The Gods Must Be Crazy

Lucky Spencer sat at the counter at Kelly’s, absently stirring the cup of coffee sitting in front of him.

“Lucky?”

“What?” His gaze met Liz’s. “I’m sorry sweetheart. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“I can tell,” Liz hid her frustration behind a smile as she stared at her boyfriend. “I’m off in ten minutes if you want to catch a late movie or something.”

Lucky shook his head. “I think I’m going to head over to the Quartermaines and see if Emily is all right.”

“Why wouldn’t Emily be all right?” Liz asked. “I’m sure everything is fine.”

Oh I’m sure she’s fine except for the part about disappearing into thin air with someone who might have been the ancient Greek god of war Lucky thought with a scowl. “I just want to check up on her.”

“Come on Lucky, we rarely get to spend any time together and there’s a great movie I’m dying to see....”

“Dying? Did someone say dying?” A mocking voice intruded from behind them. “I knew this was my kind of town.”

Liz looked behind Lucky and her eyes opened wide. “I don’t think you have to worry about Emily.”

Lucky turned and stopped in his tracks. Emily Quartermaine stood in the doorway, but she wasn’t alone. And she wasn’t herself either. For one thing Emily, the Emily he knew, didn’t wear black skin tight leather pants or a leather jacket. She didn’t look so....compelling. He shook his head.

Still, he knew from the look on Liz’s face that it wasn’t the change in Emily that caught her attention. It was her two companions. One tall with dark hair and dark eyes and a pale skin that only made him more attractive in a look that was more reminiscent of Edward Scissorhands than Good Will Hunting. The other was just as tall with a more solid built; blond where the other was dark. His eyes were a brilliant blue that seemed to see through you. The darker man was dressed in black leather, the blond in an Italian suit that seemed as if it was created just for him. Lucky looked down at his casual denim jeans and sweater and suddenly felt inferior. A feeling that he didn’t like at all.

Lucky shook his head before turning to the familiar figure in the middle.

“Emily?”

The tall brunette smiled at her friend. “Hey Lucky, what’s up?” Casually, confidently Emily approached the counter top. “Hi Liz is it too late to get a booth.”

“Nooo....” To her surprise, Liz managed a response as she stared at Emily’s companions and realized that her mouth was still opened. She shut it. “What can I get you?”

Emily stared at her two companions and frowned. “You guys aren’t vegetarians or anything like that, are you?” She shook her head before either of them could answer. “Of course you’re not. What am I thinking? Can we get two burgers and one garden burger plus some fries?”

Liz looked at the clock and frowned. Fixing actual food this late in her shift would mean that she wouldn’t finish her shift on time, but after staring at her frozen in shock boyfriend, she realized that it didn’t really matter anyway. “Sure, why not?”

Emily turned to smile at Lucky and then stopped. “Is something wrong?”

Lucky took a deep breath. “No. I just...Nikolas and I were looking for you earlier and no one had seen you.”

Emily flushed. “Didn’t anyone at the house tell you? I had to pick up Stan and Cup...Cuthbert up from the airport.”

“Stan and Cuthbert?”

“Cuthbert?” Cupid asked frowning.

“Their distant relatives....you know from the same branch of the family that Chloe came from. Their visiting for a few weeks.”

Cupid frowned, wondering what was worse, the name Cuthbert or being labeled as a relative of Chloe’s.

“Stan....Cuthbert... this is my friend Lucky.”

“Cuthbert interesting name?” Lucky’s voice was mocking as he stretched out a hand towards the blond.

“Yeah but at least I don’t have to share it with half the four legged population.” Cupid grinned. Hanging out with Strife meant he was getting better at the witty comebacks.

“Right...” Emily flinched at the level of testosterone that had suddenly filled the room. She shot a warning glance at the two Gods telling them they had to behave or..... Or what? What kind of threat could keep a god under control? “Why don’t you guys go grab a booth and I’ll be over in a minute.”

Strife shook his head, a wicked grin crossing his face. “I think our orders were to stay by your side.”

“Orders?” Lucky asked.

Emily shot a glance upwards. “You know how overprotective my grandfather is....”

“Yeah we all know how overprotective Emily’s grandfather is...” Strife’s grin grew wider. “He might start throwing bolts of lightening all over the place.”

Cupid caught on. “Or cause the earth to shake or the rivers to flood or..”

“Maybe he could manage to get the two of you to shut up,” Emily growled. “Maybe I’ll just get on the cell phone and call grandfather and see if he can come to Kelly’s in person and....”

Lucky could have sworn that the already dark sky outside turned darker and he could hear the distant rumble of thunder and.....

“Right.” Strife grabbed Cupid. “Come on C, you heard her. To the booth she says and to the booth we go. No need to get touchy or anything. Just having a bit of fun. Wasn’t going to do nothing....or at least nothing that bad.”

Emily watched them go and turned back to Lucky with a relieved smiled. “I know what you’re thinking, they have to be related to the Quartermaines right? Crazy? Dysfunctional? Maybe delusional? But still family so I have to.... put up with them.”

“They seem to be interesting....”

“Or they are. They have some very interesting stories to tell about their time on Olympus....I mean Olympia. You know Olympia Washington. They brew beer there you know. I mean not that you or I are going to go there and drink or anything like that but just that they brew beer there and..” She took in a deep breath. “So, seen any good movies lately?”

“Actually,” Liz injected as she handed Emily her sodas. “I was suggesting to Lucky that we go see a movie tonight but he was concerned about you and ..”

“You were?” Emily turned to Lucky and asked.

“I was what?” As far as Lucky was concerned this whole conversation was out of control.

“Concerned about me?”

“Of course I was,” The response was automatic but the flare of pleasure he felt when he saw her eyes gleam wasn’t.

“Of course he was.” Liz said cheerfully. “We both were. You are our friend remember? The four musketeers and all that.”

“Right.” Emily nodded as she took the sodas away from Liz and made her way carefully back to the booth, sliding in next to Cupid.

“What’s wrong?” Cupid asked.

Emily shook her head. “Nothing.”

Cupid frowned at her reply. Nothing. Right. If nothing was wrong than Zeus was a transsexual cross dresser appearing on Jerry Springer. He looked again at his young half sister and smiled. A problem of the heart. He could solve that. All he had to do was....

Emily shook his head. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it. In fact, stop thinking it. Stop thinking period. Thinking is dangerous. Thinking is bad.”

“Oh come on I wasn’t thinking of anything that bad...well not really that bad...” Cupid stopped and looked at Strife who was quietly sipping his soda. “Oh God.”

“What? What is it? Are we in trouble? Should I call Ares?”

Cupid shook his head. “Too late. We can’t stop it now. All we can do is hold on until its over and pick up the pieces.”

“What?”

“Strife and caffeine. They don’t mix. They really don’t mix. Caffeine does something to his system and....” Cupid shook his head. “It’s not a pretty sight.”

“Oh come on,” Emily tried to brush aside her growing fears. “It’s just a little caffeine. What can caffeine do to the god of mischief and...?” Emily stopped and put her head down. “Oh my God what have I done now.”

“Relax,” Strife muttered as he stuck his tongue out at Cupid. “The two of you are acting as if I have no self-control. It’s not like I’m bouncing off the walls or anything. So I’m a little wired, what’s the harm? After all, didn’t Uncle say that we had to be on the look out for anything strange? I’ll be just a little bit more alert. That’s all. No big deal.”

“No big deal. Isn’t that what you said before? I can remember it now. I’m bored Cupid. Nothing to do Cupid. Just a little ice Cupid. Just enough to make the trip a little rocky. No big deal.”

Strife looked down. “SoIgotalittlecarriedaway.” The mumbled words came out so quickly Emily could barely hear them. “I was thinking ice cubes, honestly.”

“Right. The iceberg was just you being slightly...overly enthuiastic.”

“Iceberg....you caused the ....” Emily’s eyes widened.

“Shhhh...” Strife whispered with a glare at his cousin. “At least I didn’t sick one of the muses on James Cameron.”

“Come on... that movie kept me the busiest I’ve been in decades.”

“A God could forgive the movie... although as sappy as it was that’s asking a lot. What I want to know is why for God’s sake you had to make everyone suffer through Leomania.”

“Back off,” Cupid growled. “Besides I cured it, didn’t I?”

“The Beach...perfect example of the cure almost being worse than the disease. Now if I could only get you to do something about all of these boy bands multiplying like rabbits....”

“Hey!,” Emily interrupted the bickering cousins. “I like the boy bands.”

“You’re disjunction,” Strife shot back. “You’re suppose to like things that don’t work.”

Emily glared at her cousin even as she turned and aimed the straw right for his .....

“Girlfriend.” Emily froze at the whining voice. “I’m so glad to see you. I’ve been looking all over for you so I can tell you that I’ve decided to give us another chance and...” Juan’s eyes narrowed. “Who are these guys?”

Cupid shot a glance at Juan. Girlfriend? Emily was dating this...

“Jerk.” Strife’s voice cut into Cupid’s thoughts. “I believe the word you are looking for is jerk. Or maybe idiot.”

“Emily,” Juan’s voice continued to whine unaware of the mental conversation centering on him. “I know you’re mad at me but you love me and I love you and we can get past our little problem.”

“Little problem? Little Problem?” Emily choked on her soda. “You cheated on me and it’s a little problem?”

“Idiot. Definitely idiot.” Cupid thought the phrase at Strife who giggled, earning himself a glare from Juan.

“Excuse me. I’m trying to have a private conversation with my girlfriend.”

“Which of course explains why you intruded on our private conversation with our cousin.” Strife replied unrepentantly. “It makes perfect sense to me, doesn’t it to you old man?”

“Perfect sense.” Cupid replied as he dipped his French fry in the ketchup. “And don’t call me old.”

Juan turned to Emily. “Who are they?” His gaze raked the leather she wore. “And what are you wearing?”

Emily stared at her former boyfriend. What had possessed her? She’d had to have been blind or desperate or perhaps shot with one of Cupid’s arrows....

“Hey don’t blame me for that one. You made that little mistake all on your own cuz.”

Startled, Emily stared at the gorgeous God of love. “You’re in my head.” She thought the phrase carefully.

“Or you’re in mine. I’ve never really been able to figure that one out. Just make sure you stay out of old Strife’s head. It’s so empty in there you’re bound to get lost.....”

“Cute. Really cute.” Strife joined their mental conversation. “At least I have a sense of humor.”

“You have to. With you a sense of humor is a survival tool.”

Emily shook her head. “This is crazy. Absolutely crazy.”

She didn’t realize she’d said the words out loud until Juan pounced on them.

“I know it is Emily. We love each other. We should be together.”

“Are you kidding?” Emily couldn’t believe Juan. Had he always been this dense and this stupid and she had just never noticed? Ignoring the two voices screaming YES in her head, she stared at her former boyfriend. “We don’t belong together. We never did. As for being in love...” She shook her head. “The only love you have is for yourself.”

Juan look of outrage sent Strife into another bout of giggling. “How can you say something like that? I love you Emily. You’re my girlfriend.”

Emily grinned at Cupid. “I have it on good authority that you and I were never really in love.”

“Right, like with that crazy family of yours, you know what love is.”

Emily gritted her teeth. “Don’t insult my family.”

“I don’t have to. Anyone who knows them knows what lunatics they really are.”

Emily dug her nails into her palm. All she had to do was think in his direction and his heart would stop working or maybe his brain....she shrugged mentally at that one as she realized you couldn’t stop something from working unless it was actually working in the first place. A wicked grin crossed her face as she began to think of other body parts belonging to Juan that she could get to cease working.

“I think you should leave now Santiago.” Lucky’s voice cut into her thoughts and she looked up to find him standing right next to Juan.

“This is none of your business Spencer.”

“Everything about Emily is my business,” Lucky growled as he moved closer.

“Who died and made you God anyway?”

“That’s it.” Emily stood up angrily. “Go away Juan, okay. I’m not interested anymore and you can insult my family all that you want and it doesn’t matter. My family is my family and I.....” She hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. “I love them.” She waited for a moment for the roof to fall in and when it didn’t she turned to Cupid. “Can we leave now?”

Cupid grinned and Strife beamed for a moment and then frowned as he stared at Juan, his mind turning over all the different ways that he could make Juan miserable beginning with the idea of locking the young would be singer in a room and force him to listen to himself singing over and over again.....Strife shuddered even as he smiled.

Lucky stared at Emily, her anger and her fury were making her noticeable in a way that she hadn’t been before......

“Em?”

She turned and stared at Lucky.

“Do you need a ride back to the mansion?” He looked at her companions. “Your cousins are included also of course.”

Emily turned back to Cupid who shrugged his shoulders. “I’d suggest flying to the mansion but not everyone is equipped with wings.”

Lucky stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. He would never tease Nikolas about his strange manners again. Or at least not for the next 24 hours.

“So,” he took a deep breath and tried again. “Do you need a ride or not?”

Emily looked wary for a minute and then nodded. “Thanks.”

Without saying goodbye to Liz who was in the back cleaning up, Lucky led Emily to the door. Cupid and Strife were about to follow when Strife stopped and looked back to where Juan still stood. “Why don’t you guys go ahead?” Strife murmured. “I’ll find my own way back to the mansion later.”

Emily hesitated while Cupid and Strife exchanged a long look. Then Cupid gently guided Emily out the door after Lucky.

Strife waited for them to leave before walking over to Juan who glared at him in open hostility.

Strife merely smiled. “What were you saying about Emily’s family?” He took another step forward, still smiling. “Something about them being idiots. Wait a minute, I believe the word you used was lunatics. Wrong thing to say. Wrong family to say it about.” His grin slipped and his face took a more serious and far more deadly look as he stood only inches from the Backstreet wannabe.

“Please,” Juan wasn’t afraid of Strife because that would require the ability to think and his next words proved that Juan had long since lost that useful skill. “You won’t lay a hand on me. I’m under the protection of Sonny Corinthos and if you touch me....”

“Touch.” Strife poked him in the chest and Juan stammered.

“Like I said, I’m under the protection of Sonny Corinthos and if you touch me...”

“Touch.” Again Strife poked him in the chest.

“Sonny will kill you for that.”

“Sonny Corinthos?” Strife stopped and considered. “Do I know him?”

“Everyone knows Sonny. He’s the most powerful man in Port Charles.”

Strife laughed. “In other words, a big fish in a small pond.” He grinned at Juan. “The truly powerful people are the ones who are bigger fish in bigger ponds.”

“And I suppose you think that describes you.”

Before Strife could reply, Juan felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned to face a dark stranger dressed in black leather with a dark angry look.

“Actually I think it describes me.”

“Who are you?”

“I believe I’m the one you were just calling a lunatic.”

Juan paled, Ares grinned, and Strife, being Strife, started to laugh.

Next chapter:

Emily plays with her power and lands in danger, Nikolas and Lucky find themselves in a strange predicament, Cupid shoots a PC resident, and Strife meets his most loyal follower- Carly.