fend for himself. And you are right about telling Jessica. You should. And you will. Tomorrow. You look like you are ready to collapse.”

“It’s been a” she searched for the right word but all she couldn’t come up with it, “long night.” What an understatement.

Will thought back to his and Jessica’s earlier exchange. She refused to admit that she loved him and even though he wasn’t ready to give up, he felt keen hurt and disappointed. The fact that she would rather be with a slug like Christian than with him caused a pain he wasn’t ready to face. He found himself smiling at the friendly face next to him.

“Do you want to go back to Llanfair?” He asked again as he wondered, not for the first time in the last five minutes, what had put that hurt look on her face. He had a feeling he knew what had done it and that he could even call it by name. Poor kid. Love was hell and they both knew it.

Emily nodded. “Would you mind? I can take a cab....”

Will shook his head. “No, that’s fine. I have no real desire to go in there and play make believe myself.”

For the first time in a while Emily stopped thinking of her own problems.

“What’s wrong?” She looked into his eyes and saw there a mingled hurt and hopefulness that mirrored her own. “Jess doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

She said the words in a low and soothing voice and Will found himself pulling her close, needing the comfort of somone’s touch after the shattering events of the evening. Emily rested her head on his shoulder, feeling his warmth penetrate the cold.

“Neither does Nikolas,” Will said just as softly and for a moment, their eyes met and held. Then softly, without thinking about it, Will lowered his lips to hers. After a moment’s hesitation, Emily returned the kiss born out of a mutual need for comfort and reassurance. Just as Will thought about deepening the kiss and Emily wondered what in the world was in the air tonight, they heard a startled gasp and broke apart.

And as Emily turned away from Will, she found herself staring straight at Nikolas and Jessica who stood in silence and in shock.

It was Hank Gannon who found a nearly nude Christian lying unconscious in the middle of Angel Square, the smell of alcohol hanging heavily over him and on his discarded clothing that lay in a pile near him. Empty bottles of beer were scattered nearby along with silk lingerie. By the time, Hank was able to revive Christian by throwing a bucket of cold water on him, a small crowd had formed to stop and stare and remember.